Resist then Surrender.
If there was ever a time in my life where I knew 100% that God is real, it’s right now. By “right now” I mean in my more recent years of life. Growing up, I’ve always been taught that there was a God. My family and I went to mass every Sunday if not everyday. I guess you could say that with age I’ve learned more about who I am and my life and that’s why I have this understanding of a higher power, but I’m not sure if I would even say that. All throughout my life I’ve been apart of church communities that technically supplemented my faith journey and honestly I could never be more grateful for those communities that I was apart of. They’ve taught me a lot and kept my head on straight for the most part. But if I’m honest, it wasn’t until more recently, when I moved away from home, when I realized how much my faith really means to me and how much it shapes me as a person.
When I moved away, there was no one to nag me to go to church, confession, adoration, etc... it was my choice to go. I’ve never had that choice until now and I always make the decision to still go to mass. I’ve developed a habit of going to confession every month and adoration every week. I would honestly say that I am a better person because of it. You’ve probably read some of my past posts and I won’t repeat them all again (I’ll add the link here to the post that I’m referring this to)... but to elaborate further/make a different point, I’ve slowly learned how to surrender myself to God more and more.
To reiterate, I find myself surrendering all my worries and anxieties to God more often. It’s another “Lord, I lift up all my worries to you. Please do what ever it is with them that you need to do.” It’s interesting because although I find myself still stressed about a situation, I get through it. God always has an interesting way of working and it’s kinda crazy when I realize it either happening or if it happened. I feel like it’s this cycle of resisting then surrendering because I typically come to realize that these stresses are beyond me. I trust that God will take care of them if I give it to him.
An example of this happened yesterday. So, I’ve been praying about this situation I’ve been in for a while now because I’ve found myself too afraid to be honest with my feelings and the constant wonder that if I were honest, what would this other person think, or what would happen. I keep finding myself being overly caution with our relationship because I would never want to lose this person. “Lord please give me the words.” We unexpectedly had this very honest conversation yesterday. Everything said between us wasn’t anything we didn’t really know already except for the realization that we were both on the same page about the situation. In retrospect, the conclusion to this conversation would seem like something I should or would get upset/mad/worried/sad/etc about, but it didn’t. I actually felt incredible peace within my heart. I’m not sure if it was because I was finally honest with how I was feeling, or if it was this realization that no matter what happens, we would both come to terms with it but we wouldn’t want things to change between us. maybe it was both? nevertheless, my heart felt at peace for once in quite a while... kinda like there was nothing to worry about. In this moment, I feel like God was working by answering my prayers in learning how to be more honest with my feelings and having the grace to overcome my resistance.
That last example was probably more of an example of how I found it crazy to realize how God works in our lives. Today I experienced something that really reminded me of how much I’m loved. I went to the Solemnity of All Saints Mass today and I’ll be honest with you, I practically fell asleep. I was so tired, but at the end of mass during the final blessing, I felt something so incredible that it’s kinda hard to explain. You know that feeling when you are just so happy that you start to cry? Or that feeling in your chest that starts building up inside of you to the point that you just start to well up in tears? Well that’s what happened to me. Literally at the priest said “May God Bless You in the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit” I started feeling that. It was interesting though because I wasn’t sad or even happy prior to that moment, but I just felt this overwhelming joy in my heart that made me smile and start to cry. Of course I know that God was in the works, but the first things that came to my mind and heart was that somebody, somewhere was either thinking about me, praying for me, or sending me some good vibes. I felt so incredibly loved in that little moment and that’s a feeling that’s actually hard to explain to someone. Genuine love... I feel like this needs it’s own dedicated post, so I’ll leave it at that.
God is real. God wants everything we want, but we just have to learn how to ask for them. God loves me and God loves you.
Dear Person Reading This, God works in the weirdest ways in our lives, but I know He wants the best for us. Stop resisting yourself from letting God take over in your life. Fully surrender your life to Him, and I promise he will give you purpose. Stop resisting and start surrendering. Let your heart and mind rest and let Him take care of it. I’ll be praying for you.
