pablo didn't care, not tonight. maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was his friends getting to his head, maybe it was both.
"you're too young for a girlfriend anyways, you don't want anything serious at this age, you can have any girl in this club" his friends kept saying.
but at this club, right now, the only thing he could remember clearly was your face as he walked away.
lately, things with you weren't at their best, lately you weren't being the best friends you had always been, lately, fights with you actually seemed like the end of your relationship could actually happen. lately, he's starting to think his friends are right, maybe you're both too young for this, maybe you were better off as friends. except, pablo never prepared himself to live a life without you by his side.
he wasn't used to drinking, his job being too physically demanding for it, his vision was blurry and his thoughts didn't make any sense. he just wanted to forget the pain in your face, the pain he caused.
but nothing seemed to work, no number of shots could make him forget the name that was tattoed on his heart.
when he couldn't walk anymore, he decided to leave, ignoring his friends pleads and the girls they picked up for him. he had to apologize, he had to go home to you.
pablo starts calling you, the phone ringing in his ear, waiting for it feels like forever in his drunken state.
"hey, sorry, she fell asleep at my house" - your voice is not the one who greets him, though, but his friend's pedri.
he hangs up immediately. what were you doing at pedri's house? why would you leave your shared home for a man that wasn't him? pablo starts seeing red, his anger and jealousy only increasing as the drinks he had settled on him.
he walks back in as his friends cheer, as soon as pablo sits down a girl is in his lap, if pablo closes his eyes, she feels just like you. her warmth can be a substitute for the cold feeling he felt from your side just now.
he didn't know you were breaking down, otherwise he wouldn't let another girl put his own hands around her. but he wasn't in his best state of mind, so maybe, next time his friends start cheering him on, he'll let himself go.
another shot was placed in front of him, he just wanted to go home to you. but pedri holding you was the only think he could think of.
so pablo took the shot, as the girl starts kissing his neck, seeing the flashes around him a little too late.
"I- I am a Doppelganger. I have been made to take over them." "But, still whenever I needed you and was in trouble you showed up at that moment." "It was-" "You Love Me! Why can't y-" "I am not just in love with you. I am crazy for you and obsessed with you. If someone lays even the tip of the finger. He won't see tomorrow's light......
THEY WERE MADE TO KILL AND TAKE OVER THEM FOR POWER AND GREED OF SOMEONE ELSE... WILL THEY REALIZE THEIR POTENTIAL AND TURN UP THE EVENTS BEFORE THE TIME RUNS OUT OR THE DAMAGE IS ALREADY DONE ?
All the subjects were created under the tag of CASES Labelled as 1, 99, 10, 04, 21, 61, 12, 88, 94. What will be their fate ?
A/N:- Holy Moly... I was in a flow of thoughts. I hope that I am able to make a great fic. I am so Hella nervous. I will tell the genre and all in my next post. Please, Support me And If you all have ideas please send. :)
↠ it’s been awhile!!! writer’s block is the worst but this finally happened and i’m so proud of it and i hope you all like it as much as i loved writing it. also this is kind of a late gift for @hazsterfield and (i changed it a bit) my also late entry for her wc- ily blue, enjoy 💙 and a huge thank you to @thelazypangolin for helping with the prompt and for always listening to my constant break downs through this ilysm
masterlist
You lay in bed, the sunlight starts to seep through the curtain and the sound of soft snoring forces your eyes to flutter open. Your boyfriend is still asleep next to you, exhausted after a long night of rekindled love and conversation. You cuddle closer into his side, using his arm as a pillow and resting your hand on his chest. He always looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping and instead of waking him with doe eyes in need of breakfast in bed, you watch him for a bit. His usually styled brown hair falls in messy curls across his forehead and you gently move it aside.
“You’re staring.”
He was quiet, lids still closed but a sly smile tugs at his lips like he’d been awake all along. “It’s creepy, love.”
He moves, lifting his arm to pull you on top of him and you giggle against his shoulder as your legs slide perfectly between his.
“Can’t help it, Haz. You’re too pretty,” you pat his face before pressing your lips against the spot just below his ear that already had your name written in black and blue from the night before- more like earlier that morning.
After he was away for weeks, you’d had a lot of catching up to do. Through quick hands and rushed kisses, he’d shown you how much he missed you and you were both still kind of lost in the haze.
“And you’re beautiful,” he adds. His fingers lock with yours as he brings your hand up to kiss your knuckles. You roll your eyes but your smile and the blush on your cheeks gives off a completely different vibe. As you look into his ocean blue eyes, like crashing waves that you could stay adrift on forever, you lean down to kiss him. He rubs up and down your sides, his soft hands keep you pinned against him until he rolls over. Now he’s hovered above you, returning the same delicate kisses you left on his skin a few minutes ago.
He moves from your jaw, below your ear and across your collarbone as you grab at the hairs on the back of his neck. This moment was calmer than the hours before, when desperation mixed with constant craving, when your bodies remembered instantly what it was like to move together. Replaced now by lazy breaths and quiet whispers, slow hands that just wanted to feel and easy laughter filled with adoring lust.
“Up for another round, are ya?” you tease as he travels down, his breath ghosts on your bare stomach. You hadn’t bothered to get dressed earlier, both so exhausted after your highs that you slid off of him, quickly went to the bathroom and climbed right back into his arms.
Harrison looks up at you from between your legs after each kiss he was leaving on your thighs.
“The real question is…” Another kiss, this one a little closer to your building heat. Strands of toffee hair scraped your skin and you reach to run your fingers through them, taking your bottom lip between your teeth, anticipating his challenge.
“... Are you?”
The vibration against your folds sends a chill up your spine and his playful smirk causes you to chuckle lightly. Turquoise pools gaze up at you as he kisses your thighs one last time before you feel one pressed on the aching nub between them. You arch your back, finally feeling his tongue dance around your clit.
“Y—yes.”
Your head falls back into the pillow, your soft moans combined sweetly with his name as his eyes locked on your face.
You were always beautiful to him- even with your hair a mess on days when it didn’t cooperate, when you’d had a bad day and you’d come home with running makeup in need of his warmth, and on the best days where your smile lit up every moment and your laughter from one of his lame jokes filled the room. But he loved these moments a lot, too. When he could make you feel the love that you deserve, whether it’s with fast heartbeats and a battle for dominance, or the effect after 9am cuddles and sleepy quips. He enjoyed hearing his name escape your lips, one of his favorite sounds, while his tongue slipped down into your core.
“Haz… Ohgo d-”
His fingers massage small circles on your hips as they slip under your legs to hold you down across your stomach. You clench them tighter as you begin to crash around his tongue and with each new swipe, you’re closer to falling.
“I’ve got you, baby. Let go,” he assures you, a grin spreads below you and his quick motions have you jutting your hips up just as you reach your high. He lets you ride it out, your knuckles white from the grip you had on the sheet and your skin glistened with sweat had him once again, thinking about how beautiful you were. He licks you clean before collapsing back on his side of the bed. Your met again with his crystal eyes, realizing- not for the first time, that you would fall over and over again for them.
“I love you.”
Harrison pulls you into his arms, pressing his lips just below your hairline and his heart skips at your words of affection. Because he still had no idea what he did to deserve your love- how he’d gotten so lucky with you.
“I love you, too, darling. So much.”
You adjust, letting his arm slide back under your head as it rests on his shoulder and you melt back into his side. You know you can’t stay in bed all day but the idea of it sounded so good that you decided to lay there a little longer, listening to the sound of his steady heart beneath your ear and his fingers played through strands of your hair.
Eventually you start to move away from him, knowing that you can’t put it off your plans any longer. He grabs your arm to bring you back in and kisses you, doing his best to change your mind.
“Babe, we promised Tom we’d meet up for lunch,” you laugh as he gives you his best puppy eyes and adorable pout. You kiss him once more and escape his grasp, slipping a pair of leggings and one of his hoodies over your head.
“Five minutes, Osterfield,” you turn and wink before leaving him alone in the room. He shakes his head, the irresistible smirk that you fall more in love with every day appears on his face as he watches you stride away.
You make your way into the living room and grab your boots and coat, looking for your scarf that you knew you’d left on the couch. You didn’t have time so you figured you would just find it later.
“Looking for this?”
Harrison’s arms wrap around you from behind, spinning you so you were facing him. Your favorite tan scarf is slung around his neck and you grab at the ends to pull him in, lips lingering inches away from his as he chuckles at your reaction.
“You keep stealing all my clothes, love, I figured it was my turn.”
You marvel at his innocent smile as he tries to close the distance between you and the way his eyes shine when he hears your laugh. You give in- a little, pressing a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth.
“You’re cute, but that’s all you get until you get your butt in the car.”
+ @hollandroos @starksparker @tomhollandeu @tomsh0lland @fratboievans @curlytoms @kick-namestake-ass @summernykole @breathintom | let me know if you don’t want to be tagged ok?
I am currently looking for voice actors for my TV series, coders, sound designers, and illustrators for my video game, as well as actors for my ARG. If you are interested in any of the positions I've listed, you can reach me here -
The second think I have an announcement to make about is commissions. I now have a tablet and am able to do decent digital art. I will now take commissions for money.
No one said it to my face, of course, no one would dare to. But everyone whispered about the queen, the girl who runs the school, who could get any guy, who aces all her classes and shows up to every party and still finds time to be on the cheer team. Everyone knew about the perfect girl living the perfect life.
They weren’t wrong though. I practically am a queen. I live in a three story house with my two rich parents, I was the captain of the cheer team, and I’ve dated half of the varsity football team.
The trouble is, I never wanted any of it.
Plus, I had a secret, that no one knew. Well two secrets really.
The first is that I never wanted to be popular and I hated every single second of it.
The second is that I’m gay.
So, how does a lesbian who loves science end up where I am? Truth is, pure coincidence.
In middle school some guy asked me out on a dare and I said yes. Then a second guy asked me out, just to ask me out.
Turns out he was really good at football, and when we hit high school he got onto the varsity team as a freshman. Dating a varsity football player does great things for your image. Suddenly people actually seemed to care about me, and I guess I got more popular.
I was late to puberty, but I did get lucky when it finally hit. My boobs got bigger, I grew more into my body, somehow got curves in the right places. My pimples multiplied, but my friends taught me how to use makeup. Shortly after that I went from being the freshman dating a football player to being one of the hottest girls in my class.
I loved to dance, I’d been taking lessons since I was in elementary school, and my friend convinced me to try out for cheer for sophomore year. I made the team, plus dumped my boyfriend only to get asked out by a junior. My image exploded, people I didn’t even know wanted to be my friend.
Teachers loved me too, I loved science and topped my class in the subject. When I wasn’t cheering I was in the science teacher’s room, and for some reason that made me even more likable.
I got better at makeup, got even more fit from cheer, and rose in popularity. Without even meaning to I ended my sophomore year at the top of my year, dating the most popular junior, getting invited to parties for people I didn’t even know, and earning the nickname of queen after only two years of high school.
People worshipped me. They loved the idea of me.
The irony was that I was the one person who hated myself more than anything else.
I realized that I liked girls when I was six. I realized that liking girls wasn’t normal when I was seven. And I realized I would never have the courage to come out when I was twelve.
My parents, though supportive, were conservative. They hated the idea of same sex couples, despised even watching news about it. Every time I brought a new guy home, they smiled at me. They always asked me when I thought I would get married, what kind of guy I thought it’d be. I learned quickly they would never accept that they person I would want to marry is a girl.
When Matt asked me out on a dare way back in seventh grade, I said yes. I said yes because I knew that was what normal, straight girls would say. But I’d be crushing on someone else, someone who made me feel light and nervous and giddy. She was cute, she had long yellow hair and blue eyes and had the brightest smile I had ever seen.
Matt never made me feel any of those things; no guy ever did.
So where am I now?
I’m half a semester into my junior year. Andrew, my boyfriend from last year, broke up with me for being distant. I’m currently single, meaning I get hit on about every ten minutes from jocks and nerds alike.
I’m the cheer captain, usually it’s a senior but since I was, as my coach said, “exceptional”, I get the title. Personally I think it’s just because I’m the only girl on my team who knows a thing about proper dance and knows how to use techniques, plus the only two senior girls on our team just use cheer as an excuse to get high behind the school during practice.
My parents pressure me to maintain at least a 3.8 GPA, meaning I’m at a perfect 4.0 and don’t intend to change it. They bring up college all the time, especially ivy league schools like the ones they went to.
I have a hundred friends, only five good ones, and zero best friends. Which I’m used to, since people started being intimidated by me as early as freshman year.
And I have a giant, hopeless, potentially dangerous crush on a girl. Juliana call-me-June Stanger to be specific.
She’s 5’5”, has brown hair that she cut to be shoulder length, green eyes, a love for dogs and Star Wars, and a boyfriend.
However, the final fact still can’t stop me from helplessly crushing on her. The fact that she’s on the cheer team and in four of my seven classes does not make it better.
She’s incredible. And I have zero chance.
“Hey, Lizzie!” My voice sounded strangely high today, no one else seemed to notice. I didn’t do my eye makeup this morning, but my friends had no trouble noticing that.
“Skye! I haven’t seen you in so long!” Lizzie wrapped me up in a giant hug and I just laughed.
“Since when is three days a long time?”
Lizzie fake pouted. “Oh shut up and accept I love you.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled at her. Without saying anything we both started walking to class, following our unspoken morning tradition of walking to chemistry together.
“So I heard that Luke was being very friendly with you at that party on Friday.” As much as I loved Lizzie, she was a bit of a gossip, she somehow knew things about me before I did.
“Yep. But come on, that guy had less game than Alex did.”
Lizzie winced as if someone had slapped her. “Damn, that’s harsh considering Alex was basically the walking definition of ‘undateable’. Glad to hear you dropped Luke then.”
I conjured a fake smile at her. “And you’re calling me harsh!”
It was hard to stay positive and happy around Lizzie sometimes. She liked to talk about guys about 70 percent of the time, and gossip the other 30 percent.
The real reason I had turned Luke down wasn’t because he didn’t have game, in fact he was insanely good at flirting; any other girl would have probably fell for it. No, the real reason was June.
She was at that party, wearing a tight red dress and heels higher than skyscrapers. She even was wearing bright red lipstick.
I have a weakness for bright red lipstick.
I spent the whole night trying and failing to ignore her. The result was getting frustrated with Luke’s constant flirtations and watching June make out with her boyfriend on a couch, so basically not a good night.
As we turned into the chem room I felt myself tuning out Lizzie’s blabbering about how her own crush, Jake, had been making hints all day last Thursday which totally meant something.
The best part of chemistry was that I got to sit up in the front in the corner, my own personal space for just me and my textbook, nowhere near my friends. They all sat in the back, but they knew not to ask when I choose the seat at the front of the room.
Everyone knows not to question the queen.
Forty five minutes of a nice quiet class period later and I was walking down the hallway again, this time in line with Sophie instead of Lizzie.
“Hey Skye!“
Fuck.
There was June, running straight up to me, looking better than ever in a light blue v-neck.
“Awesome to bump into you in the hallway. Quick question so for pra-“
Sophie suddenly interrupted her, pointing to a mark on her neck partially covered by makeup. “Is that what I think it is?”
June let out a sigh. “You guys can see that?”
My heart crumpled a little.
Sophie just smirked and nodded.
“Yeah it’s what you think it is. Things, got a little heated on Friday.”
Sophie oohed and I tried to seem like I wasn’t disappointed.
“Do tell!” Sophie insisted, but June shook her head.
“Maybe later. Speaking of later though, do you know if I can skip practice today Skye?”
Code red, June was not supposed to skip practice today. No one was. I knew this. But I definitely was not going to tell June that.
“I’m sure I can pull a few strings yeah, it’ll be fine.” I was proud of my smooth voice considering the fact it would not be fine and I was a wreck of emotions. My heart was pounding and my stomach felt like it was filled with butterflies.
She finger-gunned at me and nodded her head. “Cool. See you later then!” June was walking away from us and I got the sudden urge to follow her, which I shoved down.
“And you’ll tell us that story!” Sophie shouted after her.
June turned around and winked, and I hoped I wasn’t blushing as I rushed to pre-calculus.
The day that Andrew broke up with me I came home crying. My mom told me that everything was okay, and that one of the worst pains you ever experience is your first heartbreak. I assumed that was probably true for her, but not for me.
I had been crying because I saw two guys holding hands in the hallway, and my friend laughed and made fun of them. I had been crying because I remembered the fact I could never fully accept myself.
I realized it was much more pain to lie to yourself and everyone you love every single day than it was to be broken up with. I learned breaking your heart down little by little each day hurts much more than getting it broken at once.
“What do you mean June isn’t coming?” Coach was mad at me. I knew this was coming, but I couldn’t help feeling panicked at her yelling.
“It was my fault, I told her it was fine if she missed practice. She wasn’t uh, feeling good today.” My voice was shaking slightly, I hoped at least my lie seemed good enough.
Coach looked me up and down. “Fine, but it isn’t like you to forget when a practice is important. Next time we’ll need to talk, I put you as captain to take charge. Now come on, go get the rest of the girls from the locker room.”
I let out a quick breath and jogged back to get our team.
I could barely focus during practice. Luckily, I’d gotten quite good at multitasking, spending most of my time inside my head even while practicing or talking or doing homework.
The only thing on my mind was June. Why the hell had I lied for her? She was nothing to me, barely even a friend. No, not even a friend. We were nothing to each other, merely classmates. She was just my classmate. Just my funny, smart, insanely attractive classmate.
Who was going to be the death of me.
Other crushes before June had been just that. Crushes that through a few weeks of denial had just vanished. Yet June was more than a crush, it was like I couldn’t get her off my mind, I couldn’t even think anymore. She was there, invading my thoughts.
Sometimes I let myself imagine dating her. I’d imagine going to the upcoming homecoming dance with my hand in hers, our dresses in matching colors. She’d do my makeup, I’d curl her hair, and we’d get milkshakes together after the dance. It’d be perfect.
Except, those fantasies could never happen. June would be going to homecoming, but with her boyfriend instead of me. And I’d be there, most likely with some random guy strung across my arm just to keep my parents from asking why I didn’t have a date.
Why couldn’t life just be easier sometimes? If my parents were more liberal, or I wasn’t so scared, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
For about the millionth time, I find myself wishing I was just normal for once. Why couldn’t I have been straight?
“Hey, Skye you’re coming to that party on Saturday night right?” Lizzie had a habit of always cornering me directly after cheer practice.
“I don’t know. Probably. Isn’t it being put on by… Ivy right?” I know I’m coming, I need a distraction from school. We were assigned three project in the past week and I’d take any chance I could get to blow them off even for a day.
“Yeah, and her parents are like crazy rich and are leaving town for a few days. Pretty much everyone’s gonna be there, you better come!” Everyone? Would that include June?
No. I needed to stop thinking of her. “Yeah fine. I’ll see if I can find someone better than Luke there.”
Lizzie giggled and playfully rolled her eyes. “Like it’ll be any trouble for you to get a guy.”
I smiled back and held back a sigh. She didn’t realize that was the exact problem.
When I was ten years old this boy was being strangely rude to me. He made fun of my braces and called me stupid, which was ironic because I was the smartest kid in my class.
I told my mom, but she just brushed it aside. She told me that he was just being mean to me because he had a crush on me.
Now, that didn’t make much sense to me. I hadn’t really gotten the idea of a crush at that age, I thought it was just when you kind of liked someone. And why would you be mean to someone you liked?
The next day I called the really pretty girl in my class dumb. She started crying and my teacher got mad at me.
I spent the next year confused as to why.
“Hear me out: David.” Sophie was over at my house, helping me out with an English project.
“What? No! Isn’t he your cousin!” I had mentioned to her an hour ago that I wasn’t going with anyone to Ivy’s party, and Sophie had made it her personal mission to find me a guy.
“Yeah but he’s hot. I mean not as hot as me obviously, but still hot.” Sophie was joking, I could tell, but I definitely couldn’t disagree with that statement.
Seeing my disinterest, she tried again. “Okay... Joey.”
“Joey?” To be totally honest, I had no idea who that was.
“Joey! He’s a senior, he’s really cute, and he just broke up with his girlfriend and is super available. Plus I heard he’s actually pretty nice, which is saying a lot for the guys at our school.”
I considered for a second, then nodded.
“Joey it is!”
“Hey, Joey right?” It was Thursday, just far enough away from the party to not seem desperate but not too far to make me seem overly enthusiastic or excited. I’ve learned that dating is like a science, just the perfect mixture of feelings, timing, and the right words can do a lot.
“Yeah. Hey there Skye.” So he did know me. Well I mean, that would kind of make sense. Everyone seemed to know the queen.
I flashed a shy-yet-still-flirtatious smile, leaning just slightly closer to him. “I was thinking you could come with me to Ivy’s party Saturday?”
Joey grinned. “Um, yeah, totally. I’d love to.”
“Perfect! Be at my house at… 9?”
“Sounds good to me.” Sophie was right, he was nice.
“Awesome!”
I pecked him lightly on the cheek before turning and making my way to the locker room for cheer practice.
When I was in middle school I saw two girls making out in the hallway. They were brave, considering our town was pretty conservative.
Later in the day I saw them eating together at lunch, sitting hand in hand and smiling at each other. They looked so happy despite the obvious staring from everyone around them.
From then on I began to notice those two girls more. I saw them in the hallway, at lunch, during gym class.
I noticed that they were always together, and they were almost always smiling.
I also noticed that everyone else avoided them like the plague. The other girls would refuse to talk to them, they’d get stares from across the lunchroom, and more than once I saw them clearly getting made fun of and bullied just for being themselves.
I never once spoke to those girls, and I haven’t seen them since the end of eighth grade. Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if I had said something, anything to them. Or even stood up for them, helped protect them from the stares and the bullying. Maybe I’d have been a better person and maybe I wouldn’t be so scared now.
Thinking about them sometimes make me feel like happiness is possible for me, but I always remember how I watched them get harassed and did nothing.
I often wonder if I even deserve happiness.
Today was the day. I was wearing a slim black dress and one inch heels that matched, plus a face caked with makeup that included a smoky eye I perfected in ninth grade.
Joey was two minutes late exactly, he just texted me to come outside rather than knock on the door. It certainly wasn’t gentlemanly, but it wasn’t like it was prom or anything.
When I got in his car he told me that I looked amazing, which was guy talk for I looked really hot. I told him he didn’t look too bad himself, which was girl talk for we might have sex later.
Ivy’s house was twenty minutes from mine and in that time Joey played subpar music and we talked a bit. And by talked I mean he asked me about school and cheerleading in an insanely awkward one-way conversation.
Ivy’s house was already filled with people considered we got there slightly later than it started, which as everyone knows it exactly the right time.
As soon as we got there we walked directly outside where people were crowded around a pool and hot tub, most of them with red solo cups in hand. After several people had seen us together, meaning our social obligation to make sure people knew we came together was filled, Joey’s group of friends called him over to them and I found some of the girls on my cheer team. Lizzie handed me a cup with something that smelled like really bad beer.
“I saw you walk in with Joey, you two a thing?” She questioned immediately after greeting me.
“Maybe? We just came together, it probably won’t develop into more.”
“Uh huh.” Lizzie said sarcastically and giggled with the rest of our friends. Then they all started mindlessly chattering about guys while I pretended to listen and did a scan around the area.
Ivy’s house was beautiful, nicely decorated from the outside with full windows, fancy looking plants, and obviously expensive patio decorations. However, I wasn’t really looking for that. Instead, against my better judgement, I was looking for June.
I checked once, twice, and a third time just to be sure, and saw no sign of her. I shouldn’t have been disappointed, but I was.
“Hey, we’re gonna go refill our drinks and watch a beer pong match, you wanna come?” Britney informed me.
“Sure.” I couldn’t care either way, but I knew the more I drank the more likely I would be to enjoy this so far uninteresting party.
Five senior guys were standing by the beer pong table, watching these two guys going head to head. One of them was Joey, who waved me over to him slightly.
“Hey want another drink?” I haven’t even realized I had already drained my cup. “The beer out here is awful, but I can probably get you some pretty good stuff I saw inside?”
It was actually kind of nice, and I genuinely smiled and said yes, watching him walk back into the house, failing to hide a smile himself.
“Won’t develop into more my ass!” Lizzie mumbled behind me, and I turned around and lightly hit her shoulder.
I didn’t ever really mean to make guys like me. In all honestly, I was just nice to them and did what I knew I was supposed to do and smiled and nodded and somehow it always seemed to make guys fall for me. I always felt slightly bad, I mean it wasn’t their fault they had fallen for me and I never returned their feelings.
Five minutes of watching the two senior guys play beer pong and getting increasingly louder later, Joey returned.
“Now this, this is some top shelf vodka mixed with a coke. The good stuff.” He was joking, but he wasn’t really funny. I laughed anyways to be polite.
I took a sip, and it was actually fairly good. He seemed fairly proud of himself when he saw I was enjoying it. “It’s good, thanks!”
“Listen this might sound weird, but I really want to kiss you right now.” Usually guys just kissed first and asked questions later. He was a special one.
I didn’t really want to kiss him, but all the senior guys plus all my friends were watching, as much as they tried to hide the fact that they were. So, instead of turning him down, I replied, “what’s stopping you?”
Then his lips were on mine, and he spilled his drink pulling me in closer to him. I had to hand it to him, I’ve kissed a lot of guys, and he was definitely one of the better kissers. He was gentle and soft, but he knew what he was doing. I pulled away first, faking that I needed to breathe. Really I just didn’t want to make out with this guy in front of his friends.
“Wow…” Joey was grinning.
I faked a small laugh, and kissed his cheek lightly. “I’ll be right back.”
Ivy’s house was giant and it took me ten minutes of wandering through crowds of drunk teenagers and somehow downing another glass of beer to find the bathroom, which was on the second floor, the hallway to the left, third room on the right. In that time I had finished my drink and gotten significantly more tipsy. That beer was awful, but boy had it been strong. Plus the vodka wasn’t exactly light either.
Someone was in it when I got there, and I waited for five minutes before some girl finally opened the door. She was short and looked like a freshman, and she had definitely been puking in there, most likely from not knowing her limits with alcohol.
I went in the bathroom and closed the door quickly, not bothering to lock it since no one else was even near the room. I sank down to the floor and just sat there, leaning against the door.
I wasn’t exactly sure how long I stayed there, I just didn’t quite feel ready to leave. I kept thinking about Joey, about all the guys I had taken to parties. How many people have I flirted with, lead on, lied to, just to hid the fact I wasn’t what everyone thought? How many innocent guys had I used like that?
I didn’t realize I was crying until the tears dripped onto my legs. The alcohol was not helping my thoughts at all.
Suddenly I felt pressure on my back that I assumed was someone trying to open the door. I moved out of the way on instinct, and the person burst into the room.
Of course, it just so happened to be the one person I did not want to see right in that moment.
“Skye? Whoa were you crying or something?”
“Oh hey June! Nah just got light headed and was splashing some water on my face.”
She was obviously drunk, she was swaying and smiling with the appearance of a typical drunk person. That would explain why she didn’t question me further.
“You look really nice tonight Skye!” She was slurring her words, but I still couldn’t help but blush.
“Ha thanks. You okay there June?”
She nodded and put her hand on the sink next to her to steady herself a bit. “Uh huh!”
I giggled lightly to myself. I could feel the familiar butterflies in my stomach, but with the effects of alcohol hitting me hard all of a sudden I didn’t really care.
“You’re blushing!” She pointed to my cheeks and I could feel my blush darken despite myself.
She did a half gasp and stepped a bit close to me. “I knew it you are blushing!” She giggled to herself though my slurred mind couldn’t figure out why.
“Are you blushing because of me?”
June suddenly seemed very close to me and I was aware of how flushed her cheeks were and how good she looked in the lighting of the bathroom.
“Maybe.” I couldn’t stop myself from saying it but I immediately regretted it. My self restraint was going down rapidly, this was really bad.
June giggled again, but before I could even think as to why she was laughing, her lips were on mine.
They were soft, softer than anyone I had ever kissed before. The kiss was sloppy, but passionate. I stopped thinking, closed my eyes, and pulled her closer to me. She backed me into the wall behind me and deepened the kiss, giggling into my mouth before pushing even closer to me.
It was perfect, everything I had ever imagined and more. And it was over all too soon, she pulled away laughing after only a few more seconds.
“You’re a good kisser! That was fun!” She kept giggling at me and I just stood there, my face hot and my breathing rapid.
I just kissed a girl. No, not a girl, I just kissed June.
“I’m gonna go find Matt!” She said enthusiastically, and I stopped breathing. “You’re super fun!” She giggled one last time and left the bathroom.
I exhaled sharply when she left and held back tears. For a split second I had fooled myself into believing that the kiss meant something, anything, but she was straight and drunk and it meant nothing to her.
My heart was slightly broken, and my mind was slowly trying to understand what had just happened, but in that moment, I didn’t regret it.
When I looked back on this moment, I wished I had been more observant or had less to drink that night. Because maybe then I would have heard footsteps in the hallway or at least heard Lizzie calling my name several times. Maybe then I would have noticed the door opening and stopped myself from making one of the dumbest mistakes of my life.
But I didn’t.
The night got worse after that. I had stayed in the bathroom for another ten minutes or so, pretty much just in shock. Finally I washed my face off and retreated back down stairs, attempting to find Joey.
When I finally did I realized he was wasted beyond belief, and he was completely passed out on a couch.
Well. There goes my ride.
I decided to just crash down on some chair in an isolated part of the house. I called my parents and quickly told them I was sleeping over at Sophie’s and I’d be home later in the morning the next day. They didn’t even question it.
Finally the whole party washed over me, and I grew exhausted. I felt my eyes growing heavy as my head pounded, and I let myself drift off to sleep still just sitting in that chair, my last thought being the feeling of June’s lips on mine.
“Jesus Christ wake the fuck up Skye!” I woke up to the sound of Ivy nearly screaming at me.
“Oh god please be quiet!” I whimpered, the headache had come already. I must have been more wasted than I thought last night.
“I’ve been trying to get you up for like forever now. It’s eight in the morning, everyone’s gone, you’re the last person I’ve had to wake up, and though I’d love to let you stay and recover here, I’ve had a long ass night and I’m gonna need you to get the fuck out of my house.” Ivy seemed hungover too, and very annoyed. I figured it was best to comply.
“Yeah. Awesome party.” I mumbled, standing up and hoping I could manage to walk to Sophie’s house from here.
I made it outside before I puked on Ivy’s lawn. I was definitely more wasted than I thought last night.
The sunlight did not help my aching head, but emptying my stomach did feel pretty good. I mean throwing up in someone else’s lawn is never good, but considering everything it at least felt good to get rid of all that alcohol.
After wiping my mouth with my sleeve I called Sophie, praying she would pick up.
“Hey! What’s up?” Sophie sounded insanely hungover too, though she pretended to be lively.
“Can you come pick me up? I’m still at Ivy’s house and I told my parents I spent the night at your house. Please?”
Sophie sounded slightly annoyed, but she knew she owed me for one time when she got super drunk and almost slept with her ex before I picked her up at two in the morning and let her stay over at my house.
Twenty minutes of sitting in front of the house of one of Ivy’s random neighbors later, and I was trying very hard not to puke in Sophie’s car.
“Wow you’re wasted.” She noticed.
“I thought I only had like two drinks or something. But I guess I just don’t remember having more.” I was really hoping this hangover would vanish, I had a chem project I wanted to get started on this weekend.
“Oh I get that. I don’t remember half of last night, but I do remember Adam. Damn could that boy kiss.”
I pretended like I cared by nodding my head and asking, “Who’s Adam?”
Sophie sighed a bit and then giggled. “He’s this senior who goes to another school. We didn’t have sex or anything by the way, but we did do a lot of other things.” She giggled again, and I shuddered. I was so glad when she stopped talking, I hated talking about sex. Mostly because of the whole I’m-not-attracted-to-guys thing.
The rest of the car ride passed without conversation. I think Sophie might have been singing along to the radio, but my head was pounding so much I just tried to tune it out.
Once at her house we went directly up to her room and I immediately fell on her bed, mumbling a thanks before passing out again.
The second time waking up was much better than the first. I know a lot of people say a good hangover cure is some weird drink or like doing some weird routine, but I prefer to just sleep it off and then chug some water or juice to get the taste of bile and alcohol out of my mouth. It’s worked for me so far.
The bad part of waking up this time was that memories of the night before flooded my memory. Specifically, the memory of kissing June. The thought of the two of us, alone together, finally expressing how I feel through a kiss.
And the thought of how June just brushed it off and probably went to go sleep with her boyfriend. Like it was nothing.
I tried to just ignore that thought and instead pushed myself out of bed and into Sophie’s bathroom. I’d stayed over enough times to know where it was without help, and I washed my face and hands, hoping to clear my mind with the water.
Just like I had before it happened.
I turned the water off and quickly left the bathroom, looking for Sophie in hopes that maybe she could take my mind off of it. Plus at the very least she’d tell me which clothes I’m allowed to borrow so I wouldn’t have to continue wearing my outfit from the previous night.
I found her sitting on her couch in the living room, the television in front of her playing some game show, but she was focused on her phone. I walked up behind the couch, calling out as I did so. “There you are! I’m finally up.” I tried to sound lighthearted, but my kidding quickly ended when Sophie didn’t look up.
“What’s that?” I asked. I could see her phone now, she was looking at Instagram, which was pretty normal.
She didn’t respond, she just held up her phone for me to see. It was open to Lizzie’s account, which was also fairly normal. What wasn’t normal though, was the first picture. I grabbed Sophie’s phone and clicked on it, seeing the full image.
It was a picture of me, pressed against the wall in Ivy’s bathroom, with June’s lips on mine. I hesitantly swiped left and saw there was a video, showing me grabbing June closer to me, deepening the kiss like I had always wanted to. Below was a caption, “I always knew there was something wrong with her. #gay”. She had even tagged me in the photo. I swiped back to the picture and handed Sophie back her phone, not quite processing what had just happened. I was in shock.
How could Lizzie do that? Just walk in on us, and take a video like that? It was so… so wrong. I felt my heart shrinking, my breathing getting faster and shallower. No she wouldn’t do that to me, she would never post something like that of me.
“You’re gay?” Sophie’s soft voice broke me out of my spiral.
I couldn’t speak. How could I deny this? What kind of lie could I quickly create to get her to think it was something else, anything else?
But I took too long. Sophie knew.
“Holy fuck you are.”
I felt like crying. There had to have been some mistake.
“Okay… I um…” Sophie was shocked too. I could see the image still open on her phone. I wanted to just throw it at the wall.
This could not really be happening.
“I think you should leave Taylor…” Sophie looked away from me as she said that, as if she couldn’t stand to look at me. Just because she knew I was gay. I always thought Sophie was more open minded then the rest of them, but if this is how she reacted, that means the rest would…
“But Sophie…” I couldn’t even defend myself. She just shook her head in response, still not even looking in my direction.
I felt myself crying despite the fact I couldn’t even feel it. I didn’t bother checking if I left anything in her room, I just walked through her house to the front door and then continued walking. I walked a few more feet before I collapsed for the second time on some strangers lawn, this time crying into the grass instead of throwing up.
How could Lizzie have done this?
The walk home was a long and slow one. I couldn’t walk straight, couldn’t think straight, and I still was wearing my old, alcohol and vomit covered clothes. I knew my parents would ask questions, but I couldn’t care in that moment.
I kept trying to figure out how to get out of this. Lizzie hadn’t seen everything, had she? How well had she seen my face? Did she see my reaction afterwards? And why did she decide to spread that, why hurt me?
A worse thought lurked in the corner of my mind, like a ticking time bomb. What would my parents think?
I tried to tell myself they couldn’t possibly have seen a video from my friends Instagram, they wouldn’t just assume I was gay from one video. They’d be more worried about how I was drunk. They’d care more about my well being than if I actually was gay even if they had seen the video.
But the thought was still there.
Reaching my house, I had to steel myself. I wasn’t ready to see my parents, but I had nowhere else to go. I took a deep breathe, and rung the doorbell, waiting two beats before my mom opened it.
I watched her face as she did it. First it was surprise, quickly morphing into fear and concern over my outfit and obvious stench of alcohol, again changing into anger, and then settling into a face of disgust and hatred.
Hatred. Hatred of me.
They’d seen it.
She pulled me inside the room and marched me straight into the living room, where my dad was sitting on his computer. Lizzie’s mom had sent them the videos and it was open on the screen.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” My mom said, harsher than I’d heard her in a long time.
“You leave saying you’re going to a party, and you come home drunk and smelling awful, and then this, this video of you and this girl!”
I couldn’t say anything. My mind was racing, trying to come up with a good response. I had nothing.
She rambled on for a few seconds about how irresponsible I was, and how disappointed she was. I barely heard it.
Finally my dad spoke up, concern in his voice though his face was turned away from me.
“Is this true?” He asked softly. “Are you gay?”
I felt tears threaten to spill down my face, and I closed my eyes as I slowly nodded my head. When I opened them again my mom was crying. She stared at me like she didn’t know me.
“No no, my daughter isn’t gay. Skye you better be lying, this better be some joke because I didn’t raise my daughter to be some, some lesbian.”
My dad finally got up from the couch, and he hugged my mom. His face was reserved, like he was holding all his anger inside. Was he mad at me?
“I’m still the same person you’ve always known.” I squeaked out, nervous to even speak.
“My daughter is going to hell.” My mom was muttering, shaking as if she was more hurt by the news than I was. As if telling me this hurt her more than me.
My eyes stung from the effort of holding back my tears.
“Just go to your room. We’ll talk about this later.” My dad said, stern.
I took a second to debate talking back, saying I was still their daughter, but I didn’t. I just turned around, and walked away.
I lost my virginity last year. It was at his house. He was the one who brought it up, and I had agreed, though I can’t remember why. It might have been because he was cute, and he wanted me, and that felt good. Most likely it was because I wanted to prove that maybe I wasn’t gay at all. Maybe it would feel amazing and I’d realize I was straight after all.
He was good at it, I think. I didn’t like it. Some things felt good, but nothing felt right.
I went to school two days later, knowing he’d already told his friends and knowing I’d have to tell my friends as well.
They all complimented me, they wanted to hear all about it, many of them just wanted to know if he was any good at it so they could spread rumors around if needed.
I can’t remember much of what I told them. I didn’t give many details, I didn’t talk shit about the guy, but I wasn’t enthusiastic either.
I do remember seeing a girl across the cafeteria while my friends were interrogating me. She was older than me, and had strawberry hair and freckles that could have made me melt.
I remember wishing, more than anything, that I had lost my virginity to her instead of him.
My parents decided to ignore the new developments. I spent the rest of that day alone in my room, ignoring the flood of questions from people on social media. I ate dinner with my parents, just like normal, but we didn’t talk much. My mom had pulled herself together and instead of disgust on her face when she looked at me, her expression was absolutely blank. I couldn’t decide which had been worse.
After dinner I spent my time agonizing over what my parents would do. Would they continue to be upset over this, would they force me out of the house, would they send me to one of those weird camps for changing gay people? A small part of me had hope that they would see reason and come around to the fact that I was still their daughter, who they hopefully still loved, and they would accept me.
Plus, I couldn’t decide what to do. I told Sophie I was gay, and my parents, but maybe I could find a way to lie through this. If I was enthusiastic enough and kept saying it was just one drunk kiss, maybe I could get through this with just a scratch on my reputation.
But even still, imaging going back to lying about who I was every single day hurt more than any offensive comment ever could. I had to be honest now, it was time for me to be myself. So I promised myself, there and then, that I would be honest.
I couldn’t stop thinking, torturing myself well into the night. I woke up the next morning feeling worse than ever, terrified to go to school but even more scared to stay home.
I changed into my least bright clothes, a grey hoodie with the school name on it and skinny jeans, and prayed that the day wouldn’t be completely awful.
My parents didn’t say goodbye to me as I grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen and headed out the front door, and I didn’t shout out a quick “I love you” as I left.
As soon as I got in my car I started crying. I cried for minutes, letting the tears spill down my face and collect on my hoodie. I would have traded anything for the chance to stay there the whole day, just sobbing out everything I was feeling, but realism set in and instead I wiped my face off, added a new layer of foundation, and smiled into the rear view mirror.
I needed to seem fine, so maybe everyone else would leave me alone. I doubted it would work, but I turned my car on anyways, accepting whatever was about to happen.
I managed to avoid everyone on my way to first period, which was the one class I didn’t have many of my friends in, but that was about where my good luck ended. Everyone had seen the video of me kissing June, and they all stared at me. I could tell they were conflicted, almost all of them seemed like they wanted to talk to me, but they all seemed too scared. I was still the queen they had known.
Finally, one guy I knew was on the junior varsity baseball team, and had definitely hooked up with my friend Chloe at some point, decided to speak up.
“So if you’re gay now, do you think you’d let me turn you straight?” He said, making most people in the room laugh. One part of me wanted to hide away and let the shame I was feeling show, but that wasn’t who I wanted to be in this moment. I remembered who I was before, confident and proud. For all the wrong reasons sure, but I could be those things now for the right ones.
“Only if you let me turn your sister gay.” I said, not looking up as I walked to my desk. I could still hear his exasperated gasp though, and it made me smirk just a little.
“Fucking dyke.” The guy mumbled, shuffling back to his place in the back of the classroom. I didn’t even dignify him with a response, and after that everyone was quiet.
The queen still had power after all.
I knew there was no escape when class ended because the second I walked out of the room Lizzie had turned the corner of the hallway and instantly spotted me. She was being trailed by Sophie, who I assumed she collected on her way to find me. I quietly cursed the fact that I had ever told her my schedule.
“Skye!” She shouted, marching straight through the hallway at me. If people weren’t staring at me yet, all heads turned towards me. I fought the urge to blush and instead moved more into the open. Why bother to fight the inevitable conflict that was about to go down?
I couldn’t read Lizzie’s face as she finally reached me, though Sophie definitely had a mix of embarrassment and guilt on her face. I had a feeling it had to do with kicking me out of her house, but I definitely didn’t feel bad for her. She made it clear where she stood with me.
“So what’s up with you being some lesbo and not telling anyone?” Lizzie asked, her voice strong and mocking.
“You know I thought we were friends Lizzie. What’s up with you walking in on me and someone and taking a video? That’s so fucked up!” I shot back, not willing to let my emotions take control. No more hiding, no more holding back. Lizzie was going to hear what I had to say. “And what’s up with posting it online? You didn’t think how that could fuck up my life, or the life of the other girl!”
Lizzie laughed, actually laughed. “I already talked to June before I even posted it. She said you had convinced her to make out with her ‘just to try it’ and she was drunk enough to try. She said you were the one who was actually into it too.”
Of all the things I thought Lizzie would say, that one hurt the most. I had a feeling June didn’t care about the kiss like I had, but hearing it like this, and hearing that she had twisted it around just so she wouldn’t be under attack to, it shattered my heart. I had a moment where I let the pain show on my face, but I didn’t have time to bother about June now. She didn’t like me, I already knew that, and now that I knew what a bad person she actually was, I could get over her.
“You want the truth Lizzie? I’m lesbian! I always have been! Happy now?”
Lizzie smirked, but Sophie blushed behind her. Why was Sophie blushing?
“So now you’re proud to be a dyke? I hope you realize you’re over at this school, no one’s gonna care about some weird lesbo.”
I sighed. So this was how she was gonna play it? “I honestly don’t give a shit what you say. I don’t want the popularity. At least I’m true to myself, and at least I cared about myself, which is way more than can be said about you.”
I didn’t see Lizzie’s reaction because I turned around and flipped her off, walking to chemistry alone with a new sense of confidence.
I passed June in the hallway after chem, but I didn’t stop to admire her like normal and I didn’t get butterflies in my stomach. Instead I just felt angry, and I kept walking.
A hand on my arm stopped me, and I turned to see Sophie.
“Please talk to me, it’ll only take a second.”
I sighed but listen to Sophie rather than have another hallway blow up, ignoring the way some of the guys around us laughed as we made our way through the hallway together. Sophie dragged me into the girl’s bathroom around the corner that was usually relatively empty.
“I’m really sorry about yesterday. I was in shock and I didn’t know what to do and I panicked. Please don’t be mad at me.” Sophie looked honestly upset, but I didn’t trust her and I hadn’t forgiven her.
“Years of friendship and you kick me out of your house for being gay? Why Sophie?”
“I like girls too.”
I hadn’t expected that. I got silent, knowing my face was betraying me and showing how surprised I was.
“I think I’m bisexual. That’s the term for liking girls and guys right? I read about it online. That’s why I was shocked, I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry, I know you needed a friend in that moment and it wasn’t me, but I wasn’t thinking right and I was panicking and I’m so sorry.” Sophie was rambling, I had never seen her like this.
“I get it. It’s okay.” I mumbled, still trying to piece everything together.
“Please don’t tell anyone?” Sophie asked quietly.
“Of course now. Why did you tell me?” Sophie could have just hidden her feelings and acted like Lizzie, lashing out and protecting herself. But she didn’t, she opened up to me. Even I probably wouldn’t have done that if the tables were turned.
“I thought you would understand.”
I did understand. It made perfect sense, that was why Sophie always seemed so open, that was why she dated so many guys, that was why I always felt we were similar.
“And I promise I’ll keep being your friend, and I’ll try to bring the others around to.” She said, regaining her normal composure.
“Thank you.” I said. And I meant it. Suddenly I felt better, as though as wasn’t as alone as I thought.
That day was one of the worst I had ever experienced, but also one of the best. Everywhere I went there were comments about me under people’s breaths, but I walked with a confidence I never had before. Maybe I wasn’t who they thought I was, but I was who I always wanted to be.
My parents finally addressed things that evening, saying that though they didn’t like it, and they weren’t going to encourage my “habits” as they put it, they still loved me. My mom was much more put together, and my dad didn’t have a dull anger behind his eyes. It wasn’t support, and it wasn’t encouragement, but it was something.
I had many more days like that, feeling the hate of peers pressing on me, but finally feeling free. One and a half more years of those days to be exact.
But finally, high school ended. I didn’t end the “queen” of the school, but I did get into Brown University with my high GPA and SAT scores, plus my essay about overcoming adversity related to my sexuality. I’d be going there in the fall and be studying chemistry.
I also got a girlfriend. Sophie came out, and had much better luck than me since I had already opened the door for her. Still, we bonded a lot over being the only two openly queer girls at our school, and eventually romantic feelings grew. We started dating in March of our senior year. My parents hated it, but I didn’t care much because I already had my acceptance to college and my way out of our small town.
Things got better after that. I found people who would accept me, and I never stopped learning to accept myself and live with confidence.
Now I’m done with my sophomore year of college, I’ve been dating Sophie for years, and I’m surrounded by the right kinds of people. It’s weird to think that the girl I was in my junior year who hid behind makeup, cheer, and popularity she didn’t want would turn into the person I am now.
I guess that’s just what happens when you stop worrying so much about being a queen and instead just try to be.
“Alright Santa’s little helper, we need to set the gas mark.” Harry says to Grace as he walks towards the oven to set the correct temperature for the mince pies.
“I a E-ff, not ‘elper.” Grace puts her right hand on her hip, pushing it out to the side full of sass.
“Oh, you are right, bug. You are an elf. And I am…” Harry prompts.
“Fa-ver Chriss-mess!!” Grace smiles at her father. Harry is wearing a red apron that depicts Father Christmas and Grace is wearing a green one that looks just like an elf.
Picking up a bar stool, Harry brings it close to the oven.
“Come on, my little Elf! You can set the gas mark.” Harry lifts Grace up so she is standing on the bar stool. She holds onto his arm as she looks at all the buttons. “See the numbers here?” Harry points to the digital screen that displays the temperature of the oven. “We need it to say 2..2..0. Can yeh push the buttons?”
“I help! I help!” Grace says, lifting her finger to the buttons. Harry guides her finger to the up arrow so she can adjust the temperature in the appropriate direction. Pushing his finger softly over the top of Grace’s candy cane striped fingernail. “Ush…. Ush…. Ush.” Grace says as she pushes the button, watching the numbers increase.
“Look. What numbers do we see?” Harry says pointing towards the numbers displayed on the oven. “Two… Two… Zero.” Harry points to each number as Grace nods along.
“Hip hip hooray!!” Grace puts one hand on each hip as she says the words ‘hip hip”, throwing her arms high in the air waving her hands back and forth for the hooray.
“That’s right bug, hip hip hooray!” Harry repeats the action with his daughter, excited the oven is heating up and they can start to roll out their dough. “Go climb up on your stool, I’ll grab the pastry.” Harry says to his little Elf who hops off her stool, the curls on her head bouncing about like little bungee jumpers.
“I be helper?” Grace asks.
“Yes, my love. You can help roll out the pastry. Then we need to cut it so it can go into the tins.” Harry explains. Reaching into his massive refrigerator and pulling out one of the three discs of dough that have been wrapped in clingfilm to chill. Dropping the dough against the marble countertop with a thump.
“I un-wap pwease?” Grace pleads.
“Yes! But with soft hands. We need to be nice to the pastry dough.” Harry says in a very serious tone, because he used to be a baker and Harry knows what happens when you manhandle the pastry dough.
“O-tay daddy!” Grace peels back the clingfilm slowly and with tender hands, making Harry beam with pride. Once the dough is naked, Grace hops off her stool, taking the plastic wrapping and throwing it in the bin. Running back to her stool, she climbs up, resting her bum on her heels as she kneels.
“Ready to roll?” Harry says. “Do yeh remember?” His fuzzy eyebrow raises in curiosity.
“I need ‘elp!” Grace says adjusting her body into the correct position to use the rolling pin. Her body is up against the counter as she grabs the wooden rolling pin, holding it with both hands. Harry lines himself behind her, resting his hands over the top of his daughter’s. Working together they roll the pastry dough.
“We need it thin, Gracie, but not too thin; the mincemeat is heavy.” Harry instructs his sous chef. “Looks perfect, fluff muffin!” Harry sets the rolling pin to the side.
“Next in res-a-pee.” Grace says pointing towards the cookbook that is lying open on the counter.
“We need to cut the pastry into circles. Can you find a circle?” Harry pushes the pastry cutters, one star and one circle, over to Grace. Bringing her thumb and pointer finger up to her lip, she begins to slightly pull on her lip, just like her father does when he is in deep thought, as she looks between the two shapes.
“Dis one!” Grace picks up the correct pastry cutter, holding it high in the air.
“Good job bug!! Should we do a hip hip hooray?” Harry smiles. Grace nods in agreement as they join together in celebration of Grace choosing the right shape. “Now remember love, treat the pastry kindly. Be soft as we cut out the circles.”
“Soft.” Grace says to herself as she sets the pastry cutter on the dough. Sitting up high on her knees, Grace uses both hands to push down the dough, cutting a perfect circle. Harry continues to help Grace cut circles until they run out of dough and have to stop to roll more out.
“Okay bug. Now we are going to press the circles into the tins. Can yeh help me?” Harry asks.
“Yes!! Soft?” Grace smiles shyly.
“Ya, soft!” Harry’s little baker heart warms as he watches his daughter learn the correct way to treat pastry dough.
Grace places a circle of cut dough into her small pie tin, pushing the dough into each crease softly. To help her concentrate, she starts to softly sing.
“Jus a poon ‘ull of sug-gar, ‘elps me-i-cen go down.” Harry’s ears perk up at the sound of his daughter’s sweet sounding singing voice.
“What ya singing, Grace?” Harry pipes in, already knowing the song, just wanting to hear her response.
“Mary Poppens!” Grace says. “I watch wit mumma.”
“I love Mary Poppins. She is magical, isn’t she?” Harry smiles as he comments on one of Grace’s favorite movies.
“Mmmhmm!’ Grace hums, starting on her next pie tin. “Sing wit me?” Grace smirks at her father, causing Harry to have to do a double take because it oddly looks just like his face when he is being cheeky.
“I’m always up for singin’” Harry smiles. The two of them sing multiple songs from the movie, as they finish softly pressing dough into all 36 pie tins.
“Stars, daddy!” Grace shouts, holding the star pastry cutter high in the air.
“That’s right, Grace! That’s the next step.” Harry nods. Grace cuts out 36 small stars with the help of Harry.
Harry holds the spoon with Grace as they spoon Harry’s homemade mincemeat into each perfectly pressed pastry crust. Grace tenderly places a freshly cut star on the top of each pie, her smile growing with each finished treat.
‘Into the oven they go.” Harry says as he opens the oven and places the pies on the rack. “They have to cook for 10-15 minutes.” Harry informs his daughter.
“Daddy?” Grace wonders, resting her head on her arms that are now folded against the counter. “Fa-ver Chriss-mess gonna wub my pie?” Grace asks sincerely. Harry can see the worry in her eyes as she hopes Father Christmas will find her mincemeat pies to be the best pies he has ever tasted.
“Can I tell yeh a secret?” Harry leans his body down on the other side on the counter, coming close to his daughter so she can hear his whisper. “I used ta be a baker, and Father Christmas loves my pies.” Harry smiles. “He is going to love your pies butterfly much.”
Grace lets out a gasp. Sitting up and clapping her hands against her cheeks. “Butterfly much?” She is in shock because Grace knows that is a lot of love.
“Yes! Butterfly much and so much more.” Harry rolls up on his tiptoes, stretching just enough to give his daughter a small kiss on her forehead. The timer beeps, causing both of their eyes to shoot as wide as a deer in the headlights.
“Dey ready!” Grace cheers!! Harry opens the oven, pulling out the beautiful pies that have been cooked to perfection. Harry takes each pie out of their tin just as the recipe instructs.
“Ah-maz-ing!” Grace comments as she looks upon the beautiful bite-size pies.
“Amazing, just like you!” Harry says to his daughter. “Happy Christmas, Gracie bug.”
“Happy Chriss-mess daddy.”
Turns out, Harry was right. Father Christmas loved Grace’s mincemeat pies so much, he didn’t leave a single crumb. Leaving Grace to know Santa loved her treat butterfly much and so much more.
A/N: @whoopsharrystyles told me I don’t need to tag her in EVERY story I post, but let me tell you, I would not be the person I am today, writer or goofy girl, without my Dawn! So thank you friend for all you do! Please check out The Adventures of Harry and Grace Masterlist and Wattpad page. Thank you for reading, liking, reblogging and recommending. Happy Holidays!!!!
If you’ve ever read something I wrote and had a comment or some feedback, I would looove to hear it! I’ve never been able to show my writing to anyone in person, so honest opinions about how I could improve would literally make my life ❤️ Love all of you
THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING @tiny-angry-demigods !!! Please, keep following! Good job, you’ve unlocked the chapter :)
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index
He couldn’t stop pacing. His psychiatrist kept her eyes steady on him, following him and waiting patiently for him to speak. Finally, he turned to her and sighed. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I… I’m terrified. I shouldn’t be terrified.” He crossed his arms and groaned. “I can’t stop shaking. I thought this was supposed to stop.”
His psychiatrist hummed and checked her board. “You’ve been taking Zoloft for… two months, right?” Nico nodded. “Like I said, we have to move up slowly. It’s not regulating you yet, so I’m going to go ahead and increase the dose, okay?” Nico grit his teeth as she scribbled on a clipboard. Then she looked up and smiled. “Now, about this date. Was he nervous when he asked?” Nico shrugged and nodded. “Do you think he might feel just as scared as you at this point?”
“No,” he said immediately. “Will… he’s so put together. He’s stronger. Maybe he’s nervous but… I’m so scared, I get nauseous. And I don’t know why.”
She leaned forward and interlocked her hands, her eyes never leaving Nico’s. It was slightly disturbing the way she would look him in the eyes so consistently when Nico could barely hold her gaze for more than five seconds. “You mentioned before that the reason you stayed friends was because he said he couldn’t trust you. Right?” Nico nodded. “Do you trust yourself?”
The question caught Nico by surprise. He hadn’t expected to be asked that. He expected something like, “Do you think he trusts you? Do you trust him?” Something easier to answer. But this question was about him. About his feelings towards himself.
After a moment of deliberation, he sat and shook his head. “No. I don’t think I can be enough for him. I’m scared I’ll mess up again and hurt him.” He looked down at his hands. “I know that people say you have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. But… I’ve lived for so long hating myself, looking for ways to self-destruct. I can’t get rid of that in a few months. But Will…. He’s… incredible. He’s wonderful. It’s so easy to love him. He deserves it, and I want to show him that. And the fact that he deserves so much and that he’s so wonderful is what makes me so afraid to hurt him. I feel like I’m being selfish because I want to be with him knowing how unstable I am.”
The psychiatrist placed her chin in her hand and hummed. “Have you ever tried to look at your progress, Nico? I know you’re very hard on yourself because you see the things you still want to work on. But I think it’s important that you look back on how far you’ve come.” Nico frowned and remained quiet. “When you came in to see me, you’d been meeting with Raven for about a month. And you told me that even with her, you never thought you’d walk in to a therapist’s office after your experience as a kid. When you talked with me, you told me about everything you used to do. The drinking, the partying, the way you used to interact with people, the way you’d find ways to hurt yourself.
“That person you were is not who you are now. What do you think that Nico would say if he met you? This sober version that hasn’t hurt themselves and is taking antidepressants and getting help by meeting with the psychiatric services here and who cares so much about someone?”
Nico blinked rapidly, letting his gaze drift to the window where the trees were an intense dark green, contrasting with the light blue sky, the sunlight filtering in. “I wouldn’t have believed it was me,” he answered softly. “It would’ve seemed to unreal. Too good to be true. I never saw any other way besides screwing around.” He bit his lip and remembered the way Will tried to make Nico see that he had in fact changed, that he had gotten better. “I guess I’m not as fucked up as I used to be.”
“And don’t you think Will knows this?”
Nico looked at her and thought back to the first encounter he’d had with Will. How rude he’d been. How a few days later, he was stumbling drunk, hitting on him, then throwing up in his bathroom. Will knew what he was like. And he still became his friend. He still dated him. And now that Nico had tried so hard to change for the better, he was still there.
Finally, he nodded. “So if you take a step back, do you think you should still feel so terrified? Don’t you think you should try trusting yourself a little more? And maybe the first step to that is to go on this date and… enjoy it? You’ve been waiting for this for a while now.”
“Almost four months to be exact,” he murmured. He took a deep breath and nodded. “You’re right. I can do this. I’ve been better. He knows me better than anyone. There’s no expectations to meet.”
“Now, back to the medication. I know you said you were very aggravated with the fact that you felt it wasn’t working. It’s understandable. It’s still a low dose, and I know it can be stressful, but this is how we prepare your body for the changes in hormones. We will find the dose that will regulate your emotions.” Nico nodded, feeling apprehensive, but wanting desperately to believe her. “I’ll send in the prescription when we’re done. Remember to keep taking them every day in the morning, okay? And if you do start feeling better, keep taking them. Stopping abruptly can harm you. Keep me posted.”
“Okay,” he answered, tugging the hem of his shirt anxiously. “Thank you.”
She smiled and opened the door for him. “And Nico? Good luck on your date.” He smiled gratefully at her and walked out of the office. He waved at the receptionist and left the building.
Later that night, after hours of pacing and jitters and deliberation over what to wear, there was a knock on his door. Taking a deep steadying breath, Nico walked over and opened the door.
He was left speechless at the sight of Will, his head ducked down, but his bright blue eyes focused on Nico, dressed casually, and holding a single black rose in one hand. He gulped and stared at this beautiful, gorgeous, perfect person in front of him and tried to get his heart to calm down.
“Hey,” he managed to whisper, not trusting his voice to be much louder. He was filled with nervous butterflies and he hadn’t been able to stop shaking.
Will seemed completely relaxed as he held out the flower. “Hi. This is for you.” Nico began to smile and blush as he reached for the flower. “I thought we should have something that set this apart as a date. I know flowers might be a bit feminine, but-”
“I love it,” he interrupted. “Thank you.” He smiled at the large, dark petals and took another slow breath. “Let me put this in water.” He turned away and filled a cup with water, placing the rose in it. He hoped he remembered to press the flower before it wilted. He wanted to remember this.
When he placed the cup on the counter, Will stepped toward him and touched his arm. “Ready to go?” Nico glanced up at him and smiled, feeling like the luckiest person in the world. He nodded and Will smiled back at him with his own rosy blush dusting his cheeks. He bit his lip and slid his hand into Nico’s, causing Nico’s heart to stop. “Come on.”
They walked out to the car, the warmth of Will’s hand steadying Nico jitters. “Where are we going?” he asked.
“You’ll see. When I tell you to, close your eyes.” Nico frowned and looked out the window.
“That’s not terrifying at all, Mr. Serial Killer.” Will laughed aloud and Nico’s laugh filled the car as well, fueled by the nervousness and anxiety he felt. He bit his lip and looked at their interlocked hands over the gear shift. “Hey, Will?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m nervous,” he whispered.
Will’s hand tightened around Nico’s, and he turned his head to look at Nico with a gentle smile. “Yeah. Me too,” he answered. “I’m not sure why.” Nico chuckled and leaned his head against the window.
Lights blurred past them as they drove through the downtown area and Nico frowned when they didn’t stop anywhere. The lights began to diminish as they left downtown for the other side of the city. Then Will squeezed his hand. “Okay, close your eyes. Don’t peek if you want a second date.”
Nico laughed at that, but did as he was told, screwing his eyes shut. Slowly, the car came to a stop and Will’s hand slipped out of his. Nico heard the door shut and fumbled blindly for his own door handle. A few seconds later, the door opened and Will’s hands took his. “I’ve got you, you dork,” he said affectionately. Nico stuck his tongue out at him and stepped carefully as Will led him.
He heard the door shut and the double-beep that signaled the car lock. They were outside, but that was all Nico could tell based on the ground beneath him and the sounds around them. Will’s hands cupped his eyes as he walked behind him and whispered directions in his ear.
“Almost. A few more steps. Okay. Ready?” Nico nodded, wondering what could be so special about whatever Will was trying to surprise him with on a first date. “Open your eyes.”
Nico did, and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to his surroundings. The first thing he saw were colorful lights. He realized they were the lights of the building downtown. They were in a cluster of bright colors, far enough away so Nico couldn’t hear the chaos of weekend nightlife, but close enough to still distinguish between buildings.
Then he noticed the trees around him, and the slope of the ground which lead to a still, dark lake. The lake reflected the moonlight and even the peaks of the city buildings. He looked up and saw a bright half-moon surrounded by more stars than he could see from his apartment.
It was a beautiful place. He turned to Will, but realized he wasn’t behind him anymore. He was on a picnic blanket with an electric lantern placed beside him, fumbling with a Sonic bag. Nico walked over to him and tilted his head questioningly.
“I got you your favorite,” he said. “The first time we went anywhere we went to Sonic. I thought it’d be a nice thing to reminisce.” He held out a large Sonic cup. “Cherry Slush?”
Nico bit his lip and kneeled down in front of him. “You are absolutely perfect, Will Solace.” Will let out a nervous chuckle, and Nico could see the blush in the light of the lantern. He took his food and slushie and looked out at the scenery before them. “How did you find this place?”
“After long days at the hospital, I like to drive around a little before going to your place. It clears my head and gives me time to shake off the stress,” he explained. “I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going, and I ended up here once. The first thing I thought when I saw it was that I wanted to bring you.”
Nico smiled and chewed on a fry. “Well it’s way nicer than a dusty dirt road littered with beer caps and cigarette butts.” He smiled and looked at Will who seemed to mull that comment over for a moment.
“You know, I actually like it there too.” Nico raised an eyebrow, but Will didn’t elaborate.
As they ate, they filled the night air with mindless talk, comfortable in each other’s presence. When they were done eating, Will had barely let Nico put his trash away before he was pulling him up. “Have you ever skipped stones before?”
“No actually,” Nico said as Will led him down the slope to the lake. Will used his phone to search for rocks and stuffed them in his pocket as he went. Nico couldn’t help but smile at him. When he got back, Nico raised an eyebrow at him. “So we’re going to throw rocks… at water?” he asked with a teasing smile.
“I mean, I understand if you don’t want to. You already know I’ll be better at it anyway.” He shrugged and Nico scoffed.
“Okay, bring it on, Solace,” he answered, holding his hand out for rocks. Will gave him a handful of smooth, flat rocks to fling. Will went first flicking the rock, making it skip four times before plumping into the depths of the water. The ripples made the lights distort artistically.
“It’s in the flick of your wrist,” Will explained, when Nico looked at his rock uncertainly. “Flat side has to hit the surface.” He fixed the stone in his hand and motioned his wrist. “Got it?”
Nico nodded and did as he was told, but the rock only skipped twice. Without even looking at Will, Nico covered his cocky smirk with his hand and pushed him back. “Shut up,” he muttered. Will laughed and they took turns skipping stones across the lake, resorting to attempts to sabotage each other’s throws, then bursting into laughter anytime a stone simply plopped into the water.
Nico was getting better, and if he managed to get away from the nudges and tickle attempt Will provided, he was able to manage four skips. They were down to their last stone, and it was Will’s throw. Nico waited until his arm was gaining momentum before running and jumping onto Will’s back, tackling him down and ruining the throw.
“That would’ve been my best one!” he whined under him. Nico rested his on his shoulder and faked an evil laugh. Will raised an eyebrow and turned over, tossing Nico over. Before he could stand, Will clambered onto him and tickled him mercilessly.
“No! No, no, no! Please, no more! I’m begging you!” he cackled breathlessly.
Will covered his mouth, stifling his own laughter. “People are going to think I’m murdering you!” he hissed fighting off chuckles.
“No more, please,” he begged, interlocking his hands with Will’s before they could tickle him again. “You win,” he surrendered.
“Oh, I’m sorry, what was that?”
“I said you win,” Nico said, indulging him with a roll of his eyes.
“What?” Will prodded.
Nico laughed and began to shout. “I said that you win! Will Solace has won at skipping stones! Give him a trophy! Put his name in the hall of fame!”
“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm,” he said with a smile. “But thank you.” He laid down beside Nico and they looked up at the sky, their hands interlocked, their shoulders touching, their breaths synchronizing with each other’s.
After a few moments of silence, staring up at the stars, Nico spoke. “You know… in a week, I’ll be four months sober,” he whispered. He wondered if the night had swallowed his words or if he’d even said them.
Then Will responded, “Has it really been four months?” Nico hummed and sighed. Almost four months since he’d almost died of alcohol poisoning. Almost four months since he told Will the truth and tried to win him back. Almost four months of them trying to rebuild the trust that had been lost. And now they were on a date. “How do you feel?”
“Clean,” he answered softly. “Not really like a new person. Just… a little more coherent. More memories. Less headaches.” More you. I’m better because of you. You gave me a reason to care.
Somehow, Nico didn’t think a first date was the best time to say that, though. “I’m happy to hear that,” he answered. Will turned on his side, and Nico did the same, facing him. Will’s eyes were on their hands, their fingers weaving together and apart playfully.
His eyes flickered up to Nico, the pupils large, and only a thin rim of sparkling blue reflecting back at him. Nico felt his heart skip a beat and he even felt dizzy. All just because Will looked at him.
Then he asked, “Will you dance with me?” in such a soft voice, that Nico had to focus to process them.
“Okay,” he answered.
Will smiled and stood, pulling Nico up with him. They treaded up the slope back to their picnic blanket and Will went over to his car. He turned it on and plugged his phone in, leaving the door open so the sound could flow toward them.
Of course, a slow song began to play and Will held out his hand. Nico took it and wrapped his arms around Will, loving the way he fit perfectly against him. He kept his eyes on his shoulder as they swayed, wondering how he could have gotten so lucky as to fall in love with someone so beautiful, so wonderful, so forgiving and encouraging.
He loved Will Solace more than he thought possible. It didn’t even matter if he didn’t like himself. He couldn’t care less about the hatred he had for himself, because he was too focused on loving Will with everything he could. He wanted him back.
He wanted to have him back and never let go again. He wanted endless dates and endless silly contests and endless fast food and endless slow dances. He wanted to hold him and be held by held him every night. He wanted their hands interlocked on every drive and every walk.
With these desires in mind, he leaned his head against Will’s shoulder. Suddenly, Will began to hum, and the humming turned into singing. Nico realized he had never heard Will sing. He’d heard him rap, he’d heard him mutter along to the radio, but he’d never heard him actually sing.
And now he was. He was singing softly in his ear with a voice so melodious and a seductive rasp that it gave Nico chills, and he could only hold onto him tighter. The lyrics seemed to taunt him. He lifted his head and Will looked at him, leaning his forehead against Nico’s.
Silver moon’s sparkling… so kiss me… so kiss me….
Nico opened his eyes and met Will’s. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, he begged silently. Slowly, Will leaned forward and Nico’s hand slid to his neck.
Then the night was pierced with a girl singing, “This is a shout out to my ex,” blindsiding them and shattering the moment. Confusion settled in both of their features, before they both burst into laughter at the irony, the timing, the lyrics.
“I don’t know why that song came up next,” Will said. “That’s a song Kayla likes.” Will went to lower the volume and returned, letting the music play as it pleased.
Nico stuffed his hands in his pockets, feeling slightly unsettle by the almost-kiss. “I’ve never heard you sing before,” he offered, hoping to ease the tension. Will blushed and began to stammer, but Nico only smiled. “I like your voice. It’s soothing.”
Will bit his lip and rubbed his neck. “Thanks,” he said softly. “Ready to go home?”
“Yeah,” he answered. Except he wasn’t. He wanted more time. He felt like the end of the date would cause a shift in their friendship, especially if they ended it on an almost kiss. Still, he helped pick up their trash as Will gathered the blanket and the lantern. He tossed it in the trunk and they both got into the car.
The ride back wasn’t as awkward. Once Will’s hand slipped into Nico’s again, they were both able to breathe and relax.
As they arrived at Nico’s apartment, Will got out of the car to walk him to the door. Nico unlocked it and turned to face Will with a smile. “This was the best first date anyone could’ve asked for,” he said. “Thank you.”
Will smiled widely and took his hand. “So… about that second date?”
“I’ll go on a hundred dates with you,” he answered honestly. Will blushed and bit his lip. “Will I see you tomorrow?”
“I’ll be here first thing in the morning,” he promised. “Goodnight, Nico.” He leaned forward and kissed his cheek gently.
Before he pulled away completely, Nico pulled him in by the nape of his neck and pressed his lips almost desperately against Will’s.
He couldn’t help himself. He had longed for a kiss from Will for so long, and he was so close, and he didn’t want to let him walk away. Maybe if he hadn’t kissed his cheek, Nico wouldn’t have pulled him into an actual kiss.
But he had, and now they were kissing. They were kissing for the first time in a long time. But it still felt like the first kiss Nico had ever experienced.
Will’s arms wrapped around him, and Nico’s hands slid into his hair as he pressed himself closer to Will. They pulled apart breathlessly, noses brushing, eyes unfocused.
“Wow,” Will breathed.
“I couldn’t help myself,” Nico answered sheepishly.
“Good.” And before Nico could reply, Will was kissing him again, wiping his brain of every thought aside from this kiss. His lips parted, and Nico took his chance to bite his lower lip.
Hoping to make him stay, Nico tugged him in, never breaking their kiss, and shut the door. He pressed Will against it, kissing him with desperate fervor. “Stay with me,” he whispered against his lips. “Stay.”
Will kissed him, grazing his lip with his teeth, causing a shiver to course through Nico. “Okay,” he answered. The tips of his fingers caressed the side of his face, making Nico sigh contentedly. “God, I missed you,” he whispered.
Nico took his hand and pressed soft kissed against the knuckles. “Come on,” he murmured. He pulled him to his room, kicking his shoes off. He offered Will a shirt and a pair of shorts which he took and changed into while Nico brushed his teeth. Nico changed into his own PJ’s and was happy to see Will laying on his bed comfortably.
Without another word, Nico crawled onto the bed and slid into the crook of his arm, wrapping an arm around him. “Can I ask you something?” he whispered.
“Anything,” Will answered, stroking his arm.
“How long until you love me again?”
Will froze and Nico risked glancing up at him. The only light in the room came from a lamp on the bedside table, and still, Nico could see the confusion on Will’s face. He turned to Nico, his eyes skimming his face, his hand at his cheek. “Nico, I never stopped,” he answered. Nico’s eyebrows went up and his lips parted in surprise.
“After everything…?” he asked softly.
Will smiled fondly and kissed his forehead. The action was somehow sweeter than the kiss at the door. “You’re so dense sometimes, Neeks.”
Nico grunted and propped himself up onto his elbow, narrowing his eyes at Will. “Don’t call me that,” he muttered.
Will chuckled and kissed his lips lightly. “Okay. I’m sorry.” He pulled him back down and pulled the blanket up over them before wrapping his arms around him. Nico was exhausted, but he refused to shut his eyes. He busied himself by trying to count Will’s freckles and running his hands through his hair.
After a while, Will’s hand grabbed Nico’s and he opened his eyes. “Why aren’t you asleep?”
“I don’t want to go to sleep,” he answered.
Will raised an eyebrow as Nico stifled a yawn. “Go to sleep,” he chuckled.
Nico shook his head. “I’m scared you’ll disappear if I do. I’m scared to wake up and realize this never happened or something.”
“It did happen. I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise,” he whispered. He kissed his nose and held him tightly, making Nico feel small and safe.
Despite himself, Nico felt his eyelids trying to shut. “Will?” he mumbled. Will hummed. “I love you.” Then finally, he succumbed to sleep.
Will felt Nico’s body loosen the second he fell asleep. He opened his eyes and smiled to himself at the sight of his sleeping face. He looked younger. There was no furrow in his eyebrows, no scowl or suspicious glare. His lips were slightly parted as he breathed. His hands clung to the shirt Will was wearing. He was absolutely beautiful and an absolute precious dork.
