Only Friends Dream On EP11 | Dean + "I'm Heartbroken"
This show has quickly become my weekly instalment of 'watch Mix out-act himself week by week'.
The incredible piece to camera at the end of the episode has rightly been gushed about, and my favourite part of this monologue is where Dean says "I'm heartbroken". He physically collapses in on himself like he can no longer bear the weight of his distress. He's been holding it in all episode, a little numb in the wake of the play, stuck in limbo as he apprehensively awaits Jack's next move. But the tension, the uncertainty, the loneliness and the heartache have all been crushing him. That didn't feel like acting. It felt like a genuine knee jerk reaction that forced itself out of Mix from somewhere deep within.
Two other moments I will highlight are when Jack says "say no more" and Dean quietly flinches. Because he thinks this is Jack shutting him down again after he's just spilled his absolute heart out. Somehow it still wasn't enough and the brutality of that is too much to bear. Little does he know Jack is about to forgive him.
The other is after the meeting with the sponsor. Dean, despite all the previous brush-offs is reaching out to Jack yet again. But when Jack turns him down, he looks so wounded and embarrassed, his vulnerability flayed wide open. You can see that muster of courage wither and die inside him within an instant. He's trying so hard to be brave and he keeps getting the door shut in his face.
UGH I could easily write an essay on his performance in this episode alone. It's just so goddamn excellent, in a way that deeply moved me. There's a reason why Dean and Ray have respectively been my favourite characters from each season.
