what a terrible, lonely year it's been. defined by solitude from the start to very end. just pathetic pleas for companionship of some sort and failures over and over again, at pretty much everything. going through everything on my own - it fucking sucked, and i hate that i just have to keep trying over and over again even if it brings no good results. such a year of humiliation it's been! hope it was the last one! hope at least in the future, all the humiliation is evened out by love and joy and good spirits. at least somewhat. how can one find the strength to keep going otherwise.













