okay I got a request!!! can you do like jealous dazai? it can end however youd like it, whether it'd be angst, fluff, or something else if you know what I mean 😳
A/N: I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THE REQUESTS I'M GETTING. I ADORE you for this one.
Brief: no established relationship, underlying sexual tension (???) (at least, i imagined it so, even if it's not quite evident within the writing), angsty-ish + comfort-ish by end
...isn't typically a man who gets jealous. For one who doesn't believe in possessions — someone who believes anything and anyone he's ever had is bound to be lost one day — envy should be no acquaintance.
Yet, emotions do not adhere to logic or personal beliefs in the least. How simple would everything be if they did?
The world would be too magnanimous.
Neither for geniuses nor fools life waters itself down. Perspective hones emotions, but it has no capacity to control them fully.
Dazai is no stranger to the same. But envy has been foreign to him for a long while; apathy and existential fatigue often takes up any space reserved for it.
That is — until you started to fill it up, inspite how much he resisted. There was just something about you that anything else couldn't offer...
Perhaps nothing else had the ability to quicken his heartbeat.
Perhaps nothing else fills him with such intensely vague emotions.
Perhaps it was you who defied his worldview by setting wind loose into his mind — upsetting, hurling emotions that formerly laid stagnant upon the floor.
There was barely a murmur within the office.
Its typical inhabitants had slowly filtered out — the golden dusk seeping in through the uncurtained windows languidly, making its way through the frigid air.
Usually, the calmness would've been a sedative. Today — it was an icicle.
Because within the bubble of silence, the person creased the surface of the peace — unsettling it with his ripples — was Dazai.
Though surprisingly, unlike most occasions, the man was actually not making noise.
You clicked your tongue in annoyance. "How many times has it been, Dazai—"
"—that you told me not to call you that, darlin'?" he chuckled. "Mm, is that better?"
You bit your lip, looking away. Hiding the way that word made you feel was no use.
"Is that so?" he smiled slyly, yet made no attempt to edge further.
And let the silence hang.
But obstinately, you did not answer. Holding yourself back despite the discomfort of the oppressive quiet.
Slowly, slimily, it wrung its hands through your neck, suffocating you, beckoning you, screeching at you —
"You know it isn't so!" you whispered breathlessly, harshly — loathing yourself for it, the effect his mere presence had.
He chuckled. "I never questioned it." His typical cool unchanging — he looked perfectly calm. Irritatingly so.
"You just did!" you snapped.
"Now, now — what's the matter with you getting so worked up?" he tilted his head in the similar innocent manner yet with the evident undertones of slyness he didn't bother hiding.
"Anyone flirting incessantly despite my asserted lack of interest is bound to irk me, Dazai."
"Mm... that didn't seem so with that actor this morning." He leaned back in his chair. "An old friend, did you say?"
"Seriously?" your tone raised a notch further. "You're comparing yourself with another man on how you treat a woman?"
"You didn't answer the question, did ya'?"
"You're comparing yourself with a sleazebag like him?" you scoffed bitterly. "I didn't..." ...expect that from him, but the words got caught up in your throat — confusion, anger, and denial all wrapped up.
"You thought I was better?" He got up from his chair, walking towards you.
"Do you want me to be better, [name]?"
He leaned down in front of your chair.
"Something keeps telling me otherwise, despite your words."
His hands ghosted laid on edge of the chair, right beside but not quite touching your thighs.
Your breath caught up in a lump in your throat.
Something passed by as a flicker in his eyes — almost vitriolic, you fancied — but too swift to judge from.
"But," he breathed out a laugh, "I'll take your word for it."
You wondered if that was his method of punishment.
Karma for your persistent denial of these underlying emotions of yours, the undercurrent of electricity that passed unacknowledged — but never unnoticed.
Sitting alone now, truly, in the office —
realising these feelings you buried desperately, failing, failing, again and again —
realising regretfully that perhaps, perhaps —
perhaps nothing else fills you with such intensely vague emotions;
you will force those words out, walking faster, faster, faster now —
A/N: i'm afraid this became more confession-ish than an actual jealousy fic, but i hope you like it nevertheless 🥹 i'd written an actual jealousy fic before this which might've been one of the most delicious pieces of literature I've ever written, but tumblr didn't save it when I tried to and it deleted and i went through the five stages of grief over the course of one week before gathering enough mental strength to get my ass to write it again. though in an entirely different way. scarcely as good as before. it was angst without comfort formerly.
i'll forever mourn the version Iost to tumblr's tantrums 💔
i think this one's kinda crappy at the end.
credits: top-most space divider by @/rmstitanics, white ribbon dividers by @/cursed-carmine, flower dividers by @/saradika-graphics, and bottom pink divider by @/bronzewasp!