#private whining

[sour--strawberries]

GUESS WHO

just had a root canal and is completely dead from pain and sleepless nights

[lemonsandstrawberries]

I want to talk about something but I don’t know what because my life has been reduced to painkillers and antibiotics so if someone can leave me something sweet in the askbox I will double appreciate it

[sour--strawberries]

sometimes I get really confused

are ALL jobs that stressful, or only the family business ones?

[sour--strawberries]

thanks, guys ❤️ I don't have any comparison, as my whole life I didn't work outside family business, but I am pretty sure that boss (my dad) is more understanding towards other workers than his own spawn, but I will be fine! need to survive tomorrow and during weekend I am gonna lock myself in my room and not come out, my introvert's bubble needs rest

[zjedzgoffra]

tldr: hello [same shit as always but in but better or worse in some aspects]

[god I’m so glad tumblr pops up alert about leaving site while posting bc my pc refreshes page sometimes fo no reason]

I’ve whined somewhere else already, but not to be seen for people and I want to use my main accounts for more than just reblogs so. It’s been over a year I went basically silent, even dead for online and irl friends, followers. First out of shame, then out of hurt, now.. Kinda mix of both? I feel like there is nothing to talk about. I’m mad at myself when I’m not invested in happiness of friends. And when I am, I have nothing to say, I just take what the say as a fact and it’s enough for me. I’ve been so awkward/sad/toxic-depressed/whatever at times people I liked began avoiding me. And people who did not, I started to avoid myself. I can’t express my sorrows, because it upsets others. I can’t express my happiness, because people get jelaous, hurt, or most often - they just don’t care, just like I often do. When I pick up their interest tho - I feel obliged to entertain them which is tiresome. I’m afraid to say hi to people I didn’t talk to quite a while, because I don’t know what to say if it’s not out of some interest. And people don’t like others who act only on the interests.

Recently my life has been pretty good despite all that, but I feel so choked by people’s expetations I really need to change something. But it feels like I hurt myself and others no matter if I’m silent or not. Guess I can’t live properly, huh? I should be more “selfish“ I guess. But I’m afraid I’ll become a bad person, because there is a real chance that I will and I’d hate it even more. A least everything didn’t feel so futile back in 2014

[sour--strawberries]

I realllllyyyy need a vacation soon

the week barely started and I already screwed up two major things

need to focus more

[sour--strawberries]

so

my life came to a point where I have to choose between - sleep - baking for Christmas - writing fanfics while all I want to do is sit down and cry

[seekthejayinvain-blog]

it’s funny how being a gay man i have to pretent to be a lesbian to idk, earn lgbt points or something? that can be spent to buy rights to be recognised as man or at least a boy in general not even mentioning i;m not going to get T anytime soon, because i need my parents fucking permission, written, spoken and court-approved and they can refuse if they see i have boobs (or a boyfriend) i cannot have removed unless i’m officialy trans tl;dr: i have to be officialy a man to do things i need to do to be officialy a man it’s going to be a great life, 10/10, five stars, would live again