Decolonizing my Bookshelf: How I’m Still Failing
As a Southeast Asian kid, I didn’t grow up seeing a lot of representation in books or on TV. A lot of the Asian rep I looked up to was always East Asian. As I grew older, I came to realize the importance to supporting people or color and their work if we are ever going to put a dent in the market.
When I was a teen, one of my favorite cartoons was Family Guy. I don’t know if I found the humor that funny, it was just something to fill the void of a quiet house. I always just let it play while I was doing something else. But there was a scene. I never forgot it and I couldn’t put my finger on why until now. In one of the earlier seasons of the show, the token black character, Cleveland, was still married to his first wife Loretta. In the scene, Cleveland comments that his wife “doesn’t allow white literature in the house.” The line was intended to be played out as funny, highlighting the stereotype of this caricature of the overbearing black wife. Look how silly -how nonsensical- she is trying to ban white literature in her house. I thought about that line a lot when I went to Boston where I majored in English literature only to find the Black and Asian authors relagated almost exclusively to the English lit classes meant for non-white literature. The reality is if you are an English speaker consuming English language media, it is always predominantly white. The contrast to how diverse the culture I grew up in was stark when compared to my life in the States living as a “minority” for the first time. So now I can’t help but wonder about the possibilities: how did this fictional woman in a problematic cartoon where her character and her body was abused for cheap laughs try to keep her reading life as non-white as possible?
I think about this now because for the past six (?) years, I have tried to “de-colonize my bookshelf.” The thing is when you browse a bookstore or search for recommendations online, white authored books are easy to find and quick to add onto my goodreads want-to-read list. I had to work harder at finding Asian and Black authored books that sparked my interest. It started out simple enough: I got specific in my google search. Book recommedation articles that never made it on my radar were now the first on the top of the list. I started reading N.K Jemisin, loved her and followed her on Twitter to find out what other authors she was following. Following her led me to more Black and Asian authors who I followed and paid attention to whose books they were signal boosting. I found Zen Cho, Fonda Lee, R.F Kuang and somewhere along the way one of them led me to Aliette de Bodard which led me to fellow non-Westerner Asian authors like Neon Yang and Joyce Chng. If it hadn’t been for all these authors signal-boosting one another, my reading life would’ve been predominantly white. When i think about how finding many of these authors wasn’t as simple as browsing a bookstore, I am saddened.
So now here are my stats for the past few years: (books by the same author are counted again since this is based on how many books I read)
Books by Asian Authors: 22
How many Asians authors were Southeast Asian: 1
Books by Black Authors: 5
Books by Asian Authors: 47
How many were Southeast Asian: 5
Books by Black Authors: 3
Books by Asian Authors: 30
How many were Southeast Asian: 5
Books by Black Authors: 3
Counting the numbers (leaving a margin for error since I didn’t count my very scat list of Latinx authors) I am disappointed. Although I didn’t list the previous years when I did read more black authors, it’s telling that the number of books by black authors diminished every year. And because I was primarily searching for Asian rep in books, the number is considerable however not many Asian authors were Filipino or Southeast Asian. Despite my efforts, I fell back into what I did before, consuming mainly white media and only gravitating towards East Asian authored books for Asian rep. While I actively curate my Goodreads want-to-read list so that it’s predominantly non-white authors, I am still favoring white authors when I actually read. So what was going on here?
There is a problem with how I choose what I want to read next. This is likely how everyone does it. My next read is always on a whim and always because I keep seeing people talk about the same books. If enough people are talking abut that One Book I have on my goodreads lists, I might be in the mood to pick up that. And therein lies the problem: marketing. What books are getting more actively marketed at me? While finding white authored books are easy, discovering East Asian authors is just as easy because of how I curated the twitter handles and the bookstagram accounts I follow. However the Southeast Asian stuff is not always what the people I follow are reading first! I’ve been following Bookstagram looking for new reads. But everyone kept taking pictures of the same books by Leigh Bardugo and Marissa Meyer and guess what I’m currently reading right now because of this? While I am following many black and latinx Bookstagram accounts, they appear less frequestly on my feed compared to the white Western accounts which are more popular. As a result of trying to find influential recommendations, I am not reading enough Black literature anymore and there Filipino and Southeast Asians I read are but a handful every year. While my reading choices were my own, there is something up with what books online are getting marketed more. This is a problem in the publishing industry and this is now a me problem too.
I am thinking now of when I first found N.K Jemisin’s Inheritance trilogy. How her book was displayed for me to find. How I started reading this large omnibus of a book and was enthralled that someone could write a fantasy series that could speak to me the way this trology did. And how it led me to actively trying to find more Black and Asian authors who made me feel the way she made me feel. I can still do better.
My goal this year is to pay more attention to my goodreads list and not the next shiny new thing everyone is reading in the book community. I am frustrated. What was the point of me curating this list if I wasn’t paying attention to it? I am looking at my want to read list now: 218 books. 40 Black authored books. 82 East Asian Books. 23 Southeast Asian Books. 11+(?)South Asian Books. Other non-white authors: 15-ish? Time to get to work.