BSD Incorrect Quotes Pt. 3???
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Sigma: Hey, do you have any shaving cream?
Nikolai: No, I don’t like the way that it tastes.
Sigma: Wait— you eat shaving cream?!
Nikolai: No? Why would I eat it if I don’t like the way that it tastes?
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Dazai: I’m not technically a criminal anymore.
Chuuya: You’re like… on a field trip.
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Kunikida: What happened to the plan?!
Ranpo, mouth full of gummies: What plan?
Atsushi panicking: The one that DIDN’T involve setting the building on fire!
Akutagawa: That’s on me, Jinko.
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Chuuya: I am calm.
Dazai: You just punched a wall.
Chuuya: I said am, not was.
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Ranpo: I am the smartest person y’all know.
Yosano: You’re also the dumbest person we know.
Ranpo: I’ll have you know— It’s called balance.
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Kyoka: Why did you put a bowtie on the cat?
Kenji: He’s joining the tea party. He brought the cucumber sandwiches!
Kyoka: …Okay, but I’m putting a bow on the bunny too.
Kenji gasps: MATCHING OUTFITS?
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Soukoku—god knows how many—shots in.
Chuuya: I hate you.
Dazai: Nothing new. Let’s kiss about it.
Chuuya: Fuck is wrong with you— kisses him anyway.
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Atsushi: If I ever say “do whatever you want,” it does NOT mean “go ahead.” It means “I’m too emotionally exhausted to stop you, but you will regret this.”
Akutagawa: …So I should do it?
Atsushi, running on 7 hours of sleep over the span of three days, head in his hand with his eye twitching, ready to break anything.
Atsushi: There’s a small broken down building 5 blocks from here. Go blow that up before I throw this computer. At. Your. Head—
Akutagawa: ….
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Kenji: I made you a friendship bracelet!
Kyoka: …It’s just a string.
Kenji: No! It’s a symbol of our unbreakable bond!
Kyoka puts it on immediately.
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Tachihara: You ever just… stare into the void?
Gin: Yeah. It’s called “talking to Dazai.”
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Kyoka: Kenji, what’s your idea of a perfect day?
Kenji: Hm… sunshine, flowers, cows, and hanging out with you.
Kyoka, short-circuits.
Kenji: Did I say something wrong?
Kyoka quietly looking down and smiling: No…
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Kenji holding a ladybug gently: This is Bertha. She’s our friend now.
Kyoka nods solemnly: We must protect her at all costs.
Atsushi, walking by: …Why is she wearing a cape?
Kenji: She’s the queen of the balcony garden.
Kyoka: All hail Queen Bertha.
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Kyoka: I stole a cookie for you.
Kenji: I punched a wall for you.
Dazai: ohhh~ Love~ My specialty.
Chuuya: Dazai, we ended in a traumatizing way. How is love your specialty?
Dazai: I— Ok— Our situation was so different—
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Ranpo: Why does Poe always look at me like that?
Yosano: Like what?
Ranpo: Like I hung the stars in the sky.
Yosano: …
Ranpo: What? Is there something on my face?
Yosano: Just….the blinding light of denial.
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[Scene: ADA office, mid-mission planning. Ranpo suddenly freezes mid-snack.]
Ranpo: Wait. Wait. WAIT.
Kunikida: Oh god, what now?
Ranpo, wide eyes: ….I love Poe.
Everyone: Collective groan
Ranpo, points at himself, stunned: I’m IN LOVE. With Poe. Edgar Allan Poe….My Poe!
Yosano: Wow. What gave it away? The fact that you cuddle him during lunch breaks or the time you called him your “comfort person” in the middle of a police raid?
Ranpo: WAIT YOU KNEW?!
Dazai: Buddy, you asked if he wanted to “share a gravestone” with you. That’s not even subtle. That’s Victorian marriage. He also calls you “dear”.
Kenji: I thought you two were already dating?
Atsushi: Same??
Tanizaki: Honestly, I assumed you were married but just… forgot.
Ranpo, betrayed and spinning in a circle: Everyone knew?! And no one told me?!
Kunikida: You’re supposed to be a detective. Figure it out.
Poe, calmly sipping tea
Ranpo, points dramatically at Poe: Wait—do YOU love me too?!
Poe: Ranpo, Dear. I literally wrote you a 32-chapter gothic novel where the main character is you and the love interest dies to save you. Yes.
Ranpo blinking: You— I— That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me.
Dazai: You cried when Poe gave you that book and still thought it was just “good writing.” My big brother—
Ranpo: Not your brother.
Dazai: —You’re hopeless when it comes to love.
Yosano: This is why we drink.
Fukuzawa, quietly in the corner: I just want one normal day. One.
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Kouyou: This entire room needs therapy. But since none of you will go, I’ll just keep verbally undressing your souls until someone cracks.
Everyone: …..
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Nikolai, dramatically dips Fyodor: You know, dipping you like this would be more fun if I had a knife and was carving out your heart~
Fyodor, resting his hand on Nikolai’s chest: New flirting method? Didn’t see that coming.
Nikolai: Hm…you like it though?~
Fyodor smiled.
Sigma, rubbing temples: Can you two stop flirting like murder is your love language?
Bram: It is their love language. I’ve been alive long enough to know war courtship when I see it.
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