How did I get here? I guess it was always a choice. Seeing my mom get heartbroken thousands of times due to infidelity made me scared. I grew up with this idea that men tend to cheat. I’m not saying that every man out there is a cheater. I’m just stating that I grew up observing this - from my own family, from family friends, from boys I met in high school, and own relatives’ stories as well. Perhaps, my 16-year education in an all-girls school for pre-school, elementary, and high school also contributed to me being queer. Who knows?
I lied. I lied to my parents just to attend pride march. I bet thousands of millennials who were there also did the same thing. This is what we get for still being closeted. And it pains me how many of us still live in fear of being discriminated by the society and most of all, for not being accepted by our own family and friends - the ones who we expected to love us and accept us wholeheartedly regardless.
I hope one day, each and every member of the LGBT community will finally be FREE. I hope we can walk around without carrying the burden because we are hiding about who we truly are. It’s just so heartbreaking that we have to go through lengths just to be accepted. “Coming out” especially to family and relatives is not an easy process. We can be forsaken - even by our own parents.
This is my first ever pride march. I will forever cherish the feeling. I felt mixed emotions throughout the event.
I felt happy because as we were gathered together. We were stronger as a community. I felt so carefree because I was surrounded by beautiful people who accepted me for who I am. There was nothing but immense kindness from strangers who gave me free hugs. It was an experience to remember - a feeling that I will always, genuinely cherish.
But I also felt sad that a number of people from the society still won’t accept us - not even just tolerate us. Naiyak ako nung nakita ko ‘to. Nagka anxiety attack ako. Naluha. Nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa puso. But I convinced myself that I need to not mind them. This is one of the many reasons why we do this, WHY WE MARCH - for the people who can’t join us because they are scared, for the people who cannot accept us, for the people who still don’t understand us. Maybe one day, they finally can.
Kami ng mga kaibigan ko, closeted pa sa pamilya. Pero nung nandun kami, sobrang tuwang tuwa kami kasi nakaranas kami na maging malaya.
LOVE WINS. LOVE ALWAYS WINS.
Backstory. When I was in high school, I was COMPLETELY ashamed for who I am. I remember confessing during our high school vigil for having girlfriend. I felt like I deserved the "punishment" that the priest gave me. All my friends were already somewhere else but I was still in the chapel, praying Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be - thirty times each.
The school punished everyone who were caught having girl-to-girl relationships. They worked with the parents to “straighten-out” students like it can actually be done. Well in fact, I realized that they shouldn’t have. The decision of the students regarding who they want to date is totally PERSONAL and OUT OF BOUNDS by the school administrators. They should have just supported the students who were in their teenage years. Everyone was still trying to figure out who they really are - their preferences, whether it was just a phase or it isn’t. They should’ve just left us alone.
Back then, that was what the school taught me - the way that I am, being queer, is living a life of sin. I used to be ashamed of myself but that was before. I've come a long way since then.
Below is a picture of me with another poster that I made that says “Yes mom and dad, your only child is not straight and that’s okay.”
When I was at the pride march, I really felt a sense of power in me that I don’t normally feel during normal days. As the march ended, sadly, I wasn’t as free as I thought I was unlike the other members who are out of the closet. I realized that I still needed to come home to an unaccepting family.
I began to think of the other members of the community like me who hid their flags, threw out their banners, erased the face paints as they approached their homes.
We will never be scared silent. We will not let those who hate us define us. We will never apologize for who we are. Happy pride, mga mahal! #RiseUpTogether #Pride2018 (at Marikina Sports Center)
If you guys are having some depression or any problems heavy or not na hindi niyo makaya ng mag-isa, I'm here para maka-usap. If you are scared to come out or hindi naging maganda yung result ng pag out mo, I'm here para maka-usap. Wag niyo sarilinin. Masakit, masikip at mahirap dalhin ang tinatagong damdamin na nais sabihin. Kaya wag kayo mag hesitate na kausapin ako if naghahanap kayo ng makaka-usap. Ayun lang.
