Deadpool Comic Appearance Details #347
Fear Itself: Deadpool #1 Written by Christopher Hastings, Art by Bong Dazo and Joe Pimentel 2011-08
[The plot of this arc centers around HAMMERS. No, not THAT kind of Hammer, Deadpool]
So, we start our scene in a living room with Deadpool, a typical middle-class white couple, and a pair of construction type guys. Deadpool is apparently selling a home security system.
CRAZY/REP: [Deadpool]: THIS is a BAD guy. And he just broke into your house! Bu-- [Husband]: Do you typically carry a skull on you? [Deadpool]: Yes I do. [Yellow]: Skulls are cool. [Deadpool]: Skulls are cool. Now, as I was SAYING…
The sales pitch doesn't go very well when a powered-up Juggernaut plows through the building. The couple dismiss Deadpool as a fraud, and his contractors want to leave.
REFERENCE: [Deadpool]: YOU people, you always know where the money's hidden. [White]: Plumbers ALWAYS know. [Deadpool]: It's cool, man. Plumbers are cool. [Contractor]: We're not plumbers. [With one tall and thin guy and the other short and fat, in overalls, they kinda resemble Mario and Luigi, plumbers who do indeed always know where to find hidden coins]
The contractors leave. Depressed, Deadpool flops down onto the couple's chair and flips on their television, where he hears about the Fear Itself event plot.
While he decides he doesn't stand a chance against these powered-up guys, a shadowy figure pulls out a missile launcher and blows up the contractors in their truck as they're driving away.
HERO/CRAZY: [Deadpool]: Explosion! [White]: You love explosions! [Yellow]: I DO love explo--
Deadpool is smacked in the head with a sludge hammer.
HERO/CRAZY: [Yellow]: If "A-rated" villain plus "A-rated" hammer make "A++" unbeatable villain… then "F-Rated" hammer plus… [White]: You… concerned at all about those plumbers? [Yellow]: The what?
The mysterious figure reports that he "got them" and leaves the sight while the contractors pull themselves out of the wreckage and then run away with "it" (which they'll come back for later)
Meanwhile, at Deadpool's place…
QUEER: So we have a picture of a fit woman with Bea Arthur's head taped onto it, a conventionally attractive fit Asian man with a goatee. Beside him on the desk is a half eaten pizza, a naked Barbie, a 70$ laundry bill, a jarred frog, medications, and other assorted junk.
HEALING: Deadpool has a large bump on his head from where the sludge hammer hit him.
CLOTHES: Deadpool is wearing sport shorts and a sleeveless sports top: "Hic Beer 7". The pants are riding low and we see his ass crack.
Deadpool is checking out various villains and determines that Walrus is the right guy, the one Deadpool has deemed "worthy of this totally sweet hammer".
QUEER: Yes, Deadpool has totally bejeweled the sludge hammer.
Later, at a monster truck rally…
CRAZY: [Yellow]: Oh, I hope I'm right about this. [White]: Law enforcement hasn't found the Walrus in FIFTEEN years. YOU just want an excuse to see monster trucks.
Fortunately, luck is with Deadpool and he thinks he sees the guy who used to be Walrus acting a mechanic for the monster trucks. He seems like a timid guy, but he has actually rigged the monster trucks to explode and release a giant swarm of wasps. Walrus rips off his clothes to reveal his Walrus costume.
QUEER/CRAZY: [Yellow]: Oh, good. It looks like he's taking off his clothes. I'd better follow him. [White]: I know you're being sarcastic but you're not stopping either.
So Deadpool continues to follow Walrus, whose evil plan seems to be stealing 54$ out of the wallet of the driver whose truck just exploded with flaming bees. It is all around pretty pathetic.
[Yellow]: I don't even…
So Deadpool continues his spying, hang-gliding overhead as Walrus crosses a park.
CRAZY: [White]: Now, I know the dynamite was on sale… [Deadpool]: Yeah, I WIPED out that section of Costco. [White]: But I'm getting concerned. [Yellow]: We just got excited about EXPLOSIVES after seeing that van explode! [White]: You don't have to strap explosives to everything. [Yellow]: Explosives make it convincing!
It is the bejeweled hammer that Deadpool tosses down in front of Walrus.
The Walrus is thrilled to have a mystical hammer. Deadpool flies into a flock of ducks which mangle his glider and set off the rest of his dynamite.
CRAZY: [White]: You brought too much. [Yellow]: Shut up.
So Walrus takes the hammer back to his apartment and uses it to smash a few appliances. He doesn't feel any different and wonders if he needs to microwave it…
That's when Deadpool appears wearing a witch's hat, frown mask, and tattered robe.
HERO: [Deadpool]: I am the Specter of Mass Destruction. And you, Hubert Carpenter, have been chosen to be one of the bearers of a Hammer of Mass Destruction. [Walrus]: I'm sorry, Specter, I think there might have been a mistake. That hammer doesn't really do anything. [Deadpool]: Ah, but it SHALL! There is potential that needs to be unlocked, in both the hammer.. AND YOU!
So Deadpool as the Specter sends Walrus to the same location those plumber-contractors said their next job was at, since we all know that plumbers know where all the hidden gold is.
HERO: [Deadpool]: And then… They'll pay me handsomely to brutally beat your fat heiny out of town.
Meanwhile the plumber-contractors are back at the sight where their van was exploded, but they can't find the hammer. They don't understand where it could have gone, since it's powers should be undetectable at the moment. They must find it, or the people of the town will be slaughtered…
Dun dun dun!








