what was the reason you and jaebum broke off your engagement?
𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚛 ▸ accepting
the question isn’t unexpected, but it catches her off nonetheless. “the reason we broke off our engagement …” she repeated the words, biting down on her bottom lip. it hurt every time she thought about this even if she had been certain that she had moved on. “we were in different places of our lives. i had decided to continue pursuing my dreams of becoming an idol, and he decided not to. at first, that was fine, but then we just started seeing each other less and less because i was never home. it wasn’t fair to him,” she shook her head. “plus, my mother didn’t approve of the relationship and how quickly things happened between us. so yeah, that’s how it ended ...”
Lunch had been spent in the hiding spot, cigarette he’d borrowed from Jaebum between his fingers and coffee in his other hand. It hadn’t even registered that he had not eaten yet when two o’clock hit and he had to finish up the rest of his drink and smudge out the ash with his shoe. The thought of food made him nauseous, even after a shower, he could still feel the throb of a hangover behind his eye and he self-consciously rubbed at it when he passed by the coaches on the way to gym. One of them was bound to smell the smoke on him, and so he hoped if he looked in a hurry to get to gym, they wouldn’t paused to sniff it out.
A smile curving on his lips when he saw Jaebum again, automatically reaching out to nudge him. “Do you think they can smell it on me?” He questioned, unable to ignore the tiny edge of a thrill he got with sneaking around doing something he shouldn’t be doing.
It doesn’t take much longer for the everyone to begin heading for whatever they needed to do; weights, cardio, stretching. Yuta eyeing the treadmill easily, knowing he did not want to deal with weights. The momentary thought that if he was lucky, a weight might fall on his head and let him out early. “Lets go do some cardio,” he tells Jaebum, blinking away the new throb at the movement and swallowing down. He felt off, but that was normal after a night out. The lightheadedness shaken off when he stepped onto the treadmill and the race of his heart ignored as the rush from the caffeine he’d inhaled to keep himself awake. Yuta’s gaze drifting over the equipment before he was prodding at the buttons to find what settings he usually had. If he went light, the coaches might have noticed and he didn’t want them hanging around.
Plus, maybe the sweat with wash out the scent of smoke still lingering in his clothes.
More than once he has to shake his head, blink away the dizziness and the lightheadedness. One hand clutching at the arm of the machine whenever he felt like he was nearly losing balance. His heart fluttering in his chest, faster--almost uncomfortable--and he crinkles his nose to look over where Jaebum was. Something felt wrong. Hangover, the smoking, the caffeine -- they never made him feel like this before. He loses pace of his steps first, causing the cord to pull from place and emergency stop jerking the machine to a stop. “Jaebum--” Yuta wants to get the others attention, but the turn of his head to see if the other hears comes with a blur.
Another fumbled step, the distant sound of Jaebum’s voice and then, nothing.
The stabbing pain is what Yuta feels first, hand coming up to rub the side of his head before anything else. A tiny sting in his arm makes him squint open his eyes, the light painful to peer through as he glances around him. The hospital bed, the hospital sheets, the hospital walls --
“Fuck,” coming from his lips, croaked through his dry through and he squirms to get free, sitting up. It takes a moment for him to recognise who was at his bedside. The tips of his fingers pressing against the bandage on his head. There’s fuzzy memories of people talking to him, ones of walking, and the ride to the hospital, but they hurt to think about and Yuta didn’t want to even try. “Jaebum? Why do you look like shit, but I’m the one in the hospital bed?” It’s a begrudging attempt of humour, fingers mapping out the bandage on the side of his head and then down at the drip in his arm.
It doesn’t take much for the nurse to bring the doctor over to examine him. Heart arrhythmia, fainting, hitting his head, fear of concussion -- why did he know this speech so well? Yuta flinching away from every movement he was made to make.
“We still need to run tests to see what caused the arrhythmia, but you were dehydrated and your body was under stress. It’s likely the cause. If you had only fainted and not hit your head, you likely would have recovered with simple rest,” the doctor explains, already moving to check under the bandage to make sure it had stopped bleeding already. A minor wound, which could have been worse. Or so the doctor said. Yuta didn’t know -- he was just thankful when he could lay back down.
He still felt tired, exhausted -- like his head was split open. All he wanted to do was sleep. It felt like he hadn’t slept in months.
her lips are pursed and her brows are furrowed, but behind tired eyes is a girl whom is happy to be amongst her element. she mindlessly tunes the honey coloured guitar which sits in her lap, doing so by ear; gone are the days where rose is in need of an app or physical tuner to aid her. tucked away in one of the many empty spaces seocho offered, be it for private study or meetings, around her is snacks and iced coffee ( and two other cold drinks, darn summer ).
she and jaebum had been meaning to meet up at some point with their guitars in tow. it had taken her by surprise to learn that he’d picked up a guitar and learnt to play, and somehow, he had thought of them maybe playing together someday, be it a mere practice session or two, or a legitimate cover. she was happy to help him out, and besides; she wasn’t one to say no to hanging out with him. gone are the days of constant pining and longing. he’s a figure of her past, and he’s a friend, rose is glad that he’s still apart of her life in some weird way.
rose picks up her phone with one hand, still holding her guitar with the other. she texts jaebum a quick message, wondering if he’s let their practice session slip his mind. she wouldn’t want him to go and bring more food, since she’s already done the deed.
( text: jaebum )
→ i brought snacks and coffee
→ i didn’t know what you would like so i brought everything
→ what you won’t eat/drink, i will okay
→ see you soon, loser 👋
조금은 위험해 위험해 위험해도
멈출 수가 없어 나
ɪ ғᴇᴇʟ ɢᴏᴏᴅ
━━━━━━━━━━ ᴅᴇ́ᴄᴀʟᴄᴏᴍᴀɴɪᴇ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ ﹙ꜱᴇᴜɴɢᴋᴡᴀɴ’ꜱ ᴘᴀʀᴛꜱ﹚
ғᴇʙʀᴜᴀʀʏ ᴇᴠᴀʟᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ – ₂₈.₀₂.₂₀₁₈ ━━━━━━━━━━
it was his first real evaluation. the previous month didn’t exactly count; sure, it was a nice start with him being able to take whatever workshop he wanted and spending the first month not having to deal with any kind of pressure of preparing a performance, but he couldn’t deny that he was excited for this chance. simply sitting in vocal and dance lessons and practicing by himself wasn’t the same as preparing a whole performance with other trainees. in fact, performing with people that he was performing with, hyungwon could very well imagine it to be a similar dynamic and constellation once he debuts.
the whole process of preparing the song had been fun; rearranging it together with chanyeol, practicing the singing and dancing in a group setting and with a proper choreography had ended up being highly enjoyable, despite hyungwon feeling as tired as ever from the lack of sleep.
by the time he had them all dressed in suits and they were standing in formation with their mics on, the whole thing had started to feel much more real. there was still nervousness lingering in him, but the excitement of performing was winning over it. hyungwon knew that he had to do well; he had managed to get big parts of the song and couldn’t risk disappointing any of the other trainees or himself.
he takes a deep breath and the song starts, his voice ringing clear through the microphone. it was important to nail the opening to make sure the initial stress was removed. if he had messed that up, nervous would have definitely gotten the better of him. as it is, he manages a charming smile towards the vocal coaches, his eyes shifting to the left and hands curled around the microphone just as jongdae’s part starts up again. he wasn’t part of trc, but an amazing sunbae none the less. hyungwon was quite glad to have had him on the team.
the music fits the vibe they were trying to go for and their voices perfectly, making it easy to relax and stop thinking about possibly mistakes and just enjoy the performance.
they had practiced hard enough and often enough to have everything run smoothly and hyungwon only hoped nerves wouldn’t get the better of him whenever he had to take centre stage and place himself in the middle of the spotlight.
the end of the song was possibly the part he was most worried about, though even those worries started the fade the further they progressed. time seemed to pass faster and not at all, all at once and hyungwon can’t help but think that it’s surprisingly nice to be on stage with others, in a group dynamic. the pressure is off him and even when he has to carry a part, there is the security of others backing him up.
they wrap the song up with a bang, hitting all the right notes and ending it on a clean harmonisation and hyungwon couldn’t be more content. his heart is still beating up a frenzy and while he thinks he’s smiling, he also can’t ignore the shaky state of his hands. however, when he glances over towards the other trainees things immediately feel more safe and less scary again.
at least he’s not alone.
it’s definitely the most wonderful day of the year. not only does he get to spend they morning with children who are like-minded, they’ll also be able to head home early from training! this allows him to be able to get on video call with his family back home---it’ll still only be christmas even in los angeles, but he’ll take anything he can get. this would be the second year in a row that he’s unable to fly home for the holidays, and while he’s getting increasingly homesick the longer time goes on that he doesn’t physically get to see his family, he’s glad that he’s at least got that allotted time to see them through a computer screen.
he’s just finished pretending to eat all of a kid’s jello when he spots jaebum across the room. chanyeol is aware that his friend is definitely trying his best to show some holiday cheer (whether it’s for the coaches or for the kids, chanyeol really doesn’t know), but he can spot the underlying forced nature of it all from a mile away. so, naturally, chanyeol makes his jolly way over to his fellow trainee, grin plastered on his features and bell in his head ringing loudly in the air.
“merry christmas, mister scrooge!” he says with a laugh, reaching out to poke jaebum in the belly like he would while playing with the children. “are you going to be on the naughty or nice list this year? I took a peek at it and it doesn’t look good~”
he recognizes the other man from the trc competition, from pictures on his friend’s phone that she had once giddily shared with him, from countless tiny glances in the seocho training complex where they’d cross paths for only a moment. sungho had purposely avoided contact with jaebum before; he had never approved of rose dating while legally bound by contract to focus her energies elsewhere and he liked the other man even less after dumping his friend.
sungho purses his lips. the things rose has said to him don’t sit well; he doesn’t like men who take advantage of girls who give their hearts a little too easily.
if the universe had a sense of humor, it’s certainly a sick one as sungho and jaebum are placed in the same group for the evaluations of the month. physical capabilities assessments. sungho has little confidence in scoring more than average at anything, but a new fire is lit in him to be better than im jaebum in every way. he will not be outdone by a dick like that.
even between tests where they can only mill about and wait for a stopwatch and their turn at the track, sungho can’t just rest. he paces, and, at one point, knocks shoulders with jaebum as he passes him by.
“sorry,” sungho says, not looking remotely sorry at all. say something, please, his eyes say, begging for a fight, i dare you.
august twenty-seventeen evaluation !
with im jaebum ♕
with a microphone in hand, she feels the most rested than she’s ever been sitting in front of a panel for an evaluation.
all the work and all that moving they have done for july’s evaluation has exhausted her so much that she decided to skip out on dancing this time. sometimes, she thinks she’s a completely changed woman because her former self would have never traded dancing for singing out of all things. she’s guilty but so, so relaxed that the guilt never lingers around for much long.
it’s crazy what two years can do to you.
then again having someone as seemingly composed as how jaebum comes across to her is what makes this month amazingly laidback. working with him for the first time feels like working with her own dream team. they agreed on a song pretty much as soon as they partnered up, had comfortable sessions with one another, and she had her first bottle of honey water in one of their practices which to her is what tied everything so perfectly.
with a contented smile on her face. she takes a deep breath and waits to sing her verse. all the while, she sways to the soft beat of the music -- allowing herself to get lost in its beautiful melody.
텅 빈 방 혼자 멍하니 뒤척이다
티비에는 어제 본 것 같은 드라마
잠이 들 때까지 한번도
울리지 않는 핸드폰을 들고
what she loves best about their song choice was how wonderfully it suited her singing abilities. it’s right up her alley with it’s soft melodies and charming vocals. joy doesn’t have to belt out in a high note ( something that she can’t do ) whilst singing the song and it’s the best selling point it could offer.
their performance was like a little acoustic gift. it’s a little toned down compared to that of the other trainees but there’s something about it that she loves dearly. it may not be her favorite ( dancing centered evaluations will still be her number one ), but she loves it just the same.
니꺼인 듯 니꺼 아닌 니꺼 같은 나
너야말로 다 알면서 딴청 피우지 마
they finish a song with the high lilt of the corner of her lips. it went along as refreshing as she hoped it did and her voice did not waver as much as it used to. once they’ve stepped of the stage, she gives jaebum a side hug and an enthusiastic “we did well!” that showed her gratitude and the happiness that she has for their team up. maybe she should do more of these relaxed performances, a little something every now and then to keep her sanity.
