14. Sickness
"Would you please - for once - do as I say, at least this time?"
Jimin looked at me, already being annoyed due to his countless tries to get me to a doctor.
"Of course not. Otherwise I would have listened to you way earlier. It’s not that bad."
He grunted frustrated and let himself fall onto the couch next to me, while his gaze never left me – watching me like a hawk.
"But it would be better for you."
"That's what you say.", I argued and stood up, feeling a little wobbly on my legs but I would never admit that openly to him. If I did, he would drag me to a doctor, or worse, to a hospital and I wouldn’t get the important work done I planned to finish that day.
"It's not that hard to stay at home for one day if you're not feeling good."
I rolled my eyes at him but I was currently on my way to the kitchen with my back towards him, so he couldn't see it.
"I'm perfectly fine, Jimin. You're just overreacting." I said while I looked for some cereals. ... Of course they had to be on the top shelf.
I stood on my tiptoes when I heard his voice getting louder, signaling he was on his way into the kitchen as well.
"You fainted.", he stated matter-of-factly. "I don't think that you're perfectly fi-".
Before he could end that sentence I felt how my legs got weaker and everything began to rotate in front of my eyes. My hands automatically reached for the thing closest to me to steady myself.
"Jagi?!"
Before I knew it, one of my hands clutched at our kitchen counter and the other one was buried deep in his shirt. I closed my eyes for a second, letting my head fall a bit forward, hoping the rollercoaster before my eyes would stop eventually.
“Hey…”, his voice was soft and full of worry. Suddenly one of his strong arms was curled around my waist to hold me up and he touched my forehead with his other hand. I noticed how he held me a little closer while speaking.
"You're burning. That's it. I'm taking you to the doctor."
And with that said, I felt my feet leaving the ground I was standing on.
"No, Jimin, you don't have to carry me..."
I felt betrayed by my own voice because it sounded so weak just in that moment.
"No, you no longer have a say in this.” he paused, to adjust me in his arms, holding me bridal style.
“You just proofed that you are lying to yourself and are not able to make rational choices on your own anymore.”
His voice sounded concerned and certain when he said this and that was when I knew my arguing wouldn't change a thing for him anymore - and somehow this realization made me feel even more warm and cozy.
It made me feel safe.
He took such good care of me.
Even when I didn't.
With that in mind, I leaned my head against his firm chest as he was carrying me out of our apartment. "Okay...", I agreed, voice small and sleepy, letting my eyes fall close, listening to his steady heartbeat beneath my ear.
Everything just went by in a blur. The way to the doctor in our car, the talk with said doctor, the lecture to watch out for myself better, our way back home... everything… until I was settled back on our couch under a blanket -- even if I had told my stoic boyfriend that I was warm enough already.
"Just in case you will need it.", were his words and I barely nodded starting to feel guilty somehow. My eyes didn’t leave him while he settled down on one of our armchairs watching the TV I had turned on earlier.
Protective and caring Jimin was not something that I had not seen before… but it was rare.
It slowly sneaked up to me that it was not rare because of him. It must have been because of me.
He always had been an affectionate and giving person in general. His capability of caring about others, no matter what, was just one of his many appealing traits that made me fall in love with him in the first place. And he was still the same.
A soaring pain in my head, probably caused by the thinking I started to do, made me flinch and I let out an uncomfortable sigh, massaging my temple with one hand.
Immediately his brown eyes, filled with worry, were on mine and he searched for the remote to turn the volume down.
“Thanks.”, I murmured, voice faint and eyes on my hands which were fumbling on an edge of the woolen blanket.
I felt even worse now.
My boyfriend was an actual angel. And I hadn’t appreciated that fact in a long time.
Ashamed, I leaned more back into the couch, trying to disappear under the comfy blanket.
“You’re not even complaining anymore, you really must feel bad.”
Yes, but not because of the reasons you might think of.
Before I had realized it, our everyday life had become not more than a dull routine, because of me taking him for granted.
Hearing Jimin chuckle when he saw that I had buried myself in the blanket he gave me, even though I said I would not need it, made me look up and forget my brooding for a short while.
"I won't say 'I told you so' but-"
"- You told me so.." I finished his sentence, still feeling bad and not meeting his eyes with my own. I could not take this guilt anymore that was building up in me. Why hadn’t I realized all that sooner?
"Come on sit up. Make some space for me. You are trembling."
I hadn’t noticed that I was freezing at this point, nor that he was now standing in front of the couch I was resting on.
Surprised, I sat up a bit and watched his every move. When I saw that he sat down right behind me with a leg on each of my sides, I finally met his gaze again. "Jimin.. You will catch that cold too.." I kind of warned him to be more rational.
"I won't. Just come here already.", he held his arms open for me, a heartwarming smile tugging at his lips. Those honest meant words and smile changed something within me. I no longer wanted to hide myself from him, all I wanted to do was making it up to him. Show him that I could, too, be the one I was when he got to know me.
Slowly, being careful not to get dizzy again, I moved back on the couch until I sat between his legs. He closed his arms around me causing me to snuggle into him, lying with my upper body on his, when he put the blanket above both our bodies.
"Rest now.. Jagiya...", he whispered in a soft voice next to my ear while brushing through my hair with one of his hands, kissing my temple.
My heart beat so fast and I could swear I fell in love with him all over again in this very moment.
I cursed myself for becoming so emotionless during our relationship and promised myself that I would change again. That I would become the person again, who he grew to love when we got together a few years ago.
"Thank you, Jimin-ah..." I mumbled almost inaudibly, grabbing his shirt tighter and buried my face in it. The warmth of his body and the feeling of his arms around me made me feel save again. Nothing else except my own brooding could harm me now. So I let it go.
“I’m so sorry…” I began weakly and searched for one of his hands until I found it, brought it up to my lips and pressed his knuckles to them.
“Huh?” He said surprised. But before I could explain myself more, exhaustion took its toll on me and I drifted off to sleep, my fingers intertwined with his and my head still resting on his up and down moving chest, while I listened to his heartbeat.
"Achooo~!"
"Here you go." I told him, holding a tissue box out to him.
"Aah… dank yu, hagi." He answered and took a tissue out of it, sneezing again, this time into the tissue.
“You’re welcome, ''Jagi''.”, I corrected him because of his mispronouncing, the word feeling unused on the tip of my tongue. The surprise was clearly written on his face but before he could say something, I continued.
"I made some chicken broth. You'll be your old charming self in no time with this.", I teased him and placed the broth on the table in front of him, then getting some for myself from the kitchen, sitting down next to him.
"Won't you be late for work if you don't leave now?", he looked at me confused, his hair a mess.
"I took the day off.", I said with no more explanation.
"You do not have to stay at home for me. Last time you took a day off your chef nearly called every 5 minutes.", his voice already thick with concern again.
"Don't worry my phone is on silent mode.", I joked, knowing that this was not what he meant.
"And your colleague?" -sneeze- "She-"
"- isn't important like my poor, sick and stubborn boyfriend right now."
He did not say a word to that and just looked at me lovingly causing my heart to pick up a pace.
"Honestly, you should have listened to me a few days back."
He looked away guiltily and stuffed the medicine into his mouth, downing it with a glass of water.
Then a teasing smile grew on my lips.
"You know I won't say 'I told you so' but..-"
"-You told me so." he finished this time and gazed down a bit like he always does when he was embarrassed.
I took this chance, stroke his hair back which was hiding his forehead and pressed a firm long kiss right on the center of it.
"Thank you for taking care of me that time.” I began.
“And also thank you for what you did even before that, and for what you will do in the future." I told him while I rested my forehead against his for a short while.
"Now... rest, love."