i was just about to start working on my to-do list when my roommate hit me with this meme idea and i'm on the verge of exploding into a million little pieces
I'm sorry, but I find it fecking hilarious that Naveen and Lida have dubbed Corbeau "he who shall not be named"
(Potential spoilers for mainline plot and DLC under the cut. DLC spoilers only go up to defeating the creecher in the dreams. I haven't played any further because [checks notes] I'm a busy mofo. Warning for [checks thesaurus for word between 'mild' and 'aggressive']... moderate(?) cursing. Also, this is a helluva shitpost lmfaooooo)
I can't remember if that was legit how they referred to him or if they used another nickname. But anyways, my dingus children hath become self-aware and don't use Corbeau's name anymore because istg it SUMMONS HIM. It's like fucking Bloody Mary. You say his name in a hotel lobby 3 times and he'll kick down the door with his bodyguard in tow, insult your grandpa, casually throw a wad of cash at you, and then rents out a fucking penthouse suite and nobody ever fucking sees him LEAVE. Also, fuck it, Poison Ramsey also wants you to cook a ✨️M A G I C A L✨️ donut to fight evil space sandman. Sure, why not?
(Also ik Darkrai isn't evil, he's a little guy, it's just that "Evil Space Sandman" is very funny to say)
And like. They're not really scared of him, per sé, but he's just. Uncomfortable to be around for them. And I don't blame 'em, 'cause he walked into Hotel Z, was like "hey, you tall-ass motherfucker, heard you're 3,000 years old (cue Naveen like "who tf starts a convo like that"), check out my fat spreads of cash, I'm taking a room whether you like it or not, hasta la vista (steps into elevator and flips us off)"
Like. Corbeau isn't super intimidating, at least in my mind. He's frightening, sure. But his mannerisms... He's just. Fucking... weird. Like he's a businessman and a mob boss, fo sho, but he's also just... like... a neurodivergent child lmfao? Fuckin' ODD and ADD ass
Like he's frightening, at least a little, and has a temper on him, but he's... like... why is he working like 4 jobs as 1. Mob boss, 2. Silly little guy, 3. Incoherent young adult saying nonsense on ambien and 4. Lore-dropping CRUCIAL DETAILS that he has NO EXPLANATION FOR KNOWING outside of "oh yeah Lysandre is my adopted dad lmao" and "yeah Giovanni and I are homies, we go for shots a couple times a year"
He's like 'corporate bs speak intensifies' followed up by "I had a really tasty donut the other day- Did you know Rayquaza is actually a big fan of Weezer? A legitimate terrorist from Hoenn told me that. Anyways, the financial pressuring didn't work, Philippe, help me beat the shit outta this guy (*does his dumbass little hoppy-hop with his damn Pokéball*)"
Like. I adore him, and he's def growing on me, but he is such a dumb little guy (/pos) and I need to fuckin' squish this blorbo to the point where my damn knuckles bleed.
But back to the point- like. I CAN'T GET OVER NAVEEN AND LIDA- They're just like "No, Urbain, you can't say that name, otherwise Malevolent Monsieur will show up, lore drop on god himself, call me a slur, forsee my death, give us some prophecized quest and then dodge-roll out a fucking tenth-story window"
ANYWAYS, I adore my weird little teenage/young adult hodge-podge (R.I.P. Peepaw, I cry every time). Like Naveen is just SO DONE with everybody's bs, just let him watch his Miku- I mean Miku- I mean Miku- I mean CANARI- in peace. Lida is such a sassy little twat (lovingly - /pos y'all) and I adore her so much. Like her silly little "...wtf" face. SHE'S SO CUTE AAHHHHHH- And Urbain is indeed the dumbass who got indebted to the mob of all time. I'm sorry to say it, but I prolly would've backhanded him at least once /j. Or at least like... "Urbain, you fucking dumbass, how illiterate are you!?"
(Again, reminder that I adore this cast, they are just fucking hilarious with weird-ass behavior for no fucking reason lmfaooooo
Please don't kill me, I promise I'm not shit-talking our lord and savior Poison Loan Shark Twink™)
