#ramm-zeppelin

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Long time, no personal posts; me yesterday hanging out with my nephew (sisters bearded dragon).

Still alive, by some miracle.

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Edit 19/8/21: I'm leaning more towards ADHD at this point, but no doubt on neurodivergent

One thing people need to realise about autism, is a formal diagnosis is very hard to get, especially if you're AFAB and been dismissed most of your life. One of my therapists 6 years ago asked me to take a test and these were the results:

I was 19 when I took that test and I'm now 25, accepting I am autistic, without a formal diagnosis.

And previous therapists had said I have autistic traits. My mother said she wanted to send me to a speech pathologist when I was younger (4) because I was lagging with communication and had odd behaviours, but decided not to for some reason.

Trust people who self diagnose because chances are, they haven't been given the opportunities others have.

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I think this sums up my experience (talking to my male best friend)

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Just autistic things; I have a wallclock in my room but haven't put batteries in it because the ticking noise overwhelms me 😂

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This might be long but here goes;

I'm on medication now, have been for a month. And it has helped a lot. I've had so many mental health crises in the past, and therapy has helped, medication was recommended, but not encouraged.

I hit a low in 2020, and was discovered by family members dissociating and bordering on psychosis. They booked me in for medical help against my will but now I'm glad they did.

Mental illness is not linear, or an aesthetic, or a 'mood'

I've gone through various things in life, various mental states.

For the first time I feel fully supported, and able to not be ashamed to ask for help.

I'm medicated and that's a good thing.

I haven't had flashbacks, panic attacks, dissociation, anxiety, sensory overload in what feels like forever.

I'm mid 20's. I've been dealing with mental illness and neurodivergency my whole life.

Now it feels like I have a chance to progress.

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Heres to not knowing how to smile in photos 😂