How Did I Forget You?
A/N: I’m not apologizing for not uploading, you all know that I procrastinate and write when I feel like it *shrug*
Pairings: N/A
Warnings: Homesickness, Nostalgia
Patton sat on the floor of his room, numb. He was supposed to be cleaning, but he suddenly didn’t feel like doing anything at all. A book had tumbled off his shelf and landed at his feet. He had crouched down to put it back, but when he saw what it was sat on the floor and looked at it somberly. His old yearbook from two years ago, before he had moved away. He still talked to Logan daily, but he was the only one who had tried to stay in touch. There was also... Patton thought about it for a moment, surprised and ashamed he couldn’t remember. There was a group of his best friends. How could he not remember their names? He cracked open the book and looked at the first page, where all his best friends had signed. They had signed before Patton told them he was moving, because he didn’t want to get a lot of “We’ll miss you”s in his freshman yearbook.
“I look forward to being in band with you next year Patton! Maybe next year we should both try out for the musical! I’ve heard they’re really fun. And any production would be honored to have a bright star like you in it. They wouldn’t be able to keep the crowds away! I will come to your house and eat all your Oreos before next school year, so expect to see me soon!” Patton giggled to himself at the inside joke. “Best wishes, Roman White.” Patton mentally kicked himself. Roman! That was his name. How could he have forgotten? He felt awful for forgetting. He wanted to track down Roman’s Instagram and apologize immediately and maybe have a nice conversation with him. He almost did so before sighing. No. It had been two years. Roman would probably have forgotten about him by now as well. He didn’t want to be a burden living a thousand miles away. He read the message again. He had actually joined the drama program at his new school, and was in the concert band. But the band wasn’t very good, and Patton wasn’t particularly great at acting, either. He looked at the next message.
“Friend Patton, I have been informed by your parentals that you are moving away and didn’t tell me. Not only am I horribly betrayed, but I am going to make sure the group spends the entire summer with you before you leave. Because remember, we can and will fight you with affection. Sincerely, Logan Hayes.” Patton smiled at the message from his friend. That’s right, Logan had found out he was moving before he had told the group. And just as he promised, the group hung out a considerable amount before he left. Memories of the summer prior to his move began flooding back. It wasn’t that he had forgotten, he just hadn’t thought about it in a while.
“Hey, Pat. Thanks for encouraging me to join the baking club with you. Being in an after school activity... was kind of fun. I know, shocker, Virgil can have fun. Thanks for dragging me to dances and bringing a ridiculous hat for me because you knew I’d forget it was spirit week. Have a great summer, Virgil Parker.” Patton frowned. Virgil was in the group, and they were great friends, but Patton couldn’t remember what he looked like. Flipping through the pages, he finally found Virgil’s picture. Oh, that’s right. He was a dark skinned boy with black braids in his hair and the awkward smile that he had whenever people told him to smile. His genuine smile looked much better on him. Flipping back to the front page, he read the next signature.
“BROOOOO! What’s up? Wait you can’t respond LOL. Have a great summer dude!! I can’t wait to see you next year! Think of all the fun stuff we’ll get to do! Can we make sophomore pranks a thing? I don’t want to wait for senior year! Keep the beans in the fridge, Remus White.” Patton snorted. “Keep the beans in the fridge” was something Patton’s band director had said one time instead of “cool beans”. Remus played the bassoon, and Roman played the trumpet. Patton played the flute. Remus was also on the football team, which never won any games, but the band was always there to support them. Patton’s new band was very small and not very good, so losing was less fun at his new school, if that made any sense.
“Dear Patton, I hope that you will have a great summer. You have a heart of gold and a smile of diamonds. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, but remember their name and tell me later so I can fight them. I’m sure the others would help. HAGS, “Deceit” AuBuschon.” Patton smiled as he remembered that when he had met Damien, he couldn’t remember his real name and would somehow always end up calling him Deciet. The name stuck, and that’s what he became known as among the group.
He saw a few other signatures from people who he didn’t remember at all or only vaguely remembered. Some were short and meaningless, a few were what he assumed were inside jokes he had long forgotten, and some were just odd.
“Moo. -Joan.”
“HAGS! -Talyn.”
“My sleep is really in the blender now XD -Remy”
“See a Therapistsaurus Rex, Patton, we love you too much for you to be a Depressadactyl. -Picanni”
Patton shut the book, wiping tears from his eyes that he wasn’t sure he remembered crying. He looked around his messy room, now feeling even worse than he had before. Sure, he was going to visit next summer, but what if they’d already forgotten him? What if he was just trying to beat a dead horse? What if someone he’d forgotten expected him to remember them? How could he go back just to say goodbye again? He walked over to the corner of his room, picking up his guitar. He’d feel better after he wrote down his feelings and sang them. Putting music out there made him feel like he was playing for his friends again, and letting the feelings sit in the air instead of inside him made him feel numb instead of sad.
After about an hour of writing and trying out different chords, Patton switched on a video and recorded the song so he wouldn’t forget the melody later.
“This is called ‘Scars’,” Patton said to the camera. “I wrote it.”
Back home they won their football games
Is what I like to say
But it seems like in both states of mind
Neither quite knew how to play
Why do my old yearbooks weigh more
Each new page is twenty pounds
And the new ones are like feathers
Because those people are still around?
I carved memories into my heart
But slowly they're fading, fading like scars
There's people I wouldn't recognize
If I ever returned
And people who wouldn't know me
If they saw all my burns
Back home they had a giant band
And everyone knew how to play
But here the music wavers
And my instrument sounds gray
I never acted on a stage there
I wasn't talented enough
But in my new school of low standards
Even I can make the cut
I carved memories into my heart
But slowly they're fading, fading like scars
There's people I wouldn't recognize
If I ever returned
And people who wouldn't know me
If they saw all my burns
I'm coming back when the sun comes out
I think I might end up crying
Because they won't know who I am...
But we'll be friends
I'll meet them again
But I'll have lied
When I promised I wouldn't forget them
I said I wouldn't forget them
Tell me how did I forget them?
I didn't want to say goodbye
Patton took a deep breath, blinking back tears. He didn’t want his voice to crack on the recording, so instead he looked at the camera with a broken gaze and drew in a shaky breath, continuing to sing.
I carved memories into my heart
But slowly they're all fading, fading like scars
There's people I wouldn't recognize
If I ever returned
And people who wouldn't know me
If they saw all my burns
I carved beautiful people into my heart
But some already forgot me, some of them still are
Trying to recognize me
Hoping that I'll come by
But even if I do
It'll lead to another goodbye
Patton ended the recording and broke down into tears.
Taglist:
@stop-it-anxiety @sapphirebluluvsu @remusownsmyuwus @flyingturtlecat
