from @prognostik’s tenn, to fumi. ( ♡, accepting. ) “ i wish i could change that, but i can’t. ”
it was stupid idea. coming to the meet &. greet was a stupid, selfish idea.
she wouldn’t have gotten in line── no, she would have stayed back after the performance, watched idolish7 greet their fans from a distance, kept out of sight &. out of mind. she’s caught the eye of yamato, even nagi, already── she doesn’t need their center to know she’s here, too. fumi had watched the stream of fans push forward, excited &. giggling &. bursting with joy, &. feels ... grief. a bit of guilt. a quiet sort of sadness, at the confirmation of what he already knew. those wonderful summer months were always doomed to end this way, he thinks, as he turns on his heel to leave. but it still hurts, so badly.
( really── the only reason he even came, even thought about subjecting himself to it── was because shunki had pushed a bundle of papers into his hand, gaze soft &. sympathetic. “ you don’t have to go, ” he had said, “ but── i think you should still have the chance to see him. ” shunki’s hands had gripped his, tightly, in an echo of his frustration, his sorrow. his brows had furrowed, like they always do when he’s trying to be strong. “ it isn’t fair what happened, but he made you so happy, even for a short while. that’s gotta mean something, right? ” )
his footsteps had echoed softly, past the bustling crowd of chattering fans, past the crowded halls, until the stream had whittled out, until he was back outside again. it had been raining── softly, an echo of the quiet of her mind. she had mulled about the entrance for a few minutes, gazing at nothing &. nowhere, before the shadow of an umbrella had passed over her head &. she had turned to look face to face with kujo tenn. he had stared at her, expression contemplative, before saying, “ there’s a nice café nearby for us to talk. ”
fumi sits in the booth of that café now, secluded &. charming. if her heart was in less pieces── if she had been here for family, instead of for the crumpled tickets in her pocket── she might have even liked it here. might have even contemplated tenn’s tastes. it’s still raining, she thinks idly, gaze now on the mug of barley tea she had ordered. tenn sits across from him, silent &. calm &. gaze on his own steaming mug, before she breaks the silence.
“ what did you want to talk about? ” fumi asks. it’s a pointless question really; he can guess the answer easily enough. ( the only other conversation they had was about riku, &. that night── ) his eyes go up to tenn, wary &. hurting. the hands in his lap tremble, ever so slightly, &. he balls them into fists to get them to stop. “ i wasn’t talking to your brother, if that’s what you were worried about. i didn’t── he doesn’t even know i’m here, or in tokyo, at all. ” they hadn’t spoken much── in the two or so months that have passed, their texts had all but fizzled out. scattered messages, here &. there, but── the hurt, the hurting, had been evident. her head bows, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill. “ i’m sorry for── for showing up. it was a stupid decision, i know it was. i won’t make the mistake again. ” i won’t show my face around riku ever again.
when tenn remains silent, his heart sinks── mortification, shame, anger── &. a nauseating feeling settles in his stomach. he looks back to his mug, now, blinking furiously to keep his tears at bay. when tenn does speak, it’s like a bucket of cold water, stilling the churning emotions in his heart &. forcing him to pay attention. “ i know how you feel, ” he says, his eyes on his mug &. expression soft. when she looks up, ready to argue, he cuts her off with a raise of his hand. “ i really do, hayasaka-san. i’m not sure if riku ever told you, but ... ” his finger traces over the rim of his mug, the pain in his words gentle. “ i left riku to become an idol. to help pay for his treatments. ” his hands stills, before it drops to the table. “ i know it hurts him still. i know it hurts me, too. i love my brother very much, even if it seems otherwise. ” tenn looks up at her, his gaze blazing, as he continues. “ but even though it hurts him── hurts us── i’m willing to shoulder it. because it’s for the best. ”
“ ... i understand. ” fumi can’t bear the weight of his look. he holds it for a second longer, two, before he averts his gaze to the café windows. “ it’s ... i don’t know everything about your relationship with riku── i don’t know if i ever can, really── but i know you care for him. that you’re just looking out for him. ” he had been so excited, he thinks, when he had first offered to introduce him to tenn. his eyes were sparkling, eager to have him meet his family── now look at them. now look at them. “ i already knew before we met that it wouldn’t last. i was just ... selfish. shun── my friend, he gave me the tickets, &. i didn’t want to waste his money, so i ... that’s why i came. plus, i ... ” she closes her eyes, thinks of the last time she saw riku── sees the sad, muted look on his face, his reassuring smile── &. opens them again. “ i wanted to be sure he was okay. i wanted to be sure he was happy. ”
“ i’m not angry at you for that, ” tenn replies. “ i know you care for him── i know you love him, too. it── it wasn’t easy, to tell you two what i did. you both lit up the room with your love. to have to end that ... ” she laughs softly, shaking her head again. her vision blurs with tears as she shakes her head.
“ i didn’t break up with riku-chan just because you said so, ” fumi says. “ i told you, didn’t i? i already knew it wouldn’t have lasted── he puts his fans first, above all else. i would have always come second, &., well ... some of those songs he sings for them are really romantic, you know? i thought i could handle it, the way idols are required to love everyone &. not just the one── but being with riku made me want to be jealous. to be selfish. that would have stifled him, so i ... had to let him go. before i let my emotions go too far, before he got caught in a scandal because of me. ” he laughs again, but it’s shaky this time. “ plus, i mean── i would have been busy, at the time, with the miyagi prefectural tournament. i’m busy now, with studying for entrance exams ... i don’t know if we would have worked out. ”
when she looks up, tenn is considering her with something like── quiet respect, awe, in his gaze. like he didn’t expect her to have thought that far. like he thought she hadn’t considered everything he had told them a hundred times, a million times before. like he didn’t expect her to care so much for riku. the thought is ugly. the thought makes her feel a sliver of satisfaction. “ i know it was selfish to try anyways, even though i knew it wouldn’t last, ” she finishes, “ but he made me really happy. i wanted to try, at least for him. ”
“ ... if we weren’t idols, ” tenn begins, his words slow as he thinks, “ if the circumstances weren’t so precarious── ” if riku’s career wasn’t on the line, if fumi’s privacy wasn’t at risk, if their happiness with each other couldn’t be so easily destroyed, if if if── his smile is tight, gentle. he vaguely recalls a similar conversation, with momo instead, &. her heart aches in a similar way. “ i think i would have liked to have gotten to know you as my brother’s girlfriend, hayasaka-san. you’re a very kind &. thoughtful person, i can tell that much. ”
“ i ... thank you, kujo-san. ”
“ really── you are. you &. riku are a perfect match. ” again, that sentiment. right people, at the wrong time. a perfect match, under the wrong circumstances. “ but the idol industry is brutal, &.── no matter how happy it would make him, this would have destroy idolish7. i wish i could change that, but i can’t. ” it’s his turn to bow his head, something painful flitting across his face. fumi regards him with something like pity. ( the idol industry is just so ugly, isn’t it? ) “ i apologize for treating you so harshly that night. & i apologize for any of the strife i might have caused with my words. ”
“ i── i’m not going to pretend that it didn’t hurt. but ... it’s fine. you don’t have to apologize for that. ” i’m not going to pretend that it didn’t hurt, so you shouldn’t pretend to regret it. tenn can apologize, can pretend to ask for forgiveness── but they both know it’s not really sincere. not when they both think he’s right, not when he’s thinking of riku’s future. fumi doesn’t mind. it hurts, but fumi doesn’t mind. how can she fault him for putting riku first? ( she’s done the same, hasn’t she? ) “ i think you need to apologize to riku, really. ” he smiles warmly, heart heavy in his chest when tenn looks up in guilt &. surprise. “ riku-chan was really excited for us to meet, you know? he ... he wanted us to get along. i think it hurt him a lot, to see you react so negatively. ” tenn flinches, mouth set in a frown as he averts his eyes. fumi waits a moment, looking at him, before she continues cautiously.
“ you can’t avoid him forever. he’s your brother, after all. ” fumi’s hands cup her mug, now── it’s lukewarm, now, but warm enough. her smile turns into something sad. “ even if he was mad, i don’t think he’d be mad at you for long. he loves you a lot, too── so don’t leave him to be the only one reaching out, kujo-san. ”
he’s silent, for a while. fumi takes a sip of her tea while she waits, allowing him his space to think── because she knows, even in the aftermath of the dinner, even in the aftermath of their separation ... riku hadn’t really been angry. maybe a bit, maybe initially── but if she knows her riku-chan, he’s probably just ... sad. hurting. ( she can’t be there to comfort him, not when she’s the reason for a big chunk of it. but tenn is different. tenn should be there, along with idolish7, to help him get back on his feet.
&. thinking of riku on that stage today, she thinks they’ve already started to do just that. )
“ you’re a very perceptive person, too, hayasaka-san. ” tenn leans back in his seat with a laugh bordering on a huff, his smile fond. “ i’ll ... see him tonight, i think. tonight, or later in the week. we haven’t talked properly since ... ”
“ as long as you both properly sit down &. talk about it, it won’t matter. ” he puts his mug back down on the table── it’s still half full, but he doesn’t think he can stomach the rest. too lightheaded &. too full of emotions, he surmises. “ without pushing him away, without letting him hide his feelings ... if you talk it out, it’ll all turn out fine. ” tenn purses his lips, &. fumi wonders if he’s thinking of how hypocritical she sounds. fumi wonders when she’ll listen to her own advice── but, well, they’re in different positions, aren’t they? it wouldn’t work out for her the way it would for tenn.
“ i will, ” he promises quietly. &. she knows he will, because he loves riku very much, &. riku needs him── because riku needs a hand, &. she can’t be there to offer it. fumi smiles at him one last time, before he gathers his things, shrugging on his jacket with a note of finality.
“ then i’ll be going, kujo-san. the shinkansen my friend got me tickets for should start accepting passengers soon. ” he stays seated, but he gives her a nod, expression much less guarded now than it had been the last time they parted.
“ thank you for speaking with me, hayasaka-san. i’ll ... i might stay for a bit, think of what to do. have a safe trip back to miyagi. ” tenn pauses, long enough that she does, too, at the outside of the booth. he smiles softly at her, a touch sad. “ & ... know that you’ve done nothing wrong. you did what you thought was right. ” you’re not wrong to feel how you feel, momo had said. it isn’t fair what happened, but he made you happy, shunki had said. fumi blinks back a fresh wave of tears before bowing his head, laughter trembling &. full of warmth.
“ thank you, kujo-san, ” she says again. “ i won’t forget it. ”
