I'm hesitant to take my anxiety attack medicine but if this escalates i will have to, but i don't want to

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I'm hesitant to take my anxiety attack medicine but if this escalates i will have to, but i don't want to
I had a beautiful moment early this afternoon. I woke up at 1am and had something to eat and couldn’t get back to sleep for about an hour. The dream that followed though did something in my spirit and by the time I came to church I was in such a place of peace and contentment and all that I gone through internally was so confirmed at church this morning. You see I had a dream where I was part of a team and there was a big performance was going on and each team performed a routine and was performing it and mth the ground level of this venue with hundreds of people looking on. In the past, in the last number of years actually, any performance left me trembling with anxiety. I often haven’t been able to stay on stage because of how much body uncontrollably shakes. Therefore in this dream I was apprehensive at the performance I was about to take part in but when I got there and was taking part in I felt the most free I’ve felt in a very long time. I was absolutely in my element and loving every second that I was able to express myself so freely and it was so uplifting and enriching and joyous and empowering and wonderful. God is not calling me to face my present under the weight of past barriers. He’s called me into a whole new level of freedom that changes everything. The future is brand new, the present is brand new with an abundance of life and hope and expression and joy and freedom than I realised. I am able to make choice by choice to live in a way that honours freedom, because that is what God has given me. This is the freedom that I can live in today. The future-hope-recovery is not a destination, it’s a present mindset. This is the freedom that I’m called to and that changes everything.
Lemme break it down for yall
Bodies get wrinkly. Then die. Souls last forever. Spend some time working on that, whatever that means to you. Rather than working on a body for the umpteenth time that ultimately, will become worm food pretty damn soon, spend some time meditating, or praying, or simply just being in the moment, being with family and good friends. Are you gonna spend your precious life worrying about the size of your thighs or spend it tying to bring happiness to others and to yourself? Yes, there is a right answer in this case. (:
So not ok tonight. I just don't know how to let this go. There's nothing else I can do about it now. But I can't let it go. I really hope they aren't mad at me...it was an honest mistake but I feel like a complete failure. :(
4 months clean today(: