FALMOUTH FALCONS CAUSE A QUITE A ‘QUAFFLE’ AT OPENING MATCH OF THE BRITISH AND IRISH LEAGUE - CHUDLEY CANNONS NEW FAVOURITES TO WIN THE 2015 LEAGUE
Ginny Weasley, Senior Quidditch Correspondent.
Hold on to your broomsticks ladies and gentlemen, Quidditch season has kicked off with the British and Irish Quidditch League, with the European League starting next month.
The second week of league matches has just begun, but betting brokers are still reeling after the incredible performance from the Falmouth Falcons against the Montrose Magpies last. The Falcons, notorious for their fierce, and sometimes violent style of play, caused such a commotion during play that they quickly overtook the Magpies, scoring 170 points in the space of 35 minutes. However by the act of some kind God, the Magpies managed to get their act together and clawed their way up to score a measly 20 points in that same time frame, before catching the Snitch and tying with the Falcons.
The Falmouth Falcons then went on to obliterate the Tutshill Tornadoes, winning 280 to 70, but not until the beaters, Jimmy and Timmy Broadmoor (grandsons to Karl and Kevin Broadmoor, respectively, infamous for being suspended 14 times during their 1958 to 1969 for their persistent rule breaking) decided to cause a ruckus by enchanting the Bludgers to fly into the crowd shortly after their win, causing St Mungo’s to be slightly overwhelmed by broken bones, sprained joints, and one case of a precariously lodged splinter (I won’t say where, this is a family paper.)
But in the midst of the anarchy of the Falcons play, the leagues favourites to win this season, the Chudley Cannon’s, are truly proving their worth. The last few years, they’ve come quite close to the bottom, if not the bottom of the league table. Lest we forget that awful match against Puddlemere United in 2004, where the Cannon’s performance was so bad, that their manager, Ragmar Dorkin’s (known for his fainting spell in September 1999, when the Cannon’s beat the Falcon’s), stood up, screamed, and disapparated and was not seen for the next 3 months.
I haven’t been able to be present at a few matches, I’ve been (unfortunately) working alongside my colleague, Rita Skeeter, on some ‘interesting’ future works. But I was informed, by my sons, James and Albus that the Wimborne Wasps match against Puddlemere United, where they suffered a catastrophic loss of 340 points to 30. They told me that it “was a very funny match” and that “they had never seen grown men cry so hard, not since dad had realised he was starting to go grey”. Needless to say I laughed along with them and was told to ‘bugger off’ by my husband.
Week two of the British and Irish League shall most certainly prove to be an interesting one. This is Ginny Weasley for The Daily Prophet, signing off. (And wishing all the best to the Holyhead Harpies! Not that I’m biased or anything.)