Man I'm struggling with my gender again boooooo. Identify as transmasc/transman for like 6 years. Unfortunately i didn't socially transition but i was called by those pronouns by my therapist and some online friends. It did felt nice but i still had so many identity crisis.
Now for the first time I'm considering she/her pronouns. At first i thought it was hormonal changes or suppressing myself. I got on antidepressants and I'm starting to feel way more aligned with my gender and i mostly want to date women and be a wife. Like i genuinely feel like a pretty girl or lady. The thing is it sounds weird in my head. Sometimes it sounds good but like I'm so used to my set of pronouns. I went to a gender affirming therapist recently and they told that this happens sometimes. Gender change overtime and ebbs/flows. Never had i heard that. I thought once you're trans or enby? You'll be like that for the rest of your life and dysphoric barely goes away. what about the past 6 years? What was that?? What about being anxious of using she/her pronouns more? Why am i beginning to like my deadname? Why do i strongly dislike looking like a man and why do i feel jealous over older black lesbians or older women getting the second puberty and being themselves. I mean i always had discomfort about it. Now this bad. I hate genderrrrr. Honestly glad for ssri, i actually like myself and took selfies today. Made me realize how much self hatred i had for 25 years