#queerhaus

[barbaeg]

when u and ur roommates all have tumblr

[slimmeroo]

oh tumblr i forgot to tell you about my week

at open mic night, i ran into a dude named fey, who told me and milly a story about spending time in a scientologist camp for troubled youth (”troubled” in his case meaning “gay”)

at the same bar a 60-year-old man (i know because he told us) was trying to get the attention of me and my friends and ended up referring to us collectively as “bitches” so I yelled at him to cool his jets in an shut-up-or-i’ll-fight-you tone while kaycee yelled at him to have a good evening and to take care of himself. #dialectics

i went out with my bff for her birthday and we discovered a super cool bar not that far from our apt building!! after that, i played wingman while she drunkenly made out with a very handsome, bearded middle-eastern dude who then ended up giving us his life story, which included murdering his abusive chicago cop daddy, spending 6 years in a juvenile prison for it, and getting out so that he could “climb towers” for a living. i would’ve called bullshit, but i think he was way too drunk to make that up or lie that convincingly, and also he still had his prison ID on him.

then felicity took him back to our apartment and shaved his head. (????)

she quickly decided he was “too clingy” and i was tasked with trying to get him home for the night. we drove around from 2am to 3:30am trying to find his hotel, but he didn’t ask his friends where he was staying, and he was too new to KC to have any clue where it could be. he slept on me and milly’s couch that night.

while felicity was making out with said dude, i was making out with her coworker/ex-crush, a very handsome trans dude. after i dropped off Mr. Beardy Ex-Con, i ended up going to his house to drink on his porch (he lives two doors down because all of my friends are also my neighbors??). we met his bff’s awesome dog and hung out for another hour, then we banged. it was 5am by the time i actually fell asleep.

i spent the weekend with connor and we went to walmart around 10pm to get groceries, and took his family’s yorkie with us. i asked him if she was going to poop on the floor (she is a notorious floor-pooper), and he assured me she wouldn’t. he was partially right-- she didn’t poop on the floor! she pooped in a cart.

we were on our way out when a group of young ladies outside the door asked us if we’d like to donate to charity. we declined, and as we were walking away, the oldest (probably the mom) ran up to us and delicately asked if we were a couple. we said  yes, and she asked if it would mind kissing for a photo, because they needed it for a scavenger hunt. we obliged, and the two younger girls (probably ~13-16) shrieked and went “SOOO CUUUTE.” as we were walking away connor went “huh, wow! that’s the first time i’ve been exploited like that for being queer!” like it was an achievement

i’m also dating connor now and he keeps calling me “mr. boyfriend”

we’re doing the open relationship thing and Makeout Buddy Trans Dude is poly as fuck so i guess i’m doing this nonmonogamy thing for reals now?? #nice

all of this happened literally within the last week. going to bars and chatting with strangers is a good time and a good way to get wild stories. westport is either full of really wild people or really good liars, but i don’t think it matters which. happy summer~~~~~

[slimmeroo]

tomorrow, seth bluecap01 is cccCCOOMIN’ TO QUEERHAUS !!!

[slimmeroo]

for real all of my friends are such beautiful people, i’m surrounded every day by people who are fashionable and pretty and smart and fun to be around, it’s amazing

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apparently at queerhaus now whenever someone does a (particularly nasty) shot, they’re supposed to yell “I AM AWAITED IN VALHALLA, WITNESS ME” and then everyone else has to do the warboy salute

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look at my weird face and this perfect squishy baby sleepin on me

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there’s a group of loud, rowdy people who just moved in on the corner of my block and they’re so. they’re so obnoxious, you guys. so obnoxious. they get really loud and shout at the wee hours of the morning and it’s just. oh my god. i can’t tell if they’re trying to make music or what, it’s really annoying.

tonight i went drinking with some of my school pals, and i have been home for a while. but, just now, i stepped out on my balcony and shouted back “DUDE, SHUT UP. GET IT TOGETHER.” at the group down on the corner, because i am that fed up/uninhibited at the moment. they stopped being loud after i yelled at them, so apparently being a rude neighbor totally works sometimes?????

it. it’s been a weird day. happy wednesday.

[slimmeroo]

just spent like 2hrs drunkskyping with dandyskeleton and cyberosa hahaha nice