The title of this episode irritates the daylights out of me.
The girls are back at home in Rosewood. And they go straight to the police department where they meet with Detective Holbrook. Alison tells him that she was kidnapped and held hostage for the past two years. The girls do their best to not look surprised, some faring better than others (Emily. Step your game up.). Holbrook shows them a picture of the five of them together in Ravenswood during Halloween. How can they explain that one? Alison says the girls eventually figured it out and wanted to help her. The questioning continues. Holbrook is clearly finding holes in the story and Ali is trying to keep up the ruse; clearly someone should have planned this one better. Perhaps getting the story straight with the four people you have dragged into your mess? Maybe confer a little? You elaborately plan literally everything else.
When they’re done, the girls are basically like, “Kidnapping, really?” Alison apparently had her reasons. She’s still afraid or whatever. I don’t actually care about the reasons and given her track record, it’ll probably change multiple times. Everyone goes home.
Spencer’s mom is really pissed off about the fact that she just left like that; her anger is indicated by her yelling, in case you were wondering. Spencer does a minor subject change and wonders where her dad is. He’s off in Philidelphia, picking up her car. Ooo, another reason to be mad, she left her car there. For days. He’s getting the car and Melissa is with him. Spencer is surprised Melissa is back. We shouldn’t be surprised; Melissa breezes through all the time. She comes to town, something crazy happens where she drops something big, and then she breezes out again. (This time is no different actually, except when Melissa does leave, it’s less breeze and more hurricane. But that’s not for a little while.)
Hanna’s mom wants more information. Aria’s brother (Mike) wants to know if Ali really was kidnapped and why Ezra is in the hospital. Emily’s mom wants to know what’s up too. All of them do what they can to answer without really answering. Essentially, they’re responding with, “Yeah,” “Looks like it,” and “I don’t know.” A skill they should have been utilizing more since season one.
Spencer is mad about what Ali did and she’s telling the others about it. She’s going on about it when she notices Jason cleaning the interior of his car. She finds this behavior odd in lieu of what’s going on. Your dead sister isn’t so dead and you’re…taking out the trash? Ali sees the girls and throws down a roll of toilet paper with her phone in it. The phone has a message that says, “The truth will bury you in a New York minute.” Whoo! Creepy texts! Fun!
Mr. DiLaurentis can’t reach Alison’s mom. And it’s really important to reach her considering what’s happening. He says some heartfelt words to Ali about how much he missed her and how he cares about her and all that. He also tells her about the divorce, since there’s no reason in hiding it. Ali said she already knew because the girls told her; she says she’s sorry about that happening. The divorce, not being told. I’m sorry, I feel like my phrasing is all over the place today.
Aria is still freaked out about everything that happened with Shana. She keeps flashing back to that night and how it happened. She also keeps hearing Shana’s violin solo. Hanna calls her to tell her about the message on Alison’s phone. That’s why Alison lied at the police department.
Jason creepily goes into Ali’s room while she’s asleep. He doesn’t really go in, he just sort of stands there in the doorway and watches her for a moment. Which in and of itself wouldn’t be that creepy considering how he hasn’t seen her and that room has been vacant and now it isn’t- it’s the way he does it and his expression. I don’t even know if that was intentional, that creepy effect. It was like Ezra a few seasons before his whole secret was revealed and he was acting all sketch. Maybe that’s a better word for how Jason was acting; he seemed sketch.
Ali’s dad visits Hanna’s mom the next day. Hanna listens in on it all. He tells Ashley about how he can’t find Ali’s mom and how weird Jason has been. He wanted some help in tracking her down and thought Ashley may have had an idea since she works for her. That’s something that I had forgotten until about the middle of the episode. I should have rewatched before this.
Ali walks out onto her front porch and talks to Jason. Jason isn’t too keen on her being out there, but Ali says she has a right to her own house. Plus it’s just the porch and all the reporters are being kept away. She asks him why he doesn’t have any questions for her. And then a woman shows up at their house to deliver a dog. It seems really weird, doesn’t it? But this actually ends up being more important than it seems. Ali’s mom had scheduled to have the dog delivered on that day. Jason says that their mom isn’t even there and tries to get her to leave. But Ali wants to keep the dog, so she does. Also, the dog’s name is Pepe; just a fun fact.
Mike goes to talk to Mona at school. I completely forgot they were dating. Mona is playing up the sweet angle. She got the school to get a lot of whistles to be handed out to the girls for safety. Just so you know, none of the main girls went to school that day.
Spencer is upset that Hanna told Aria about the text message that Ali got. Then Spencer goes through the DiLaurentis’ trash can to see what Jason threw out. It’s from a bakery that’s in New York. She and Emily go to tell Alison about the bag. She tells them about how he watched her sleep last night. (Creepy and sketchy.) Also, Ali says that she made up the lie to protect Aria. Which I heard and was confused about when I initially watched this. And as I’m writing it, it occurs to me that she would be protecting Aria considering what happened to Shana in New York. Which brings me to this point:
Why did they ever leave the theater that night after it happened? I’m so serious. I mean yes, they are technically trespassing, but I’m sure the dead body thing would make the police overlook that. These girls have a valid self-defense case. The police would see the gun that Shana had. She may not have used gloves every time she was handling it, so there’s the potential for fingerprints. And there’s the other things they could use, like their cell phones. They could show the police that they were being stalked and threatened. The police could talk to Ezra who could also tell the truth about knowing who his shooter was. All the girls would have to do is say both cases are connected.
It’s like the Nate thing. Remember that? What was that, season three? Maybe it was four. Anyway, the Nate thing where he tried to kill Emily because of Maya. And then she got the gun and shot him, just in an effort to stop him. But she had accidentally killed him. It’s the same thing. Seriously, the truth would have been so useful right now. But the truth is too easy, too simple.
Toby makes an appearance at Spencer’s house. He has longer hair now. Significantly longer hair. The hair, it’s kind of freaking me out. He was in London and he brought back some news: Melissa wasn’t staying there. Later on in the episode, they have sex. After that, when the phone rings and Spencer doesn’t want to answer it, Toby asks what’s going on. Who knows what kind of answer he got.
Aria is still freaking out, just for the record.
Ashley is checking through Jessica’s (Ali’s mom) email. Hanna decides to take a look too and sees one that says “I can’t protect you anymore.” Which can seriously mean anything and with a show like this, it’ll take like five years before we know what it was.
Aria returns home to see Mike with Mona. I swear I’m forgetting everything. Like Hanna’s mom working for Ali’s mom, I’m giving myself a free pass for that. But this one, I don’t think I can give myself an excuse for that. Anyway, there is nothing that is really important about this scene. They’re just establishing that Aria keeps hearing the violin solo in her head. So I mean, if you deem that important, there you go. Oh and Mona gives Aria one of the whistles and because Aria isn’t in check with her emotions she gets all mad about it and argues with her.
We’re fast approaching the end of the episode so things get crazy in a hurry. Hanna goes to drop off the stuff that her mom found in Jessica’s email to Alison’s dad. The email had been written, but it was never sent. Jason knows what the delivery was all about and he’s super pissed about it, so he kind of threatens her. Maybe intimidation would be a better way to phrase it. But really, all that’s doing is intimidating the messenger; it really accomplishes nothing. And what does Jason have to hide? What’s his big secret?
So Ali goes to visit her grave. It’s not a grave. It’s in like, the mausoleum? Her memorial, whatever, I can’t know every term. So she’s just staring at it, cause it’s pretty crazy to see your name on a tombstone. Then she turns around and sees Mona there and she tells her that she needs her. Now Mona on the other hand, just does not have time for all of that. Can’t blame her, after all, she is Alison; you can’t really trust her. Mona tells her that she’s the one that sent the text message earlier. She has nothing to hide, no shame. So she also tells Alison that when she’s done with her, she is going to wish she stayed dead.
After Mona drops that one, some choice words are exchanged. Basically Ali defending herself and telling Mona to watch out because she made her loser Mona once and she can do it again. Plus some other stuff about other “losers”. And then Mona slaps her and Ali slaps her back. The slapping is one of the best things on this show. Those plus the dramatic reading of text messages, simultaneous gasping and head turns. Hilarious. Love it.
Minor thing before shit hits the fan:
Aria can’t take the guilt anymore and wants to go to the cops. Emily says once they figure out what the deal is with Ali, then they can do all that truth-telling fun stuff. They being them, the main cast.
So then, things going crazy. Spencer is at Ali’s house and she’s talking to Jason. She wants to know why he was in New York; he wants to know why she wants to know. Jason, the easy answer is to just say you wanted to get out of town, away from things. There’s lots to do in New York. Tell her you went shopping at the big Macy’s or something. Yeah, she’ll probably figure it’s a lie, but at least it isn’t as cryptic. They get interrupted by the dog, Pepe, barking up a storm. He found something in the yard. They all run out and when Spencer sees what he found, she tries to keep Jason back. Holding him back doesn’t work so well, so he looks inside the hole to see that it was his mom that is buried there.
