if i lie down on your k n e e
brush my hair
like when i was young
( translations & look )
april’s evaluation was one the trainee had thought the most about since her joining. this was her first evaluation where it would just be her and her skills alone in the presence of her coaches. just the thought made the teen anxious but she knew it was a good opportunity for her to show she was actually gaining something from her training.
the song selection was a challenge, narrowing down her choices was even harder. jieqiong wanted something not too demanding ( she didn’t want to choose something that was definitely out of range ) but meaningful to her. eventually, she stumbled upon iu’s ❝ knee ❞ - deciding on with just a few listens and starting practice the next day.
leaned up against the wall opposite the door, the trainee mouthed the lyrics she had memorized - tapping her foot to keep the beat while her eyes roamed the area. her guitar rested in its case next to her leg, a challenge she had taken on for this evaluation. jieqiong was certainly no master on the guitar but she figured since she wasn’t risking it with her song selection, she might as well provide herself some kind of challenge ( otherwise it was simply too boring ).
one of her coaches peaked her head out before signaling they were ready for her, the girl flashing the woman a smile as she grabbed her bag and shuffled into the room after her. the room had been set up so jieqiong was positioned in front of the other coaches - a chair set off to the side she assumed was available for use. quietly, she bowed to her coaches and make sure to offer them each a smile - an action given in attempt to calm her nerves.
they gave her a moment to prepare herself - time she spent pulling out that chair and bringing her guitar from its case. pushing her hair from her face and behind her shoulder, her fingers readied at the strings as she glanced up for the ok. a nod was given and all eyes were on her as she strummed the strings of her guitar,
♪ ~ 모두 잠드는 밤에
혼자 우두커니 앉아
다 지나버린 오늘을
보내지 못하고서 깨어있어
누굴 기다리나
아직 할 일이 남아 있었던가
그것도 아니면 돌아가고 싶은
그리운 자리를 떠올리나 ~ ♪
her fingers moved against the strings of the instrument with practiced precision, voice soft yet loud in the otherwise silent room. the occasional scratch of a pen on paper was heard only to be drowned out yet again by either the melodious tone of the guitar or her voice. jieqiong’s head started titled towards the instrument resting in her lap, focusing on her fingers and everything she had memorized for this performance. her heart beat rapidly against her chest, nerves still lacing through her fingers - the beginning was always the worst.
eye contact. an important factor for a solo performance, a detail she had previously managed to forget. too focused on the instrument under her fingers, jieqiong had only managed to look up from her fingers once since she sat down; before she actually started her evaluation. a dumb mistake, a mistake that went on until the chorus when she finally grew comfortable enough to look up - facial expressions soft as she started into the chorus.
♪ ~ 무릎을 베고 누우면
나 아주 어릴 적 그랬던 것처럼
머리칼을 넘겨줘요
그 좋은 손길에 까무룩 잠이 들어도
잠시만 그대로 두어요
깨우지 말아요 아주
깊은 잠을 잘 거예요 ~ ♪
these lyrics were her favorite, reminding her of her own thoughts now that she had graduated from sopa and started at k-arts. little jieqiong is finally an adult, at least that’s what her mother would say ( although she’s not sure how true that actually is ). legally maybe, but she herself felt she anything but an adult - the word itself was scary. the thought of being young again, head in her mother’s lap and her fingers in her hair, almost brought tears to her eyes - leaving an unfamiliar feeling present in the pit of her stomach.
♪ ~ 조용하던 두 눈을
다시 나에게 내리면
나 그때처럼 말갛게
웃어 보일 수 있을까
나 지친 것 같아
이 정도면 오래 버틴 것 같아
그대 있는 곳에 돌아갈 수 있는
지름길이 있다면 좋겠어 ~ ♪
the chorus repeated after the next few lines, jieqiong’s eyes once again returning to her guitar to continue monitoring her playing. too much eye contact was unsettling and she wanted to do as well as possible, considering everything about her time performing a factor that played into her evaluation ( if she could adjust the room temperature to her coach’s needs, she most definitely would ).
♪ ~ 스르르르륵 스르르
깊은 잠을 잘 거예요
스르르르륵 스르르
깊은 잠을 ~ ♪
slowly, her fingers stopped as well as her voice when the song came to its end. jieqiong took a deep, calming breath before letting her classic smile slip back into place as she stood momentarily to bow and thank her coaches. overall, the performance could always be better but the girl was satisfied with her first solo evaluation - no major complications to her knowledge and she had enjoyed herself. she left the room that day hoping she had shown any tiniest bit of improvement and that sphere was indeed doing some good.
& . I NEVER WANTED ANYTHING SO MUCH
THAN TO DROWN IN YOUR LOVE ,
( and not feel your reign )
4월 EVALUATION ------------------ ✦ ˟
there had always been a part of her that waited for this moment. when she’d finally be able to relinquish her repertoire of ballads; many of whom were slow, tremendously languid in nature and rhyme, that jihyun had succumb to the thought that they’d never see the light of day. it was just her luck that april had yet to make her a fool, and instead granted her such a wish: to finally unleash the dozens, possibly hundreds of sappy melodies that have littered her mind since the day she’d first set foot into royal.
the only problem with having such a grandiose collection of dry-eye remedies was, where would she begin?
would she go to the beginning -- where it had all started, where her youth was as numbered as the fingers on both hands; where concrete jungles had finely-tuned her and ran her out within years that felt much too short, much too thin to be called something as influential as adolescence.
jihyun remembers it too fondly, as cliche as the saying of yesterday goes; where the heat brushes her cheeks red and pale skin is easy to burn. she’s dark haired and bright eyed, ready to awaken the new city with her accented and inaudible english. where her mother’s voice had sparked a likeness in her -- a wonderment only kindled by the arts and further nurtured by thousands of dollars of artistic supplement so fondly reminisced as vocal training.
she turns the page, forgets the lyrics and so easily abandons the idea of singing a house is not a home because hadn’t she always said she was never her mother, no matter how fond -- how easily her heart clings to the idea -- the thought only pains her, just slightly, and it makes her miss home a little more than she’s used to.
( it’s been years and video calls could only do so much these days )
fingers tuck long tendrils, burdened by length and tickling revealed shoulders; brushed by thick sweaters and drawn away from the chill of april’s spring weather, a ghosting of cool winds that swift a chilling reminder against window panes and hushed ceiling lighting. she’s back on one of the trainer’s laptops, researching -- analyzing keys, looking and looking, adding a few too many, a few too less of songs she’s wants to sing but never one she’s adamant to perform.
maybe i should play it safe -- she thinks by the middle of the month when she’s due for a meeting with one of the coaches; she applies the idea of singing one of her safe choices, a song by whitney houston, an idol she’s idolized far longer than she’s audibly admitted, the many she rattles off are easy to note. saving all my love for you ; i have nothing ; run to you and the likes.
she’s ready to prepare, has half the mind of choosing one of her safe -- easy -- contenders that she knows will likely give her a positive response regardless of who was there to listen to her. jihyun had always kept a place in her heart for whitney, one she’s heavily practiced to the point that she could easily breathe a rendition of i will always love you in her sleep. what she doesn’t expect is to be turned down -- for any preparations to come to a halt and start again at square one, do not pass go.
“don’t go for easy, jihyun-ssi, the eval isn’t supposed to be easy.”
but isn’t it like that for most evals? she feels her lips curl, ready to ask -- a wonderment, cue bewilderment to the rejection of one of her favorite songs. but she understands, she knows she was taking the easy route -- knows that easy wasn’t what they were looking for.
it was royal, after all, they didn’t take just anyone these days.
and for someone like jihyun, who’s been here for as long as the days are numbered, she definitely didn’t want them to think she was anyone but The One, now.
so she chooses simple over the complexity that is whitney houston. she retires the long-scale high notes and jaw-dropping adlibs for soft tones and gentle keys, a smoother sound and a raw tone. come to think of it -- jihyun hadn’t quite lived up to her potential for a while now.
always doing the expected, playing her part -- doing what was needed of her, keeping her head down and forgetting herself in place of becoming someone they wanted her to be.
an evolutionary binding that’s become a part of her, the person she wasn’t before -- and just like those three years, they’ve become ingrained in her. not easily removed, a permanent lingering that’s not just in the back of her mind anymore. she’s not the same lee jihyun from before, but she’s also not too different.
( at least, she hopes to god she isn’t )
it’s small -- but she knows, she knows there’s something about her not like before. she isn’t quite sure of it, not completely present in the idea that she’s reformed to such a person, so quickly influenced, enamored by years of work and little reward -- of small successes and a distant footing in a small doorway, her future.
it’s all there -- and with little time, she finds her song. a small understanding of what she wishes, what she pursues and what becomes her internal struggle -- a constant battle that she’s finally allowed to leave her subconscious and breach realization.
SET ME FREE --
she’s all keys and nimble fingers brushing back dark tresses from her eyes, grazing upon ivory and black in an array of small motions; soft smiles and distant, lingering eyes. “LEAVE ME BE.” it’s so easy to forget, she thinks, so easy to wade among the waters -- to pretend like the years haven’t passed.
SO TALL -- JUST THE WAY, I’M SUPPOSED TO BE. with each note, every key that marks an uprising in her voice ; it’s faint, the story she tells, submerged in every word. a detail ridden between white and song, among the lines and hidden beneath each and every vow she promised all those years ago.
jihyun takes her part, another flower in the bouquet, plasters it on her sleeve, a red A to the million she’s yet to bravely claim. like those years ago, she does so now, promises her allegiance -- does so with every smile that finishes each word, every crash of instrumental against her voice. all up to the note that rises above the many, higher than she supposes she should, more fragile than she thought was possible, stronger as she’s begun to realize,
without royal, she would have never been able to get so close to her dream.
✦ ˟ ------------------ IS THAT YOU’RE KEEPING ME --- DOWN ,
it’s one note. one she delivers pristinely, quivering as she breathes; pauses as fingers press down on keys, continues as if stalling, calming her beating heart -- promising to do better, that things would be better.
SOMETHING ALWAYS BRINGS ME BACK TO YOU ,
her future was in their hands, only now did jihyun fully let them do as they wished with it.
The best part of this song was that Sohee was well versed in Lee Hi’s music. She was a fan of her and is mildly surprised she’s never used a song of hers (or that she features in) before. She appreciated RnB for what it was but she never took up the genre herself. It was so relaxing and chill, the song was definitely something that embodied the “TRC image” without being heavy on rapping.
Sohee didn’t need to “look the part”. That was the biggest relief that came from her song choice. She showed up in black tights and a simple black top with a red flannel. Heels completed her ensemble, of course, but she’s never felt so casual and confident before.
The most vital piece of advice she’s gathered from her training sessions with Bobby was to just be relaxed. It wasn’t something she can force. She took his advice to heart. Her biggest flaw was forcing to be what she’s seen in music videos and stage performances. You cannot force something that’s supposed to come within.
She knows that now.
It was so easy to be sidetracked by the image and the persona you’re “supposed” to give off. But she found herself more comfortable when she was simply vibing to the song -- as if she were pulling off an impromptu performance for friends. So that’s exactly how she treated the eval performance.
Sohee got into the song easier this way. It was a simple trick of picturing friends instead of her coaches. To envision Youngjae and Jiwon to her left and right, playfully hyping her up and dancing along next to her eased her. She could move to the song, picturing her closest friends doing the same next to her. And Taemin, who would be across from her looking equally as proud as he does interested in her singing. Seungyoun, who would undoubtedly be smiling at her. Bobby, probably nodding along and giving his approval.
And Ricky, whom she’d hope would have that dazed look he always gets when she sang to him.
That’s the type of confidence that she couldn’t replace. Even under the intimidating gaze of her coaches, she found herself having fun with the song. (Can you really have fun with a song like this?) If only Bobby could see her at this moment, bobbing her head to the song and giving off the attitude of a true singer. It pleases her to think he’d be so proud of her.
She’s mildly proud of herself for not feeling weird about cursing in a song.
Sohee almost doesn’t realise she reached the send of the song. It wasn’t a song that leaves the singer breathless or had an epic ending. It was calm. It was the type of song you can bop to. So when the song played out to its end, she smiled and bowed her head.
For the first time she wasn’t worried about fitting TRC’s image.
April Evaluation | Slow & Sensual | Paint it, Black.
song choice ; choreography
[ if you mute the pole dancing video then play the video at 0:04 and play the song. Cut the part from 3:10 go to 3:30. You’ll get good idea on what minhee performance is like ]
location: seocho training facility
Brave....Possibly.
Stupid...Certainly.
This was it. This was her chance to show she hasn’t been sitting on her butt this past month and working hard to learn how to sing, dance & perform. Minhee was no Beyonce or Micheal Jackson, she was not gifted with the talents like those, she had to work hard to get this far. The nervous female tied her hair in loose bun on top of her head before setting up the pole within the studio making sure the fixtures were secure because she did not want any accidents unlike last week, the pole wooble too much causing her to lose her grip. Luckily, the move was not high so the fall was not that great. Was it risky to perform pole dance routine in front of trainers? Will they hate it or love it?? What would they think of Minhee doing this? Will they regret bringing her into this company?
The answers to the questions could all be possibly or possibly not, she was terrified on how they would react to this. She wasn’t sure if anyone has done this before either making her even more nervous as twiddles with ends of men’s white shirt which were much bigger than herself looking more like a dress. She wore white shorts under the shirt with white long socks which came over the knees and black choker wrapped around her neck, the look was somewhat innocent yet still sexy someway making it perfect for what she wanted to achieve. It was amusing in some way, she was wearing all white yet the song she choose was paint it black. The female stood in front of the pole greeting the audience with her bright cheerful smile even though her stomach was in twist.
She took a deep breath as she got into position waiting for the music to start playing yet something goes wrong. It seem the track wouldn’t play some technical difficulty, Minhee really couldn’t believe her luck right now. She looked over the stereo in utter disbelief a nervous giggle escaped her lips she couldn’t believe this would happen on her first performance in front of everyone. The girl kept her calm putting on a brave smile for everyone, shaking her head slightly. It wasn’t long until everything was order and the show was able to go on. The female close her eyes so can tune herself into the music so she could smoothly lift her arm up the air to hold onto the top of the pole while her other hand held onto the middle of the pole and remembering to keep her toes pointed.
The dancer let her left hand free as she gently steps around the pole towards the front before grabbing the pole again with left hand to let her feet glide smoothly across the floor in elegant manner as she lead herself to right side with both hands on her pole. Minhee let the music flow through her body and does some simple little kicks into the air, everything was simple, smooth, slow and sweet. She body roll behind the pole let her foot stroke across the floor like she walking on air always making sure her toes were pointed as swiftly move her leg around doing the same movement again yet right side was facing towards the pole. Minhee felt so free when she lost herself within the music and with her pole, she spun around it undoing the loose bun letting her brown hair flow beside her face. She moves to stand in front of the pole giving a cute eye-smile to the audience before showing off her arms by lifting them up one by one then grab hold the pole.
When Minhee slides her back down the pole she felt her worries melt away making her feel blissful as slowly sways her hips left to right to the rhythm as she get lost in her own little world before placing her butt on the cold floor. A little mischievous smirk played on her lips as opens her legs apart for them to see the white shirt dangling over the shorts she was wearing. Minhee playfully whipped her hair on the time with music, each movement she made, the female became more confident and brave. The cheeky hands slide down her thighs yet she place left her hand back onto the pole and the other hand rested on her inner thigh until she slowly close her legs together. The girls eyes focus on the ones who were watched as her hips turn to side letting one leg extend and she kept returning that switching sides to the beat of the song.
The female love feeling in control of everything when she was dancing to the music, she was in control as open her legs in a shape of diamond then closed it in a circular motion around the pole before pointing her toes as pulled herself up as spin around the pole showing off her long legs before she spiral down the pole back down to the floor once more. Minhee slowly move her legs like she was walking on air in nice slow motion to the music while smiling at the trainers as use the muscles to make sure the movements were correct and her feet always straight.
Before she lay on the stomach with one foot kicked up before slowing putting it down as her buttocks raised up and fall down to the rhythm of the song before lifting her hips up high while legs straight swaying around smoothly in circular motion as she goes up and down like a gentle wave. Minhee turn onto her back with one leg bent up with her arms stretched up feeling herself get pulled up like it was magic letting her long brown hair sway in the air before flicking it and stretch her legs out showing off her assets once more before doing the same routine like before.
The female held onto the pole before gently slide into the splits advertising her flexibility before pulling herself up and to lay down on her back before doing roly poly backwards making her giggle a little as felt like a child once more. Minhee whipped her hair as crawl forward back to where she was before with happy smile painted her lips as the adrenaline was rushing through her body. She sensually move herself back to knees and take hold of the pole once more spun around the pole at low level before belly-rolled her way up the pole to standing on her feet before lifting her leg towards her head leaning against the pole, thank goodness for yoga she thought to herself she never really thought that her flexibility would come in handy.
Minhee didn’t have many strengths when comes to performing so she used what she have and exploit it. Once she held it for a few seconds she held onto the pole and spin herself around it once more. She had to rely on her strength for the text part as she use her hand to keep herself supported as lift up her leg once again while crouching position. In a way, she is certain she did this pose in yoga but the name she could not remember it so end up giggling which cause her to shake a little. She quickly move from the position before she fell down and make her fool of herself. She held onto the pole to regain her balance then push her hips back bringing ass up first to kept it sensual style not so pretty clumsy way of getting up and flick her long hair back.
She used her trusted pole once more to lift herself off the ground to turn herself around to face them, Minhee grasped tightly behind her head with a smile as begins to starts to step left to right before lifting her leg up in nice circle before bending her knee to set herself perfectly for the next move. Minhee rubbed her butt up the pole from the side as gets up once again, this dance had so many different levels. She held onto the pole once more to make her way back down to the floor slowly into another split, she could hear her muscles aching in agony as she knew it was time to finish. The dancer had to bring all the strength she had left in her to finish the performance off.
Minhee swing her leg around together before lifting her leg up in the air while lowering herself back down again slowly using her upper body strength, it was like tense push up to the girl. But she knew she couldn’t let her arms give away as it was final move before she slowly moves to sit against the pole and able to rest against it while hugging her legs even though whole body felt it was on fire. The female brushes her hair back giving out relieve sigh once it other even though in her mind she knew that performance could be much better and the movements could be more sharp.
* & –– ROYAL APRIL EVALUATION ...
( SONG: PARK HYO SHIN –– WILD FLOWER ❀ –– ❀ )
it’s his first evaluation, ever. so it’s sort of an understatement to say that jaehyun felt completely fine. previously, he hadn’t been able to take part in the samsung commercials which, despite having been a loss, was fine with jaehyun –– after all he was more or less new to the company, something as big as that being thrown directly at him would’ve been for a lack of better word, scary.
still, he’s glad that the first evaluation he’ll have to go through is ballad singing. while he knows he’s no baekhyun ( ‘baekhyun hyung will always be the best singer!!’ he’s claimed various times in his head ), he’s pretty confident in his voice more than anything else. except jaehyun’s still a new trainee, he knows he lacks in a lot more things than the other trainees who have been here for months –– even years.
the boy sits quietly as he hums the song under his breath, remembering the tips baekhyun had given him days ago when he’d practically begged the boy for some help. when it’s his turn he feels a sudden lump in his throat ( it’s nervousness ).
jaehyun comes in bare, usually he’d have a guitar to accompany him –– or some sort of instrument ( the only way he’d known to cover his flaws ). there’s a short exchange of words between jaehyun and his coach ( “this is your first evaluation isn’t it?” “yes, it is.” “don’t be nervous and do well.” ) before the boy coughs slightly, warming up his voice.
as the backtrack plays, jaehyun takes in a deep breath, calming his nerves.
the song he’d chosen was park hyoshin’s wild flower. it had been stated after all that this month’s evaluation would be a ballad. one that would showcase emotions and such. which was exactly why jaehyun had chosen this song, the lyrics a little close to his heart.
“ 하얗게 피어난 얼음 꽃 하나가
달가운 바람에 얼굴을 내밀어
아무 말 못했던 이름도 몰랐던
지나간 날들에 눈물이 흘러
( a white ice flower that bloomed
puts its face out in the welcoming wind
it sheds tears over the wordless and nameless past ) ”
it feels like he’s telling a story; after all jaehyun had been born in winter. he continues singing the song, the range a little low but fitting enough for his alto voice. he thinks again about how thankful he is for this month’s evaluation prompt. had it been something like dancing jaehyun would’ve been screwed.
“ 좋았던 기억만
그리운 마음만
니가 떠나간 그 길 위에
이렇게 나만 서있다
잊혀질 만큼만
괜찮을 만큼만
눈물 머금고 기다린 떨림 끝에
다시 나를 피우리라
( only good memories, only a longing heart
on the path where you left me
i’m standing alone
only until i can forget you, until i will be alright
i’ll swallow my tears and at the end of my wait
i will bloom once again ) ”
it’s like he’s singing about himself –– almost. a song for him to his father ( the old man will never hear, he knows ). and it’s an odd sort of feeling to be this bare, his voice for show in front of a coach. he knows he’s a good singer –– at least, he’d been told that he was a good singer back in sopa. but it’s different now, now he’s signed and the expectations are probably vastly different. how good he’d been in sopa probably wouldn’t add up to the definition of good here.
he feels his insecurities piling up slowly but ignores them while he can. he’s here to train –– to learn from coaches alike.
instead he focuses on his voice, careful not to miss a note or go off-pitch. he thinks to the training he’s gotten only for a few weeks and piles them all together.
“ 어리고 작았던 나의 맘에
눈부시게 빛나던 추억 속에
그렇게 너를 또 한번 불러본다
( in my youth and small heart
the dazzling memories shine
i call out to you once again) ”
he spills his heart out in the song, tries his best to connect with the lyrics ( park hyoshin songs had always had that impact on him. jaehyun a long time fan).
the chorus repeats once more and jaehyun attempts to keep his voice stable.
“ 메말라가는 땅 위에
온몸이 타 들어가고
내 손끝에 남은
너의 향기 흩어져 날아가
( on top of the dry land
my entire body is burning
your scent that remained on my fingers is scattering away ) ”
as the song reaches it’s peak jaehyu’ns finds his face getting red, veins popping slightly from his neck. he’d been a little ambitious with his song choice but after all he did want to do his best, to showcase to the coaches what he believed he could do ( and to find out what he couldn’t. he was a masochist in that way ).
the song comes to an end as jaehyun sings out the last “la’s”. after catching his breath he bows out of habit and awaits feedback.
like, slow songs aren’t always the simplest ones. especially something like ballads with all those long, high notes that need to be belted out with a deep display of emotions, with the ability to make the listener’s hearts clench and to move them, to touch them.
and that’s exactly what baekhyun’s good at.
he’s good at showing emotions when he sings -- with his face and his body language, but also with his voice alone. it’s always been one of his strong suits; ballads in general are what he’s best at, what suits him the most. baekhyun also likes them the most. and, although, it made him doubt his skills in this specific area for the first time ever when he got kicked out of the mgas after his performance when they had ballads at a theme, he gained his confidence back rather quickly ( practicing until his throat felt sore and raw probably helped him the most ).
that’s why this evaluation seems pretty simple to him, it seems like it’s almost too easy.
with countless options of beautiful and heartfelt ballads popping up inside baekhyun’s head almost immediately upon hearing the task, picking one of them was probably the only difficult part of the entire evaluation. there were favorites and the ones he thought would suit his voice well. it took him quite a while to actually decide on one -- listening to all of them on repeat for days while humming along seemed like the best way to do it.
and so, baekhyun finds himself sitting in front of a piano in one of the practice rooms, fingers already placed on the ivory keys, ready to start playing. he waits, though, until the coaches are done with seating themselves on a couple of chairs, until they’re ready too.
yeah, this evaluation is simple;
it’s not even a real performance, at least not for baekhyun. there’s no microphone in his hands, no music being played through speakers to accompany him and there’s neither an audience or a panel sitting in front of him with their business expressions on -- it’s just how own coaches next to him, they’re hardly noticeable. baekhyun could just act like they’re not even there, like it’s just him inside here.
it’s a comforting thought.
or, maybe, it’s actually the fact that he has a piano to busy himself with this time. maybe, it’s actually being in the practice room what makes him feel so safe. it doesn’t really matter, because baekhyun just enjoys it -- this confidence, this feeling of being sure about himself and what he’s able to do, believing in his skills and talents. no stage fright, no anxiety; it’s just like it used to be before he started his training at royal.
simple and easy.
a light smile curls onto baekhyun’s lips, gentle and calm, as he starts pressing the first keyes down, a soft melody filling the room before he takes one last deep breath and then, he starts to sing the first line of the song.
i’m not ripe yet, i’m getting redder
getting hotter, sweeter as time goes by
● SPHERE APRIL EVALUATION: SLOW SONGS !
— DON’T KNOW HOW, ROY KIM ( ♥ )
( tw !! negative thoughts )
his contribution to this month’s evaluation is a little different. usually, he stripped his chosen track down to nothing but his guitar, or had the entire instrumental playing through his small speakers (whether he makes it himself from scratch or not). today, he’s merging the two.
he stands before his coaches with his guitar hooked over his shoulder. he’s not showing a great deal of variety since he signed with sphere— he hasn’t rapped once for a monthly evaluation, and he’s only left his guitar behind for one. even his audition was an acoustic cover, but he can’t help it. it’s what he knows and it’s what he feels comfortable with, and he can’t exactly lug a piano into this particular practice room, either. as for the harmonica... let’s not talk about that.
adjusting the strap on his shoulder, he purses his lips. finding the track on his phone isn’t difficult; he could scroll through and find it in his sleep at this point. he plugs in the speakers, turning up the volume as the drum beat begins to play. he’s a little late to join it with his live guitar, but that matters little when he transitions so smoothly into the piece, steadily returning to the marked spot.
언제 너의 손을 잡으면 될까 도통 모르겠네
앞에 있는 영화 내용은 뭔지 궁금하지도 않네
지금 이때다 나는 꼭 잡을 테다 하면 시간은 다 갔네
영화가 거의 끝날 때쯤에 그래 에이 모르겠다 하며 손을 뻗었지만
아~ 빨개진 그대 얼굴 보며 나는 더욱 설레이네
아~ 그대가 고갤 돌려 나를 보면 나는 그냥 웃네
he had surprised himself this evaluation. picking a song hadn’t been as difficult as usual. he knew from the beginning that he didn’t want to be just another sad, piano ballad. there’s nothing wrong with a good ballad, of course— in fact, he’d even entertained the idea of reworking a few for the occasion. he just can’t help his desperate need to be remembered. he craves validation and reminders that he deserves to be here, and the only way to ever leave an impression enough to achieve either of them is to take risks. this doesn’t really feel like a risk when he considers how he had learnt to play the harmonica in a measly four weeks in january and the consistent style choice for all of his monthly evaluations, but it’s still not... typical. he doesn’t feel like he’ll blend into the crowd by breaking out something a slightly more upbeat, whilst still adhering to the requirements.
his voice is a little rough, likely from overwork, but his guitar playing is smooth. despite knowing eye contact is important, he delicately flutters his eyes closed momentarily as he sings. he feels strangely at peace. within the four walls of the seocho or sphere buildings, he rarely feels anything but stress. the stress of loneliness, high expectations he can’t reach... it’s suffocating. maybe a little over dramatic, too, but seungcheol’s always been known to make mountains out of molehills. he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t.
strumming gently, he smiles. he likes this peace. he likes this calm. will it be the calm before the storm? most likely. but he can enjoy it for now, at least.
언제 네 입술을 맞추면 될까 도통 모르겠네
너의 집 앞은 가까워 오고 미쳐버리겠네
지금 이때다 나는 다가갈 테다 하면 정적만 흐르네
통금시간이 거의 다 됐을 땐 그래 에이 모르겠다 하며 나는 다가갔네
아~ 빨개진 그대 얼굴 보며 나는 더욱 설레이네
아~ 그대가 고개 들고 나를 보며 나는 다가가네
he’s grateful for this month’s performance prompt. the samsung commercials were a wonderful opportunity, but they were not either what he signed up for or what he wanted. having to make sacrifices isn’t an unfamiliar concept to seungcheol, and it shouldn’t be to anyone, truly. that doesn’t mean every sacrifice has to be rewarded, and he doesn’t expect any of them to be (after all, his sacrifices aren’t made for personal gain), but it still feels good when they are. getting to actually focus on the music this month is a gift sent from heaven, and so much is obvious in the smile still stretching his lips.
it’s come at the right time, really. he’s wanted to cover roy kim for what feels like forever, his faith in his position at sphere had been crumbling at an increasing rate, his happiness... slipping... a chance to sing for the coaches comfortably, remembering why he signed his contract in the first place—
what a drama queen. stop making everything about you!
he laughs almost silently in the small gap between the second chorus and the outro. all these years, he had convinced himself he’s selfless. he’d persuaded the world that he’s a scared little boy, a pushover and he is, but no one is entirely one thing or the other. the world isn’t black and white. he passes over the things he loves for others to have their own enjoyment, but he won’t give up his pride. he won’t let himself be forgotten, even if it means whinging until he gets a little attention. he’s just like everyone else with their signature sealing their fate here. he’s human.
and truthfully, it feels a little freeing knowing that as ostracised as he feels, everyone else here is desperate to prove themselves, too, whether they know it or not and whoever it’s to. he supposes a few are proving themselves to their parents, who didn’t believe they could do it, or to themselves who believed the same. he’s the latter, most likely (once he’s over his refusal to allow himself that satisfaction, anyway).
ooh~
he lets the last note fade out to silence as the cd track does the same, that warm smile still lingering on his facial features. he notes with a hint of sadness that he hasn’t smiled this genuinely in an evaluation since december, but it’s a thought easily brushed aside in favour of the happiness he feels to perform for the coaches again. he bows politely, deeply, and breathes out a long sigh of contentment. it hasn’t been the smoothest journey getting here, and he’s not sure ‘here’ is really where he wants to be, but he has plenty of time to grow — by himself, and with sphere’s helping hand. for now, he’s proud of himself.
after all, this month, he didn’t try desperately to grasp an instrument he’s never played before, make a handful of mistakes and forget to even pretend that he’s enjoying himself— we don’t talk about the harmonica.
Gary was never opposed to meet new people, especially those who share the same passion. He had met all kinds of rappers through training, and he liked to exchange tricks and advices with others since learning new things would never end. On top of that he was most open minded to new styles and moves, a wider horizon made a man free. Yien was one of the guys he had met in the training halls of Seocho and they had befriended quite fast. He was easy to talk with, friendly and comfortable to hang around. Actually Gary tended to do more collaberations with females, especially with females with distinct singing voices, but he felt like he needed a little change during this month's evaluation. A slow rap song they needed to perform, so the two of them naturally came together and found the perfect song to do. The two were capable of rapping, Gary loved their song choice. The Supreme Team were one of the best duos in Koreas and he admired their music. He was positive that the April's Eval with Yien as his partner would be a success.
When they both appeared in the training facility like they were asked, Gary greeted the other with a fistbump and grinned. This evaluation wasn't about perfection to Gary. It was about fun and enjoyment. Music connected them. Music took away the distance of minds.
As the familiar melody began, he began to adlib during the musical bridge. “Kang Heegun and-” Pointing his microphone to the other, before Yien started off with his first part. He had flow, words were easily coming out of his mouth, he shot them like a gun. Gary supported him from the back, underlined some lyrics, lifted his microphone, while nodding his head to the rhythm. Harmonizing with the other during their singing part was much easier than he had expected, he wasn’t actually the best singer, but with the help of his partner Gary was able to pull it off.
Getting over you completely.
Pretending that the scar’s all healed.
I say that it’s the time for a new relationship
But that’s not like myself,
In the end I comfort myself
By saying that love is just a child’s play.
Indeed, misery is what I needed
Working at the same place
Sleeping in the same bed
It’s no different than before,
But one thing is different
A plausible excuse
Or is there anything
That I could occupy myself with?
How can I fill myself
When I’m so empty?
He clearly felt more comfortable, when he was allowed to rap instead of singing. Like always he dropped the beat and formed his own rhythmic connection of words, up and down, fast and slow. Gary hold onto the microphone, while moving his other hand to the beat. He looked over to Yien who was as absorbed into the song as him. The way he rapped was like a conversation to a friend, gently and kind, he explained the thoughts of the songwriter.
When I can’t stand straight properly
When I show my nervousness
Who will embrace me then?
Who will embrace me then?
When I can’t stand straight properly
When I show my nervousness
Who will embrace me then?
Who will embrace me then?
Slowly he moved forward, knocked against his head, as if he didn’t knew the answer to all these questions. As the two voices blended in while singing the refrain, he held back to not suddenly grow a big smile. He was pretty satiesfied with their performance, and working together with another rapper from a different company had been a good experience as well. So after they were allowed to leave, when their performance was finished, Gary extended his hand and said smiling: “Had been fun to work with you, let’s repeat it sometime.”
