#prussiancancer

[juicemcelroy]

Would you have taken Istus' deal?

to take back my biggest mistakes? without a doubt. would’ve gotten me in a big bad way

EDIT: oh god, i’m a bad fan. istus’ deal was to be under her duty, right? of course!

[monstercapitalism]

Johann the Bard

Not My Type | Alright | Cute | Adorable | Pretty | Gorgeous | LORD MERCY

HES ABOVE AVERAGE AND I LOVE HIM BUT HES NOT THE *BEST* NOR IS HE THE *WORST* YKNO?

[yveshasu]

I just wanted somewhere to write this down: I needed to hear that. I really did. Especially from you. I’ve been an awful, selfish person to everyone this entire time, but it took up until you actually telling me for me to really see the pain I’ve been putting the both of you through. I would like to take the time also to sincerely apologize: I’ve been so self-centered with my own drama that I was horribly blind to my actions, and the negative consequences that those actions had on my loved ones around me. I can’t give you back the time and emotions that were spent on me and my awful whining, but I can say that I’m absolutely sorry you both had to endure all of that. It’s a situation no person should ever have to go through.

This is the conversation I’ve been wanting to have with you, by the way. With the both of you. For a very long time.

I’ve blocked the both of you (for now) while I continue to figure things out and get my shit together, so that I don’t get distracted from my uphill battle by starting to feel sorry for myself again. I didn’t mean to completely ignore her, but I needed space from what at the time felt like social isolation- which I now realize was stagnant growth on my end. I was upset and hurt over selfish reasons because I felt like I gave too much for what I got in return. I realize now that rather than it being one-sided, we ended up being both bad for each other, bringing each other down mentally and emotionally. The saying goes that great friends make terrible roomates, but I see now that perhaps we weren’t the greatest of friends to begin with. I certainly wasn’t, in my part at least. We had less chemistry than you thought: we brought out the worst in each other. I’ve been in a really bad state of mind for almost a year, and an even worse state of mind in the last 6 months, but from this time apart I’ve since had an epiphany a couple days ago that I need to get over myself already and start enjoying life again. Which I am!!! I’m finally feeling alive again!!!

I’ve submitted countless job applications- both to your hometown and mine- by the way. Retail, restaurant service, high-end, market, whatever I can get. If you didn’t know, I would rather not start my career in the fast food industry though, considering A.) it would be Absolute Hell here and B) the person who was yelling at me to apply in the first place told me quite harshly that I’m not cut out for that line of work at all. In the same breath yelling at me to just apply anyway, despite this. That kind of shit coming from someone close tends to stick with me. Do you think it’s easy applying to places in a town you don’t live in anymore in a house where you’re barely tolerated by the people you used to love, knowing that your stay is only temporary and would be terminated at any given moment? How would I have explained it to employers? “Oh yeah I gotta quit they got mad at me for some arbritrary comment the other day and now I’m technically homeless so-” But I digress.

In the meantime, I have money accumulating from a babysitting/tutoring job while I continue to send in applications and wait for replies. I’m starting to remember what it’s like to find comfort in caring for the little things in life- a small but vital step towards managing and improving my mental state. My loved ones- through their overwhelmingly positive, welcoming attitudes towards each other and those in need- actually encourage me to be a better person. They don’t treat me and my emotions like garbage, and I actually appreciate that! And… for once, I want to be a better person. They make me want to be a better person. I haven’t felt this way in a year- I actually felt the complete opposite when I was with her just a few months ago- and it’s exhilarating being able to feel things other than sadness and anger once again!

Truthfully, I’m fucking overjoyed that you’ve pruned me!!! As, like a plant cutting, I will grow and flourish when given the right soil. I’ve been a parasite to you both- emotionally, physically, and monetarily- and I’m so glad that I’m finally starting to realize that. I’m glad I’ve pruned the both of you as well- and that it’s official- I don’t want to bother either of you with my shitty behavior or actions ever again. You don’t deserve that. As well, I don’t have to waste my time thinking about the either of you and feeling sorry for myself because I’m not as successful, and being constantly reminded of that. I will be sending in money to the both of you, by the way, when I save enough- to pay back the burden that I’ve been. It won’t make up for the seven-ish years you’ve spent humoring me, but it’ll at least make up for the monetary costs of hosting me. I’m incredibly sorry that it had to come to this and that it was my own doing in the first place. I ruined something that had the potential to be beneficial to all of us, and I can’t undo this.

Thank you for opening my eyes. I wish you both nothing but the best for your future.

————

Since typing this I’ve realized that to have this conversation I actually can’t block you just yet, so I’ll unblock you and leave things open for maybe a week or so before I move on for good. I’ve placed this post in your respective tags because a small part of me is still too much of a coward to confront you directly. I’ve always been, to be honest. That’s… how I got myself into this in the first place. It’s funny in a way that I’m through with vagueing about you two and yet this is also a vaguepost! l m a o

[yveshasu]

I think that Rick and Morty broke my fUCKING DELICATE LITTLE HEART!!!

omg I s2g I told you that you would cry when you were thinking of starting the series nd you were like “eh I probably won’t get invested in it that much” lmA O YOU PIECE OF SHIT YOU THOU G HT,,,,,

[yveshasu]

they're UP. MY pLAYLISTS ON 8TRACKS

I LO V E THEM

please post them on tumblr already aaa

but yyeee how’s life? how’s trash cartoon hell treating you?

[yveshasu]

I see you being awake

sup my love~

[rasstegai]

Hi, I rEALLY love your art!!

Yoooooo _(:3J L)_

[busket]

Can i just say that I really love your icon & totally agree with that anon.

thanks the icon gets even better if you look at my mobile blog