If nothing else, unrequited love turns us into victims in a world of villains and heroes, waiting idly by to be thrown from a great height and caught in our fall.
&’ that cliche trope where they had a messy breakup (daichi broke up w him for michimiya, whose hair is blonde, shh, and it was a messy breakup.) and he goes in a club one day to see him performing w the band he formed (nishinoya def plays the drums) &’ idk why but i can picture, before he performs, he always says:
“you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me, but i do.”
IDKKKK JSJSJ I WAS WASHING DISHES &’ my mind goes whoop😀.
Jay looked through the screen play with a frown on his face while you nervously tapped your foot.
‘What the fuck?’ he muttered under his breath before he hurriedly flipped to the next page to continue reading, ‘Ya!’
He raised his head to look at you incredulous, ‘This isn’t a music video! This is softcore porn!’
You knew he would react like this, and it was understandable. You had collaborated with BTS, and the music video was set to have incredibly steamy scenes between yourself and Yoongi.
‘It’s not so bad,’ you countered meekly, crawling over to where he sat on the couch and placing your hands on his thigh, ‘And there will be a lot of people around so it won’t even be as sensual as you think!’
Jay scowled and read from the scene, ‘Y/N wraps her legs around Min Yoongi’s waist. One of Yoongi’s hands’ holds both of hers above her head while the other travels along her curv- Ya! Are you kidding me?’
His childlike protest caused you to cough out a small giggle, only causing him to get even angrier as he pulled away to look at you like you had just offended his great ancestors, ‘It’s not funny! They want you to wear a lingerie body suit!’
You could practically hear his thoughts going wild, which only caused you to laugh harder as you pulled his face into your chest and cradled him as you lay back, ‘Aigoo, my old man is so upset!’
He grumbled, allowing you to hold him, only moving so that his face was closer to yours, ‘Can I come to the set with you?’ he asked worriedly.
‘If you want,’ you smile, massaging his head as he frowned.
‘I don’t want you to do it,’ he tells you, his hand rubbing against your side as he looked up at you.
You nodded in understanding, ‘I know…but I can’t not do this. It’s all contributing to my future in this industry, as well as Bangtan’s. We’ve worked so hard.’
‘Can you be in my next video?’ he asked, cuddling childlike to your chest.
‘Mm. We can make it twice as sexy,’ you respond, hoping to satisfy him.
He snorted, ‘I don’t think so. I’m going to make a dis track about Min Yoongi and put you in a bunny costume and have you bounce around in the background.’
‘And at the end, I can pull the bunny head off and reveal my face, and wink at the camera, just to add to the affect of the dis,’ you add playfully to his sulky idea.
Jay sat up suddenly, his eyes wide, ‘Baby…’
You sat up confused as Jay moved towards his panel and placed a set of headphones on his head and began pushing different buttons.
‘What are you doing?’ you asked from the couch, intrigued.
‘I’m working on a beat for the dis track...Should I get Gray to collab with me?’ Jay answered distractedly whilst you laughed at his childishness, ‘Can you write down that idea you had for the MV baby? Never mind, I have it all in my head. I’m going to tear that mother-fucker apart. You’ll love it.’ he told you confidently, causing you to laugh and sit back.
He may be in his thirties, but he was the biggest child you knew.
Two years ago you moved into a lovely house just off a curvy, wide road that was always plowed well in the Michigan winters. You and your spouse were gifted the house from his family shortly after marrying. It’d been paid off, so you didn’t have a mortgage. The extra money had been really nice. The house had become warm to you, homey. After a childhood of moving place to place, never having a firm grasp on what “home” even meant, having a home so familiar was just as great as you’d imagined. When you drove home from your part time job at a farmers market a couple miles away, you knew exactly what the inside of the house would smell like: oak floors and cinnamon and coffee. Soon, the faintest smell of baby formula and dirty diapers, too. Pulling up to the drive way, the tires rolling over the familiar bumps and small incline of the drive way, you felt calm.
After a tumultuous life of mental health issues, family trouble, and many battles fought and won, you finally felt calm. As you sat in your car, the scent of clean, new leather and a floral freshener wafted around you. The drive way was well-lit, bordered by pots of spring blooms you and your spouse had planted a couple weeks prior. You knew when you opened the front door there would be no yelling, no slammed doors, no thrown objects. Every room would be mostly clean, maybe a little dusty or with the occasional coffee cup ring on a table, but your spouse would be there. Maybe they’d brought home a bag of your favorite burgers or decided to whip up some grilled cheese. Looking in your middle console, you saw the two hot chocolates you picked up on your way home. You liked white chocolate cocoa, and your spouse liked really dark chocolate. You wanted to surprise them with a warm drink, so you grabbed the two, your tote bag slung over one shoulder, and headed inside.
Approaching the front door, you got out your key and set down a cup, then slowly opened the door. Warmth poured out of the door with the faint smell of french fries. From inside you could hear your spouse humming softly and their feet padding along the floor. A step or two inside and you slipped off your shoes, set them in the rack and followed the sounds. Nearing the corner that led to the kitchen, you turned and joy and serenity filled you. There was so much trust and love in this home. Your spouse was dancing between the kitchen sink and the island, music blasting through their earbuds, drying dishes and putting them away. You watched for a moment, admiring them, and placed the hot chocolates down on the counter. They heard the faint noise, turned, and smiled at noticing your arrival. You smiled back as they took an earbud out, running the towel over the plate in their hands, and asked you:
Young-bae clapped merrily as soon as you finished the choreography for Bullshit, whilst Jay cheered, relieved that after all the hours and practice that you had put in over the last few weeks, you were finally able to get through the routine without missing a beat – or worse, falling, as you had done throughout the first two weeks of learning.
It had been over 6 weeks since you had last seen Jiyong, especially with him touring, which is why you had come up with such a brilliant plan in the first place. He had been so busy, that he could only spare you a few texts a night here and there. It had been a while since you both had had a proper conversation, but you understood – you knew tour life was hectic, therefore you had decided to buy a ticket to Japan and see him before he left for countries even further than that.
The grand plan that you and Young-bae had conjured was that you would surprise Jiyong by appearing on stage as one of the dancers, and reveal yourself once the set was over and you’re all back stage.
It was fool-proof. Other than the fact that you couldn’t dance to save a life, that is.
You’d recruited the help of almost everyone you both knew, including Seungri who was meant to be performing with Jiyong for the tour and Jiyong’s lead dancer who had sent you videos to keep you updated on changes of the routine as well as cheer up videos for when you felt discouraged.
“Aish, Young-bae-ah, why did you choose such a hard dance for her?’ Jay whined as he grabbed a towel and dabbed at the sweat on his forehead. You joined the two as they settled on the studio floor, handing them both bottles of water.
‘I know, right?’ Young-bae teased lightly, dodging the fresh towelette that you threw at his face and catching it neatly.
‘오빠…’ you whine pathetically. You knew they were teasing, but you had to admit – you did feel sorry for the two men who had helped you to practice.
The two chuckled as they began to stretch their legs to ensure they didn’t cramp whilst Jay-오빠added, ‘You’ve improved a lot. A few more practices and you’ll be ready to go. You won’t stand out too much on stage and all of the stage directors know to expect you so they will keep you out of the camera frame as much as possible.’
You nodded happily – you were just glad that everything was finally coming together and that you would get to see your man after so long. Young-bae continued, ‘There’s just one more thing you need to do before you go. But for that part, I asked Hyorin to help you out instead.’
‘What is it?’ you ask with interest as you relaxed your form from stretching.
‘A full make-over,’ the two say in unison, laughing as you gasp out a ‘RUDE!’
As the days built up and you had perfected the routine, you sent Jiyong a quick message as you packed your product bag. It had been a few days since you’d gotten a reply and you played it down to the fact that he was having to switch networks so often, depending on where he was located.
Humming a tune as you went, you jumped at the sound of your phone ringing and quickly rushed to answer it, only to see that it was Young-bae;
‘Oh?’ You answer with a smile whilst Young-bae tsked at your informal greeting playfully.
‘Ya, have you finished packing? Hyorin and I are about to leave my place. The plane leaves at midnight but there might be traffic.’
‘I’ve finished,’ you answer as you placed the neatly packed bag on top of your suitcase.
‘We’ll be there in fifteen minutes,’ Young-bae informs you happily whilst Hyorin could be heard in the background screeching at Young-bae to hurry up and help her find her phone charger.
Chuckling at the two, you hang up and move your luggage to the front entrance before quickly tidying up the already neat apartment and remaking the large bed that Jiyong had bought you after you’d complained about having a sore back once.
Kissing the huge bear that sat in the corner of the room, you gush happily, ‘Less than 24 hours till I see my man!’
Hyorin was busy rushing around the room, helping you into your outfit – the red suits that the rest of the backup dancers were currently changing into only meters away in the next room. Two stylists were brushing your newly styled hair and obscuring your face with the costume-mask.
‘언니,’ you laugh as Hyorin stood beside you and took selcas, posing cutely beside a fierce-looking you. Trust Jiyong to come up with a theme as red and wild-looking as this.
You had texted Ji-Yong a message this morning, but had otherwise kept your phone off. Now that it was all finally happening, you had begun to feel like you couldn’t contain the secret any longer, and had been tempted several times to reveal it all – you didn’t even know if he could read your messages, seeing as he had switched countries and networks yet again. As far as you were aware, Jiyong had landed in Japan last night and would be performing for the next three nights.
With your now plaited hair and your face half covered in makeup and the other, with the mask, you were barely recognizable, but your eyes gave away your identity. The colour had always been intense, and contrasted against your skin.
‘You look pretty!’ Hyorin compliments as you stand and attempt to make yourself feel more comfortable in the costume, ‘Let’s go to the dancer’s dressing room!’
Following her lead after thanking the stylists profusely, you enter the room and greet everyone warmly – you had met majority of the dancers before, but there were a few new faces that you were yet to meet. Jiyong had a separate changing room, so you could talk freely, using the spare time to run through some of the choreography with the dancers, and thanking them gratefully for helping you with your plan.
By the time it came for you to enter the stage, your stomach had become knotted with nerves. Hyorin and Young-bae had left to sit in the VIP stand long ago – if Ji-Yong’s reaction to seeing them, as well as Seungri today was anything to go by, then your being there would make him even happier, which was the only thing calming your stomach right now.
The concert itself had to be one of his best yet – you could see even from far away behind the scenes that Jiyong had been tired and lonely. His face had brightened ten-fold after seeing his friends.
Before you had time to overthink the performance, the stage managers were moving you towards the side of the stage and the dancers were shooting you rapid instructions as to where to stand and ensuring you that there was no need to worry.
The stadium turned pitch black and the crowd screamed and cheered as you ran onto the stage, following the other dancers into position before the stage lit up brightly and the crowd grew even louder as a focal light came down on Jiyong and Seungri. The two began a banterous dialogue and the band began to play a beat in the background, building up the song.
Seungri snuck you a sneaky wink before hyping himself and the crowd up. As soon as the song began, you fell into beat and forgot all your worries, laughing and smiling with the rest of the team.
As you danced, Jiyong came closer, rapping his way through the dance line. You watched in your peripheral as he joined in on the choreography, with his body following the moves like it was second nature. He began to switch out some of his moves, with his arms outreached to the side of the stage, and his head turned as if he were trying to grab at something.
It was quick, and inconspicuous but you’d seen it.
Hell, it looked like a move straight out of the dance, but you knew after hours of practice that it had no place in the choreography. Stretching your neck to see what it was that caught his attention, your eyes strained, and you shook your head, reminding yourself that you were performing in front of thousands of people – who cares what he was looking at. It was most likely just another move that he had added for aesthetic.
Once the set had finished and the stadium grew dark, you made your exit before Jiyong carried out his ending procession with his dancers. Seungri who had already come off the stage, met you at the beverage table and threw his arms around you happily, ignoring the VJ’s who were filming for the behind-the-scene footage, ‘Yah, you were so great out there. You did well!’ he praises, handing you’re a bottle of water whilst you dabbed at your sweat.
‘Thank you,’ you tell him happily, pinching at his chubby cheek, ‘You did too. What’s with the mullet?
‘I wanted to make sure that I matched with GD!’ Seungri explains.
‘It looks good. You suit it,’ you compliment before turning to watch as some of the staff gave you a quick glance and rushed off in different directions like they were on a mission.
‘Are they usually so busy?’ you ask Seungri, posing quickly for the VJ who had made his rounds again.
‘It depends on whether something has happened or not,’ Seungri shrugs absentmindedly, turning to the camera man who was now followed by one of the film-crew who was asking for a quick interview for the tour DVD.
You could hear Jiyong begin to wrap up the show and took it as your queue to begin making your way to the dressing rooms.
Knowing Jiyong was a private person when it came to your relationship, you had planned to dance on stage, with only need-to-know staff knowing who you really were. During the last set, Young-bae and Hyorin were to set up Jiyong’s private dressing room with balloons and other cute streamers at the last minute so that he was completely surprised when he walked in, and then again when you follow him into the room, away from prying eyes.
The staff began to buzz again, this time with the directors speaking into headsets, ‘The Dragon is exiting on the left wing. Left wing. Someone get over there with beverages!’ a director yelled, flustered whilst other staff questioned, ‘He knows he’s meant to exit on the right-hand side with the rest of the dancers…why is he…?’
Turning to a young girl who had been organizing the foods, you asked gently after taking in her startled expression – definitely the maknae of the crew, ‘Why is everyone panicking? Where is G-Dragon going?’
‘The left wing is where the technicians are, so we don’t set up any liquids or stage quarters on that side just in case someone rips a cord out while walking around. Mr. Kwon knows this…’
‘Will he be going straight to his dressing room?’ you ask hurriedly.
If you wanted the plan to work, you needed to get to the dressing room quickly so that you could surprise him.
‘Most likely…It’s faster to get to the dressing rooms from the left wing because there’s a corridor on that side…why are you asking this…Dancers don’t usually ask so many questions?’ the girl asked sceptically, pushing her glasses up her nose.
‘Just curious!’ you respond before taking off in the direction of the dressing room, hoping you weren’t too late.
As you approached the hallway and neared Jiyong’s room, you could hear muffled yelling, and several of the staff members who you’d seen running in a panic earlier, who stood around the room, all with their walkie talkies out, and whisper-shouting orders to different people - you managed to catch the words security and quick, however, piquing your interest.
‘What game are you playing Jiyong?’
Young-bae?
Stepping forward, you ignored the stares of the staff who were gathered in the area. After a moment or so, they began to trail further away. Still within the vicinity to keep an eye on whatever was going on, but far enough to give you privacy and not be able to hear.
‘Leave it, Bae…Why are you even here? Why did you set up balloons?’
‘Why are you defending her like that?’ Young-bae countered, causing your step to falter, ‘Why is she here Jiyong?’
Your hand reached for the door handle and several of the staff halted, watching in a way that you couldn’t quite cypher.
Pity?
Clearly, these people were some of the few who knew your real identity.
Hyorin’s voice whimpered, ‘Come on, 오빠…We need to go…We have to stop our plan before it’s too late!’
‘You’re a real bastard, Jiyong. I can’t believe this shit.’
‘Bae-ah,’ Jiyong replied, the surprise evident in his tone. It wasn’t like his old friend to get so angry.
‘Save it, G-Dragon.’ Young-bae snapped back. ‘How long has this been going on?’
‘Nothing’s going on, Bae. We recently just reconnected is all…’ Jiyong responded defensively, but the uncertainty was there. It was dismal – so small it was almost undetectable, but after being together for over a year, you knew him well.
You couldn’t move.
The door was there, and your hand was on the handle, but you just couldn’t do it.
You were smart enough to depict the conversation.
Your heart knew something wasn’t right.
But you didn’t want to see it with your own eyes.
That made it far too real for you.
‘Whatever. Get your shit together, Jiyong.’
You were too slow to move your hand away from the knob, so when it was yanked open, you were pulled forward with it, and into the room like a tumbling mess.
‘What the fu–Y/N!” Young-bae exclaimed, pulling you up before you fell face-flat.
Hyorin rushed to you as you refused to look at the same space where Jiyong stood.
Instead you looked at the rest of the room which had only managed to have five of the many balloons, out on display. This was nothing like what you had hoped. Your heart sank.
‘Y/N?’ Jiyong asked, surprise in his tone. Within seconds, Jiyong had spun you around to look at him, and he fell back a step or two in shock at your outfit and make-up, ‘Why are you here?’
He stepped in front of the person who you still hadn’t identified due to the embarrassing entry you were recovering from, and shielded her from your view.
Young-bae scoffed whilst Hyorin tugged on your hand as a sign to go.
You’d lost your voice, which was evident from the way your mouth opened but nothing came out.
Are you cheating on me? You wanted to ask.
Who is she? Why is she here? Why aren’t you happy to see me?
Why, why, why?
You wanted to scream and yet nothing came out. You froze, and by God did it feel like shit.
‘Let’s go, Y/N.’ Young-bae ground out after a moment or so, glaring at Jiyong and whoever it was who stood behind him.
It was at that moment that Seungri came rushing in, panicked and late to the hostile party that was currently being thrown, ‘Yah! Jiyong-형! 형! It’s an emergency! The staff are going crazy right now! Kiko is in the buildi–oh. Oh no...’ Seungri trailed off, standing awkwardly at the door as you all tried to process what the hell was going on.
As soon as her name left Seungri’s mouth, your head snapped up, and Jiyong’s behaviour on stage began to make sense. He was reaching out to someone. Someone he knew well. The same someone who he was currently hiding behind his back whilst she remained silent.
The mention of his “ex who isn’t his ex because he didn’t publicly confirm it, but everyone knows she is his ex” name was all it took, and all of a sudden you had found your voice, ‘Are you kidding me? Do you want to die, Jiyong?’
To continue or not continue? Find out in my next ep of Lazy Me yall xx
