#recognition responsive euphoria

[coffeedrgn87]

Writing with ADHD, cont.

[Read my first post on the topic here], if you want to that is

RSD vs RRE.

In my last post, I already introduced you to RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria [Cleveland Clinic Infopage]). It's the the “one mildly critical comment = emotional apocalypse” setting, says my snarky self.

Now allow me to introduce its chaotic twin:

RRE — Recognition Responsive Euphoria [Dr Hallowell].

It is exactly what it sounds like.

I get a kind comment. A thoughtful piece of feedback. Someone says my writing made them feel something.

And suddenly my brain goes:

✨ we are a literary genius actually ✨

Cue:

Floating. Cloud nine. Possibly cloud twelve, thirteen (because it's my lucky number, don't question it, I'm a Gemini) or whatever else may be available to that signifies absolute elation

A surge of joy so intense it feels like I could power a small city

“Let me just write you a quick reply” → becomes a 5,000-word essay

“I should write another chapter” → becomes I should write an entire sequel trilogy by Tuesday

It’s intoxicating in the best way. Pure, sparkling enthusiasm. The kind that makes me love writing so much it almost hurts.

And then.

…then the pendulum swings.

Because ADHD doesn’t come with a built-in pacing mechanism.

So somewhere between I will write you a book and real life exists:

Writer’s block shows up like an uninvited houseguest

Executive dysfunction says “we will simply not do the task today”

Basic needs (food, sleep, chores, existing as a human) demand attention

And suddenly all those promises I made — sometimes just in my own head (because let's face it, this is where I spend most of my time, plus sometimes I simply think so fast that I don't even remember if I ever verbally or in writing conveyed my feelings — loom like a stack of overdue library books

Cue the emotional whiplash:

oh my gosh what have I done I can’t possibly deliver this I’ve let them down I’ve let myself down

Which, if you’re keeping score, loops neatly back into…

✨ RSD ✨

So I end up on this rollercoaster:

Feedback → RSD spiral 🕳️

Encouragement → RRE rocket launch 🚀

Reality → oh no → back to RSD again

No brakes. Just vibes.

Understanding this pattern has been… honestly, a bit of a game changer.

Because now I can catch myself (sometimes) in the middle of the euphoria and go:

“Okay. This is RRE. We love this. We are enjoying this. But maybe we do not promise to write an entire novel by next week.”

And on the flip side:

“This is RSD. This feels catastrophic, but it isn’t actually the end of my writing career.”

Neither state is lying exactly. They’re just… very loud interpretations.

So these days I try to:

Let myself feel the joy without immediately overcommitting

Let feedback sit before reacting to it

Separate what I feel from what is actually being said

And maybe, occasionally, drink a coffee before making any life-altering writing promises ☕️

If you’re riding the same ADHD seesaw between “I am a fraud” and “I will write twelve novels this week”:

You’re not alone.

Your brain just has two volume settings:

devastation and euphoria.

Learning to exist somewhere in the middle is… a work in progress. I am a work in progress. And after many years of not knowing and not understanding, having the words to express what's going on in my brain is honestly about 95% of what I need to navigate this world. Granted, ADHD is brilliant at making sure that the remaining 5% are the emotional and mental rollercoaster of a lifetime, but that's a topic for another post.

[0verthinking1t]

Let's talk about you and me, let's talk about RRE

Hahaha ok, association brain dumb music joke aside, my Same Brain ADHD buddy just made me aware of something called Recognition Responsive Euphoria, and LET me TELL YOU. I have some things to say about this now that I know it's a real concept. So RRE is literally the term for the opposite of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria— it's a sense of euphoric joy derived from praise or positive response. For example, you tell your crush a lame joke and are floating the rest of the day because they laughed, or you get the warm fuzzies being nominated by your coworkers for employee of the month. It's the dopamine rush you get for being recognized for what you do. As with many emotions with ADHD, this may be something everyone experiences sometimes, but for us it's EVERY time and always set at MAX POWER. Everyone gets worried about making a good impression or what their boss thinks of them sometimes, but the common ADHD experience is that we get straight up "headed for a panic attack", "clinical anxiety disorder", "paranoid behavior" worried about these things every day with everyone around us, and we experience the polar opposite at the same intensity with praise and validation.

I have BIG feelings about RRE and RSD. It's a THING for me, and it can be just as amazing as harmful. What I really wish people around me understood, is that while criticism is a standard part of learning and improvement for most people, it's really detrimental to me on pretty much any level. I know the point of constructive criticism is to make people aware of things they don't realize they're doing and to help them learn not to do those things that way, and I also understand that I am the odd one out in any situation and can't expect people to bend over backwards to adjust to me, so I usually end up feeling just as bad for my criticizer as I do for myself. Thing is, though.... I am the odd one out; I am already well aware of the details I'm getting wrong, and I'm already berating myself enough for the two of us in my head. I can see everything in microscopic detail already, and am desperate to follow the process to the letter because I think it's what you want. Constructive criticism doesn't do it for me, because unlike other people, I already know what I'm bad at and just don't know how to fix it. Only speaking up when you want to point out ways I can improve will only drive the wedge of anger and paranoia deeper into my head, and I'll grow to resent everything about my job.

On the flip side, I cannot be praised and validated enough. I bust my ass just to keep up with everyone, and I'm constantly focused on what I'm doing wrong. For me, gratuitous praise isn't an ego thing; it's the part I'm genuinely unaware of, like my coworkers are unaware of faults. Not only that, but I LIVE to serve others and make them happy. I get the biggest hit of endorphins from someone saying they like my idea, or laughing at my joke, or complimenting something I made for them. This hit of euphoria gives me a megadose of the chemicals I have trouble regulating daily, so it's like taking my meds. And you'd better believe, all that dopamine and serotonin is one hell of an addictive drug— tell me I did something right, and I will do it that exact way for the rest of my life just to chase the memory of your validation one time. This, again, makes me the odd one out in any group, because generally society sees constant praise seeking as a sign of unnecessary egoism and narcissism— think of the very common stereotype of the Adonis personality that has such an overinflated view of their own talents that they end up being really petty and selfish— and ignores the possibility that it could be a sign of lack of confidence, self esteem, and stable footing. I know this about society in general, and it puts me in the difficult spot of not wanting to speak up and explain myself for fear of being high maintenance— the commonly used criticism based way of teaching and coaching works well for everyone else, and it's not fair of me to expect everyone else to have to adapt to my praise based way.

All that rambling out there and over, TL;DR: if you're in a leadership/guidance/teaching role over someone, and no matter how much you try to show them what isn't working and how to fix it they just seem to be closing off and shutting you down even more, try going in the other direction. Trust me, you can't see it, but they are just as frustrated as you are. Try pointing out any little thing you can that you like about them, no strings attached, no "bullshit sandwich", just praise them for something full stop. If they suddenly start to bloom, now you know; there is no limit to how amazing they can be as long as you never stop building them up.

[natjennie]

not me screaming about how cute richard is in this whole scene!!!

the dorky backward rolling chair sit. the rolled-up sleeves. all the little whiteboard drawings. the genuine huge smile the whole time. dsfljd the "oh my god, that's awesome" "isn't it?! yeah!" the fact that this is one of maybe four group social interactions he does well and enjoys himself in. I'm!!!!!! look at him!!!!!!

[epic-sorcerer]

I hate complements. I hate that I’m supposed to like them. I hate that I’m supposed to genuinely thank someone for overwhelming me. I hate it I hate it I hate it

I hate that people insist on completing me even when I tell them to stop.