I wanna be excited about my birthday but the sense of dread and disappointment is just rolling around in my chest. And to be clear its not about getting older. Im glad i can age. Especially after my grammas passing, Im kind of excited to grow to look more like her and find her again in the mirror. I want the laugh lines and the experience, and im proud i made it to an age i never thought id reach.
Im just. Not where i want to be at this age. I see all these people younger than me doing amazing things, i have regrets because i realize i made sacrifices in vain, i wonder what could have been of my life if i just put myself first in earlier years, i feel unsuccessful and small and like im letting my gramma down and it makes me sick.
I want to be excited and happy but for the last like. 3 years something about birthdays feels so bitter.
1 was jabber clingy with other partners before zanka or was that something that developed with zanka specifically? in regards to their couch cuddling and spooning at night
2 early in their relationship was there ever a point where jabber came close to giving up on zanka? besides what you touched on before the confessional
3 does jabber have a favorite sex position
4 would jabber ever want a pet? what would it be?
5 in the hotel when zanka jumps jabbers bones... care to expand on that? how he was feeling/what was going thru his head
6 after the first match zanka went to, does jabber try to show off more to get zanka riled up or is that not even on his mind when hes in the ring
7 how did jabber get over his follo dislike
8 which of zankas friends does jabber like the most
9 would you ever want to write smut when theyre both high?
10 in ur head how is sober jabber different from inebriated jabber
11 are they both pretty motivated or does the other one sometimes have to kick their ass into gear when it comes to homework
12 is jabber super horny outta the hospital or is he just thinking long term with that question for eishia
13 do you personally like jabber on zankas lap or vise versa more
14 ugh i know you already answered this but i cant stop thinking abt how jabber was feeling after zanka didnt show up for their date ;-; on a scale of 1-10 how much was he looking forward to it and how much was he upset by zanka not showing up
15 im guessing you address this in the upcoming chapter, but how does jabber feel about a few of his wicks being gone? is he upset?
16 if you want to... a snippet of a make out sesh from jabber pov
my eyes were actively drooping as i was writing this i hope it makes sense
BABE THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG RESPONSE HAVE MERCY
Jabber was never clingy in the past. There was never anyone who mattered that much or was worth chasing or worth the second thought. He wasn't really touchy to begin with it was something that came about with Zanka slowly
He almost gave up when he quit catechism. Not because he didnt care about Zanka, but because Zanka wasn't letting him in. It was all chance that he got that messed up and reached out again and it was because Zanka was still very much on his mind. And tbh the fact that he needed help is why Zanka went with him. If Jabber had just reached out for the hell of it, Zanka wouldnt have indulged him or gone to him.
His favorite is being railed against a wall with a hand at his throat 😏
I dont see them having pets but if they did Jabber would want a reptile or spider ♡
For the hotel, im not sure if you mean Zanka or Jabber. For Zanka, it was very much this moment of feeling seen and accepted. While Jabber never believed or shared his faith, he learned about it and respected it and knew the importance it held even when Zanka pushed it away. That meant something. Its also the moment he recognizes the love he has for Jabber for what it is, and that grants a lot of freedom. Because the violence of it and the pain/pleasure dance isnt this selfish thing he shouldnt want, its a shared enjoyable experience that really personifies the intensity of their feelings. For Jabber, it was mostly surprise. Zanka had been more physical, sure, but that night was something entirely different. For lack of a better word it was like hed been unleashed. And Jabber wouldnt even begin to understand why. If anything he thought the rosary might upset him so he didnt really follow what had him laughing maniacally then suddenly ripping his clothes off and demanding, taking, giving his all. Definitely one of his favorite nights, especially with after.
After Zanka starts going to his matches, i think Jabber puts on more of a show. It would typically be kind of boring because he knows hes good, but having Zanka watch and catching the absolute bloodthirsty look on hisnface when Jabber turns the tables? It hits different. I mean hes gotta earn his post-match reward after all.
It was literally just because Follo really wanted to be his friend 😂 he never saw him as an actual threat who could take zanka from him or tempt him, it was moreso the principle of ugh this dude. But at the cookout, Follo was just trying really hard to be friendly and at first it was kind of funny because hed do whatever jabber asked him (kinda pathetic boy get upppp) but once he got a little drunk it was like idk two peas in a pod. Once they sang karaoke together everything else was history. Theyre besties now
He loves all of zankas friends wdym its riyo. She scares him and shes cool and she was always nice to him
Friend there are so many smut scenes i wish i couldve added t.t i do think double high sex wouldve been pretty fun esp because the last time they had sex zanka wasnt really that high since inhaling like that does take away a lot of the effects. Jabber would definitely take over tho hed have more control of himself and what to do
Theyre both pretty motivated with school, but zanka is the one keeping jabber seated for his work since i like to think jabber gets bored or distracted easily.
Jabber is always up for sex with zanka. But i dont think its the first thing on his mind out of the hospital. He just wants some normalcy. But yeah, he did ask in case it comes up before he goes back for PT lol
Idk about lap sitting but i know theyre always splayed over each other. Legs over laps, head in lap, one laying down the other sitting against his stomach.
The date, do you mean picking him up after work between ch 4 and 5? That wasnt meant to become date night, zanka just wanted to pick him up and talk to him to get an idea of what to prepare for date night. But yeah zanka not showing up was scary for jabber because he thought theyd reached a good place and the idea of zanka backing out again for no reason this time was pretty disheartening.
I do have jabber specifically with locs in this au, so he has lost a good amount of them due to the surgery scar. And of course hes upset about it. Hair is really important to people in general, and I'd say especially within cultures that put a lot of significance or care into their hair, and growing locs out is not easy or quick at all. I mean, logically he knows it was to save his life, and hes gonna look really cool with a side shave, but yeah its pretty upsetting for while.
Id love to do a snippet, idk if theres like a specific scene or idea you had in mind tho?
What are Jabber and Zanka's pet peeves, both in general and with each other (because no matter how much you love someone, they're gonna irritate you sometimes, especially when you live together) ?
— @jankabee
I mean. Zanka still hates the towels on the floor. Jabber for sure cant stand how controlling Zanka needs to be. He constantly has to remind to just kinda go with it or that something isnt that big a deal.
Zanka gets frustrated with how distracted Jabber can be bc he gets bored easily (like. Hes so smart he needs a lot to keep his attention) and Jabber thinks Zanka can still be a little judgemental. Old habits and all.
In general? Neither of them really like being seen as or treated like theyre weak or less than.
What is something Jabber and Zanka each does absentmindedly, that the other finds endearing or cute? Any habits or routines either of them do that don't "matter" or have any affect on anything, but are just so them that the other falls in love again?
— @jankabee
For zanka its the way Jabber will question everything. He has the mind of a scientist he wants to understand the root of something and he will ask all the questions and it can be something mundane or complicated but where it used to piss him off, its now something that makes zanka smile because yeah thats his man. He also kind of adores the way jabber will either wait to lay in bed after zanka or how he immediately turns to be in spooning position as soon as zanka is in bed. Jabber isnt even aware hes doing it, but its like. Thats how expected the cuddles are.
Jabber likes how predictably easy it is to either get on Zankas nerves or fluster him. Either way his face gets really red and its the cutest thing to him.
Also. They see each other and they light up. Thats something i doubt they notice with each other, but the people around them see it. They can be bored or laughing or complaining and they'll catch sight of the other coming down the sidewalk, coming in the room, and they straighten up and smile and its like no one else exists until theyre next to each other and then everything goes back to normal. Its cheesy and disgusting i hate them
What sort of communicators are Jabber and Zanka? For example, are they the type to respond to texts right away, or do they accidentally (or on purpose 👀) leave people on read? Does it depend on the person, or the message they received? Do they prefer to call, text, or talk in-person? Do they use lot of emoji (and if so, what are their most used/favorites)? Are their messages grammatically correct? Do they take/send a lot of pictures? Double texters, or one big paragraph?
— @jankabee
They dont text non-stop, but they do text sporadically though the day. Sending each other links for funny videos or posts that make them think of each other (zankas are always a little sweeter or poem snippets or whatever. Jabber sends the meme posts and jokes that make zanka facepalm)
Zanka is always grammatically correct. Jabber will have typos and not care, zanka is smart enough to figure it out hes not retyping. Jabber texts as the thoughts come to him so each message is a thought. Zanka texts less insistently, but if he has a lot to say yeah its a paragraph. Theyre obsessed w each other but theyre not super codependent like that. They can make it through class or lunch or put their phone away while hanging out with someone else and its not the end of the world. But they definitely prefer being in person.
Theyre both likely to leave each other on read.... zanka bc hes like ok i have nothing to say to this (maybe he'll react to the message with a quick like?) Or he just. Leaves it at that.
Jabber will leave him on read because he gets distracted or busy doing something else lmaooo
I did answer these thinking specifically of them with each other tho
NSFW warning (I understand you may not be able to answer this at work but I figured it couldn't hurt)
☆☆☆
Besides their sadomasochist dynamic, what kinks/fetishes do Jabber and Zanka have? What sorts of things do they indulge in most often? What are some major turn-offs, what are some seemingly innocuous things that have each of them raring to go? Is there anything they've surprised each other or themselves with being into?
— @jankabee
Lets be real. Zanka is surprised by all of it lmaoooo
To be fair i think the thing that surprised Zanka the most was the dacryphilia. For Jabber, what surprised him the most was how into it he was when Zanka said he loves him mid-fuck. That was definitely a blue screen moment holdingnon by a thread thing for him and like. How was he ever supposed to discover that??
Zanka is surprisingly really into anything with Jabbers hands and lips. Fingers around a joint, his fingers twirling a pen, his lips around a straw or the way he slightly puckers them when he chews. That slightly wolfish grin will always have Zanka ready because it half feels like a challenge half feels like a promise. And we allllll know how turned on Zanka gets seeing Jabber beat someone else
Jabber loves when Zanka is angry. If hes ranting about the dumbest thing Jabber is heart eyes. His favorite is definitely seeing him mid workout, flushed and sweaty, fringe clumped and falling across his forehead, landing hit after hit on a sandbag? But hes surprised with how flustered he gets when zanka gives him a softer smile and his blue eyes are locked in on him and his cheeks are red and his breathings all funny bc Zanka's mind is right there with him.
also the jealousy thing high key does it for them both like cmon they tease each other by being like look i can get someone elses attention but the goal there is absolutely a game of claiming by the end of the night. The peak of it is ditching the random person and clashing together with the absolute knowledge of yeah you could get someone else but they're not the one you want, theyre not the one who knows how to touch you. Trust it annoys the hell out of Riyo and Rudo but it leads to a lottttt of fun at home
Zanka cant do any sort of impact play though. He'll spar w jabber, but once in bed, once it crosses from a competition to sex, Zanka cant hit or be hit. Too much like religious punishment. Jabber doesnt like slow vanilla. It gets boring fast. Playful tho is cool. Like play wrestling, tickling, talking and joking while having sex is cool. Its not gonna finish him off but he does enjoy it especially bc it shows zanka is comfortable. But like soft slow quiet sex? It makes him restless and uncomfortable.
Theyre absolutely into worshipppppp ofc
Breathplay choking overstim bondage and sensory deprivation have all been mentioned and are some easy go tos. I do absolutely think theyd reach bloodplay at some point in the future. Marking of course does it fornthem, theyre super territorial. Bruises and bites and hickeys are exciting for them.
Also. In the future. Semi public sex is probably lowkey therapeutic to zanka too lmaoooo yknow to go from ashamed and afraid to just this sense of freedom and not giving a fuck.
Okay i need to stop bc i dont have the space in the story to expand on all these things anyway skcjdncjjfnc
Do either Jabber or Zanka have a secret "nerdy" thing they like (MTG, Yu-Gi-Oh!, D&D, etc.)? Are they into their own world's fandom spaces, and if so, what fandoms and what levels of investment? Do they share these things with the other? Do they have anything in common?
— @jankabee
Idk about secret but i think theyre just. Nerds in general lmao
Jabber could probably sit and ramble on and on about the stuff he learns in class and chemicals and math and at some point it doesnt even sound like english but he speaks so casually and its just like holy shit? Hobby wise tho? I like the idea of Jabber being a plant guy. He loves plants. Not the usual decorative ones but strange ones. He'd have an unusually green thumb and the plants are like his kids lmao
Zanka is also a total nerd when it comes to language. He likes talking about the evolution of language and translations and the history of words and the world shaping language vs language shaping the world and it sounds very uppity and obnoxious when he does it, but Jabber is just grinning and starry eyed about it. As for hobby nerd stuff? Hm. I think thats something he'd have to explore. So much of his life has been controlled and shaped by people around him and the expectations that like... i genuinely feel hes still discovering himself. I mean. Did he even want to be an English writing major? Or was that just what he could twist into using for religion? Similar to the music thing, he barely discovered that. So he has more of himself to discover. For the sake of fun
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