#questioning ask

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

Is it normal for other aces to have "sexual thoughts " like I wonderr how it would be like to do x or y with someone but have no actual desire to actually do so. And also, do other aces have freaky thoughts/more libido when their period is approaching? - A confused ace that feels worthless everytime this shit happens.

hi mod amaranth back at it

yeah that's totally normal. the period thing has a biological basis (something something hormones). asexuals can have and enjoy sex. asexuals can hate sex and never do it. asexuals can do whatever the fuck they want tbh as long as consent is involved.

[aro-but-not-ace]

Hey there! I have a question and maybe you have some insights ? I identify as arospec gay (figuring this out since about a year now?) But somehow I have developed some feelings for another person who identifies as greyro lesbian and so did they for me… We both don’t understand what this is, because it’s definitely not romantic… but we do like each other..?

Pardon my French but RESPECTFULLY WTF IS THIS?

Can you help or do you have some advice ?

Hey! As a fellow arospec gay person I can try my best to help. :)

I’m not sure what kind of attraction it could be, since I’m not sure what feelings you’re associating with them. But here’s a list of some other kinds of attraction to look into:

Aesthetic attraction: an attraction to how the person looks. Usually described as “you could look at them all day”

Sensual attraction: wanting to have physical (but not sexual) affection with this person. An example of this in a non-romantic context is cuddling with friends.

Alterous attraction: this has different meanings to different people, but generally, it’s a type of attraction that’s not categorized with other common types of attractions. I personally see it as wanting to have an emotional closeness with someone (in a way that isn’t platonic or romantic).

There are a few other types of attraction, but these are the few I can think of off the top of my head that aren’t sexual, romantic, or platonic. I would recommend maybe talking through your connection and thinking about what you want to do.

If you decide to get into a relationship, there are other kinds of interpersonal relationships besides romantic, sexual, and platonic ones. The most common are queerplatonic relationships, which is flexible in its meaning, but usually falls between what’s commonly perceived as a romantic and platonic relationship. There are also soft romo relationships, which are like romantic relationships, but toned down a bit (in a way where the general alloromantic population would see it as different, I think).

Here’s a chart that may help to communicate what you’re feeling, but remember that you can feel things from different boxes and you don’t have to fit into just one!

And here’s a link that explains some of the terms I used and a few more:

https://www.aromanticism.org/en/attraction-relationship-terms

I hope this helped a decent amount, and I wish both of you good luck!!

This glossary is a continuously updating record of terms that have been and are being used in the aromantic community regarding attraction a

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

is there a flag for someone who is not sure about their gender identity AND their sexuality?

howdy! mod amaranth here

so it appears that there isn't an official flag for questioning at all? i'm not actually very well versed in flags, and this info is from a quick cursory google search, so i think i'll leave this one to the community!!

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

Hi again, is there a term for being partially reciprosexual? Cause for me I generally won't develope rom/sexual feelings for someone unless ik they could possibly have them for me, but I also don't end up in love with everyone who shows attraction towards me? I might be misunderstanding reciprosexual tbh. I also don't tend to fall in love with friends once I'm close to someone platonically? Idk if that's a thing. Sorry for the rambling I just don't have anyone else to ask

hey! mod amaranth here

so i think that the experience you're describing is, in fact, reciprosexual! unfortunately, i don't know a more specific label for this particular experience, but yes, i do believe that reciprosexual is among the appropriate ones you can use!

as for not tending to fall for people you're close to platonically, i believe that you may want to look in fraysexual and/or frayromantic as a starting point! fraysexual is when you only feel sexual attraction to people you aren't close with, but generally also lose that attraction as you get to know them (frayromantic is its romantic counterpart). it may not entirely encompass your experience, but it seems like a good starting point for further research :))

hope this helps! <3

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

What is the different in oriented aroace and angled aroace?? I am so confused about who i am and i don't know if i am oriented or angled aroace :(

Hello! Mod Amaranth here

My understanding is that oriented aroaces feel no or very little romantic or sexual attraction, while angled aroaces feel some!

Hope this helps! <2

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

what does platonic attraction feel like? how do i know if im experiencing it? also is greyplatonic or even demiplatonic a thing? how do they work?

hey! mod amaranth here

i found a handy reddit ask that you can peruse for some more in detail answers, but the general consensus on what platonic attraction feels like is a warmth or excitement over being with someone that lacks certain hallmarks of romantic attraction. personally, it's an urge to spend more time with someone, but without the urge for it to be romantic (although i don't feel romantic attraction, so)

being aplatonic is spectrum just like other parts of the aspec! so, yes, grayplatonic and demiplatonic are existing labels :)) i myself nebulously identify as demiplatonic!!

hope this helps! <3

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

i've been questioning if im arospec for a few months now and its driving me a bit nuts just doing it on my own so- - I used to think i had crushes but when i look back at them it was just aesthetic attraction - I love imagining myself in a romantic relationship but whenever someone suggests it irl my gut just goes "oh hell no fuck off". especially when someone says i "need" one - I only realized recently that the people asking me to prom were in fact, legitimately asking me to prom and not trying to make fun of me. i didnt want to go to prom anyway, the thought of it made me uncomfy and im not sure whether that was anxiety or the romantic part of it - I didn't realize people actually felt romantic attraction in like, less than a few months of knowing someone. I always thought that it took longer and people who got into relationships in less time than that were just desperate (which is a pretty rude thought of course, i know better now, but i still dont get it yknow?) I think neurodivergence is definitely affecting my romantic attraction too and i know i could just go unlabeled but im struggling rn

hi!! mod amaranth here

so unfortunately i think i can only provide suggestions for some parts of your ask. i'm not entirely sure about much for the prom bit.

I used to think i had crushes but when i look back at them it was just aesthetic attraction

I didn't realize people actually felt romantic attraction in like, less than a few months of knowing someone

these are both not uncommon experiences in the aro community!! i know i experienced both lmao (or something similar). i know the second one is especially common within the demiromantic community, i believe (do not quote me on this dfjkdf). demiromantic is an orientation where you only feel romantic attraction after forming an emotional bond first.

I love imagining myself in a romantic relationship but whenever someone suggests it irl my gut just goes "oh hell no fuck off"

i think aegromantic might be something you'll want to look into! it's an orientation where you enjoy the idea of romance, but don't want to actually have one. i once heard its sexual counterpart, aegosexual, described as 'in the head, not in the bed', and i think that's a very good description!!

I think neurodivergence is definitely affecting my romantic attraction

there are microlabels for that!! the only one i know of is nebularomantic, which is where your neurodivergence makes it difficult for you to distinguish between romantic and platonic attraction.

hope this helps!! <2