Casually sitting and remembering that I got shit in High School from my stepfather because I would snack in the night.
I would have a hard time falling asleep, and after a while if you’re awake then your stomach wants food. When your stomach wants food, it’s hard to sleep (even more for me because I get nauseous sometimes when I should eat), so I took to getting up to have a few bites of food or snacks from the kitchen when I felt that I could probably fall asleep.
Well sometime in my senior year he said that I’d not lose weight if I keep having a second supper. Mind, I wasn’t trying to lose weight. I have never said to him that that was a goal of mine.
After that, I was more self conscious about what I ate in front of him and started storing snacks in my room so I didn’t have to leave my room. It lead to a sort of binge-eating thing, where I’d eat less in front of other people and then eat more later when alone. It still happens 8 years later. I keep snack-stashes and usually carry something to nibble if needed between things. I’m mildly known in my group for pulling out food for a person if someone says something about being hungry or skipping a meal. Most of the time I eat a big meal before work, then maybe snack while at work, and then go home to have my final meal before bed.
Although I eat my fruits and veggies, my relationship with food isn’t particularly healthy.
“But Ri, he didn’t know-“
He also didn’t ask. He’s the parent figure and he took note of an action or behaviour he didn’t fully understand and he commented on it in a way that distorted a person’s esteem.
He assumed I didn’t like my body and was wanting to change it, thus telling me the body that what was working for me wasn’t really acceptable and I must be doing something to change it.
He could have asked why I felt the need to snack at night and learned about my sleeping problems. We could have worked the the main root of a problem instead of building a whole new long lasting one.