Sometimes I wish I had no thoughts at all
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Sometimes I wish I had no thoughts at all
Limerence is so weird. Get out of my head!!!
That feeling when your eczema remissions never last long because you can't stop washing your hands.
Sad that I can't share my ocd wins with most people cause they wouldn't understand. Being able to say curse words is probably a weird achievement for an unassuming person but it is a huge progress for me.
(Content warning for specific descriptions of obsessions, compulsions, and ruminations.)
I've been working on identifying obsessions and compulsions and subsequently trying to either redirect them, not do the compulsion, or to mentally say "WHATEVER" to a rumination.
However. Because I am actually succeeding, this is improving my life, and my ocd just can't let me have ONE win, I start to wonder if I'm forming a new compulsion/reassurance seeking/otherwise doing the thing that reinforces the obsession or rumination.
This can be good occasionally, bc sometimes otherwise seemingly healthy coping mechanisms can turn into compulsions. But now my brain has turned "is this a compulsion in the making? Is it ALREADY a compulsion???" into its own Brand New Obsession.
Sigh
(in good news though, I have drastically reduced the distress I experience from many of my life-long themes/obsessions, and some new themes are less severe when I catch them early. Yay!)
The fact that literally anything can be a compulsion is exhausting ;-; Proud of your progress though!
fun thing i've recently realized is that when i'm writing stories and fanfics i have to pause when a character is doing something and go:
"is this an everyday thing or is this a me with OCD thing?"
🦇anon <3
Yeah. 😭
the realization that your OCD didn’t magically get a lot less severe and you just have a ton of things you didn’t realize were mental compulsions + some things you just didn’t want to acknowledge as compulsions 😔
MENTAL COMPULSIONS ARE TRICKY BITCHES AND HALF THE TIME I DONT KNOW HOW TO PIN THEM DOWN
YEAH. yeah :(