#renamamiyafictive

[fictionkinfessions]

you know it’s kinda funny that there’s two “canon” names for me, depending on the source material (the official game/anime name vs the name used in the spinoff manga)

because the first one? it’s my name.

the second? …it’s my deadname.

nothing like seeing a good portion of the fandom using your deadname because it is a canon name, technically (even if as far as i’m aware it’s only used in the spinoff manga)

i dont really care all that much tbh, it’s just a funny coincidence to me

- ren amamiya / joker, persona 5 royal fictive, #TMW🔥🪽

x

[fictionkinfessions]

you know, honestly? i've been thinking a bit about makoto lately. or more specifically, about her goal. her "dream job", if you would.

like. girl. seriously? wanting to become a fucking cop? going to police academy? are you fucking kidding me?

i remember when she told me, i just laughed in her face. like wow, you're telling the most cop-hating guy you know, who has very intense and specific trauma surrounding being mistreated by cops, that you want to become a cop? we got into a huge fight about it... several times, actually. think there was at least one period of time were i just outright stopped speaking to her. granted, i mean, we got into arguments in general a lot, just because her and i tended to butt heads on ideals a lot. she had really black and white views on morality and a lot of those views were based in the "legality" of things.

she pulled her head out of her ass eventually. i don't know if it had anything to do with her realizing that i was dead serious about never speaking to her again if she actually became a cop. i don't know what the academy was like for her. i never asked.

she came to me at some point down the line, not long after she left the police academy, asking for help with unpacking all the internalized prejudices that she'd never quite worked through before (a major source of several of our disagreements alongside the whole cop thing). i did what i could, offered resources where i couldn't. i'm happy that she ended up pursuing law (i think), not because her sister wanted her to, but because she wanted to make a difference. and she did. she did really good.

but god, the part of me that still felt like the hurting and freshly traumatized seventeen year old never stopped being just a little angry about it, you know?

tbh this wasn't the next one i was expecting to send it-would've thought it would be something about all the other shit i've gone through. this has been lingering on my mind for a bit though.

- ren amamiya / joker, persona 5 royal fictive, #TMW🔥🪽 (i got our tag wrong the last time, whoops)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

[WARNING: Has major, MAJOR spoilers for «“Persona 5 Royal”», please continue scrolling if you do NOT wish to see them!!]

Good morning, afternoon, evening, or whatever time it is for you right now!

Um. I know that you might not want to hear anything from me, I can understand that, but even so..

I wanted to say "I'm sorry", I guess? You might wonder: "sorry for what?", and to be honest.. I don't know either, I just know that I feel awful that I couldn't really do much more for you. Maybe I should have tried to help you since the very start, as I noticed something was.. kind of off about you. Not that I meant anything was wrong, it's just that.. you always seemed more like you tried to fit an ideal or as if you were merely playing an act rather than being yourself most of the time? Ah, the more I think about stuff I could have done, the worse it makes me feel about everything, but this isn't about that.

I'm sorry for not being there for you more, and I'm sorry for how everything ended with us. I'm sorry about how the only thing I have left of you is your glove, and I'm sorry for pretty much everything I could be sorry for.

I know what you're gonna say: "are you an idiot or something? What are you even apologizing about?", but still, I feel as though there's a lot of things left unsaid in between us, so I might aswell just use this chance to properly tell everything..?

I'm aware, that you probably do not think of me this way, and that's why I never really tried to say anything, but I always felt like you were somehow more special than anyone else? I don't know, but the second we met I just.. I guess something clicked and I grew to like you a lot more than I thought I could. More than I thought a person was supposed to.

Even knowing that, I never really knew how to explain this feeling without making everything awkward, and it's not really like I'm an expert about love or something, but I guess that whenever I tried to look more into it, that was always the word that fit better than the rest? So I'm gonna be honest, I believe I may have fallen in love with you the exact second I saw you. I didn't really believe in love at first sight, as I thought it was unnatural, unrealistic and only happened in movies or fictional stuff, so this is actually a shocker for me.. and maybe also for you if you actually never noticed anything 😞

I could tell you that in three languages, actually, but isn't that more of a brag than something romantic..?? Oh, whatever, not like it will matter now or ever.

But, back to what I was saying..

I'm sorry. I was willing to just give up on our reality and to live in a perfect utopia world just because I was afraid of losing you again. I didn't want to let go of you, the person that I believe is the most important to me. Of course, I really care about the others, please don't get me wrong, but even so, I still cared too much about you like to just.. let you go, knowing you'd be dead and that I'd never get to see you again outside of a casket, if anyone even bothered to make one for you after you.. well.. died. Wouldn't it have been easier to live in a world where you and everyone else was happy? Sorry, this was and still is selfish of me, but I really just wished we could have been.. you know, friends, without all of the trauma.

I hope you have never questioned how much I loved and treasured you, though, since I tried to make it as clear as I could without making it weird..?? Anyways, I truly love you, te amo muchísimo, so please don't think that because you're not just some sort of real life prince charming I won't love you, because I do, I genuinely do. You're a super nice and uncanningly perfect person? I love you. You're actually resentful, full of hatred and actually were plotting to murder me? I love you. You're both? I love you. You're neither? I love you. It doesn't matter, whatever your true persona-lity (pun intended!!) may be, I will always love you, so don't worry about me hating you, since as long as I'm alive, you'll always have someone who wants to hangout with you, or maybe to just sit somewhere in pure, comfortable silence with you. You get it, right?

And, even if I'm not entirely sure about the idea of reincarnation..

maybe we're together in every universe, somehow?

Sorry, I'm pondering about this whole message and I'm realizing how cheesy it sounds, but I hope that, regardless, it will reach you, Akechi Goro.

(ily!! 愛してるよ！！ te amo!!) (but remember to actually take care of yourself and to sleep well or else I'm sending Mona to haunt your thoughts 😒)

— #❂🥞🐈‍⬛✮ (OH GOD I ALMOST FORGOT TO SAY WHO I AM 😭 hi, hello, I am Ren Amamiya / Akira Kurusu / “Joker” from «“Persona 5”». I'm not sure if this is allowed, but could you please tag as both fictive and kin?? Sankyuu!!) (oh, also, yeah the tag isn't taken)

(futaba, ILYY!! I miss u and the rest of the phantom thieves a TON :( you're in charge of them if you reunite with the rest and I'm still not with you all by then btw 💥💥 will forever be grateful that Mafia Caillou [Shido] is not in this universe, though.. I think. 😥) (also to sumire, ilyyyyy!!!!!)

"I love you!! I love you!!"

[fictionkinfessions]

more people should draw me as transfem and my partner as transmasc amen 🙏

no i am not biased at all why would you ask that

(me and him are like transfem and transmasc solidarity but if that solidarity was both of us also being some flavor of nonbinary/genderqueer. and also if that solidarity meant us kissing)

also bless takemi for not only providing me estrogen but also FOR FREE??? like. i wouldve been willing to pay but you best believe i was not complaining (i did end up working out a payment plan eventually because i felt bad sjdididi).

fr though do as i say not as i do, do NOT go getting your estrogen from sketchy doctors who work a few blocks away, kids.

anyway. guys my boyfriend. have you heard about my partner. their name is goro akechi and i am SO gay for him.

- ren amamiya / joker, persona 5 royal fictive, #TMW🔥🪽

x

[fictionkinfessions]

[《 Fandom(s) this post is about : «“Persona ５”» (kinda I guess?) ｜ «“General”» 》]

[ Type of post : motivational message..?? + reply at the end ]

❂——✧——✧——✧——✧——✧——❂

♤ – « “Yahoo!! Amamiya Ren / Kurusu Akira here to give a little message for EVERYONE!!” »

✪ – « “If you feel as though you shouldn't talk to other people from your source due to feelings of shame, guilt, or anything like that, try to think what you would think about someone from your source coming up to you to talk!” »

✸ – « “Would you feel neutral about it? Would you not mind? Would you be ecstatic? If it's anything like this, then why wouldn't other people think about YOU coming up to THEM that way aswell??” »

々– « “Worry not, I'm sure that even if you did awful stuff in source, they'll appreciate something coming from you. Although.. if this is true.. maybe like.. a little apology for everything could be nice before anything? I think that might be a good headstart, and after that, that's WHEN you try to talk to them if they're okay with it!” »

❀ – « “That being said.. pls don't be sad if they do NOT want anything to do with you, people have boundaries, and that's okay, I'm sure you wouldn't really want certain people from your source trying to talk to you after everything they did to you or other people, even with a much needed apology, so don't feel sad if that's the case, some people WILL l want to talk to you, others simply won't.” »

♧ – « “That's something you will (very sadly) need to accept if what you're afraid of is not being accepted or loved by all.” »

❅ – « “I heard a saying once, ‘even if you were the best strawberry of all, there will still be people that dislike them’. Moral of the story? It's fine if some people don't like you nor want you around, you're still the bestest strawberry of them all!!11!1!1” »

✧ – « “So don't think ‘oh, but what if they hate me ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡’, instead, do your best to keep your head straight and look ahead until it's the ONLY (maybe not exactly like that but have healthy optimism) thing you'll be able to do!! (oh, but remember to sometimes look behind, too, you don't want to entirely forget that part 😕)” »

✮ – « “sin miedo al exito amikos!! (Translation from Spanish to English: do not fear success, friends!!)” »

❂ – « “And hey, if you're still afraid of talking to others even after trying your best? That's fine, do things at your own pace, don't get out of your comfort zone entirely if you don't feel ready, and don't be too harsh on yourself if you can't!!” »

♡ – « “Lots of love, from — #❂🥞🐈‍⬛✮ !!” »

❂——✧——✧——✧——✧——✧——❂

[ Side notes : ]

(《 ✮«“Ren Amamiya”» ✮ ｜❂ « Akira Kurusu » ❂｜♤ «“Joker”» fictive + fictionkin♧》)

(I have cursed myself with decorations :3)

(hits everyone who is reading this with a super strong «“love yourself”» spell!!)

(if I was somebody else reading this I'd mentally cry ngl)

( Psst psst.. to the Akechi that made that post saying they felt like a coward due to not talking to sourcemates.. [ a.k.a the one that made this post :

https://www.tumblr.com/fictionkinfessions/758442583462658048/i-feel-as-if-im-a-coward-for-not-allowing-myself?source=share ] )

(You are NOT a coward for not doing so!! It's fine to feel this way, but please don't believe everyone on sight will hate you just for existing, because I don't, and I believe that there's MANYYY people out there apart from me that would LOVE to speak with you!! Take care, XOXO!!!!)

[ Post number : 9 ]

(DID I FORGET TO NUMBER THE LAST POST?? the one about Sumi.. oh GOD.. if it's not the custom tag it's something else 💔)

(I ALMOST FORGOT TO PUT MY NAME IN??? 😭)

(Morgana.. mona mona.. where r you.. I'm recognizing I forget everything without you..)

(sorry for complaining in the side notes I WILL do it again actually)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

[Fandom(s) this post is about : «“Persona 5”» ◇｜◇ «“Persona 5 ROYAL”»] [«“Identity V”» mention at the end]

[CW: Mentions of family issues..??]

❂——✧——✧——✧——✧——✧——❂

I remember that I used to have like.. a dog.. and a bunny too. The bunny was named “Churro”, and the dog “Luna”.

I also recall making a whole plan to go to my old home just to retrieve them, and guess what happened???

Sojiro tells me THE DAY BEFORE I FOLLOW THE PLAN THROUGH WITH ANN, RYUJI AND YUSUKE the following:

“oh yeah, your parents gave me your bunny and your dog like a month after you came here just so you wouldn't ‘be so lonely’ or something like that. Not gonna lie, I think they were done with taking care of them and they're just making excuses 😒. Anyways they're at my house right now, and part of the reason I didn't really mention it to you was because you have a cat and because I can't have two animals just running around the cafe. Maybe if you can somehow keep them upstairs I'll consider letting them be here instead of my house, just make sure the dog doesn't bark too loudly during working hours, or outside of them.”

..guess what I did as soon as I could go into that house.

Anyways, doggo always hated me for some reason (I kept trying to show love and affection to her), but was literally an angel with everyone else?? Sure, go be nice to everyone but me, the person that takes care of you 😞💔 traitor dog..

The bunny was absolutely terrifying to leave alone for too long, though, and I always found her biting something or just chilling besides a wall, but was always the center of attention.. makes sense honestly; it's not everyday you just see a rabbit doing rabbit stuff..

I remember that my friends kept getting ambushed by the trio of animals just randomly going up to them and demanding affection, and I think the victims that suffered the most from this were: Akechi, Yusuke, Ann, and Ryuji.

Imagine being on working hours, investigating or doing something REALLY important, then you hear the sound of little paws just going your way and see a rabbit and a dog together along with a guy trying to reach them.. seems like there's something else to add to do “I'm sorry” list.. 🥰

I hate how I'm canon divergent in some areas because wdym I didn't have a rabbit that kept biting my hair and a dog that kind of hated my guts but still liked me enough to accept me giving it affection without rejecting me sometimes 💔

❂——✧——✧——✧——✧——✧——❂

Little extra: I recall having a sibling in my canon, an older one at that, I guess? Anyways he was cool and one of the few reasons I was kinda looking up to going back home post canon 🥰.. emphasis on kinda.

I swear, I'll need to do a whole different post JUST to explain what was going on with my family and home place..

Sighh.. I really don't know if I love them or loathe them with my soul, so considering that.. it's bound to maybe be as long or a little less than the love confession 😥

On a completely unrelated side note: HOW R WE FEELING, IDV (Identity V) PLAYERS THAT ARE ALSO PERSONA 5 KINS / FICTIVES??? 🤩🤩

— #❂🥞🐈‍⬛✮ ( ✧ Ren Amamiya ✧ ｜❂ Akira Kurusu ❂｜♧ “Joker” ♤ fictive + fictionkin)

(does anybody else make sounds out of the blue without really wanting to? Like, little hums, clearing your throat, light whistling.. is that normal? I tried to stop it but it just made a lot of stuff worse and now I don't know if I should keep trying to or what 😥)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

Please Akira if you're out there, I miss you so bad. How did I ever survive without my twin? A part of me is physically missing and it hurts. It hurts to turn around and not see you there and even though plenty of others miss you, Picaro and Kasumi especially, but theres a selfish part of me that wants to grab onto you and never let go again. Where are you, brother? -Ren Amamiya (persona 5 fictive)

m

[fictionkinfessions]

Dreamfyre mouth perfect place to put Akechi in to nap! Inside very soft and comfort Akechi sleep soundly put Akechi in Dreamfyre mouth. Put Akechi in Dreamfyre mouth. No problems ever in Dreamfyre mouth because good shape and support for Akechi neck weak of big Akechi head. A Dreamfyre mouth yes a place for an Akechi put Akechi in Dreamfyre mouth can trust Dreamfyre for giving good love to to Akechi. Friend Dreamfyre.

-Ren Amamiya/ Joker (P5R fictive. PS: I’m sorry, Futaba. I know this is going to be stuck in your head)

'