#respair

[iratempestatis]

Xiao disliking you doing more for him than he does for you -> he does you a favour -> you do him a favour -> he does you a favour -> you make him dessert -> he gets you flowers -> you give him a kiss -> he gives you a kiss -> you give him a kiss -> he gives you a kiss -> you give him a kiss -> he

[spybrarian]

(source) 

[aceadmiral]

Connection and Healing

So, I’ve been looking at a lot of old posts for various reasons recently--it’s one of the hazards of having a terrible memory--and I ran across a post that made me feel, well, guilty, I suppose is the right word.

I won’t link it, because I am fairly certain the author would not want people revisiting it so many years later, but in broad strokes, the thing that was compunction’s arrow was this person was policing their expression of their sex-repulsion, causing such pain to themself in service to putting on a good face.

Now, those of you up to date on your AceAdmiral lore might say, “But on season 4, episode 6, it was established that you were driven away in early season 2 by how the community treated repulsed people, so how could you possibly feel guilty about that?” And that’s why guilt is not quite the right word; it’s that very specific type of remorse that comes from seeing someone hurt by the same force as you and wishing that you weren’t so powerless, that you hadn’t been so powerless then. That fallacy that narrows your perspective down to “why couldn’t I have been stronger for this person” and obscures the true source of it all that sapped your strength in the first place before turning its sights on them.

Now, let me state clearly and for the record: this is a non-productive and egocentric way of thinking. Put on your own oxygen mask first, you can’t pour from an empty vessel--pick your platitudinal metaphor, and then stop making someone else’s hurt about you and fight the real enemy. Ordinarily, I would not waste your time with it, but in this one, specific case, it helped me put my finger on something.

In an essay for the Disability Visibility Project’s collection ADA 30 in Color, Native American Disability Activist Rachel Setzer talks about the power of community as a healing force. “Because we’re all connected to each other and interdependent; helping someone in my community elevates the community as a whole.” I agree with that, but I also think it cuts both ways. We collectively have absorbed a lot of hurt and especially through the isolation and traps built in to the tumblr platform, our discourse has withered and our connections have become fraught.

If we are going to repair our community discourse, we have to always, consciously be breaking the cycles of transmission of hurt from ace to ace. Restraining oneself, being thoughtful and deliberate in one’s criticisms, showing humility, picking the right venue, choosing to show kindness when one could choose anger or cruelty--all of these things are necessary for a vital and vibrant community. But you might notice, these are all reactive.

The real reason I feel that cousin to guilt instead of something closer to sympathy is not because I “left that person behind” while I did what was necessary to take care of myself; it is because I ask myself, when was the last time I proactively said something about this? And the answer is 6 years ago. I feel this way because I did fight the real enemy briefly--and then I stopped. And careful not to think that just because there was nothing to react to, there was no suffering.

Look, don’t misunderstand, I’m not beating myself up about it or anything. I have been proactive about plenty of other things, and I still need to be kind to myself in this area. It’s actually currently destroying one of my friendships, so I am writing myself a pass. But.

We have the power to heal our community, both through what we say and what we don’t. It’s up to us whether or not we’re going to use it.

[iratempestatis]

.☘︎ ݁˖ respair brushbuddies !!

one of them is v good at getting into fights — the other is v good at resolving them.

"mi meep meep mi!! ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) "

"meepii. ( •̀ - •́ ) "

"peem meep meep!! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) "

"mi peep. (◡ ‿ ◡ .) "

["the gall to take our food!"]

["i know."]

["but we beat them!"]

["that we did."]

BAHAHA SORRY THIS IS V SILLY BUT IT MADE SENSE TO MY SLEEPY MIND!!! do accept my v sleepy doodles please and ty 𐔌՞ ܸ.ˬ.ܸ՞𐦯♡ !!!!

[iratempestatis]

I feel like colouring and rendering it fully will just ruin it tbh (╥﹏╥)

[iratempestatis]

♥︎ please do not steal or use for yourself!! this is my s/i haha <33

^ she always looks a bit smitten when looking at xiao :')

(a bit of a suggestive ver. utc!!!)

[iratempestatis]

telling xiao you love him for the first time by complete accident because you're used to bidding your family a good night w an added "i love you!"

perhaps taking a post dinner stroll with xiao while you're just friends and wishing him a good night when it comes to a close. he's about to say it back when you chirp — "and i love you!"

[iratempestatis]

xiao + reader = vv angy baby

a torrid combination of Fat Daughter (my sweet cat, to be clear SJSJSJS) and my period (fortunately there's minimal pain this round) birthed Maternal Instincts inside of me once more and I couldn't stop thinking about this and. Now I've made. Selfship baby. With my vv limited skills. I can art only Very Little so forgive me SHSJSJSJ

I wanted to make the hair look like dandelions but oh well :')). Forgive my vv limited Arting-- I cannot Art very well yet, let alone practice the Arcane Sorcery known otherwise as Rendering QwQ

(Does anyone know how I can make it look more floofy SOB)