Tony's trying to shell out $70 million for a modern art painting that's just two rectangles on a canvas and Steve is furious and trying to stop his idiot husband from doing that. "Tony no. That's no art, it's garbage. Stop throwing away money." Steve is low-key a modern art anti. "But Steveeeeee, we have all the money to splurge bb." And Steve gives him a look of pure disgust until Tony agrees to just donate that money to seven charities of Steve's choice. Then, they go on a date in Brooklyn.
When they first got together, Tony wanted to show Steve that he was serious about this relationship, that Steve wasn’t just a passing fancy to him. He intended to do that by demonstrating that he understands how important Steve’s interests are, and that he’ll support it, even when Tony doesn’t necessarily feel the same.
He took Steve to the Museum of Modern Art on their third date. He figured, Steve missed out on so much while he was doing his time as a Capsicle, so he’d probably want to see how art had changed over the years, check out the art scene in the 21st century. And at first, Steve had agreed. He’d been enthusiastic. It would be nice! Steve said. Man, I can’t wait to see how much art has improved now that there are better materials and more advanced techniques being used!
Not even fifteen minutes into their visit, Steve had wanted to leave. He couldn’t believe that this is what counted for art these days. A mostly blank canvas with only a red arc painted across the right edge? An actual blank, completely white canvas? Seriously?
Meanwhile, Tony was looking around at the pieces, and said to Steve, in all seriousness, “You know, I think I’m starting to understand why you love art so much. This…” he pointed at a dark blue painting with a single lighter blue line running down the middle, “it’s gorgeous. Do you think I should buy it?”
“No,” Steve said. “Absolutely not. I can paint that for you easily. For free.”
“Oh! Okay! Who am I to say no to a Steve Rogers original?”
They moved on and came across the museum’s performance art installment of the month. A glass box – a coffin, really – with a woman sleeping inside. Steve looked at the brochure and learned that the woman was actually a well-known actress named Tilda Swinton.
Glancing around, he saw how mesmerized the crowd was at the sight before them. There were some people with glistening eyes, others who couldn’t control themselves and let the tears fall freely.
He didn’t understand what was going on.
He turned to Tony. “This is art? Really?”
Tony furrowed his eyebrows as he looked back at Steve. “Isn’t it art though?” he asked. “She’s this huge superstar, usually so out of reach from the public. But here she is now. At her most vulnerable. Approachable. It’s a side of her we don’t usually see.”
“She’s literally getting paid to sleep, Tony. Just because she’s willing to do it in front of thousands of people, it doesn’t mean this is art.”
“Hey now, maybe you’re being a bit judgmen–”
Unwilling to let go of how ridiculous this all was, Steve cut Tony off. “If this is art, and it’s so worthy of praise, why don’t you just put me back in a block of ice, hmm? Freeze me up, wheel me over here, put me on display. ‘Capsicle’ by Steve Rogers and Tony Stark. Human in ice.’ Let’s make millions.”
Tony laughed. “Now you’re just being silly. I’m the only one allowed to enjoy this piece of art,” he said, running a hand down Steve’s chest. “You’re getting kinda worked up, huh? Let’s get out of here.”
They left, and Steve never wanted to step foot into the MoMA again.
Of course, Steve can’t avoid modern art forever. He helps Tony and Pepper curate their art collection, and Tony’s abysmal taste in art means that Steve constantly has to stop him from shelling out an absurd amount of money for two black lines on a white canvas.
“Why can’t we buy a couple crappy pieces of overpriced art for our house, Steve?” Tony always asks. “We have the money for it. It’ll add range to our collection!”
And Steve will always respond the same way. “Hey, the Hudson looks nice and frozen over today. I’m going to jump in. When you fish me back out, see how much my ice block would go for in an auction.”
That gets Tony to drop the subject pretty quickly.
