so, this year has sent out an alarming amount of mixed feelings for me and it has been an intense struggle to try and get through it all. thanks to some of you for being there for me through some tough losses. but there's also been some good, some definite, definite good that has happened. and things that i am eternally grateful for. i continue to get support from you guys as i dip my toes in the world of transitioning [which is such a big pool and there's so much i didn't know, holy cow]. i've made a couple new friends, lost some, and found new family. but enough with the sappy crap, let's get to the good stuff! stuck with me;; [i mean, i’m not leaving any time soon, so];; @apskepner || @arizonarobins || @averysparkle || @awolfstarchristmas @bleedsdaylight || @braedans @citizenkatekane || @deanmary || @deifysam @draeden || @fishmooney || @halbarry || @kinemorts || @lesbiansanta || @maidenpool @mercywestforever || @msbrokenbrightside || @mostunclean || @mydearchevy @neulina || @nosignofwings || @riddlcr || @secretlytwoface || @theroiprocepios @victorhenriksen || @wraithantilles
millie: @hannniger i know it's taken me quite a while to start warming up to us, and to you in general, with how i am about talking about myself. but you've been so patient and kind, and you haven't begrudged me for the space i need, the space i require. you try to be as understanding as you can, and i can't thank you enough for that. you told me you loved me, and you didn't disrespect my response in the least when i told you i wasn't ready for that level yet. that me, myself, i just was not there yet. and that i don't know if i ever will be. thank you for being so understanding, for not being demanding. thank you for being the best that you can be and so much more to me. i mean, i'm pretty certain that if jensen and danneel showed up at your door and said "millie, come with us if you want to live," you wouldn't even hesitate to go [i mean, hey, i probably wouldn't either]. you're an amazing person. and i can't wait to see you in person in february. i honestly cannot wait. because it's so hard for me to picture this truly kind person and honestly believe you're real. so when i see you in february, then i'll know. alex: @rudolphmccalll you came into an already established relationship, and i can't even begin to imagine how terrifying [at first] that must have been. but we've all sort of adapted to one another, and we all have a clear line of communication. you're becoming someone that i can talk to. i don't feel stressed if i need to tell you something [like my dislike of receiving gifts]. you have a way of being gentle with your words, even if you aren't vocalizing them. thank you for that. i'm sorry i won't be able to see you any time soon. but maybe we'll find a way to fix that. capes are supposed to make a comeback for 2016, so maybe i'll learn how to fly. then when i get back from millie's in february, i'll fly on over to see you. pft. but all joking aside, thank you for being the person that you are. i'm glad that i know you, and i'm glad to be in a relationship with you, and with millie. tabby: @hesmybones tabby, oh tabby tabby tabby. you are my precious, precious, star-infested child. you are my asexual prince who i can ride to like a white knight and we can battle the world and vanquish it of....this thought process when in a whole other weird direction, huh. time to get sappy [but not the sticky kind, don't worry]! i cannot tell you the number of times i've been having a meltdown and had no one to talk to, and i could just message you. and even if you weren't online, you'd let me know later on that you received the message and you'd see how i was doing now. we've talked so often about me meeting you, that i really should just finally meet you [when it isn't holiday season, because i know you guys have things going on and you're stressed currently]. i like our late nights online together when we skype about the gaming world and we listen to each other die repeatedly, or we talk about shit we don't like. or in general we just complain & drink alcohol. those are my favourite things; complaining and drinking with you. tabby, you've helped me through a lot of my identity crisis mumbo jumbo i've been going through. you've been there to reassure me that saying "fuck the world and what it thinks" is perfectly fine, even if you have problems seeing it that way yourself. thank you. you've become one of my closest friends, and you continue to do so every single day. i love you, compadre. thank you. sean: @kaleckhamet honestly, i wasn't sure if i'd be able to say too much when i put your name down for a "paragraph of praise." not because there isn't much to say, but because i didn't know how to word it. we aren't really like that with one another, in terms of how we talk. i mean, we have some "sappy" like moments, but nothing quite like this. so i wasn't sure what i would say. but sean? you've become a very important friend to me. maybe it's your hair that's kept me lured in this whole time, or maybe it's just your amazing personality. but you've become so important to me. you're one of my main go-to people when i need someone in my ear talking to me when i'm out and worried about having a panic attack. you're there for me. when i need that friend to be on the offense, even if they aren't here, you're still on the call. if we haven't spoken in a while, there'll be a message waiting for me on skype asking me how i'm doing, or a bunch of cows on tumblr that you've tagged me in. you might not say word-for-word that you care, but you seem to care at least a little through actions. so, for the record, i care too. thank you for being my friend. wendy: @benjaminlafitte i just wanted you to think i was going to say something nice, but really. all i'm going to say is: wendolyn. i'm totally kidding. i know our friendship is completely weird. and it mostly seems to be us gossiping to one another about what's going on. but i actually look forward to those moments? it's a nice little distraction from the chaos that is my life. also, you let me rant to you when i'm super pissed. and even if [we both know that] i'm wrong, you still take my side and seem to advocate for me. also, you made a humanity's finest gif set for me using the tag on the set and i wanted to weep grossly. thanks for being a gossip whore with me and a rant buddy. i hope we get to one day meet. also, just a friendly reminder that i've squeezed & held onto ty's neck [goodbye]. zara: @astrotxt somehow you ended up being one of the many children dd & i have? i don't know, but dd and i need to work on some serious plans with planned parenthood to stop this mess because it's spiralling out of control and i'm terrified of facing disappointment from one of our many children [and our lack of parenting skills]. on a more serious note, i just wanted to drop you a short "i love you, friend." thanks for listening to me when i want to talk about movies, or when i want to drunkenly message you and make you talk about me [or make you talk about me in general]. you're one of the few people capable of letting me know i'm a decent person. i know i don't always believe it, but know that i believe it when you tell me. you boost my ego, and my self esteem. so thank you for that. thank you for being that person, that kind-hearted & well-rounded person. you're amazing. anna & kate: @kepnerrrd & @averybody this isn't going to be terribly long, but i wanted to put you two guys together because you both are super important to me in the greys fandom, and outside of it. kate gets excited about my reblogs, anna and i get excited about what horror movies we've watched. and the three of us [and many others] love april kepner. i just wanted the both of you to know that i've come to appreciate our small, but ever growing, friendship. i care about you both dearly. and i'm glad you've stuck it out with me through my varying fandoms on this blog. deedlets: @maraparkers i guess this is going to remain sappy because now i have to talk about why you're a good friend. and why i wouldn't have survived this year without you. but you already know these things. you already know how much you mean to me. but in the spirit of being honest and reminding you anyway, you need to know that i couldn't have done this without you. i couldn't have gotten through this year without you. you're the light i've got at the end of this fucking nightmarish tunnel and i'm so grateful for you. so many people were there to congratulate me and say they were proud when i came out as transgender and assumed my new identity. but you were the one that mattered most. you were the one person i was terrified of and i don't know why. but you were there, and you told me how proud you were. we've had some petty disputes this year, but damn it if you haven't been a good friend to me, and damn it if you haven't been there. when my dad was told he was going to die, you were there. when my mother had her heart attack, you were there. you've listened to me cry and be gross i don't even know how many times this year. it's disgusting. we're disgusting. but thank you. thank you for being the friend i needed throughout all of this horse shit. thank you for being you, even if we've pissed each other off. just, thank you. there's a lot more that i want to say to you. so much more detail about our friendship. shit going back to lady pineapples, mortal-sins, weird late night talks on trampolines, and other ridiculous early on-set friendship symptoms. i know i've been awful this year, but i hope i'm more tolerable in the new year. and thank you for being present for one of the most pivotible (i really don’t know how to spell that word) moments of my life. i honestly can't thank you enough for being the friend that you are to me. you've started opening up and giving me input on my work [with editing and writing] and it's been both positive and constructive. i thought when hilary died, and when 2 out of 2 certain someone's left me, and then luis [but that's for never talking about ever], that i had lost someone to call my best friend. but you happened to me. and you're the best thing that could have happened to me. the "academy award for best performance as a dainty piece of abominable pineapple friend" goes to you. you saved my life, and you continue to do so every single day. i don't know how you do it, and i don't know why you do it, but you do. i wasn't lying when i told you i stopped overusing pills because of you. i know i had a relapse earlier this year, but i've come back from that. and i continue to do so everyday. i know this is getting so gross and sappy, but just hold on a little longer. i got you here in october after waiting almost a year to see you again, and we got to sandwich rob [even if he looks uncomfortable as fuck]. i hope i get you here in october 2016 as well so that we can hug kim & briana [or have them hug us with our backs to one another]. these days i don't really tend to give a shit about much, or about things. but i give a shit about you, and i care about you. thank you for putting up with all of my bull shit.
