#post-svsr

[killing-all-joy]

“I can’t do anything right.” *chanting* Patton angst! Patton angst! Patton angst! Patton angst!

post-svsr

cw: swearing, sexual innuendo, mentions of sex, Remus being Remus

Patton wiped at his eyes helplessly. No matter how hard he tried, the tears wouldn’t stop cascading down his face. The sobs wouldn’t stop racking his body, either. He was starting to think he would never stop crying.

He wished he could do everything right without any collateral damage. But when it came to the complex moral questions like the ones they had considered today, he couldn’t find a way for no one to get hurt.

Roman was upset because of him. Roman didn’t think he was loved because of him. He didn’t want him to think that, not at all, but Thomas needed to take care of himself.

He heard a knock at the door. His cries faltered as his attention was stolen so he could look up at the door.

“Please leave me alone,” he called to the person outside the door.

The door opened anyway. Patton made a confused noise when he saw Remus.

“What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here, Daddy-O?” repeated Remus, slamming the door shut behind him with his foot. “Three of you bitches needed comfort after the convo with the Jan-Man.” He shrugged. “I ain’t one of them. Thought I could provide some juicy-ass hugs.”

Patton bit his lip. He and Remus weren’t necessarily friendly. He was curious as to why Remus was helping him.

“Why are you with me right now?”

“We all thought you could use some relief,” Remus then wiggled his eyebrow, “I am willing to provide it...any way you wa-”

Patton interrupted him with an embarrassed shriek. He took a deep breath afterward so he could speak. “Why is no one else helping me?”

Remus frowned. “Don’t want me here?”

Patton shook his head, not wanting to harm anyone else. “It’s not that. I just thought someone like V—” he choked on a sob, “—Virgil would be more comfy with me.”

“Virgil’s comforting Roman,” said Remus, crossing his arms. “Janus is comforting Logan...and probably apologizing to him as well. I volunteered to help you out!”

Patton nodded. “Okay.”

Remus nodded in satisfaction and ran over to Patton. He sat in front of him. “Sooooo...what’s up?”

Patton sobbed.

“Right. I feel ya, Smash-ton.” Remus thought for a moment. “Worried about Roman?”

Patton nodded. “He- he wouldn’t let me see him...he seemed angry at me.” Patton tried to take a deep breath but it was interrupted by a sob. “I d-don’t really blame him, Virgil is probably better for him right now than me.”

“Virgil might be a better comfort person for him,” agreed Remus, “but you did what you thought was right.”

“Keyword: thought!” Patton exclaimed, covering his mouth so more cries wouldn’t come through. “Everyone always gets hurt when I do what I think is right.”

“Not always. But when people disagree...the party that loses almost always hurts.”

Patton didn’t reply, but his body started to shake.

“...And sometimes both parties get hurt.”

“Things...things should be better right now!” Patton protested. “I did what I thought was right...Thomas needs to take care of himself, but no one is okay! I can’t do anything right!”

Remus’s eyebrows raised in alarm. “That’s not true.”

“It is.”

“We can’t have that thinking, sexy side of mine. You definitely can do things right. Sure, you’ve made mistakes-”

Patton started crying more.

“-But everyone does! Everyone makes mistakes. All of us. Virgil can be too scary, Logan can be too harsh, Roman can be too...much, Janus manipulates people, I think I once fucked one of my monsters in the Imagination-”

“I get it,” Patton said, a laugh-like sob leaving his lips.

“You can do things right,” replied Remus. “Even if you don’t always. Your decision today was right too. Roman has just been...misled, and he needs help with that, but what you did was right. Janus deserves a seat at the table.”

“I know he does.”

“Today was a win.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

Remus sighed. He reached out and put his hand on Patton’s face, starting to dry his tears. Patton didn’t move away.

“No, no it doesn’t.”

~

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @neo-neo-neo @fander-fic-recs

~

I hope you liked it! I thought that Remus comforting Patton would be cute.

[astronomical-bagel]

HEY!

Do you like Roman Sanders?

Do you like

Roman Angst?

Well, good because I just made a fic about Roman being very sad and I'm really proud of it too so maybe you could check it out when you have the time? (Link here!)

Anyways have a picture of Roman being happy for once because I can't get enough of this dude

[astrozones]

It’s Hardly Art

Summary: Roman never deserved his prince costume anyway.He was too selfish, too arrogant, too idiotic. Those weren't the makings of a prince, they were villain characteristics.Glancing at the offending clothes, he made a decision.He didn't deserve the costume; it was time to destroy it. Characters: Roman and Virgil. Can be read as platonic or romantic.

Spoilers for Putting Others First

Discord Server: Astro’s Zone

There was no good or bad. 

There were no heroes or villains. 

There was no "pure" or "dastardly".

There was right and wrong.

There was everyone and… there was Roman.

Roman who was always wrong, no matter which side (heh, Patton would be proud of that one, if he even liked Roman after this fiasco) he chose, it was he who was in the wrong. Even when he went against his instincts and chose the other side, he was wrong, because he was Roman, and Roman is always wrong.

No matter what.

He let out a grunt of frustration, flopping down onto his unbelievably extra bed. Ugh, why did anyone even like him?

Oh wait, they don’t.

He huffed, snuggling closer into the sweater he had grabbed as soon as he sunk out. He didn’t deserve his prince costume anyway. His stupid, idiotic dreams were always getting in the way, he might as well start spring cleaning and throw them out. Starting with his stupid getup.

He set up his prince tunic on a mannequin, which he owned in case of clothing inspiration, even though that was more of Virgil’s thing. Of course it was Virgil’s thing, what good was Roman for? The other Sides could act just as well and- ugh, this wasn’t going anywhere.

He stared at the costume, the stupid, idiotic, creation of his that he had once adored. He curled his arms around himself as he shook. What was he doing? Why was he always so… horrible? Wrong? Painstakingly extra?

He sank to the floor, tears trailing down his cheeks.

He just wanted to be loved. Or, at least, feel loved. He thought Janus was wrong, they told him Janus was wrong, that siding with Janus made him wrong, and evil. As the hero, he wasn’t supposed to side with the villain. 

But then Janus wasn’t the villain, and Roman wasn’t the hero, and Roman was in the wrong even when he took their side. He just... wanted to be loved. He poked fun at Janus’ name because he thought they wanted that. And if he did what they wanted, they’d love him.

Now, he’s figured out how much of an impossible feat that is.

He grabbed a pair of scissors from his desk, leaning up and quickly cutting off his sash with a snip! He watched as it fluttered towards the floor. He wiped the tears from his eyes before picking it up, staring at the jagged ends.

Snip!

Snip! Snip! Snip!

Cut, and cut, and cut some more. Watch the pieces fall to the ground as he snipped his worthless, good for nothing sash. A staple of his idiocy, really.

Snip! The last pieces fell into a neat pile. He grabbed a handful and threw it to the side, hiccuping sobs leaving his mouth. Biting the sleeve of his sweater, muffling his cries, he glanced back up to the rest of his outfit. It almost looked naked without the bright red.

It was still too prince-like to be worthy of him, though. The gold- stupid gold, stood out amongst the white.

He stood, picking at the edge of one of the gold lines. Seams ripped from cloth, and with a harsh tug, the gold was riiiiiiipped off. 

He ripped off another. And another. And another. Until, finally, the chest of his shirt was practically ruined, along with the collar and sleeves. 

It was almost perfect. Except for…

His logo. The one he had spent days over, carefully sketching picture after picture, searching for the perfect logo that represented him. All of him.

It looked awful.

Grabbing the scissors once more, he cut around the patches, holding them in his hands for a few moments. Or perhaps it was hours, he didn’t know. 

Striding over to the other side of the room, he held them over the fireplace. He hesitated, even while his proximity to the fire caused his arm to ache like nothing other.

He was too loud. To brash, too harsh, too unsympathetic. Heh, he really put the pathetic in unsympathetic, didn’t he?

Even your jokes suck, the voice in his head said. No wonder no one likes you. Not even the fans.

He dropped his logo into the fire, watching as it burned away. His hand was red, nearly as much as his ex-sash. The injury hardly even phased him as he turned back towards the remains of his clothes. 

After a couple more rips, Roman determined it was awful enough for him to deserve it, even if it was a little bit better than he deserved. Perhaps he would show up in it next time. Or, maybe he wouldn’t show up at all. They’d like that, wouldn’t they?

Slumping onto his bed, he stared emotionless at its remains. 

He really was a jerk, wasn’t he?

--

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Virgil knocked on the prince’s door, awkwardly shuffling in place. Patton had informed him on what happened, once he walked downstairs only to see Patton and Deceit having a normal conversation.

No, not Deceit- Janus, apparently, because they trusted the liar now.

Virgil had watched them incredulously as they explained the events of today. About the wedding, the argument, Janus’ appearance, Patton turning into a frog- all of it. And when Janus left to go tell Remus, Virgil turned to his friend.

“Do you really trust him? After what he’s done?” Virgil whispered sharply. Patton nodded.

“Of course! Besides, he hasn’t done much,” because of course, they didn’t know. Not like Janus would tell them. Virgil scoffed.

“Of course,” he had muttered, turning away. “Of course you’d all take his side without a second thought.”

“Now kiddo, don’t hate on him! We hardly know him, after all!” Was he daft? “C’mon, Virge. It’s okay. I’m sure you and Roman will learn to love him eventually.”

Him and Roman? Was Roman the only other one who recognized Janus for who he was? Roman, who had tagged along with his flirts and manipulations?

At least he had one person on his side. 

“Roman?” he asked. Patton nodded.

“Yeah… he said Janus’ name was very close to Janice and made fun of him for it. Then Janus said that if Remus didn’t have a mustache there’d be no way to tell the difference between the two,” he what- “Which is a little rude but I understand why he did it. Still, I’m certain both you and Roman will learn to come to terms with Janus! I know it!”

“Sure,” he had said. “Sure, we’ll go with that.”

And after walking up the stairs with a huff, Virgil found himself where he was now, at Roman’s door. 

“Princey?” he called. “It’s Virgil.”

The door opened.

Virgil peered inside, glancing around the room until his gaze landed on Roman, laid on his bed, curled on his side.

“Oh, Roman,” he said softly. He glanced around the rest of his room, eventually noticing the ruined costume of his favorite prince. He gasped quietly, dread settling in his stomach. Roman loved that thing with all of his heart, he was so proud of it, and now it was… ruined. 

Oh, Roman.

He sat down on the bed next to him. “Roman?” he asked. “Can I hug you?”

After a few seconds of silence, Roman gave a stiff nod, and Virgil gathered his friend in his arms. 

“Did someone ruin your costume?” Virgil asked. Roman shook his head.

“Did it- did it myself.” He mumbled into Virgil’s shoulder where his head lay. “Don’t deserve… it.”

“What makes you think that?”

Roman sniffled, opening his mouth only to close it seconds later as a low keen escaped.

“I’m hardly a prince,” he said, finally. “I’m just… too selfish. Narcissistic. I’m idiotic, and naive, and unrealistic. Those aren’t things that make a prince. So I… I destroyed the stupid costume. It doesn’t deserve to be mine. I deserve rags, and- and torn clothes, and broken dreams.”

“Oh, Princey,” Virgil muttered, heart aching for his friend. He hugged him tighter. “I’m so sorry we ever let you think that. I know it’s hard to believe, Roman, trust me, I know, but it’s… it’s true when I say that you deserve all that, and more! 

“Because you’re you, Roman. Beautiful, wonderful, you, who tries his best at everything he does and tries so hard to be a good person. Of course you’ve made mistakes, and you’ll make many more, but you’re still a good person, even after all that. What was said today was bad, but Dec-Janus’ response was bad, too. You know it’s not true, right? You and Remus aren’t alike. You know that, right?”

To Virgil’s relief- and surprise, Roman nodded.

“I know…” Roman whispered. “I know… and- and I know that… Remus is better than me and- and!” he cut himself off with a pointed look at Virgil, even through his tears. “And you don’t have to pretend like it’s not true. It’s okay. I’ve come to terms with it.”

Roman…

How did we let you get so bad?

“Nonsense,” he said. “That- that’s nonsense, true and utter nonsense, Princey. While I know that no one’s perfect, and no one should be compared, I know that if forced to make a decision, I would say you’re better than him. But since I can be a sensible person, at least in cases like this, I know that neither you or Remus are better than the other. It would be wrong to compare you two, because you’re both so different. You may have the same role, but you’re far from the same person.”

Roman simply shifted in response, hiding his head once more. Virgil carded fingers through his hair, humming softly. 

“I feel so sad, Virgil.” Roman said eventually, desperation straining his voice. “It hurts. It hurts so bad.”

“What hurts?”

“Me,” glancing up at Virgil, Roman hiccuped. “Everything. It just… it hurts to be me right now. I feel so empty yet full with every negative emotion possible. I feel alone, even with you here. I miss feeling loved, Virge… Everything was easier back then. I knew things, or at least thought I did. I was confident, without faking it.

“Now I feel like I just… hurt everyone. Intentional or not, it’s all I’m good for, and it’s not even good! It’s bad. I’m… bad,” he shoved his face in his hands. “I’m evil, Virge, and I don’t know how to deal with that.”

Virgil frowned. “Ro… you’re not evil. Far from it. Mistakes were made, sure, but you’re still a good person. And you’ve been trying so hard for it too, and for the most part it's paid off well. I believe in you. I believe you can do it- no, I know you can do it, Roman. Because you’re Roman, and the Roman I know tries his best at everything he does and succeeds. Even when he’s been stepped on, he rises again and demands another challenge. He’s brave, and imaginative, and is willing to change bad behaviors. He’s a good person. You’re a good person. I promise.”

Roman stayed silent. Virgil gave a slight sad smile.

“I know it’s likely you don’t believe me, and I know that it can take a while to accept it as truth, but I’ll be there to help you every step of the way, alright, Roman? If you ever- whenever you feel bad, feel free to come to me. Even if I’m asleep or busy. I’d rather help you feel better than sleep, and it helps me to know that I can help you. Alright?”

Roman nodded, crying once more. “Thank… thank you, Virgil. I appreciate it. I really do.” Virgil smiled, hugging him closer.

“Of course. Anytime.” After a few seconds of thought, Virgil spoke again. “Wanna make a pillow fort and watch Disney?”

Roman nodded eagerly, causing Virgil to giggle.

Collecting the blankets from his room, Virgil allowed himself time to think. No, it wouldn’t exactly be easy to help Roman, but Virgil was willing to try. Because Roman was important to him.

--

Weeks later, Virgil showed up at Roman’s door with a new prince costume. When Roman cried, they were tears of joy.

Maybe things would get better.

[killing-all-joy]

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.” Remus to Roman

what is it with me and post-svsr angst???

cw: swearing, a n g s t

Roman fell into Remus’s arms. He didn’t know who to go to for comfort, and strangely enough, his brother seemed like the best option in the moment. Roman hadn’t said anything yet, but Remus had allowed Roman into his room when he noticed his broken state.

“Let me guess, something bad happened with the light sides?” Remus asked, putting his arms around Roman. He awkwardly patted his back (Remus wasn’t experienced with comforting people in the slightest) and let Roman cry into his duke outfit.

Roman nodded. He clutched helplessly to Remus’s sash, trying to find something, anything to hold onto.

“What did they do?”

“Everything with Janus,” Roman blurted out, voice wobbling, “was so terrible.”

Remus frowned. “What happened with Janus?”

Roman bit his lip, repressing a sob. He wasn’t quite ready to talk about it yet. Roman was still thinking over his actions. He regretted laughing at Janus’s name; truly, he did, but he was so terribly confused. It wasn’t Janus’s fault that he was confused, not really, so Roman felt bad about taking it out on him. In the moment, though, Roman thought he was an evil villain who would make Thomas a bad person like Patton had said he would earlier on. Roman, for the life of him, did not want to be evil.

And yet, here he stood.

“Patton decided to trust Janus,” said Roman, “and that really confused me.”

Remus nodded. “Not surprised it did, your image of Janus has been fucked with for ages now.”

“Mm-hmm,” Roman agreed. “And- and so I, I didn’t accept him as easily.”

Remus’s hold on Roman flinched.

“I, I know now that I was evil for doing so,” Roman said, thinking back to Janus’s insult. “He told me such.”

“Janus told you you were evil?” asked Remus, surprised.

Roman nodded. “I guess he knew that insult would hurt. He also called you the evil twin which I’m still pretty mad at.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m fine with being the evil twin, I take it as a compliment.”

“From Janus?” asked Roman, tearing himself away from Remus’s chest to look up at him questioningly.

Remus didn’t answer. Sure, he took ‘evil’ as a compliment from the light sides, but Janus was a little different.

“That doesn’t make sense...Janus has expressed before that he thought you were pretty juicy cool.”

Roman sobbed harder into Remus’s chest.

“Roman?”

“I kinda deserved it,” muttered Roman, “...’specially after I laughed when he said his name.”

Remus’s arms dropped from around Roman.

“You did what?”

Remus stepped away from Roman. The lack of support holding him up had him fall to the floor. Roman’s cries only increased when his knees hit the ground roughly. He really needed to carpet his floor.

“I-I know I shouldn’t have, I regret it, I understand my mistakes,” Roman said, almost begging. “I know that I’m just confused and I’ll have to work everything out soon but...but I couldn’t in the moment. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Tell that to Janus.”

“Remus! I’m sorry, I just really need help sorting through what’s going on-”

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

~

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @neo-neo-neo @fander-fic-recs

~

I was gonna...make some comfort for all this hurt...but like, sometimes it’s nice to just have some good old-fashioned hurt no comfort. You know? But yeah. Sorry if Remus is a little ooc. I hope you liked it!

[astrozones]

Friendly reminder that it’s okay to still not like Deceit/Janus

even after POF! it’s okay! Whether he reminds you of someone or you just feel off about him, or any reason!! It’s okay to still not like Deceit for any reason. This applies to any of the sides as well.