#psudexter

[corimmy]

TEXT 📲 Sylvesters

IMMY: I just am so grateful that you all never hesitated to accept me as family, and if anything has happened to any of you, I don't know what I'd do. [undelivered] @syldexter @pennysylvester @dannyssylvester @sagesylvester

[syljoni]

TEXT 📲 DEX

JONI: I know you'd never tell mom this - but don't tell mom this. I'm scared, Dex. [UNDELIVERED] @syldexter

[dannyssylvester]

📱DANNY & DEXTER

[many random voices notes of Danny making various animal noises loudly into his phone] @syldexter

[syljoni]

TEXT 📲 SYLBESTERS

JONI: Happy birthday, Sage. [Undelivered] JONI: Well, I had to at least try. [Undelivered] JONI: I hope you're all okay. I'm so scared. [Undelivered] JONI: When this is all over none of us are ever allowed to leave home again. [Undelivered] @syldexter @pennysylvester @dannyssylvester @sagesylvester

[privmu]

DEXTER SUE SYLVESTER

AGE: 33

BIRTHDAY: January 1st, 1991

RELATION: Adopted sibling

TYPE: Solo

GENDER: Cis man

PRONOUNS: He/Him

ORIENTATION(S): Homosexual

FACE CLAIM: Assad Zaman

JOB/SCHOOL

JOB: Financial expert and accountant for SuePerStar Athletics

ALUMNI?: Alumni

ABOUT

Scientists estimate that 109 billion people have existed over the course of Earth’s history. 109 billion people who have drawn their first and last breaths on this great planet, each with a story of their own. Some more interesting than others. But of all 109 billion of those people, only one of them has had what it takes - the gusto, the fortitude, the cheekbones - to be the oldest child to a legend in the making. Dexter Sue Sylvester. The pleasure is all yours.

Born in Bangladesh and adopted soon after, Dexter has seldom wanted for anything. His mother did try to give him a father figure, just to fill the spot on his adoption paperwork, but the guy was barely worth remembering and died in a mysterious honey badger incident just after Dexter’s first birthday so it’s irrelevant (until he’s inevitably able to milk it in his yet-to-be-written, Pulitzer-winning memoir). Most of his childhood was spent sitting in on his mother’s practices, internalizing her cut-throat work ethic and learning early on that settling was for losers.

Home was a different story. He’s been known to act ruthlessly when the media insinuates things about his family, taking on a protective role as the eldest child and oftentimes keeping his siblings from the brunt of the accusations. On one occasion during an in-home interview, Dexter made tabloid headlines at 9 years old for biting a reporter who accused his mother of virtue-signaling with her adoptions. There have been many who assume that Sue’s parenting is similar to her coaching practices. Ruthless, devoid of empathy, a breeding ground for chaos. This, as Dexter has stated many times to varying degrees of success, is far from true. Sure Sue’s high expectations were made clear at an early age, but there was also an unspoken understanding that they would never be asked for more than they could give. The Sylvester children were already destined for greatness by merit of being the Sylvester children. The love and care fostered within the family just isn’t something that most outsiders are deserving of.

Maybe this went to Dexter’s head a bit. Maybe. It’s true he lacked any inherent athleticism despite his mother’s attempt to get him involved as a child. And sure his boldness had a tendency to be off-putting when it came to socializing, limiting the number of close contacts he had growing up. There was a briefly lived modeling career that didn’t make it past high school due to his insistence that he knew his angles better than the photographers. But Dexter has always had a head for numbers, and the wherewithal to get things done no matter what. He found his niche not in his mother’s main line of work but in the finer aspects of her clothing company. He had a knack for finding the most lucrative accounting solutions that just so happened to reduce the number of workplace violations, so the Better Business Bureau could stop breathing down their necks. Getting his degree in finances and accounting was truly a no-brainer.

Plus, on a rarely seen sentimental level, Dexter finds a level of calmness when it comes to numbers. For all that it helped shape him into the person he is today, the high adrenaline environment of his youth could often be overwhelming. He wouldn’t tell his mother that, or any of his siblings, or anyone outside of the therapist he was court-mandated to see for 12 sessions following the biting incident. He did feel a kinship with Cady Heron when she spoke about her love for math, how it’s the same in every language. There’s no need for a grey area that could be misinterpreted, potentially putting his family on the cutting block yet again because someone on the outside can’t look past their own idea of right vs wrong. Numbers will always have a solution, he will always be able to support his answer without questioning so long as he did his job right. If he just keeps doing things right, it’ll all be fine. It’s fine.

But enough of that introspection. Dexter is too smart and too pretty to say any of that out loud. He graduated from college with his undergraduate degree and quickly got to work reshaping his mother’s financial portfolio. The only reason he’s not been put in charge of the entire department is because his mother wants to first prove that the current head is stealing from them. But that’s another story. For now, the important part is this: Dexter is exactly where he’s supposed to be. He’ll continue to help keep his family in a carefully-documented lap of luxury, reap the hedonistic benefits of his pedigree, and go on the occasional Twitter-rant to defend his last name, all while desperately clinging to some semblance of control. Like I said: it’s fine.

[psupmz]

The Sylvesters (@syldexter) (@dannyssylvester) (@pennysylvester) (@sagesylvester) (@syljoni) are all secretly robots.

[pennysylvester]

if you let me, here's what i'll do, i'll take care of you ➝ pexter.

TAGGING ➝ Penny Sylvester, Dexter Sylvester (@syldexter).

LOCATION ➝ Locked down at Shelter Build.

TIME FRAME ➝ 10/13, morning.

WARNINGS ➝ None.

SUMMARY ➝ Unfinished; Penny and Dex comfort each other during lockdown.

DEXTER SYLVESTER

The polite thing to do right now would be to stay calm and assure people that they would all be fine. For all the things Dex had been called in his life though, polite wasn’t one of them. He was too focused on the nagging buzz just underneath his skin, putting him more on edge than he’d ever admit. Also on the list of things he wouldn’t admit was his gratitude that Penny was here. Knowing that at least one of his siblings wasn’t buried under rubble somewhere was the barest of reliefs. “Do you think it’s within Mom’s power to rework the fault lines so this doesn’t happen again? Find her a good seismologist to marry?”

PENNY SYLVESTER

Penny was anything but selfish; she tried to put others above herself, tried to be the person to take care of everyone and make them feel safe, yet in all of this, all she could think was that the universe was punishing her. Given the messages she'd sent out just before the earth had moved and she'd found herself seeking shelter, there really was no other explanation—nor a worse time for it. So, Penny was distracted, in her own head worrying about everything and everyone, but trying not to let it show. Thank God for Dexter, at least she knew one person she loved was okay. It took her a moment to process he was even speaking to her, but when she snapped back to reality, she did so with a frown. "I don't know that I'd put anything past Mom's power at this point." She lowered her voice some. "Did you know she literally rigged the elevators at the school the other day to trap me and Emmy in there?"

DEXTER SYLVESTER

It would take being waterboarded for him to fess up but just standing with his sister, exchanging words like they’ve done damn near every day of their lives, helped put him at ease. If he deluded himself, he could convince his brain that they were hiding out in the kitchen during Thanksuing. By the tone of Penny’s voice, Dex felt like it should be surprising. But he’d had two extra years of Sue-posure than her, so there wasn’t much that could catch him off guard. Minus the entire kidnapping fiasco, but he could only handle one disaster at a time so that one would have to be shelved for now. He at least had the insight to keep his voice low to match Penny’s “Did she use the puppet or did she have Robin crawl through the vents again?”

PENNY SYLVESTER

The whole elevator ordeal was terrifying enough already without the addition of props, or worse...Robin. Penny shuddered at the thought. "No, just her voice. All distorted over the speaker system." When spoken aloud, it sounded even more insane than it had felt at the time, but if anyone could understand the absolute insanity that was Sue Sylvester, it was Dexter. "God, Emmy was so petrified. Between that and the...other thing," she gave Dex a look, the lower volume of their voices still not private enough to mention the kidnapping situation out loud, "I feel like she's getting worse." She paused then. "Do you think she's okay? Right now I mean, in all of this. She'll be safe, right?"

DEXTER SYLVESTER

"But you got out of it. Whatever she was up to was only temporary." Dexter felt the sudden, not completely unwelcome urge to hug Penny. He could probably count on both hands the number of times he'd actually done that in their lives, and he felt like he might lose all control of himself if he did it so instead he put a hand on her shoulder. Still more affection than he was comfortable with, but that didn't matter if they died in the next three hours."Mom? You're asking if our mother will be okay?" Dex couldn't help it, he had to laugh. Not cruelly - even at his worst, which this was rapidly approaching, he couldn't find it in himself to be cruel to his siblings. "Penny, the entire world could go up in a rampant ball of flames that wipes out every organic matter on earth and Mom would still survive to roundhouse kick her way through the ashes.

PENNY SYLVESTER

Yeah, I know. [Penny chuckles, but it's clear she doesn't feel like laughing.] I don't know, I just don't like thinking of her on her own. I mean, I know she'll be with Robin, and that they're both total pains in the ass most of the time, but I just like to have eyes on them. It's just hard not knowing where everyone is, you know?

DEXTER SYLVESTER

Well, I’m here. Joni was at work today so I’d imagine she’s still there. Sage is probably somewhere cursing all of us for missing their birthday. And Danny is… in the city, which is closer than he’s been in years. Robin is at home, currently trying to dig a tunnel underneath the Schuester home. And Mom is probably at the center of all of this, threatening to remove the internal organs of anyone who dare tell her she can’t leave her own home.

[syljoni]

- Private

So....Anything interesting happen to you lately? Like...blasts from the pasts or?

@syldexter