12 months ago I decided to stop accepting spruiking work.
Spruiking is about creating a false sense of urgency in shoppers, talking up products, installing a temporary FOMO and encouraging people to make impulse purchases (often of stuff they have no need for).
Spruiking pays well and I’m good at it. My conscience and my heart were not good at it though.
Mindless, impulsive, over consumption is not what I’m about. It can’t be what any of us should be about.
I stopped being ok with validating people purchasing new when I know that perfectly good, cheaper, second hand alternatives are on offer at thrift stores, tip shops and garage sales everywhere.
My mic is now silent but my public voice on consumerism is now louder.
Rant: Take Responsibility for Your Actions, Part 4
Writer: okbdsm
Source: Multiple sources (including FetLife)
Date: August 29, 2018
Errata: This is the final part of a series of rants regarding the importance of taking responsibility for your actions because whether you’re in individual, a small business, or a major corporation, if you are not going to honor your commitments, then you are putting your own personal and professional reputation at risk.
In 2012, one of my friends on FetLife would end up telling me about a camming Website called MyFreeCams. Either that same year or a year later, I would end up discovering another camming Website called Chaturbate. Fast forward to 2018, I would dive into the world of Patreon.
This is actually going to be the longest of my rants, so the rest of it can be viewed via the Read More link.
So, what are MyFreeCams, Chaturbate, and Patreon?
Here are the descriptions from the HTML meta tags of each Website:
MyFreeCams: MyFreeCams is the original free webcam community for adults, featuring live video chat with thousands of models, cam girls, amateurs and female content creators!
Chaturbate: Watch Live Cams Now! No Registration Required - 100% Free Uncensored Adult Chat. Start chatting with amateurs, exhibitionists, pornstars w/ HD Video & Audio.
Patreon: Patreon is empowering a new generation of creators. Support and engage with artists and creators as they live out their passions!
I will get to Patreon in a little while.
In regards to MyFreeCams and Chaturbate, the vast majority of the Webcam feeds that are broadcasted on those sites are of a sexual nature where models would do things such as flashes, teases, dances, blowjob shows, masturbation (cum) shows, and the list goes on. Models would often offer various forms of content for sale on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate in exchange for the virtual currency known as Tokens. No matter how much a person spends when it comes to purchasing tokens on both Websites, whenever models are tipped on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate, they would earn 5 cents per Token. From models’ perspectives, this is how much they would have to make to get a certain dollar amount:
1 Token = $0.05
20 Tokens = $1.00
200 Tokens = $10.00
1,000 Tokens = $50.00
2,000 Tokens = $100.00
10,000 Tokens = $500.00
20,000 Tokens = $1,000.00
Now, how much do people on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate spend on the Token packages? Well, as of this writing, here are the current prices for the Token packages on each Website:
MyFreeCams:
10 Tokens for $1.49
15 Tokens for $1.89
20 Tokens for $2.49
25 Tokens for $2.99
30 Tokens for $3.49
35 Tokens for $3.99
40 Tokens for $4.49
45 Tokens for $4.99
50 Tokens for $5.49
55 Tokens for $5.99
60 Tokens for $6.49
65 Tokens for $6.99
70 Tokens for $7.49
75 Tokens for $7.99
80 Tokens for $8.49
85 Tokens for $8.99
90 Tokens for $9.49
95 Tokens for $9.99
200 Tokens for $19.99 (~$0.10 per token)
550 Tokens for $49.99 (~$0.09 per token)
900 Tokens for $74.99 (~$0.08 per token)
1875 Tokens for $149.99 (less than $0.08 per token)
3775 Tokens for $299.99 (less than $0.08 per token)
7575 Tokens for $599.99 (less than $0.08 per token)
Chaturbate:
100 tokens for $10.99
200 tokens for $20.99 (5% Bonus)
500 tokens for $44.99 (22% Bonus)
750 tokens for $62.99 (31% Bonus)
1000 tokens for $79.99 (37% Bonus)
1255 tokens for $99.99 (38% Bonus)
2025 tokens for $159.99 (39% Bonus)
4050 tokens for $319.98 (39% Bonus)
There are models that will also accept things such as Amazon e-Gift Cards, GiftRocket, PayPal (which is highly discouraged since they do not allow their services to be used in exchanged for sexual services), Circle (which is highly discouraged since they do not allow their services to be used in exchanged for sexual services), etc. in lieu of people purchasing Tokens.
For the most part, if I tip a model a certain amount of Tokens, provide her an Amazon e-Gift Card, GiftRocket, etc. for certain content (for example, photo sets, videos, Kik access, Snapchat access, cell phone numbers, Skype shows, etc.), most models that I visit will deliver on that content in a prompt and timely manner. However, I have run into three models on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate that I have either purchased content or won contests that they ran and still have not (as of August 29, 2018) received any of the content I’ve purchased and/or won.
Here is a list of some of the content that one model (I’ll call her the 2013 model for the sake of convenience) has owed me since 2013:
Fan Art
Fan Art
Photo of my screen name on the model's body
30 minute dildo masturbation video
Two photo sets
Upgrade from Beginner to Elite Four (some Pokémon themed profile club with certain benefits and features)
Music playlist
One photo set
Boyfriend for a week
Shower point-of-view video
Song request via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)
Crazy request via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)
Custom drawing via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)
Mini song playlist via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)
One future video via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)
2 minute video via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)
Valentine's Day picture via a Clear the Board/Token Keno game (some chat room game)
Song request
6 hours and 35 minutes (335 minutes of Skype time)
Additionally, I have entered a raffle that the 2013 model ran from November 25, 2013 to December 31, 2013 called the Rainbow Holiday Raffle. I actually managed to win The Blue Set which is supposed to contain the following content:
Ten different videos of unreleased content
A 60 minute Skype date
Two unreleased photo sets
A special Christmas card sent by E-Mail or through the mail
A special baked gift
To date, I have not received any of the content from the 2013 model.
Then, we have another model (I’ll call her the 2016 model) that owes me content that I have either purchased and/or won from raffles. This is just a small sample of items that the 2016 model owes me:
A handwritten letter letter (Valentine's Day related raffle content)
A dozen or so Fan Signs
Special Handmade Custom Valentine's Day Card (Valentine's Day related raffle content)
Goodie box with brownies or cookies (This was from a raffle titled the Raffle Raffle Raffle, but I mentioned to the model that I did not want the food, but what I did not tell the 2016 model is that since I never received the special baked gift from the 2013 model, I doubted that the 2016 model would mail them to me either)
A letter (This was from a raffle titled the Raffle Raffle Raffle)
10 minute custom video (This was from a raffle titled the Raffle Raffle Raffle)
All current content (This was from a raffle titled the Raffle Raffle Raffle)
Cookies, handmade Pokémon + Poké Ball & 20 personal pictures (This was from a raffle titled Raffle Me This)
Care package for the highest cumulative tipper in either July 2017 or August 2017
A southern fan sign
Southern post card
2 outdoor Polaroids (Up to 6 per person)
Any photos/videos that she took while she's back visiting home
Skype movie night for buying the movies Hocus Pocus and The Nightmare Before Christmas
Skype time to watch movies
90 minutes of sexual Skype time
HT wins secret print
Personal 10 picture custom set
BJ Snap show
Butt plug show (I'm assuming this is on Snapchat)
Sticky candy video (I'm assuming this is on Snapchat)
Candy Cane Cum Show (I'm assuming this is on Snapchat)
Personal show on Snapchat
HT gets a full size drawing + 2 polaroids! HT @ 160
Santa's Helper! 200 tokens - Santa's helpers get my Sweater photoset and an exclusive Christmas drawing sent to them (drawing can be sent digitally if you don't want it mailed!) + your name here showing my appreciation for your help this month!
These are custom videos that I am owed by the 2016 model (Note: one of these videos is from the Raffle Raffle Raffle that I haven't received yet):
Point-of-Video Dildo Fuck Video with the squirting dildo; seeing you with a shibari rope bra and nude beyond that
Double Penetration Video with the anal plug, the Bad Dragon dildo, and the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager; seeing you naked, of course
Cowgirl Fuck Video with the fuck doll, the sexy halter fishnet lingerie crotchless body stocking, studded spikes punk leather choker collar, fuzzy wristband handcuffs, nipple clamps, and the Hitachi Magic Wand Massager
Hitachi Cum Video with the Bad Dragon dildo and clit rubbing; with the exception of the cosplay restraint bondage sexy bra lingerie, punk goth heart-shape lock link leather collar choker necklace, fuzzy wristband handcuffs, and the nipple clamps, absolutely naked in that video as well
With the final model (I’ll call her the 2018 model), she said that she offers Private Shows on Skype at a low cost of $25 for 30 minutes. I’ve had a few sessions with her, but to date, there are three that still have not been done yet. So far, that’s $75 down the drain.
Finally, we get to Patreon.
I’ve been a Patreon of one of my local friends for nearly three months, and in this particular Tier (the Knight Commander Tier), I am supposed to receive the following:
1 8.5x11 lewd Print
Access to a special division of my Snapchat
Monthly special video chat
Lewd videos
Access to my NSFW snapchat (which is updated super frequently with tons of exclusive content)
1 4x6 lewd print
4x6 autographed print with handwritten personalized letter
Access to lewd photosets
Early access to all other Photo sets
Help me decide cosplays & Coordinates!
Lewd photo set previews
Access to Photo set bloopers
Access to exclusive LiveStreams
Added to my Patron exclusive Discord
Access to full cosplay photo shoot sets
Access to my Patreon exclusive feed
1 Digital Print each month
With my friend's Patreon, it's a bit of a mixed bag because while I have access to her current and previous photo sets, Snapchat (which I don't see the difference in the Snapchat content since I'm subscribed to her highest Tier), Discord, and lewd videos, I have not been mailed any of the physical rewards nor have I been reached out to regarding the monthly video chats. Overall, it feels like she completely overextended herself regarding the Patreon rewards because of how many have not been fulfilled.
I can understand that people can be busy. I wholeheartedly understand that. However, it is absolutely inexcusable for me to have to wait over a year (in the instance of the 2013 model, over five years) for me to receive content that I have paid for and owed. I really don't care how busy someone is, they should have time to be able to make and send the content that they owe someone.
What really pisses me off with the 2016 model is that while she is so busy that she hasn't worked on my backlog of items, she has somehow managed to find time to organize raffles in 2017, come up with holiday plans, and get on Streamate to try to earn more funds before the end of the year.
Myself, I don't charge for any photoshoots that I do because it's a hobby. I attend anime conventions, comic book conventions, and other activities frequently, and I can take well over 2,000 pictures a year. However, after any convention or event I attend has concluded, I diligently work on editing and uploading the pictures to Facebook within one week after the events have concluded.
I also know how to run contests and raffles.
In 2014, I did two contests on my personal Website, and those are the following:
Nintendo 3DS XL Contest
The Great Anniversary Contest
For the Nintendo 3DS Contest, I gave away a Nintendo 3DS XL. For The Great Anniversary Contest, I gave the 1st place winner a Nintendo 3DS XL, and the 2nd place winner a Nintendo 2DS. The prizes were immediately mailed after the contests were concluded.
I didn't charge for entry into the contests.
I did not have any sponsorship deals for the contests.
I paid for the prizes out of my own pocket. I took a financial loss doing the contests.
I largely did the contests as a way to drive traffic to my personal Website, and I hoped that people would be encouraged to check out my professional Web Design and Web Hosting Website so I can try to obtain clients.
I'm not going to lie. I've spent a lot of money on MyFreeCams, Chaturbate, and Streamate. While I don't have all of my data for the 2013 model (I know that I've tipped her over 60,000 Tokens), with the 2016 model, after converting the Token amounts to the actual amounts that she's received, she has received the following from the various sources:
200,000 Tokens (which equates to $10,000.00) from the amounts I've tipped on MyFreeCams and Chaturbate from 2015 to present day
$234.08 from the amounts I've spent on Streamate since starting in 2017
$2,039.25 of products from Amazon.com from 2015 to present day
A $1,034.00 customized computer from iBUYPOWER
This does not take into account of any gift cards I've sent on other Websites, any funds that I've sent on Circle, any funds that I've sent on Snapcash, and other things that I have not tracked.
All and all, if people cannot find time to work on content that people have paid for, they should not sell content. They should not do contests. They should reevaluate their business practices because they are accepting funds for services.
I have lost money by loaning/letting friends borrow money and never got paid back (for more information, please refer to Rant: Take Responsibility for Your Actions, Part 3).
I have lost money from models on MyFreeCams (the 2013 model, 2016 model, and 2018 model are on that site).
I have lost money from models on Chaturbate (the 2013 model and the 2016 model have accounts on Chaturbate as well, and I supported both of them on those Websites).
I can’t say that I’ve lost money with my local friend’s Patreon because I have received some of the content, but she either needs to keep better records of what she owes or she should not offer so many things if she does not have time to deliver on them.
Overall, I’m glad that the Illusory Team blog exists because I feel like I can finally post these things that I’ve been wanting to say for the past several years (mostly the contents of Rant: Take Responsibility for Your Actions, Part 3 and Rant: Take Responsibility for Your Actions, Part 4) that I feel like have been largely ignored by those that I should read it. Personally, I do not like ranting about things because I feel like many of my rants and complaints go unnoticed, so we shall see how well my rants and complaints are received here.
…except I wrote a post mentioning both positive traits and - yes - things I personally perceive as character flaws. I think I was being nuanced. I didn’t consider that post as being against Snow at all, I’m pretty sure I mentioned her good intentions and her wish for everyone to share her happiness. That’s not how I use the anti-tags. I only use them… quite frankly I only use them for one reason, because the amount of people in some specific subgroups have shown that the amount of people capable of having a mature conversation there is pretty small - I seek out the ones that do in other ways. If I’d use those tags outside of that it would be for outright character bashing, which isn’t really something I do often if at all.
To me, using the anti-tags too much, it feels a little bit like moving to an online gated community of sorts? That’s not who I am. I want you to tell me that you don’t agree with my assessment of Snow and tell me why, you know? It’s like travelling, you learn to see different perspectives, because you interact. I might not agree with you, but I also might… end up agreeing if you offer me a different way of seeing things. If I’d tag everything anti, I would take away my own chance of learning something and growing.
Here's what you need to know about the conscience rule, and what to do if legislation is interfering with your personal ethics.
Read more: https://www.hospitalrecruiting.com/blog/8615/the-conscience-rule-and-why-doctors-need-to-be-aware/?utm_source=social_media&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=social_posting
1. Alleviate my own cognitive dissonance (”psychic discomfort”).
The feelings that arise when I looked at meat, thinking “this was part of an animal that was raised, killed, and probably lived a horrible life, just for my convenience and gustatory pleasure.” I could no longer justify eating animals, when the option to eat vegan was easily available to me.
2. Feeling of moral self-efficacy/certainty. Contributing in my own small way.
In a time of personal flux (trying to articulate my ethics), veganism represents an area of moral clarity: expanding our circle of empathy/concern to other sentient beings. An ideal to strive for. Though a 100% vegan world may not happen in my lifetime, I can glimpse it, through my own actions.
My individual dietary choice comprises only a minute contribution, but I also have completely control over it. I can’t justify not doing it, if I know it’s easy to do and reduces suffering in the world. None of us should feel that we are “above” our individual ethics/duties. We should all challenge ourselves to do better, once we know better.
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Thankfully, I don’t think “desire to feel morally superior” was part of my motivation this time. When I went pescetarian/flexetarian/vegetarian before, I was more eager to tell people about it. But it’s a shaky, dangerous motivation to rely on. Because if/when you don’t perfectly adhere to the dietary change, it means you are morally inferior.
It’s not about feeding your ego and feeling morally superior to others. It’s not even about doing veganism (or any other moral cause) perfectly. It’s about challenging yourself to do better.
We are all compelled by different kinds of suffering. No one can perfectly champion every moral cause, and choosing to focus on one particular cause does not necessarily make us “better” than other people. But by representing our chosen cause with integrity and grace, we invite others to ask questions, to get involved. We help guide one another toward redemption. To rise above the inherent cruelty of this world, and the selfish instincts we were all born with. Maybe we didn’t ask to be born. But we can strive to make the most of this life - of being human - anyway. We are the only species capable of visualizing a better world, and working to reduce suffering.
When applying to graduate school, I knew I wanted to learn more about higher education so I could be a better resource for my current students, and the future ones I will work within whatever capacity that may be. I’ve been privileged to have access to these spaces of higher learning, and I’m thankful for my college education helping to spur me to be where I am today. That’s primarily the reason I became involved with college access to begin with. I recognize the privileges that allowed me to operate more fluidly in gaining access to these spaces, but I also recognize it was a struggle trying to navigate it all being the first in my family to go to college. I spent most of my time following what my friends were doing and trying to tell my parents what I needed to do without their full comprehension of the process. However, their support was always there and it’s something I could not have done without to be where I am today.
This foundation is what continues to drive me as I support students to this day. Working with College Advising Corps, both in a high school and then virtually, allowed me the opportunity to help support high school students figuring out what their next steps are and to be the resource that I needed. I wanted to provide that unconditional support my parents showed me, but with the college knowledge capital that I so desperately sought. Working at the Emily K. Center has allowed me to do this and so much more. With the intentionality behind each interaction I have with my students, to the support our staff will go above and beyond to provide, the center has been a space where my professional and personal ethics have aligned seamlessly.
However, more recently I’ve been existentially grappling with my role in higher education as I help support students into these domains. The more I learn about it, the more I understand its faults, the inequities that exist, the problematic origins, and the commodification of underrepresented students, like my seniors at EKC, in these higher education spaces. More importantly, I’ve been asking myself if I’m not only helping my students to see and navigate the pathways into post-secondary opportunities but am I helping provide the tools to navigate spaces that haven’t always been cultivated for them?
I’ve brought up this concept a lot with colleagues, cohort-mates, peers, and individuals I look up to in higher education, and it’s something that many of us are struggling with. Ethically, I’ve questioned if I have been preparing my students for these next steps and how I can I do this better? But one piece of advice has stuck with me and continues to ground me without losing sight of my goals to be a resource for students. Dr. Travers spoke to me once and said instead of tackling the larger system, we can only control our spheres of influence. It is in these spaces, that we can have the most impact; with our family, friends, colleagues at work, the students we work with, etc. I was trying to conceptualize my spheres of influence and it really sank in on one particular occasion.
On January 21st of this year, I was honored to help support some of our EKC students in a local MLK Day of Service event. We volunteered with a local program, Keep Durham Beautiful, that advocates for and creates green spaces in communities that historically have been neglected due to redlining and gentrification. We spent a few hours planting trees and bushes on sidewalk areas, near individuals’ homes, and in community spaces. It was a sobering moment to think about how most of the beautiful wooded areas and neighborhoods in Durham are those centered around White families and access to these White spaces. This was a moment for us to ever so slightly reclaim the equity of the physical landscape and environment for the individuals living in this community.
There weren’t many seniors there, but I spent a majority of my time with three seniors, Gustavo, Leo, and Alexis (pictured above). During this time I spent with my students, we didn’t talk about college. We didn’t talk about the schools they were accepted to. We didn’t talk about how senior year classes were going. Working alongside them, we spent these precious hours talking about ourselves, laughing at jokes, and relishing in the cultivation of community. We even spent our time talking about philosophy (I’ve been teaching them about epistemologies), what it means to be human, and practicing and experiencing empathy for ourselves and others. I couldn’t help but think how proud I was to be in a positive space, doing work for our community, while having the opportunity to see these young adults be a part of something so much larger than ourselves.
As I continue to grapple with higher education and the perpetuation of inequality, this story is a part of my professional ethics. I know the beauty of connection with my students. I know the incredible value college has brought to my life and the education they seek to amplify their own. These are the moments of connection that I strive for which go beyond classroom walls. This is where our spheres of influence are truly impacted. I will always be grateful for this chance, privilege, and opportunity to work with these students because I don’t know what I would do without them.