Writing sex is hard. It's hard to make it interesting, it's hard to convey the sense of two people really getting into it, and it's hard not to giggle like a fool for several hours. Writers that manage to really showcase 'connection' in their sex scenes are really amazing. Something I've noticed in sex scenes as that normally, you get a lot of one-player deals, where all the emoting and feeling is done by one person, and the other person is just a vehicle to make these feelings occur. I don't know if that's because of that limited POV bias, the difficulty in coordinating this heightened intimacy between two people, or trying to do character work while also getting all the mechanics down. Regardless, it's amazing how much harder writing sex becomes once you're really trying to get both parties to both act and react, to play off each other, to receive and give pleasure regardless of the 'roles' you might term it as. If you don't do this character work, the sex scenes become pure titillation for the audience, rather than a part of the story, in my opinion. So for me, easily the hardest parts to write were those final sex scenes, where Todoroki and Midoriya are reaching something they've been building together all evening.
9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?
I never wrote them, because like I mentioned here and there, this fic took control from me and the boys went off to do whatever they wanted. This fic originally was going to be half its final length but letting them do what they wanted developed it into becoming a better and more complete work. That being said, I had an alternate ending in my mind.
There was one where Todoroki does leave before Midoriya wakes up and the two of them spend a while having strange expectations of each other. In such an ending, Todoroki would have accepted his love for Midoriya and doesn't hide that from him. But at the same time, he wouldn't give them much of a chance to formalize a relationship. Kind of, they know they're in love with each other and it bleeds into their friendship without becoming a couple. It didn’t work with the pacing of the story but that strange new normal after sex without it becoming pure melodrama is something I’m a little fond of. But, at the same time, I have a feeling that's the sort of resolution Todoroki would be able to accept but not Midoriya.
Another idea I had batted around included Midoriya and All Might conversing about Number One, Endeavor, and whether the idea of wanting a personal relationship and being the symbol of peace being fundamentally incompatible.
This idea never came to fruition, partially because of the Todoroki POV and partially because I replaced it with, in my opinion, the stronger emotional scene of All Might embracing Todoroki. I waver on the idea of All Might knowing the true extent of Todoroki's upbringing, and I wanted Todoroki to not quite know either, kind of playing on the idea that not even All Might can really rescue Todoroki from what has already passed.
Midoriya’s conflict in this story was something I wondered if I should have pushed more. It’s more abstract than Todoroki’s, but they were meant to parallel each other. He too, is dealing with loose ends and a lack of closure. The ideas of “it’s not the passing of the power but the way you use it” is hard for Midoriya to internalize, even though on the surface, he knows. After all, now that he’s reached Number One because Endeavor croaked, what does that rank really even mean? The post funeral evening is this liminal space where both of them are unsure about the legacy they are now left with after Endeavor’s death and, possibly for the first time in ten years, they’re able to stop barreling ahead to take a look at what exactly they want.
@u@;;; I got a little long-winded but I guess this particular story is my darling and I have a lot of words for it!
🌙 - are you more nostalgic or foward-looking? or are you neither?
Hmm, slightly leaning towards nostalgic! I have zero plans for the future and I just. Wing it. Honestly I barely meet deadlines for classes because I’m too tired to plan things.
☕️ - who makes you feel warm and cozy?
Leaaaaaaaaa. There are very few people in this world that can give good hugs and Lea is one of them <3 And she’s also extremely comfortable to be with so now she’s stuck with me clinging onto her forever.
Hello <3 That appears a lot when it comes to my sarumi fics I noticed omg loool, but this sentence is from one of my upcoming sarumi fest entries ^^
Saruhiko was looking at the ground, biting his lip as if to contain asmile, and Yata felt his heart seize up in a way he was starting to exclusivelyassociate with the other.
The first words their soulmate ever says to them, and a symbol representing them, appears on everyone’s wrist on their 13th birthday, and a German boy awakens to find writing above the butterfly on his wrist is in Japanese.
Coffee Shop/Soulmate AU
Pairing: Shiro/Tatara
3,642 words. For K Project Rarepair Week 2017, Day 2: AU.
Based on prompts from @pinkcupofcherrytea for a coffee shop AU, and from @raela-hanabi for number 1: soulmate AU from this list.
AO3
Addie had been more than a little thrown on the morning of his thirteenth birthday. He was a child of the early summer, so he was one of the last of his school friends to finally reach his teen years and get his soulmate tattoo- the first words his soulmate would ever say to him, and a symbol that represented them, on the wrist of his dominant hand. All year, he’d seen his friends come into school, holding out their arms in pride as they chattered excitedly about what kind of person would say these words, why the symbol was associated with them, why it was in the colour it was in.
But when Addie’s alarm had sounded on his birthday, and he’d shot bolt upright in bed and scrambled for the switch of his lamp, he’d been… underwhelmed.
His tattoo had been illegible.
A series of symbols in an alphabet he couldn’t read, etched into the pale skin of his right wrist in crimson ink, above an intricate scarlet butterfly, and as beautiful as the image was, being unable to understand the words he’d been waiting thirteen years to finally read brought tears of frustration prickling into his eyes.
Some investigation had revealed that the tattoo was in Japanese, and read “Can I get you anything?” which only made Addie’s heart sink even further- it wasn’t cool or interesting like his friends’ tattoos; it was something anyone working in a store or a restaurant would say dozens of times every day.
His sister Klaudia had been quick to notice his disappointment, and when he’d confessed to her what was upsetting him, she’d smiled and ruffled his hair.
“What do you mean it’s not cool? Your tattoo is in a whole different language, I’ve never seen that before! And so what if it’s something anyone working in customer service might say? We meet extraordinary people in the most ordinary of places.”
It had been Klaudia’s words that had inspired him to start taking Japanese language classes, and continue attending them every week until he was seventeen. But after her funeral, his resolve had faltered and his motivation crumbled. One by one, he allowed himself to abandon the things he used to love and work hard at, including his language classes, until all he was left with was his schoolwork.
It had taken him until he’d completed his undergraduate degree to finally find some solid ground after spending those few years adrift, and the first thing he did when his enthusiasm for life began to rekindle was set his mind to proving his sister right. He soon began attending language lessons once more, with the intention of applying to a university in Tokyo to study for his PhD in physics. And once he’d arrived, while he told himself his goal was to go there to study, he still spent much of his free time frequenting the city’s cafés and restaurants, finding cosy corners in coffee shops to sit and study in the hopes he might meet the person whose first words to him were tattooed on his wrist.
By far his favourite haunt was a place called Homra. Once a seedy bar in the city’s underbelly, the place had been done up when the new owner had inherited it from his uncle, and it now had a homely atmosphere that reminded him of the traditional pubs back in Europe. It still served alcohol in the evenings, but during the day, the place was more of a café than a bar, and it was just the right mixture of cosy, but still bright. It wasn’t too noisy, or too far from his flat, and they made better tea than any café within a three-mile radius. The place quickly became more of a home to him than anywhere else in Japan.
Still, he found himself growing increasingly frustrated. As much as he knew it wasn’t reasonable to expect to find his soulmate in a country of more than 120 million people in less than 6 months, he couldn’t quite suppress the ache of loneliness he felt beginning to seep into his thoughts. He’d made a couple of good friends during his time, of course, the closest of which being his flatmates- a literature student named Kuroh, and a student of veterinary medicine named Miyabi- but aside from them, he’d struggled to really get close to anyone. It was difficult not to feel a little lost.
Tatara had never really seen the appeal of a “career.” He’d finished school as soon as he could, having decided higher education wouldn’t suit him (though he admired people who were dedicated enough for that sort of thing) and had skipped from job to job ever since, seeing them as nothing more than a means to an end, a way of supporting his passions, whatever they happened to be that particular week.
That’s how he ended up working for one of his best friends from school, in the coffee shop he’d renovated after his scatter-brained uncle had allowed it to fall into disrepair. He’d always wanted to work in a coffee shop- he said it was because he liked the aesthetic of places like that, but mostly the reason was that the tattoo on his wrist read: “Black tea, please,” which sounded like the sort of thing one might order in that kind of establishment. Not that he’d ever been in any particular rush to find his soulmate; in all honesty, he’d never really been the type to crave any sort of romantic relationship, but he was intrigued. And to be fair, it was difficult not to be curious about the person fate had decided was your perfect other half, especially when they were represented so beautifully, with Tatara’s tattoo written in shining silver ink, and accompanied by a delicate depiction of an atom. He often found himself tracing the shape of the electron shells absentmindedly while he was deep in thought.
It wasn’t the beauty of his tattoo that had Tatara’s interest piqued, though- it was how unusual it was. The colour and image and content weren’t particularly remarkable- many people he knew found themselves with tattoos of something one might expect to hear regularly in a retail setting- the reason his was interesting was because, while it was still in Japanese, the text was in the roman alphabet, and he was the only person he knew whose tattoo wasn’t written in kana. He had his theories that the choice of alphabet meant his soulmate might be a westerner, but he didn’t dwell on it an awful lot. He was more of the mindset that he would run across whoever they were by accident someday, and that would be that, but he didn’t feel any need to spend his time pursuing the person with the matching tattoo.
However, when his friend mentioned to him that the café was being frequented by a rather handsome German man, Tatara couldn’t help but be curious. He hadn’t yet crossed paths with the customer yet- Tatara’s shifts never coincided with his study sessions- but Tatara was quick to amend this, asking Izumo to pencil him in for a shift on Tuesday afternoon, one of the days the German almost never failed to spend a couple of hours sitting in the corner of the coffee shop. As much as he never used to be all that bothered by the prospect of finding his soulmate, now that it seemed like a distinct possibility, it was hard to suppress the excitement bubbling in his stomach.
When Tatara finally laid eyes on him, he almost slopped hot coffee down himself. Izumo had not been kidding when he said the guy was handsome- he was beautiful. Even in his scruffy study-wear, his university hoodie, tattered jeans, and silver-rimmed reading glasses, there was something almost ethereal about him. His eyes were such a pale grey that they almost seemed silver in the light, and his hair was glossy, snowy white, that would have fallen to his waist if it wasn’t fastened in a haphazard bun on the back of his head, complete with a pencil poked through it. He appeared absorbed in whatever it was he was typing on his laptop, and the way his teeth closed around his lower lip in concentration made Tatara’s head feel light.
He turned sharply to Izumo. “When you told me he was handsome, you didn’t mention that he’s a literal angel and Greek god rolled up into one,” he muttered, and Izumo chuckled. “If he orders anything other than black tea, I swear to God…”
“I thought ya weren’t into this whole soulmate business?”
“Have you seen that guy? I’m weak!” Tatara declared in a dramatic stage whisper, splaying his hand across his heart.
“Go take his order then,” Izumo replied, rolling his eyes.
“What if he doesn’t order black tea?”
“Just ‘cause someone ain’t your soulmate doesn’t mean ya can’t ask ‘em out.”
“Alright, alright,” Tatara said, then took a deep breath, steeling himself, then snatched up his notebook and tried his best to act casual as he strode over to the table. “Can I get you anything?” he asked, offering his most winning smile.
Tatara saw the young man freeze in his seat, staring up at him with those liquid silver eyes wide with shock. At first, Tatara thought he might have startled him in the midst of some deep thought, but then he saw his left hand twitch towards his right wrist…
No way…
The man seemed to compose himself quickly, and with a light-hearted smile, said: “Black tea, please.”
Tatara didn’t remember the few minutes it took for him to head behind the bar to make the tea- he couldn’t feel his feet touching the ground. Every sound seemed muffled beneath the rapid pounding of his heartbeat in his ears. He took deep breaths to try and steady the shaking of his hand, then as he walked over to the table with the teacup, he kept his gaze fixed on the porcelain in an attempt not to spill the tea, his eyes tracing the ring of red butterflies painted around the rim as he took each careful step over to the table where the beautiful boy was sitting.
“One black tea,” he said with a smile as he set the saucer on the table, and then felt panic rising in his throat- he couldn’t let the conversation end here. “So I’ve heard you spend a lot of time around here, you studying?” It was a little lame, but it was the best thing he could think of to ask.
“Yes, I am. I like the background noise here- I can’t study when it’s too quiet,” the German replied. Now he’d spoken more than a few words, Tatara could finally pick up his accent, and it made his heartbeat flutter.
“What are you studying?”
“A PhD in molecular physics at the University of Tokyo.”
Tatara felt his fingers curl towards the atom emblazoned on his wrist. A scientist…
“Wow, that sounds so cool! I’m Totsuka, by the way, Totsuka Tatara, and you?”
“Adolf Weismann. Most people call me Addie though.”
“Addie. That’s cute,” Tatara said with a smile, and he saw a hint of a blush beginning to stain his cheeks.
“…When do you finish work?” Addie asked suddenly.
“Four~.”
“Mind if I meet you then?” He stumbled over the words slightly, as though he’d had to blurt them out before he had a chance to think about it too hard.
Tatara was unable to keep the smile from creeping off his face as he replied: “I look forward to it,” before excusing himself to clear a nearby table
Just as promised, Addie was waiting outside the café at 4pm. He’d rushed home briefly to gush to his flatmates about that afternoon’s developments, then tidied himself up a bit, changing out of his scruffy study-wear and letting his hair down before returning to Homra to wait for Tatara’s shift to end. His pulse had been racing ever since Tatara had first spoken to him, and now he was standing by the door to the café with nothing to do but wait and dwell on the beautiful boy who’d said the words on his wrist, which only made his heart beat faster.
Tatara emerged from the doors almost the moment the clock struck four with a pair of coffee cups in his hand and an easy smile on his face, and Addie felt a wave of relief at the sight of him.
“You came,” Tatara said with a grin, handing Addie the cup.
“O-of course. Thank you.” The way the words caught in his throat caught Addie off guard- he was never normally the type to get flustered. And it only got worse when Tatara reached his side and twined their fingers, as though they’d known each other for years.
“Your hair is down. It’s beautiful.” Once again, so casually, Tatara reached out and touched him, brushing a strand of hair off his cheek to tuck it behind his ear. The compliment and the gentle contact made Addie’s heart squeeze.
“So is yours…”
Tatara giggled in response.
God, he’s cute.
“So how long have you been in Japan? Sorry, I never asked, I’m guessing you’re a foreign student?”
“Yes, from Germany. I’ve been here about six months now.”
“How are you liking Tokyo?”
“It’s very different to Dresden, a lot busier and bigger and a lot more modern, but I like it here. It’s a refreshing change. I miss home sometimes, though, but Homra is very European in its style, so I like spending time there.”
Tatara nodded. “How much of Tokyo have you seen, anyway?”
“Not as much as I’d have liked to, I suppose.”
Tatara paused, looking pensive for a moment, then declared: “I have an idea.” With no further explanation, Tatara sped up his pace, towing a bemused Addie along by the grip on his hand.
They didn’t stop until Tatara had led him into an elevator, then up a flight of stairs through a fire door onto the roof of a building, where he leaned his elbows on the wall enclosing the edge. From here, the city lay sprawled out in front of them, the amber light of the sinking sun gleaming off the thousands of windows on every high-rise building. In the east, the sky had already darkened to a deep, inky blue.
“This is the Hirasaka building. Best view of Tokyo outside of the expensive touristy spots. You ought to see more of the city you live in,” Tatara explained with a smile.
“This is brilliant... I love places like this,” Addie said quietly, his gaze sweeping across the view as his lips fell open slightly. He’d always been drawn to high places, and he was already planning to return here when he had the chance.
“Me too. I spent some time really into photography a while back, and I used to get some beautiful photographs from up here.”
Addie looked over at him as he spoke, and blushed faintly as he noticed Tatara staring at him. “I-I’d like to see them sometime.”
“I’m sure we could arrange that,” Tatara replied with a faint smirk as he watched Addie lean against the wall beside him and take a sip of his drink. “So… I figure we should address the elephant in the room…”
“Hmm?”
“The tattoos,” he replied with an almost sheepish smile. “Because I’m reasonably sure mine is you. The words are the same, and they’re in the roman alphabet and you’re western, and the picture is an atom and you’re a scientist…” he paused, biting his tongue as he caught himself beginning to babble.
Addie couldn’t help but smile at the faint blush warming on his cheeks; Tatara was evidently quite excited, and the way he looked up at him hopefully through his eyelashes made Addie’s chest squeeze.
“My words are the same too, in kana,” Addie replied, his voice soft as he pulled up his sleeve. “And the butterfly… I’m not really sure what it means, but there were butterflies on the mug you gave me earlier.”
Tatara seemed to have trouble holding back a smile as his eyes wandered over the inscription on Addie’s wrist. “My friends have likened me to a butterfly before; I’m quite fragile, always managing to get myself hurt in some clumsy way or another, and I’m sort of fickle. I get new hobbies every two weeks, that sort of thing.”
Addie nodded slowly. “That’s sweet.”
There was a moment of quiet as the pair glanced back and forth between each other and the view, until their eyes met, and they hurriedly dropped their gazes, grinning. Addie hadn’t felt this much like a schoolboy in years.
“So what do you think of Tokyo, now you’ve seen more of the city?” Tatara asked to break the silence.
He chuckled. “It’s beautiful.” Though as he spoke, he found his gaze lingering on the boy standing beside him, rather than looking out over the city.
Tatara seemed to have noticed, and he clamped his lips together to suppress the smile creeping across them, then quickly changed the subject. “Do you miss home?”
“Sometimes. I did like it there, but it was a little bit lonely. But I’ve made a lot of good friends out here.”
“Not much family?”
“No, I wasn’t close with my parents. Let’s just say the sort of people who give their son the same name as a fascist dictator aren’t the sort of people you stay in contact with after you move out,” he said with a sheepish look on my face. “I had a sister, but she passed away when I was 17. Car accident.”
“I’m sorry.”
“She’d have loved you. I was a little bit disheartened when I got my tattoo; what with it being completely incomprehensible at first, and then I got it translated and it was something so… everyday, you know? Being asked for my order. And she told me that you meet the most extraordinary people in the most ordinary of places.”
Tatara let out a giggle, a quiet sound of joy he couldn’t quite contain. “She sounds sweet.”
“She was... What about you, big family?”
“No, it was just me and my dad most of the time. My family’s mostly people I’ve picked up along the way, like Kusanagi-san, the man who runs the bar. He’s like my brother. So is everyone who works at the café really. I’m not really close to a lot of people, but the ones I am close to are all like my family, you know?” As Tatara spoke, Addie felt him lean his head against his shoulder.
“I’m the same, I suppose.”
“…I’ve never had a boyfriend or anything like that before, either.”
Addie looked down at him in surprise, to see Tatara gazing up at him with an innocent look on his face.
“A pretty guy like you? I couldn’t believe that.”
“Flatterer~,” Tatara giggled.
“Me neither, really. Always been too wrapped up in my studies to find time for it. To be honest, I hadn’t expected my tattoo would be about another man, but I’ve never really thought about that sort of thing before. I suppose it’s not really that big a shock in the end.”
“Huh, really? You had my gaydar going off from the minute I saw you.”
Addie chuckled. “Honest. Never kissed a boy in my life.”
“…Wanna change that~?” Addie felt Tatara snake his arm around his waist as he tucked himself beneath his shoulder.
The request made Addie’s breath freeze in his lungs. That morning, he didn’t have the faintest suspicion he might meet his soulmate by the end of the day, let alone end up on a rooftop with him being asked for a kiss, but here he was, standing beside the most breathtakingly beautiful man he’d ever seen, a man with a smile that shone like a beacon, and hope shining in his eyes. He almost felt as though he was dreaming. But he found his hand reaching to cup Tatara’s cheek almost of its own accord, unable to resist the offer he’d been given. He caressed Tatara’s jawline with his thumb as he leaned in until he could feel his breath tickling his skin, smell the floral scent of his shampoo, feel the warmth emanating from his body.
When their lips met, everything seemed melted away into the background- everything Addie had been stressed about, his loneliness, the feeling of being lost, of not knowing his place in the world, all of it felt like it had blown away in the wind. Everything was moving so quickly it was making him dizzy, but it was the good sort of dizzy, the drunken, breathless high of being truly happy after so long he couldn’t remember what happy felt like. He felt at ease around Tatara; he found himself smiling for no reason. It was a foreign feeling, one he hadn’t experienced since he was a teenager, and he craved more of it, craved to better get to know the person who could give him that so effortlessly the way nobody else had been able to.
He was never the type to believe in love at first sight; it was something he’d always consigned to fairy tales and children’s stories, and he’d never really believed that finding your soulmate could be as wonderful as everyone said. Yet here he was, and finally the stories he’d heard about people finding their missing piece, their other half, had suddenly snapped into focus. It made sense now. And while he still wouldn’t have said he was in love, not after knowing Tatara for less than a day, he was looking forward to falling for him more than anything.
favourite character moodboards ➝ Theo Decker and Boris Pavlikovsky, The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt
“Why hadn’t I grabbed his arm and begged him one last time to get in the car, come on, fuck it Boris, just like skipping school, we’ll be eating breakfast over cornfields when the sun comes up? “
