#rambles with fred

[thecrispydemon]

I really appreciate that in the fictionkin community I don’t have to worry about acting “canon accurate” to be seen as me. In the past that was something I was more insecure about, it’s a relief to know that i can be a complex person, while still being fully valid in my fictionkinnity.

[thecrispydemon]

As funny as this moment is, I think it’s pretty revealing. There’s an earlier scene where Freddy and Jason face off in the dream world; of course Freddy has the upper hand and we get a glimpse into Jason’s mind, which he’s apparently afraid of water (as dumb as that is). When Lori pulls Freddy out of the dream world the dynamic shifts and we get a glimpse of what Freddy’s afraid of. As Jason approaches them both He knows he’s vulnerable in the physical world and not as physically strong as Jason, thus losing his control. Power and control is something Freddy craves and he’ll do anything to maintain it.

[thecrispydemon]

Things Change

I really hate that I’m at the point that more in depth analysis of the Nightmare franchise makes me nervous. I used to be able to enjoy it as a fan; I’m going through a period where I’m processing how my identity puts a barrier to just enjoy something.

Not that I wasn’t aware of this, I just had more of the perspective of I’m not hurting anyone, so therefore it’s fine, which is true to an extent. The painful truth is that a lot of people won’t really understand, because a lot of people can’t fathom how you can look at a sadistic murderer and think “that’s me” without thinking the worst. Even though I didn’t discover this about myself through relatability, I honestly can’t blame them, because it is true there is nothing sympathetic about me in canon, and I wouldn’t want to change that. I used to believe I had a lot of similarities to my canon self; I’m learning how untrue that really is, and it’s been painful. It’s not that I don’t like who I am or self hatred , what’s painful is being forcibly disconnected from my fictotype. I took a lot of pride and empowerment from the idea of being similar to who I am in canon, now that’s changed, my mental shifts bring attention to my internal conflict. I’m still me and I’m not giving up, I just think this is a new chapter of my identity evolving.

[thecrispydemon]

I reblogged a post that was an excerpt of an article where Robert Englund claimed that I’m asexual; I posted my thoughts from a more fandom perspective, but I want to ramble about it as myself. I ain’t entirely sure what my sexuality is, but I know it ain’t straight that’s for sure! It’s a I don’t care if it’s red wine or white wine but the wine itself situation. I still consider the possibility of being asexual since I have a hard time finding anyone attractive except aesthetically. In the past the only times I’ve felt any sexual attraction towards anyone was with friends (sadly I don’t think it woulda worked out).

For most of my childhood I felt no attraction whatsoever, and I thought dating was the dumbest thing ever. Come to think of it the only time I was ever asked out it was a joke. It felt like a waste of time to think about dating classmates that hate me, so I kinda just “shut down” sexually. Most of my energy was spent just trying to get by, which affects me to this day. I’m a chronic pessimist I’m extremely guarded and suspicious of people that it takes trust for me to be sexually attracted to them.

[thecrispydemon]

I really feel cursed sometimes. I can have casual conversations with people and it seemed to go well, but I really struggle with making friends. I’m not sure what it is because we’ll have the same interests and they seem receptive, but when I finally make the step to keep in touch I’m just ghosted over and over.

[thecrispydemon]

I think part 6 had the right idea of making Freddy a family man. Considering how many murders he committed, and how long he got away with it, it doesn’t really make sense to make him very visibly “other”. What I like about Freddy’s Dead, is that Freddy looks approachable, it’s more believable for him to be able to lure victims without suspicion. It’s more realistic to how actual predators operate. When I think about the original Nightmare on Elm Street, the idea of Freddy being this greasy disheveled old man, sure it’s scary, but it’s very much a pop cultural idea of what a predator is. Some greasy man living in some hole somewhere. When in reality, the real horror is that you can’t always identify evil.

[thecrispydemon]

Sometimes I see people head canon Freddy as autistic, which there’s nothing wrong with that, and as an autistic person myself, I find this comforting. However I think it’s important to realize that personality disorders have a lot of overlapping symptoms with autism, and there’s nothing wrong with relating to those experiences if you don’t have the same disorder.

[thecrispydemon]

Connecting with my Fictotype Through Meditation

Sometimes before going to sleep I try meditating. I often imagine myself waking up in the Elm Street house. A lot don’t realize this, but In order to infest the human world, a demon has to have a host, whether that’s an object or a place. After the first film that house was host to my spirit.

The outside of the bedroom window is starless, and liminal. To the right neatly folded on a chair is my sweater, with my hat and glove placed on top, just waiting for me. I’ve worn that sweater for ages, and it feels like it too, I’m not sure why I like it so much. I might not have an explanation for my sweater, but my glove I certainly do. The soft aged leather, the weight of the metal plates, the gleam of a freshly sharp blade. A design I built to give me everything I ever wanted, revenge, worth, and power.

I take in my reflection, which is a mix of euphoria and longing. I head downstairs to the living room where a fire is lit in the fire place. I’ll sit, or stand watching the flames, eventually closing my eyes to let my mind wonder wherever it wants to take me.