#questioning advice

[queerpride]

"Don't fret if it takes time. Time to realize, time to accept, time to explore, time to settle. It's never to late to be 100% your authentic self. People will still love you. YOU will love you. It can only get better from here."

— Anonymous, Pride 2024: Who We Are 🌈(survey)

[aroflux-culture-is]

Hi! I'm sorry if it's inappropriate, I just wanted some advice or such, if it's okay with you. I basically spent most of my teenage years identifying as aro, that's it, that was sure for me, because I don't experience romantic love, but I'm kinda confused now because I always see descriptions with "lack of romantic attraction/desire" and I know I have fluctuating desire for a romantic relationship and I don't experience romantic love, but is it part of being aro at this point? The thing about ro love? I'm confused, I would be grateful for a clarification!

hi there! so, many aro people are completely aro in the sense that they don’t have any romantic attraction, but desire for romance is different than attraction, so if you have no romantic attraction but still have a fluctuating desire for romance/a romantic relationship, you’re still aro! there’s actually a term for that as well, for when you don’t experience romantic attraction but experience a fluctuating desire for a relationship, called cupioromanticflux if you want to check it out :3

[questioning-culture-is]

i like they/he pronouns and i don't automatically think of myself as a guy, but being non binary doesn't feel enough somehow and i really want to be a trans guy. am i trans or do i just have like an internalised prejudice that nb people aren't trans enough?

hey anon,

you can be both!! there are nonbinary guys and nonbinary trans guys, those aren't mutually exclusive. You could also be a demiboy, paraboy, offboy, boyflux or bigender. You can also just say you are transmasc.

hope that helps!!

@transmasc-culture-is @demigender-culture-is @boyflux-culture-is @bigender-culture-is

-toni

[iconicsapphics]

Questioning was at least a solid year of longing to be a lesbian but telling myself I couldn’t be. So if you’re in the same situation—wishing you were a lesbian so you didn’t have to like men, but saying you like men so you can’t be a lesbian—you don’t like men and you’re a lesbian

[disasterbisexual-moved]

how do you tell if you’re demi or aro if you’ve never been in a relationship before. im asking you because you are bi and apparently a disaster and thats a mood

I sure am!

hmm, tbh it depends on the person. people who aren’t aromantic have the potential to develop a crush on a stranger on sight. and I mean, they haven’t even talked to this person, and know basically next to nothing about them aside from the fact that they’re cute. 

a demiromantic person probably a) thinks crushing on people you just met is ridiculous because that doesn’t happen for them, or b) finds themself having weirdly disconnected thoughts, e.g. “I really, really wanna get to know this person, holy fuck.” 

you probably won’t know if you’re aro or grey/demi until you actually get to know people and either do or don’t begin to experience romantic feelings for them. if you’re aro, you won’t feel drawn to your friends in a new and intense way once you have a deep emotional connection with them. if you’re demi, you most likely will realize you’re starting to crush on someone you started out as friends with a couple months into the friendship. 

sometimes, though, aro people can convince themselves that they feel romantic attraction even when they don’t, because that’s what society expects of them. if you only start to catch feelings for somebody because your mental checklist of what it means to be dating someone matches up to your unique friendship, you’re probably not feeling any actual attraction to them. 

that being said, aro people can still participate in romantic practices! if you’re not romance repulsed, dating people shouldn’t cause you any emotional harm or distress. perhaps you see it as having a different love language than your partner, which is as simple as “I don’t like it when people buy me gifts, but they LOVE getting gifts from me.” hope this helps!

[closetedlesbianthoughts]

i just want all my girls who are questioning themselves and still trying to figure out how they feel about girls to know that it’s okay not to know, it’s okay to be confused, and it’s okay to take your time. and if you never figure it out and you never decide on a label for yourself, that’s also fine. you are loved just the way you are. 

[cauliflowergnocchidyke]

So much of questioning your sexuality is... trying the label on for size? Like I fantastized constantly in my head about not being with boys but I was so afraid to use the term lesbian and define myself as a lesbian that I actually reminded myself in the fantasies about NOT being with boys that i DID like boys. And being referred to as a lesbian the first time was a complete accident on my friend's part but it felt so right that I realized I was one. Like, all the pieces can fit, but sometimes if you dont just use the freaking label you can be totally oblivious. Im not saying that everyone needs a label or that it's not really scary when you first use a label youre not sure is right for you. But just trying it out, even just whispering into your mirror at 3am, can be so helpful in your journey of figuring out who you are.