#relationship confessions

[relationshipconfessions]

#3

I used to spend maybe 20 minutes on a drawing.now i spend hours to days, because i love seeing his face light up with admiration, and i love making him proud of me

[black-introvert-confessions]

I’m in love & in mourning

Confession

I’d rather be alone. I’m so sure about that, I’m so sure. It feels true because I’m letting the pain in my heart speak for me. It hurts, but it feels so good. It means I’m not broken but the relationship I’m in ...is. My anxiety and depression; my undeserved co-dependce of him has left me without being able to. Deep inside, it’s driving me nuts. I’m allowing my mental illnesses get the best of me and no matter how hard I try and find the energy to help myself....  I thought I was broken. For years, I thought I was broken, imprisoned, indoctrinated and manipulated to his will. And then there’s the love of my life... A thought, an image, a dream I had quietly kept under wraps for years now, quietly and slowly unwrapped itself. When it finally had enough wiggle room there was no stopping it. I’ve never felt like this in my life. Ever. It’s that feeling when someone you were in a long relationship with just disappears with no explanation, and you’re left to deal with both sides of the relationship alone. I was shocked at how fast the pain comforts me. I welcomed it with open arms and alcohol. All it took was to talk to him again for all those wrapped feelings to break free. Which is why I’m in mourning because we can never be. I’m mourning because I chose this to be the last day I dwell on lost hopes. I never thought I’d ever shed a tear for love. True, raw, rare, heart hurting love. I have twice today.

I need to move on from this afer today. It can no longer have my time. I need to accept what will never happen. I need to be okay with that to be successful. I’m so grateful for what I do have in him, I couldn’t be happier. But allowing these emotions to open the flood gates hurts. 

I’m not sure we could truly be just friends. Yes, that’s a me problem 100% and I’m okay with that. But what do I do? Do I keep you as a friend and keep my distance or build a more fullfilling friendship before I move in 2 years? 

It feels so good to get this off my chest. It’s helping me mourn what could never be. It’s helping me cope.

[black-introvert-confessions]

I miss him

I have social anxiety, major depression disorder, and an array of other mental illnesses I’ve found to be frowned upon in the black community. I feel invisible sometimes because when the fact is known to my family and friends a wave of cliches and insensitive “solutions” are shot my way. “Black people don’t get depressed. This is that white people shit.” My favorite one “just go outside, get over it.” It leaves me feeling rejected and to keep all things kept within, even my emotions for someone I’m madly in love with. I’m afraid that it’s too late to tell him how I feel. I want to apologize to him. I want him to tell me, to open up to me and tell me how I hurt him. I left him with resentment, questions and unresolved issues on my part. There’s a great deal of my life and time I spent just thinking about him and missing him; we’re talking years, I’m talking almost the instant I left him. I want him back so badly it hurts, but I feel like I come with so much baggage, so much damage and I left him with open wounds and threw salt in them as I walked away. I miss him, but I don’t deserve him. When I think of him I get this weird feeling in my chest, in my stomach. It makes me regret ever leaving him. Ii think about why I left him and why I was so convinced then it would never work out between us. Anyway, I’d give anything to tell him how I truly feel; to know and  feel how he truly feel.  Fear of rejection paralyzes me...just thinking about what his response would be, after all of this time cripples me. I know that it shouldn’t fuck with me like that but it does. What exactly would I lose at this point? 

[reisaval]

We never established a proper safe word.

[self2self]

i miss you

i miss us

but what breaks me is that you don’t dream of us anymore

as something that would push you for the better

i wish i could’ve showed you more

how i never want to lose you

even if we were incompatible

i look at it as a challenge, not as a con

i wish you would see this

understand i never said being friends meant moving on from us.

[starforce97]

I’m sure many of us, no matter how much we love our significant other, have had the desire to be better than them in every way.

[relationshipconfessions]

#7

I used to self harm a lot. Occasionally i get the urge to again, but. Ill look through pictures and messages of ours until it subsides, and its probably mostly why im still here today

[relationshipconfessions]

#6

I always make sure to put on music i know will make him laugh or that he likes, even if he doesnt always do the same