Title: DAY 21 Pairing: Severus Snape x Fem!Reader || Harry Potter Categories: fluff kinda RICKMAS: Christmas Nights - Kevin Walker Word count: 2k
🎶Oh it flickers From a light Something lingers In the cold skies And hope is all I′m need'n And love is all I′m feel'n🎶
Christmas rolled by again. Every year was the same, and to some extent, this repetitiveness caused Severus to feel a nostalgia he disliked. Why did he dislike it? He couldn't tell. Perhaps it was because it made him feel exposed. It made him relive some experiences he would have rather stayed personal. Maybe it wasn't even this profound an explanation. Maybe in his heart, he was bitter to know and see others experience a kind of joy he hadn't been allowed by fortune to feel. Familiar safety? A loving home? What did those mean to Severus now, if not a bitter sting of fate that came back every year to remind him of how unlucky he had been?
It did not bother him that all students, or at least most, were gone home. He felt relieved to know he did not have to stand guard for those little rascals who compromised his work.
Yet he had to admit, without them causing trouble, things were too quiet. Which would have been great, had he not gotten used to being on his guard at all times. Expecting to find a mess around every corner because what did those youngling wizards and witches do if not cause trouble? Some professors left, too; others stayed. To no surprise, if he had a choice, he chose to remain in Hogwarts, for nothing really awaited him outside, which he couldn't find within the grounds of the school. There were occasions when he had no choice because Dumbledore sent him away. If that didn't happen, then Severus always stayed.
This year was one of those when Dumbledore did not interfere with Severus Snape's decisions and allowed the man to choose by himself how he would spend the holidays. And so, Severus stayed back. During the first day of his winter break, he remained in his chambers for most of the day, lingering by his cauldrons, concerning himself with plans of work he had to undertake once the winter break ceased.
🎶Christmas night stay with me Through the years that lay ahead When I'm far away from family and friends And give me strength when I need it And love to fill my heart Be the reason when the stars don′t align🎶
The next day, he came out of 'hiding' momentarily, scanning the grounds of Hogwarts for the presence of other professors and students, which remained. He found, to his enjoyment, that the usual troublemakers had returned to their homes and there would only be calm around the school for the break. Among the professors, too, stayed those he tolerated best. You were one of these witches that he took a liking to. Perhaps saying he enjoyed your company would be too far-fetched because Severus preferred his privacy to remain sacred. He did, however, undoubtedly find you to be a worthy partner for conversation and a pleasing dinner companion.
When Severus found out you would be staying at Hogwarts, he was pleased. Did he wonder why you didn't go to a more joyous place for the holidays? Yes. Did he find it strange that you did not comment previously about your plans to remain at Hogwarts? Absolutely. However, he did not bring it up because, ultimately, it was your privacy, and he had no reason to attempt to pierce it with questions you might have found undesirable. He thought of himself. Would he want to be asked about his choice to remain at Hogwarts? Most definitely not, since that would have put him in a spotlight he had attempted to avoid at all costs. Thus, he made up his mind not to ask any questions that would put either of you in a spot you didn't desire.
Severus Snape tolerated you enough that he spent his dinners sitting with you. The conversations he had with you remained, for the most part, surface-level, artificial. Yet this was better than what your other professor colleagues could say about their bond to Severus, who would turn his back entirely on them and disregard their words. With you, even though it was shallow at the start, you could proudly say there was at least something to start from.
"Do you have any questions about your curriculum?"
"Severus, I assure you, I might be in my first year working here, but I learn quickly." You smiled, waiting for dessert. "Plus, I am not teaching something as preposterously complicated as Potions." There was a hint of a wink there as you said that. You were half serious. Potions was indeed one of the more difficult classes, but you added a little irony meant to stroke his ego.
He caught onto it quickly and eyed you, quietly at first, then the least change happened in his eyes.
Almost a spark of warmth, which he brushed away by turning his gaze from you.
"I do not need foolish flattering. It won't have any consequence for me. I remain unchanged; thus, you cannot sway me with your silly words." Severus glanced down at his plate, but your sudden chuckle made his head snap in your direction. Worried at first that you would comment and say something rude, he was stunned to see a smile on your face.
"Oh, you are the death of all liveliness, Severus."
Whilst your words had the unfortunate double meaning, one being an insult of sorts, the tone made Severus understand you were amused. Severus Snape saw no ill thought and so waited for your further clarification.
"What possible desire could I have to sway you one way or another, Severus? What is there I might want from you?" You smirked, then turned to your dessert as it finally reached the table. "Honestly, Severus, you should learn to receive compliments."
He huffed, glancing down at his dessert. "I am aware of my capabilities."
"That's lovely."
Severus squinted at you, then grunted. You had to admit it was funny to see Severus at a loss for once.
🎶Oh Christmas nights All the sorrow The world knows Come tomorrow Hope shows That never again will you feel alone Let the spirit of the light guide you home🎶
"When you finish pretending, maybe you could make an effort and admit you are just afraid to get praise from your colleagues." Your small coy comment angered Severus enough to want to snap back, but you were quicker and wittier than he was when it came to words.
"Why would I be afraid of such a nonsensical thing?"
"I don't know, you tell me."
"You fantasise improbable scenarios, Miss L/N."
You rolled your eyes and turned your entire body to face him, not just your head. "Maybe I do. Or maybe you are just not ready to admit you put on a show. Nobody really knows who you really are; that must be quite lonely. I wonder if this show is just for us. Or if it extends to you. Do you know who you are? What do you like? Want?"
You realised perhaps you pushed him too far and stopped, giving him an apologetic look. To your surprise, Severus had not snapped at you or left, but was left in a thoughtful pose, glancing out into the Hall at something you couldn't see. Maybe you struck a nerve? Or he chose to detach his mind and ignore your ramble.
Either way, when you realised you must have crossed a line, you sighed and apologised. "I went too far, didn't I? Sorry."
For a while, neither of you spoke, and the stillness soon became awkward. It wasn't uncomfortable in the usual sense, but rather it was pressing on you like a heavy weight. To you, it felt like this choice of conversation had done something irreparable to the security Severus must have felt until now, when choosing to talk to you. And as usual, when such a weighing feeling surfaces, people try to divert, to change the course toward calmer waters.
"I heard Headmaster Dumbledore doesn't have any work for us during the winter break. We are completely free to do as we please."
Severus came to and sighed. You pulled him away from his half-catatonic state with your words, and his head turned to you after that dreadful silence that had engulfed the table beforehand.
"Yes, that is indeed correct," Severus mumbled, less harsh and fierce. There was a sort of numbness in his tone. "That is not a common occurrence, you must know. The Headmaster is known to hand out tasks often, so we must be grateful."
"I know I am grateful. Taking a breather after dealing with the kids is incredible. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the job, but I also enjoy taking breaks from it."
Severus nodded.
No further questions. No inquiries. No exchanges. For a time, the table dove into that eerie dullness. You were starting to think perhaps Severus was trying to communicate to you without words that he wanted you to leave. With that in mind, you were about to stand and excuse yourself for the evening when he spoke again.
🎶Christmas nights stay with me Through the years that lay ahead When I′m far away from family and friends And give me strength when I need it And love to fill my heart Be the reason when the stars don't align Take it all away from me one day But some things never fade🎶
"I do not understand certain things about you either, Miss L/N."
Your eyes widened. The change of topic was both unexpected and strange. It put you in the spotlight faster than you had time to react. Thus, for a minute, you had no idea what to tell Severus, other than watch him and expect some follow-up. Yet, none came. Despite your initial guess that Severus was trying to get at you for changing the conversation from the usual superficial topics to something else, you were surprised to find that his inquiry was honest and his curiosity stemmed from genuine interest, not malice.
"About me?" You ended up speaking after a while. "I don't think I've been hiding anything of great importance for my character."
Severus' brow raised, waiting.
"I have no issue answering your curiosities if you have any, Severus. But I don't know what it is you want to know."
"For instance, why is it you stayed?"
You sighed, turning your attention to your now-empty plate. "To teach at Hogwarts?" You assumed Severus wanted something more meaningful, yet you heard his plain, 'no.'
"No, silly woman. I know the answer to that." He crossed his arms. "Why did you choose to stay here for the winter break?"
You nearly laughed. Severus, on the other hand, became worried instantly that he had crossed the line he imposed on himself at the start. He will attempt to keep everything surface-level and avoid causing a situation. But things happened. Your questions stirred something in him, and they snowballed into this question, which worried him far more than it worried you.
"That's it? Oh, Severus." You chuckled, and the chuckle turned into a laugh. You thought it had been evident from the start, but there you were, looking foolish and mysterious in front of Severus, who was oblivious to the reason for your choice.
"What is so amusing, silly woman?"
You glanced at him, and your laugh softened, leaving behind an honest smile. You smiled at him, and that look made Severus feel his defences grow. There was something strange in your eyes. Not destructive, not wrong, but distant.
A distant, familiar look which he remembered but couldn't quite place.
"I stayed because I knew you would."
Severus didn't reply.
"That's it."
"What do you mean?"
You shook your head, then blushed, glancing down at the table.
"I mean, I thought it would be nice to spend this year's Christmas here with you."
🎶Christmas night stay with me Through the years that lay ahead When I′m far away from family and friends And give me strength when I need it And love to fill my heart Be the reason when the stars don't align Oh Christmas nights🎶


















