*Winks at you* / “Hold my hand? I’m afraid I’m getting lost in your eyes.” / “I know what you’ve got in that top drawer.” / “I slept with a sophomore last weekend.” / “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” / “Pipe down, you’re making a scene.” / “Please, don’t leave me.” / “Let me in! I think I’m gonna throw up.” / “Bend over.” / *Starts singing Bring Me To Life outside your window* / [TEXT] You never gave a shit about me. ( xoxo gossip vincent )
“What. Did. You. Do?” No gesture was innocent when it came to the human embodiment of torture. Opening the front camera to her phone, she quickly checked to see if anything was on her face, before moving to pull at anything he could have stuck on her back. “Adler, I swear to god!”
Was she surprised? No. Did she want to murder him? Definitely. She had watched as the look of confusion had played across her blind dates face, the reality that playing along with Vince’s silly charade was the only way out was finally settling in. No, no. No. The sheer amount of gloating that she would have to endure would not at all be worth another half hour with a date so concentrated on her boobs, that it had taken Vince’s pick up line to distract him. “Should I call pest control, or are you still sane enough to remember where the door to leave is?”
“A big black dildo, how did you ever figure me out?” She rolled her eyes, pulling out his birthday present. Her final assignments had made it impossible to leave the library, but at least she’d remember to buy it weeks before, making her only a day late. Not that it would be enough to keep his hysterics at bay if he got started. “If you press the right buttons, it’ll start playing a dramatic reading of a Tale of Two Titties.”
“That still doesn’t explain why your dick would look oranger than Donald Trump. Oh god, was that her kink? Does it feel dirtier when you think back to it now? Knowing that she was a slightly racist or misguided Trump supporter?”
“Knowing you, you’ll find a way to outlast a photograph.” Nevertheless, she had her phone out and was snapchatting him trying to balance the basket of onion rings on his nose.
She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her lips. For once, bloody once, Vince might be the one she out embarassed. “A scene? Vincent Adler, you broke my heart. You heard it, ladies and gentlemen, Vince dumped me because my butt is too big. Well, screw you Adler, this baby has back and she loves it.” With a bow, she excused herself from the confused crowd and hurried onto her next class.
Rubbing a hand over his back, she helped him move away from the toilet and lean against the wall. “I promise, V, I’ll stay with you until you’re ready to go home.” Not that she’d let any of her friends go home tonight, the basement would work as a crash pad, especially to hide any hangovers from her parents the next morning. “Let’s get some water in you, I promise it’ll taste better than anything you’ve been drinking tonight.”
“Vincent?” She could wipe off the facemask, or let him in. Damn it. Peeling the cucumbers off her eyes and tossing them aside, she quickly ran for the front door, practically tripping as she reached it. “First door to the right. Do not puke on my mother's rug, it’s not the same thing as gluing back a piece of her vase. ”
“I am not drunk enough to play horse again, and you’re way too tall for me to carry on my back anyways!”
Shoving open her window, she tossed out her physics textbook, knowing the sheer weight of it dropping near him would be a shock. “It’s a no from me, try two houses down, they’re a little hard of hearing.”
[ TO: Vincent Adler ] > You do have me contemplating murder all the time > But I would rip the lungs out of anyone that hurt you> I love you, you idiot, you’re one of my best friends
