it’s not until the beginning of the year that the girls can steal away to the market chorong’s been dreaming about, the lights still strung up along stalls and catching the rapper’s breath as she stares up at them in awe. the christmas season had claimed her from the start, performances and a trip back to visit her mother sapping up every remnant of chorong’s free time until the final day. but here, at the start of 2017, she can finally enjoy herself without any pressure whatsoever. misted puffs of air escape her lips as chorong wanders around the crowded area cheerfully, gloved hands stuffed into coat pockets and with seulgi sticking to her side.
“i want to go there!” chorong pipes up eventually, her brown eyes alighting on a stall filled with knick-knacks and the occasional cute-stuffed hamtaro and pikachu plush toys. with christmas being over, there’s a possibility of sale prices being lower and she reaches out to grasp at seulgi’s coat sleeve. fingers curl into the soft material and chorong tugs on her companion insistently for attention. “i forgot something i wanted to get for jjong-oppa.” a lie, but one she hopes seulgi won’t suspect when chorong bends on her a soft, needling smile. “give me a moment?”
she wakes to an indifferent christmas morning ; in a bed that’s so familiar it’s almost unfamiliar to her, pillows pushed up against a white headboard pressed into emerald panels. everything she’s known for the last seven years and yet, she wakes to the feeling of discomfort. she’s tossing, turning, yearning for something other than white silk and bells ringing in her ears. eyes pry themselves from a useless slumber ; relieve herself from a heavy comforter, of a lonely room and into the wings of people she supposes are better than nothing.
they spring a chorus of good morning’s and a slew of cheery merry christmas’s her way ; and it’s all nice and dandy, their black and white uniforms a monochrome mixture against the already bland background, they almost blend into the modern fixtures that decorate the macao home.
“where is everyone?”
the question floats about, said in the most casual tone she can muster ; fingers cross slender limbs, arms pushed into a chest that barely moves – her own breath stilled for the answer.
( xuanyi doesn’t know why she bothers asking when she already knows the answer )
her gaze refrains from parting the maid’s, a dainty grin spilling onto them. it’s almost heartbreaking, the way it cracks and breaks before the other’s eyes. xuanyi can practically feel the pity radiating from the other’s gaze.
“– you know what, it’s okay. i’ll just go shopping.” a hand waves off her previous question, stops the way the other’s lips part, almost ready to apologize ; as if her apology could fix what a disaster the morning had already become.
merry christmas, me, xuanyi finds herself belatedly thinking as she drowns in designer, suffocating against faux fur and couture much too expensive for a seventeen year old’s eyes to be feasting on.
she’s happy, or at least – “you look so happy, miss.”
her smile cracks, it breaks – hardens as she looks at herself in the mirror. “don’t i?”
( nothing stops her when it turns nine, ten,
eleven – midnight on christmas day.
her goodbyes and merry christmas’s saved
for hospitable staff and the driver who brings
her to macao international. a ticket bought,
seat reserved, bags that never had a chance
to be unpacked all set and loaded onto the jet.
i’m not running, she thinks as she sinks herself
into a comfortable first class seat.
she braces herself for turbulence ; lets eyes
sink shut, experiences the way the air around
her feels even more constricting than the coldness
of macao, fights her fear of flying all to ignore the
way her mind tells her tale of running, ignoring the
problem, turning her back on her home because
that wasn’t how her heart saw it.
because she wasn’t running, “i’m going home.”
she says as the seoul sky peaks from below. )
&&* @rkmeiqi — 《` meiqi is equally if not more stubborn than yixing is and yixing’s not very stubborn when it comes to meiqi— at least when she wants something. there’s nothing he can deny her if she asks. his whole world is practically hers. he already owes so much to her but she’s also won over his heart from a young age. some days, he’s still fighting to win it back no matter how in denial he is at the same time 》okay, i let you pay the admission fee but the skate rental is on me 《` he’s pouting when he comes back, skates in both hands, without having to ask her size. he’s known it and every change since he was five 》hey, you tricked me! you knew the skate rental was free, didn’t you?
considering the price of jinwook’s rent, he’s gotten a pretty decent view of the city out of the deal. his desk faces the window in the studio apartment, and jinwook watches the streets from behind his laptop screen.
“there’s a little hot chocolate stand right outside my building,” he’s telling his little brother. minjae is probably humoring him by pretending to be interested, probably chatting with his friends with jinwook pushed to the background in his little skype window, but jinwook appreciates seeing his face nonetheless. “it’s run by middle schoolers, i think. cute kids. i sort of wish they sold tea instead, but...” he holds up the paper cup in his hand, lid removed to let it cool. “sometimes i can’t help stopping to help them out whenever i pass by.”
tonight, on christmas day, there was only one of them outside in the cold. jinwook was surprised to see the stand open at all, considering the holiday and that it’s usually staffed by students. he thinks he recognized the kid from one of the families living in this apartment building, though, which explained the parent clearly hovering nearby. merry christmas!, jinwook had greeted both of them as he approached. he was coming home from dinner at woojin’s, so he was wearing his nicer coat - not nearly as warm as his puffy jacket. he’d shivered as he reached for his wallet. isn’t it too cold tonight?
“they admitted that they’d been so cold, they were drinking enough hot chocolate to match what they sold. that’s dedication, huh? at least it’s for a good cause.” he smiles as he recounts the story, waving at his laptop’s webcam when his sister walks over, appearing on the screen beside minjae. “it reminded me of old man jung. tell me he’s still on his porch tonight. i swear he’s never missed a single day out there.”
his sister jumps to answer him, since before i was even born!, and jinwook relaxes into the age-old argument of seniority between the twins. the familiarity of teasing the town’s crazy (and each other), conversation lapsing into a repetitive rhythm, is a comfort after such an emotionally taxing day. it’s not enough to only see the platter of homemade holiday cookies presented on his screen and not be able to taste them for himself, but it’s better than spending the night reminiscing on his own.
it’s well past 11pm when jinwook finally bids his family goodbye, with the usual promise to his mother that he’ll let her talk to jinri next time he calls. he sits for a minute afterward, with his cold hot chocolate cup cradled between two hands, reluctant to just close his computer and call it a night just yet.
in the distance, he can see that seoul plaza hasn’t yet turned off their big spotlights at the seasonal ice skating rink. lingering holiday crowds, maybe — wouldn’t it be nice to go skating on christmas day, surrounded by so much cheer, so many families and friends and loved ones?
jinwook shakes his head, sighing at the sappiness. it seems like everyone else has been handling the whole “work through the holidays” thing much better than he is, but he made it through christmas day after all.
her hair was put up in a bun, though that had happened a long time ago. most of her hair had either fallen down or escaped to the sides in a beautiful mess. most of her time with it had been spent lying on her stomach on top of the sofa while playing solitaire on her phone. as the ancient saying said: why do it now if you could do it later? and so before she knew it someone had arrived on her front door. she was wearing an old white shirt, so after welcoming the boy inside momo ran to her room to throw a blue hoodie on top of it. it took only a few minutes before a bit of sauce flew right towards the middle of it.
after some warm water there wasn’t much more that could be done, so hopefully the other wouldn’t mind it. she had given him the task to sit down and relax while she cooked them some dinner, though he also had permission to go talk to her hamster while he waited ( and bathroom breaks too, of course, she was no monster ). it was nothing fancy, as expected of a christmas meal, but hopefully he wouldn’t mind yet another thing. the girl quickly turned off the stove before pouring the food inside two of her big bowls. she did not own a single small one because she didn’t believe in their usage.
her feet pushed her over to the small table while placing both dishes on their designated places. “i’m not done yet.” momo proceeded to her room and dug inside one of her drawers to pull out two huge candles from inside alongside a lighter. she ran back to the other room, putting them on top of a plate so the wax wouldn’t fall on the table. “let there be light!” with a single push the long lighter turned on, poking the top of the candles soon afterwards. their purple color came with a lavender smell, which was somewhat predictable. the younger threw herself on her seat, letting out a soft sigh which quickly turned her lips upwards. “merry christmas.”
after an early dinner with nayoung’s paternal grandparents and a visit to her maternal grandparents, she and her parents go home to quickly drop off their presents ( as nayoung expected, she got exactly what she asked for: new sweaters and a new pair of sneakers ) and change into more casual clothes so they can head out to the holiday market.
she pulls on one of her new sweaters, a black knitted one, loving the way the soft material brushes her arms, and then pulls her coat on over it. she grabs her new skates from their box and ties the laces together before putting them in her large purse, which she slings over her head so it crosses her body, her left arm resting almost protectively over it as she leaves the apartment with her parents.
when they reach the market, she wanders the stands with her parents for a while, until she catches sight of the lights from the ice rink. she doesn’t usually skate in public, and certainly not on such a crowded rink, but her rink won’t be open again until monday and she doesn’t think she could stand waiting that long to break in her new skates.
she lets her parents know she’ll be at the rink, and when her mom asks if she brought her new songs, nayoung grins and nods enthusiastically. her mother takes nayoung’s bag from her for safekeeping, but not before nayoung removes her skates and enough money to pay for admission to skate. with a wave, she hurries away from her parents and joins the line to buy tickets for the rink.
when she finally gets her armband signaling that she paid, she sits on a bench to the side and removes her shoes and replaces them with her new skates. they’re a perfect fit, but they feel slightly too tight as all new shoes do. she ignores it as she pulls off the plastic protectors and puts them inside her shoes, which she then hands to the clerk for safekeeping.
finally, she walks over to the entrance to the rink, much more balanced on her skate’s blades than most of the people around her, who are all on rental skates and probably don’t usually skate. she steps on the ice behind a couple of young, middle-school aged girls who immediately cling to the wall as they try to find their balance. nayoung, meanwhile, continues as naturally as if she were still walking, gliding past them and loving the way the new skates feel like they’re hardly even touching the ice at all.
she doesn’t even notice the eyes of many of the people around the rink on her as she skates around a few times, getting a feel for the new skates as she gathers speed. the movements are automatic, her body responding automatically to slight shifts in her center of gravity, so she maintains perfect balance even as she leans into the curves.
after another couple of laps, nayoung figures she can try something a bit more fancy, so she leans forward slightly, her hands clasping behind her back as her left leg lifts behind her, her right leg perfectly straight as she continues moving forward on momentum alone.
it takes a second for her to register that the sudden applause she can hear is for her. as she lowers her leg and straightens up gracefully, she looks around in confusion to find almost every eye in and around the rink on her, many of the people on and off the ice applauding, clearly amazed. nayoung blinks as she continues skating around, smiling modestly as she rubs the back of her neck.
“are you a figure skater?” a voice sounds from her right, and nayoung slides to a stop, spinning around as she does to face the two girls who entered the rink ahead of her, clear awe on their expressions.
“yes, i am,” nayoung says, and the girls’ faces light up as they exchange excited grins.
“can you do more tricks?” one of them asks, letting go of the wall and moving forward without seeming to have tried to, as she begins losing her balance immediately, having to grab the wall again.
“keep your ankles straight and under your hips,” nayoung says automatically, her instincts from over a year of teaching kids how to skate kicking in. “it’ll hurt at first, but it’s much easier to keep your balance. when you move forward, just move your legs as if you’re walking, but don’t pick your feet up.” the girls pause for a second, both looking down at their feet and trying to do as nayoung said. as they do, nayoung blinks as she realizes what they asked. “wait, tricks? you mean like spins and jumps?” when the girls look back up and nod, she nods in return. “i can, but i need room.”
she looks around, and sees that the center of the rink is largely empty, as most people stay close to the walls. “here, watch,” she tells the girls before skating around half the rink to gather speed, then entering the largely empty center and starting to spin. she pulls her arms in close at first, spinning on her right skate as her left foot lingers by her right ankle, skate lifted off the ice. as she gathers speed in the spin, she lowers her arm and begins bending down, her left leg moving out and her arms stretching out as if trying to reach her foot as she continues to spin, but in an almost-seated position now. when she feels herself slowing, she pushes up on her right leg, wincing slightly at the strain on her leg muscles as she stands up, still spinning as she stands, lifting her arm to reach for the sky as she gathers speed briefly and then allows herself to slow to a stop.
applause, louder than before, bursts out in the rink. she looks around again, blinking in surprise, because she had very nearly forgotten that this is a public rink. soon, though, she’s grinning and bowing slightly to the onlookers and other skaters.
she spends the next two hours teaching the two girls and anyone else who wants to hear the basics of skating, helping them keep their balance and move at least sort of smoothly across the ice. when she finally leaves, she’s panting and sweating, and retrieves her coat and sweater from the edge of the rink where she had discarded them an hour before. she finds her parents on one of the benches outside the rink, both grinning widely. “i’m glad you like your gift,” her mother says, handing nayoung a bottle of water ( undoubtedly purchased from one of the food stands ) and standing up.
“yes, i definitely like it,” nayoung laughs, before downing a quarter of the bottle and following her parents back towards their car.
given that this was her favorite time of the year, dawon fully intended to celebrate it to the best of her ability. ever since she was young, she’d always spend her christmas with the members of her family, and she didn’t intend to celebrate this one any differently. although her legs were already exhausted after a long day of training (and the lack of sleep didn’t help), she knew she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she hadn’t done this.
she pushes junyeong’s wheelchair throughout the dongdaemun market, admiring each of their surroundings with each moment. this had become somewhat of a tradition for the two, and the smile plastered over the boy’s face only helped dawon to realize just how much of a blessing it was. the love she holds for her younger cousin is greater than almost anything in the world, she’s sure of it, and she’s more than delighted to spend this time with him now.
“mind if we stop by the hot chocolate stand? i’ve been craving it all month,” junyeong chimes in, a faint chuckle escaping his lips a moment later. it was then that dawon realizes that she’s been craving some, too, and it’d practically be a crime to ignore junyeong’s request.
“yeah, we’ll get some hot chocolate,” she responds with a warm grin, even if he wasn’t able to see it (given that he was facing another direction). “after all, it’s for a good cause, right?”
the hot chocolate is enough to warm her cold body, and she can only assume that it’s the same for her cousin. or perhaps her heart simply felt warm from being in her cousin’s presence. it's been too long since the two of them had had the chance to spend much time together, though their time spent together now would just have to make up for it.
“i’d like to see you skate.” the laughter that follows makes it clear that he already knows how dawon will respond, and she almost wants to playfully hit him for his teasing.
“now, why would you want to see that? we both know i’d embarrass myself.”
“it’d be pretty funny.” a pause. “i’m sure you could do well at it if you practiced, you know.”
“maybe i could,” she adds, though she hesitates a moment later. “but you and i both know that i have a lot to practice for already. learning to skate would probably kill me.”
“aah, you know that’s not true—and if it is, then you definitely need to change something.”
more hesitation. “there’s not much to change, is there?”
“i wouldn’t say that. you could start by not being so hard on yourself. the world doesn’t depend upon you getting better... you deserve to relax, dawon. you’re putting too much pressure on your shoulders, and it shows.” he pauses. “just... try to look out for yourself, okay? you know i would if i were there, but i’m not.” he laughs just then to lighten the mood, and she’s grateful for it. “next time you have to choose between sleep and practice, ask yourself, ‘what would junyeong do?’, okay? otherwise, i’ll have to find you and give you a stern talking to.”
she’s grateful for what her cousin has to say. it wasn’t until he’s said the words that she realizes just how much she needed to hear them, and, although she’s reluctant to agree to what he has to say, she appreciates his considerate nature all the same. “what did i do to be blessed with a cousin as nice as you, junyeong?”
“you know, sometimes i wonder the same thing about you.”
(/small hands wrap around the warm ceramic cup holding her hot chocolate, a small mountain of whipped cream floating on the top, garnished with pristine white marshmallows. she thinks it’s almost a crime to disturb the quiet scene in her hands, but the craving for the smooth hot beverage on her tongue is too strong and she carefully takes a sip, immersing herself in the strong chocolate flavor. she lets out a satisfied breath, smiling at the girl across the table as she wipes the small bit of whipped cream that had managed to find its way onto the tip of her nose) what’s taking them so long? the cake shop was just down the street... (/she turns in her seat so she’s able to see in the direction they’d gone in, squinting when she sees a pair of figures slowly approaching) is that them? why are they walking so slowly?
