#poor raphael

[cheddar-mancer]

"who the Hells starts a conversation like that? I just got out of combat"

so I got the Raphael introduction scene immediately after the Barn Encounter, (you know which one) so you can imagine after that obviously it'd be the overly suave chatterbox devil that would be what gave Kas the ick

[lurafita]

Make Them Sparkle

(fanfic, oneshot)

Summary:

If Raphael had any say in this, Magnus would not be allowed to give mundanes writing advice. Ever.

Magnus prided himself on being a person who went with, and adapted to the ever changing times.

He had witnessed many immortals who got stuck in particular time periods. Be it refusing to adopt new fashion trends, or remaining stagnant in certain behaviors or mindsets that had been common at one point in history. Bemoaning how things ‘used to be so much better back in the day’. People who needed to anchor themselves in the past, in order to face the present and future. 

Not Magnus, though. While he treasured many of the memories made during his long existence, he had always been the type to look forward, instead of back. 

He had seen and embraced the progress humanity made, philosophically, technologically, and socially. 

And, while the road of progression hadn’t always been a smooth one and weathered its fair share of hiccups along the way, Magnus certainly appreciated the fruits of this particular labor. 

(And not only mundanes, but the shadow world, too, had come a long way from what it had once been. Magnus would never not be proud of the part his dearest Alexander and his friends and family had played in that development.)

Anyway, being a "modern" warlock, and having personally supported some of the various technological marvels of the world they now lived in, Magnus had a deep appreciation for the internet. 

A way for so many people from so many different places and stages of life to come together, to connect and share with each other, was truly remarkable.

There was almost nothing that the internet didn’t have, unless it connected to matters of the shadow world, but even that was slowly changing.

From funny videos and beautiful music, to shops and art and so much more. 

Websites tailored to specific hobbies or tastes. Sites to find employment, or living accomodations. Those that gave the user an opportunity to make friends, or find love. 

And, of course, so called help-forums. Professionally or community run sites, spanning various topics all around offering advice when someone needed it. 

Like one particular writing forum for aspiring authors, which Magnus had found himself in one sunny afternoon, as he had been browsing aimlessly to waste some time.

One of the requests had caught his eye especially. 

‘Please help me bring fresh wind into old supernatural lore!’

Clicking on the request and reading further, Magnus had learned that the hopeful author was trying to write a teen love story with vampires and werewolves, revolving around a highschool mundane girl and her vampiric love interest, as well as a werewolf contender.

Magnus had snorted, thinking the idea hardly original, and had almost clicked away again, but one sentence had stood out.

‘Vampire love stories are a dime a dozen, I’m well aware of that. But while plot and circumstances often change around the different narratives, the lore and rules behind the vampires rarely do. It’s always a thirst and need for blood, a weakness to religious artifacts, and an inability to bear sunlight. That last one especially, I wish to change for my story, as I feel that describing a whole world that most humans are unaware of, and plays mostly in the dark, is terribly restrictive. But I also think that just waving any effect the sun might have on a vampire away, is a missed opportunity for exploring alternative plot points. Which is why I’m asking for any kind of inspiration or thoughts any of you might be willing to share.’

So Magnus had read on as the author had described their world and characters in a little more detail.

And upon learning of the broody, dark haired, stubborn, kind and compassionate main vampire character, Magnus couldn’t help it when his brain had made the comparison between a fictional character, and his very own favorite broody, dark haired, stubborn, kind and compassionate vampire. 

And as he was thinking of his dear little Raphael, the vampire he had taken under his wing decades ago and practically raised (even though Raphael had been 24 and fully adult by mundane standards when he had been turned), Magnus hadn’t been able to curb his more mischievous impulses. 

Clicking on the answering function to the thread, he had snickered heavily as he typed out just three words.

‘Make them sparkle!’

Who would have thought that, just a few years later, this little bit of innocent fun he had had, would come back to interrupt his sexy make out session with his precious shadowhunter boyfriend?

“Magnus!” The door slammed open and shut in barely more than a second, as an incensed Raphael stormed into the loft.

A lifetime of training and battle ready instincts had Alec lift Magnus off his lap and behind him in just one move (which was so fucking hot, if not for their unplanned intruder, Magnus would have climbed his boyfriend like a tree), as his other hand seemlessly went down to quickly retrieve the throwing knife strapped to his lower leg.

The defensive maneuver was aborted as soon as Alec registered who had just barged into the apartment, and instead the tall man slumped back into the couch (careful not to crush his boyfriend) with a deep, slightly annoyed, sigh. 

Raphael though reacted to neither the knife that had almost been thrown at him, nor the glare the shadowhunter was giving him right then.

Instead, he held up the book he had in hand and snarled in Magnus' direction. “What the fuck is this?!”

Magnus blinked, still trying to sort through the haze of his newly ignited arousal after Alexander’s display of strength and speed, and the clearly agitated mood Raphael seemed to be in.

“It’s called a book, my dear. It holds in its pages the wonder of the written word and thus the power to create wonderful and fascinating tales for all to share.”

If anything, that answer made Raphael look even more mutinous. Which was just rude, if anyone were to ask Magnus. 

“I know what a book is!”

Magnus huffed, finally straightening himself out of the mess of limbs he had been from Alexander’s manhandling him to safety (And they would have a talk about that later. As hot as that had been, Magnus couldn’t have his Alexander trying to shield him while facing a threat on his own.)

“Then why did you ask?”

Raphael could apparently not be bothered to explain, and instead just chucked the book at him. Once again shadowhunter reflexes trumped Magnus' own, and Alec snatched the book out of the air before it could hit the warlock. 

He scrunched up his nose a little (which was adorably cute in Magnus’ humble opinion and he quickly leant forward a bit to peck Alec on the cheek) as he read the title. “Twilight?”

It made Magnus smirk. “Oh, I think I have heard of this. A supernatural teen romance novel, if I remember Biscuit’s words correctly. I must be honest, my dear boy, I didn’t think this would be your type of thing.”

But the vampire just crossed his arms over his chest. “Open it up to the introduction.”

A little puzzled, but also curious, Alec and Magnus did just that. It appeared to be just your ordinary preface to any book. 

‘I thank everyone who has supported me through this, bla bla bla, I’m incredibly honored and grateful for this opportunity to share bla bla bla, I hope this tale will find a way into your heart bla bla bla.’

Really; pretty standard as far as the warlock was concerned. Until they reached the last section on the introductory page, and it slowly dawned on Magnus just why Raphael looked as if he had been forced to listen to Simon ramble about a deep introspection on why Spider-Man was the best Marvel superhero ever.

Oh.

‘I would like to give special thanks to someone I unfortunately have never met personally, but whose input has definitely helped to inspire me to spice things up a bit. So this is to you, The_Magnificent_Bane. I “made them sparkle”!’

“Oh.” 

“Oh?” Raphael thundered. “That’s all you have to say to this? You told this woman to make her vampires sparkle in the sunlight like some demented disco ball! We don’t sparkle! The only sparkly crazy person around here is you! Do you have any idea what the stupid flea balls are going to say when they learn of this? Are you laughing? Stop laughing! There is going to be so many glitter jokes in my future now thanks to you! I’m never gonna hear the end of this! Magnus! Stop laughing!”

Magnus stopped laughing. Eventually. 

[papirlife]

Raphael: I’ve been dropping my crush insanely obvious hints that I like him for about a month now

Gabriel: Wow, he sounds stupid

Raphael: But he’s not, he’s actually really smart...

Gabriel: Maybe you just need to make it more obvious? Like, I don’t know, going “Hey, I love you!”

Raphael: You might have a point

Raphael: *Turns to look at Gabriel*

Raphael: Hey, I love you!

Gabriel: See? Just say that

Raphael: ...

Gabriel: If that flies over his head, then I’m sorry, he must be too dumb for you

Raphael: Yeah, I’m starting to think you’re right...

[ckneal]

You know, when they brought in the lance of Michael in season 12, the very first thought to pop into my mind was, “Raphael deserves a raise.”

Because this weapon that, to quote the episode, “kills the bad ones fast, and the good ones slow and painful,” sounds like a nervous breakdown took place. It sounds like wounds were still fresh. Lucifer had been locked away, God had stormed out, and Michael turned around to find that Gabriel had run away in the dead of night with the words “EAT A DICK LOSERS” left scrawled on his bedroom wall, and Michael lost it.

And yes, I do think that Michael had Gabriel on the mind. Because think about the implications of what the spear does, what Ramiel, Prince of Hell, and divine weapons enthusiast, tells us about the lance: It was made by Michael, who only ever wanted to kill one angel, and he wanted them to suffer.

Note the key word: want. First assumption? They’re talking about Lucifer. But that doesn’t make sense. Why make a weapon that would kill the bad ones fast if the goal was for Lucifer to suffer? The lance only makes sense, by Ramiel’s assessment, if it was made for someone else. Someone Michael was angry with---very angry with---but was not outright “bad.” And what other angel might have gotten under Michael’s skin?

It is my belief that Michael made the lance to take out Gabriel. In season 5, he says that he does not want to kill Lucifer, and I believe that that is true. Michael booted Lucifer from Heaven because he had to. And he believed that killing Lucifer was his destiny because he had to, because God told him it was so. But he and the other archangels were also alive to see the Darkness sealed away, and Lucifer take on the Mark, which we know alters behavior. And as such, Michael might have on some level, despite Chuck’s assertions that Lucifer was pure evil, not seen Lucifer as being entirely at fault for his own moral alignment. 

But then Gabriel left. Gabriel chose to turn his back on the family, and their father’s plan, and he did not have the same excuse that Lucifer did. All the other angels in Heaven were terrified of showing any hesitation with their duties. And yes, Lucifer was an example, but I think that Michael turning rabid over one of his closest brothers running off on his own might have backed it up. And mind you, I do think that Michael got over this anger after it’s initial incitement, but in the heat of the moment, he wanted to. . .And I think rumors spread from this moment, rumors that even reached the depths of Hell, about Michael locking himself away in a room, where he proceeded to work himself into a rage that shook Heaven itself. And you know who must have kept Heaven running when Michael was in there? Who promptly dropped everything the second that door finally creaked open? 

RAPHAEL. 

And even though angels don’t need to sleep, I fully believe that Michael had all the signs of someone who hadn’t slept in forty-eight hours. Circles under the eyes, hair’s a mess, and a dazed expression, like he doesn’t quite know where he is. And in one hand, Michael was holding this new, terrifying thing that he’d made.

And Raphael just approaches him like, “Hey, Michael, what do you have there?”

Raphael reads the inscription on the hilt, that empowers the lance and relays what it does, as per Crowley’s assessment in season 12.

“Oh. That’s certainly. . . um . . You know, why don’t we put this someplace really special. If you’ll just let go of it—”

Raphael reaches out into the hallway and grabs Virgil by the collar, Virgil being very confused because he hadn’t even been standing in the hallway at the time. Raph shoves the spear into his hands and hisses, “HIDE THIS IN THE DARKEST CORNER OF THE ARMORY. NOW.”

And then Raphael turns back to Michael, saying, “You know what humans just invented? It’s called chamomile tea. Let’s get you some.”

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

[out-of-the-embers]

You, Raphael, and Lily are kidnapped by a mad scientist. Who joins the bad guy? Who gains super powers? Who breaks out and runs around in a public place naked singing about sunflowers? WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

I’m kind of ashamed that the one to join the bad guy would be me. BUT, I’d be that one person who plays that mad scientist like a fiddle. I’d figure out their plans, and let Lily and Raphael know somehow (I probably wouldn’t succeed, but I would sure as hell try xD)

Lily would definitely be the one who gains the superpowers because of course she does. A clumsy person who tries to steal the bad guy’s dangerous creations is a disaster just waiting to happen. Thankfully, it would end up working to our advantage when the time comes to kick the scientist’s butt.

Raphael would take one for the team and create the best distraction one could possibly think of. Running around naked while singing about sunflowers at the top of his lungs would definitely catch everyone’s attention, and his speed would help him dodge any incoming attacks. He would have preferred to be hammered while doing such a thing, but it probably wouldn’t have helped him in the ‘dodging and managing to somehow run away unscathed’ department. 

We’d have to wait a while for Raphael to put his clothes back on but we would meet up to form some sort of an attack plan. Once the scientist gets defeated after Lily literally kicks his ass into the beyond, we make a pact in which we try to watch each other backs to prevent any potential kidnappings in the future.

Raphael also demands that we never bring up his naked performance ever again.

[100-bellarke-100]

Simon: bro you look hot today. no homo tho 

Raphael: *rolls his eyes keeps walking*

Simon: *running up behind him*

Simon: SIKE 

Simon: *slaps Raphael’s ass* 

[lurafita]

OTPB

Magnus frequently summons a lounge chair and drink into the training room to properly watch his Alexander spar.

Add-on: Magnus actually has marked the times when Alec usually trains in his planer.

Raphael: "What's 'OTPB' stand for, and why do you do it every tuesday and friday at 4:30pm?"

Magnus: " 'Oogling the Pretty Boy'. And that's the times when he usually books the private gym to work specifically with his bow, meaning *without* his annoying parabatai. He starts at 4pm, and a half hour in, Alexander has usually worked up enough of a sweat to grace the world with his shirtless self. So I need to time my visit just right, lest he get too shy to shed his clothes."

Raphael: "Remind me never to ask you anything again."