#post awakening

[mcuntainbcrn]

Got a bit of inspiration due to a current thread with @dementedstatic and a song - it could be a peek into the future...or it could just be self indulgence due to wanting to revisit her battle armor post awakening - only time will tell

[incorrectunderworldquotes]

The greatest lesson

Selene: Everyone better hurry up and teach their sons how to not rape because I’m teaching my daughter how to cut dicks off.                

Selene: *grinning*                

Selene: I’m running a “cut first, ask questions later” Dick Cutting Academy.                

[m3chanical-archiv3]

@reportingforrobots

Axl was waiting at a table for two outside of the coffee shop outside of HQ. His fingers were laced together in front of him, elbows on the table and his chin resting on the back of his hands. His leg bounced nervously under the table as he waited for Jayden to arrive.

This wasn’t going to be a fun conversation...but if he had let Jayden find out on her own? Who knew how upset and worried she would be.

....

.....He just couldn’t do anything right,. could he?

[lifeafterawakening]

Death was nothing like I expected

For the past few months there have been many moments where I wanted to write, but I just couldn’t find the words to describe my experience. Up until a certain point I had control and I knew where I was going; towards enlightenment. I was seeking like crazy and nothing else in the whole world seemed to matter. Then during last January (2017) I realized that all of my seeking and running towards, was actually a running away from the truth. For a brief moment I let go of all my beliefs and expectations and the truth presented itself.

For a while I was living in bliss, experiencing life as the witness. There was a distance between “me” and experience, which gave me a huge relief and brought me peace. I could zoom out and realize it was all illusion. Slowly however, I started to feel myself leaving this space. It would scare me so much, because leaving to me meant going back to suffering. And so I tried to hold on. Sometimes the mind would get very loud and I would feel disconnected and hopeless. I struggled with holding on, until I got swept up by life again. I fell in love and let go of trying to hold onto truth.

Truth never truly left me and my life and my perspective never fully returned to the way it was. Yet my awakening was of the unabiding nature as Adyashanti puts it so well, meaning that it wasn’t permanent at the time.

Falling in love inevitably led to my heart breaking and I found myself suffering again. It was very confusing, because I couldn’t understand how I could be making the same stupid mistakes as before my awakening. The suffering got so bad and I found myself in a very dark place, also referred to as the dark night of the soul. I started to doubt everything, had I every truly experienced an awakening? What was the point of truth if it would lead me to even greater suffering? Thankfully the universe sent me guidance and it restored my faith. Faith helped me to open up and fully experience my pain and suffering. (I’m being very brief here because I want to talk about something else and still give you guys a short update.)

After the dark night of the soul passed, I found myself with a lot of kundalini energy. I would workout intensely in order to try and process this energy. It started to feel like I was running from something. I couldn’t sit still, I was constantly doing, meeting friends, working, studying, eating, shopping. I couldn’t stop. And at the same time I could feel that I was running. This kept going until I got tired, I became so exhausted with running that I started to slow down. Eventually I found myself crying out: I am exhausted, I don’t want to run anymore. Whatever is supposed to happen, please let it happen. If I need to die, kill me.

The next day I was walking around some shops and suddenly I felt myself sink into an emptiness, I had experienced this before and it had always scared me. Now finally I could let myself experience it and I found myself in an unknown place, an emptiness had washed over me and there was no me left. It’s so difficult to describe this experience, since it is so abstract to the mind. There were multiple things happening at the same time. I realized I was nothing, and so were all the other egos. I found myself mourning my own death. I had invested so much in this person I thought I was and I still loved the illusion of her. After a while I found myself also mourning the death of everyone around me, I realized that my parents never really existed and that my gurus didn’t either. I would feel grief and I would have intense moments of crying (I am still mourning actually). Sometimes I could feel the despair of my mind trying to recreate itself as a person, but there was simply no energy left to believe in the illusion again.

The experience of emptiness is a very lonely experience. When you realize that you don’t truly exist as an ego and therefore nobody else exists, you find yourself all alone in the universe. You can’t really talk to anyone about this, because most people would think you are insane and because you realize that there is no one else to talk to, since no one actually exists. Sometimes the mind would try to take me back to illusion and I knew it would be a relief to escape the heavy loneliness of emptiness. And yet I found myself continuing to rest in this place.

A few nights ago I was at a concert with a big crowd of people, again I found myself sinking deep into emptiness and I let myself drown. Then something new happened, for the first time this heavy emptiness expanded and suddenly I felt myself as everyone. I felt the true oneness of life. I realized that yes we are all nothing, but at the same time I am walking around in myself. I am the whole universe and the nothingness, for the first time I experienced this strange and magnificent paradox. I was walking around thinking about hugging people and at the same time I knew nothing mattered. Everyone is me and so I am complete. There is no where to go and no one to tell this to, since everyone is me. There is nothing outside of me that I need or that could bring me happiness. It’s all me.

I never imagined that this would be enlightenment, for a long time I was seeking to be special, to be unique. And spirituality would bring me there. But spirituality took away my self and simultaneously my need to be special.

I am still processing everything and I am still mourning my own death and the death of everyone else. It’s a sad place having to conceptually say goodbye to all of my loved ones and my cherished gurus, but I understand that there is no way around it.

PS. I do not write with non dual language, I refer to myself as me and I, because it’s just easier. After all we also live in the relative world and I think you all understand what I’m saying, which is what matters.

[mcuntainbcrn]

Have you ever seen a murderous, fully awakened demigod? You definitely don’t want to. Especially in this case. Due to her hybrid nature, when in a fit of rage, Jotunn horns erupt from the depths of her hair - the longer they grow, the closer she is to becoming completely unhinged, the last thing the source of her fury will see is her furious face

Human emotion truly can be an X-factor when it comes to hybrid births...given their constant state of flux.

[mcuntainbcrn]

After her blood awakens, when entering serious combative situations, she dons the armor of her ancestors, her hair weaving into braids - such things rarely transpire, as she generally avoids it in favor of a far more pacifistic lifestyle, but should such an occasion arise, she wont hesitate to rise to the occasion.

[incorrectunderworldquotes]

Who needs reddit?

Selene: What are the symptoms of teenage depression?

Thomas: Why are you asking me?

Selene: Eve dropped a sock a earlier and I heard her say ’ why has god forsaken me’….

[incorrectunderworldquotes]

#Tiredparent

Selene: I’m busy.

David: Do you think drinking thirty-six cans of redbull consecutively would make my senses more heightened or would i just die?

Selene:

Selene: I’m on my way.