So it's been a while since I've been on Tumblr. My life has definitely been a bit crazy this past year. I haven't seen my family in basically a year. I lost my job of six years (good riddance tbh). I was unemployed for 3 months 😩 which was really hard but luckily I have amazing friends who helped me through it all (emotionally and financially). I ended up getting a job offer working at the Apple Campus in Austin, TX and it was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity and especially with a great company. Things were starting to fall back into place for me. I mean.. I live in the amazing city of ATX, I have my dream dog (Dexter the corgi), my best friend in the whole world moved to ATX and I started my dream "Marvel/superhero" tattoo sleeve 😍 what more could I ask for, right?! But of course, things don't always work out the way you want them to. So... I've been seeing this girl "Sarah" since October of last year. Words can't describe the feelings I have for this girl. Every time I see her, my heart beats uncontrollably and I get the biggest butterflies. Even after getting to know each other for over a year, it still happens every time. I can't describe it. Is that what love is suppose to feel like? It's almost as if no one compares and I don't want to get know anyone else, besides her. Sarah has a son - Jasper (he's 4). After patiently waiting for over a year, I finally got to meet him two weeks ago. He was everything I expected and more. The three of us went to go see Christmas lights together and he even wanted to hold my hand while we walked back to the car, it was a great feeling. We ended the night with him wanting me to keep him company while he took a bath lol as well as reading him a book to bed 😭💙 It was the weirdest feeling cause I've never been with someone who has a kid and seeing them two together made me really happy; she's an amazing mom. Unfortunately, Sarah doesn't want a relationship. I'm not even entirely sure what the girl wants or wants from me tbh. We've definitely had our ups and downs this year, even resulting in us not talking/seeing each other for months at a time and sleeping with other people. She's a busy woman. She works two jobs, goes to school, has a kid and a dog/cat BUT still finds the time to spend that free time with friends and family. This obviously results in me not seeing her often, which is totally understandable. Sometimes I wish I could see her more, as selfish as that is. I try not to bother her or ask her to hang out cause I know she's busy and I have to work around her schedule anyways, so there's really no point. I've only seen her once in the past two months and it's been hard. We hardly speak anymore either and when we do, it's just small talk. I'm not sure what to think of this "relationship" anymore. It's confusing, exhausting and most of all... It hurts. I can't see a picture or even hear her name without it feeling like someone is putting an enormous weight on my chest. I try to hide my feelings cause I don't want to come off as weak/needy but I really do miss her. I hope she knows that. All I can do is wait for her and hope that maybe one day she'll change her mind and give me a chance. I know we'd be great together. Anyways, that's basically summed up my life for 2017. She's definitely been a rough one but I made it. I can only hope 2018 will treat me better. Cheers!
