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At a university interfaith event, I remarked to a friend in front of the Catholic Chaplin- “you know put Christ back in Christmas? Put ass back in Passover.”
He blinked at me, and slowly said - “you know… I’ve never heard this phrase before..”
And I’m now wondering if he thinks this is a widespread sentiment among the Jewish community.
Yesterday-
My very nice wonderful friend - hey!! I got you a cinnamon roll in because Passover ends tonight! (Hands me a Tupperware box). Just like you did for me and Iftar!
Me- thank you!! I love you!!! (Grips her shoulder.) you own this cinnamon roll until sundown tonight. Do you understand?
Friend- what?
Me- this cinnamon roll, in all technicalities, is in your possession until then. Then, I’ll Venmo you a penny to buy them. Are we in agreement ?
Friend- of course
Me- thankyouiloveyousomuch.
99.96 percent of the year when I go to a museum: oh my gosh! Egyptian artefacts . What a complex society. Love their things with cats!
Me in the two week lead up to Pesach, staring daggers at random pharaoh 8,789’s bust, gripping the visitor’s guide in my hand: oh you fuckers.
My soul is calling out for Hashem and noodles. I truly understand the angst of the Israelites as they left Egypt.
My absolute favorite part about keeping kosher for Passover is scanning the list of ingredients for yeast extract or nuts if you keep kitniyot, and then being horrified by all the chemicals you're putting into your body.
"what the hell is carcinogens-are-us doing in my slushee!? What is toxic-radiation-fun-time in this cheese for??"
Then completely forgetting about that the second you figure out it doesn't have anything you're avoiding.
"I guess I can have I-am-poison-incarnate- no nuts, corn syrup, yeast extract or all that other problematic stuff. This concoction of synthetic chemical compounds might start the next pandemic, but a girl's gotta eat!"
PS- ofc get the kosher for passover certification if you can, but this is about a bunch of college students at 7/11 at 1 AM, STRUGGLING.
hey, don't cry, matzos with soft fresh goat cheese, okay?
