#ramblingpost

[thedigitaliscollective]

I hate how I always have to apologize for my anxiety to other people, because it makes them uncomfortable.

I hate how I can’t sleep and it used to disturb my ex on a biblical level, because I couldn’t keep the same work hours he did, so he could keep an eye on me

I hate how one of my partners has his own triggers but couldn’t care less that i do too.

I hate my flashbacks and how I get locked in them and other people don’t understand my rage and confusion even when I’ve told them about my life and what I think to be the root of them, but with DID you just don’t know sometimes.

I hate how i am a prisoner in my own head to that shitty voice that keeps telling me I can’t, that I’m not trying hard enough, that I’m a fake that I deserved everything i got.

I hate how I switch and some people don’t like some of my alters so they try to tell me not to let them front when they are around, which by the way is a very abusive way to try to control someone else’s system. I wouldn’t be able to control that for long if at all anyways.

FUCK.

[devoteetodeath]

My Introduction and Journey through my Spirituality

As a way to journal to myself, and to get this blog a little more active(because the gods know I’m terrible as heck about keeping accounts active) I’ve decided to try and make a post for how I came into the world of paganims, witchcraft, and my spirituality as a whole.

I’m torn between whether I classify myselsf as a baby witch or not. I wouldn’t excatly say I’m new to paganism or being a witch as I first discovered that witchcraft, wicca, and paganism were actually real when I was in my teens. My mom, a pagan, gave me my first books to read and really sparked my interest. That being said, I was 12 at the time, and I personally, don’t feel I was properly prepared. I read the books available to me at the time such as Silver Ravenwolf and Scott Cunningham. I, for the longest time, believed Wicca and Witchcraft to be one and the same-- obviously I know better now-- and I can safely say I never attempted spells at my age because I didn’t know how to properly do them. I would attempt my own Sabbat rituals and... that was about it. I grew away from that part of my life as I dealt with puberty and school. 

Several years later, I was able to get back to it here and there. I still worked on my tarot workings; and I did meditations when I could fit them in. I was older, still retained some of the information from my younger years, but ready to dive back into it... Well, starting a family soon became the focal point of  my life as my son came unexpectedly into my life and again my craft got pushed back to the back burner. Now, as a woman almost in her 30s-- I don’t regret waiting and letting myself get my life in order. Within the past two years alone I’ve gained more knowledge-- most of which I didn’t quite have from the books available at the time and have seen growth in my spirituality and my path. I’m far from figuring it out and if I were asked on the spot what I label my craft as; the answer would be- eclectic. I’m more of a fan of herbs than I am crystals. I worship a deity, but don’t work with one yet. I’m terrified to attempt spirit work at the time being because I know I’m not properly knowledgeable or prepared for that in my craft at this time. I enjoy kitchen witchery and adding magickal to my mundane daily life.

I won’t claim to be knowledgeable on everything because I’m not. My craft and practice will always be an ongoing study session and I am perfectly fine with that. I’m not really sure what the point of this post was besides just really wanting to take time and get my own thoughts and story onto paper. It’s by no means a play-by-play of my witchy side of life but it feels nice being able to be open about it :) 

[maplehavenspring]

I am so grateful for my boring life! In the storms from hurricane Michael, we ended up with one tree coming down. It didn’t land on anything important or do any damage. Meanwhile, finishing out the grading for the first quarter of school, healing the second, failed cartilage piercing I suddenly needed at 44 (2 at once? What am I, 16?! I don’t heal that way anymore! Note to self: 44 is NOT the new 20!), writing next quarter’s plans, trying to find fun stuff to do in Middle School that makes kids want to come to class. Because middle school. *shudder*

[themostbeautifulpokemon]

// Just a quick psa, I guess? I wanted to make this known for awhile now because of the nature of my muse. But, please, never ever limit your muse during interactions with mine. If you want to have your character insult Ruby based on a sensitive topic in his life, please go ahead and do it. As long as it’s within your muse’s character (I’m looking at you, Sapphire), then I have no qualms with it. There’s a difference between you believing those things and your muse believing those things, so it’s okay. :D

[themostbeautifulpokemon]

// I love how set in his ways Ruby is in ORAS about how he is. He’s a contest star and appearantly a clothing designer and he’s so happy about it and so proud of who he is, and I love it. He’s finally coming to terms with who he is. Plus, we’re now seeing how he’s adopted a serious side to handle serious situations.

But that also means another thing. Since both Ruby and Sapphire’s personalities have no real room to improve any more, there’s really only one development in their characters one could focus on...

Franticshipping forever

[askraymondshields]

// I've gotta say, it's not the strongest series of the bunch, but Yugioh Zexal has so many strong and interesting female characters that it's a nice change from the series' usual stereotypes regarding female characters.

Zexal as a whole has some really solid moments, actually. I'm enjoying it.

[askraymondshields]

// There are times when, despite not really caring for genders, I hate being anywhere near the "male" side of things. Even if I don't have a gender, there are so precious few people in my life that know that. My parents still treat me as a male and even crack jokes as if I'd want to do extremely sexist things simply because of that. I don't want to be anything even close to a man and that's just how it is. As much as I hate the physical aspect of it just for how it makes me feel, I can at least get past that part. It's the mental part that gets to me. So often men as a whole can be terrible people and do terrible, sexist things, which results in all men being categorised. I know that's not how it is, obviously, but just that thought that people would loop me in with insane sexist creeps is a horrible feeling. I know I'm really just complaining, but it's a really horrible feeling for me. I don't ever want to have to be seen in that light. I don't want to be a big strong man or do whatever it is cool GUYS do. I want to write about big strong knights falling in love or dorky guys in fedoras offering hugs to people. I want to look at clothes in a store window and mumble to myself about how pretty they are (Yeah, I'm a dork and a weirdo, I know). I just don't see why NOT doing that things makes you a man. A man is apparently defined by his neverending sex drive and his big strong muscles and I hate it. I'm so angry that I keep seeing cases of men killing women in the news. I don't care what the reason is. Even when I was 11 or 12, I had this personal belief that women were superior to men, and everyone thought it was so weird that a "boy" would think like that. Maybe it's just because seeing all the sexism in the world is a terrible thing. Either way, I don't give a shit anymore, and I don't want to be annoyed by that sort of thing anymore. It's nice to ramble about this sort of thing, which is why I do it all the time, but I'm done trying to actively avoid things because hearing about whatever sexist thing men are doing next is so awful to hear about. I'm going to try to ignore that and do my own, stupid thing over in the corner. I'm gonna learn to cook and sew because both of those are things I want to learn and have for awhile now, and I'm not gonna learn how to fix an engine or how football works. And I'm still going to tell people how awful sexism is and glare at my friends when they make needlessly crude sex jokes. Because genders in general are the freaking worst. Thank you for listening to me rant about it for the millionth time as I selfishly try to make myself feel better. It really does help to type it out in a post.

[themostbeautifulpokemon]

// The scene with Norman and Ruby fighting was not censored at all... which, frankly, I'm okay with. This is the fist time I'm reading the American versions and I have to say that the scene wouldn't have been nearly as strong without Norman's... cruel parenting. He's NOT a perfect parent or even that good of a parent, but that fight turns into a sort of learning experience for him about his differences from his son and how he has to accept they'll never be exactly alike. He learns he has to make sacrifices of what HE wants his son to do in favour of what his son himself wants, which is a pretty valuable lesson.

(I'm also glad he doesn't make the "that's what a true man would do" comment in this version.)