I want to know who got fired between S02 and S03, because there’s such an obvious downgrade in quality. Someone obviously got fired. Someone who was holding this shit together with like chewing gum, scotch tape and prayers.
Or! Or the Duffers went on like a lunch date with D&D and all they did was just circle jerk each other off over what good writers all four of them are. Because this is approaching the unmentionable GoT season levels of bad. It’s not quite there, not yet, but it sure is approaching it.
God this season was just 6 hours of me screaming the word ‘why’ at my screen. Yes 6 hours because I watched this shit on 1.5x speed. And it still dragged it’s ass on certain parts so thank fuck I did.
So here, another complaint dump under the cut, because I just cannot help myself.
Word count under the cut: 3,207 words
Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers
Oh yeah I’m putting them together because this season they shared one coffee pickled braincell. And most of the season Nancy clings to it. Jonathan isn’t a character anymore, remember.
I’m just...why? Why do they make one dumb decision after another?
Okay, okay let’s go in order.
Why is Nancy escaping out the window? No seriously. They are both adults with jobs. They’ve been together for how long, a year? Everyone knows they are together. Everyone knows they are fucking at this point. It’s not like Joyce disapproves of their relationship. Or that she dislikes Nancy. Or that they are a secret. And they aren’t being all that quiet when they wake up either. Just...why?
Next is the journalist bros. And it’s so stupid, that whole subplot. Are you really telling me they aren’t writing about Starcourt? Really? That’s not front page news in a small local paper? You really telling me the locals aren’t slobbering over every single little scrap of info on Starcourt? Starcourt, the new giant mall that is irreversibly changing their town’s business and culture?
I get that you needed Nancy to have her strong independent wamen moment. But could you make it fucking realistic? Something along the lines of: “Look sweetheart, do you really think we haven’t been writing about Starcourt? People are tired of it. You go to a neighborhood BBQ and all the talk is about Starcourt. Stay at home moms get together, drink cheap wine and talk about Starcourt. The book club talks about Starcourt. You go to the bar for a beer and talk about Starcourt. You are balls deep in your wife and her dirty talk is about Starcourt. It’s too depressing at this point we need something new. Something fresh! But I understand, you are young, you don’t understand how these things work. So don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, alright? Alright!”
And you can have Nancy start talking about some angle they haven’t covered yet. Some independent research she did because of Joyce, with Joyce. Maybe insert a bit of the actual mystery into it. Like she looked it up and the owners are being very sussy. She looked at the plans and there are airducts that lead to nowhere (definitely not to a secret Russian base). Something that’s close to the truth and gets our attention. But she gets dismissed. Because she’s the coffee intern and no one cares about her ideas.
Make the jurnobros sexist assholes, sure, but don’t make them stupid idiots on top of that. Make it interesting and engaging and relatable. This shit that you did? It’s boring. I’m bored. I don’t even hate them! Best they get is an eyeroll.
The rat subplot, God this shit made me miss season 1 Jonathan so much. My poor boy.
Why is Jonathan reluctant? Like since when isn’t he just as ready to divebomb into the deep end as Nancy? Grab the monster by the balls and shake till it chokes? That is what brought the two of them together in the first place. I get that he doesn’t want to lose his job but that’s all solved by him saying they shouldn’t do it on company time. What do these jurnobros care what two interns get up to after their shift?
And also are you seriously telling me Nancy and Jonathan the demogorgon hunters aren’t suspicious of a rat rattling it’s cage that violently. I’m not saying they have to immediately connect it to the Upside Down, but are you really telling me the two of them just went:
Also why didn’t they take the rat with them right away? I mean I know why, I’ll come back to rat goo at the end don’t you worry. But they wouldn’t just leave it there. It’s evidence! They would take it! Or are you really telling me the old woman didn’t want to give them the clearly fucked rat? Did she develop some sort of emotional connection to it?
Also why is Nancy uninterested in what Jonathan has to say about the rat? She’s like a dog with a bone. She’d be all over that shit.
Why did they get fired? Like their boss is flayed at that point and later on at the hospital its kinda implied that the Mind Flayer is gunning for them specifically. So why fire them? Why not just flay them with everyone else?
Their fight in the car is one of the best scenes in the show. I still wish it was more...violent, I guess, not in like a physical way. Just Jonathan should be a lot more angry at her. He did lose his job because of her, it’s kinda a big deal for his family and Nancy doesn’t understand, can’t relate, isn’t even apologetic. Like the words he says are all right, there’s just not enough emotion behind them. Season 1 Jonathan would have done it right.
And later on he doesn’t even hold her accountable. Like yeah you were right but there were better ways to do this shit. We could have come up with a better plan if you just took a moment to breathe. We didn’t have to take unneeded risks, risks that are worse for me than for you.
#giveJonathanHisBallsBack
The whole hospital thing is absolutely atrocious, the second one. It’s such a sudden and weird tonal shift for the show. Why are we in some bizarre Walking Dead knockoff reality suddenly? And there is just so much fucking standing around and staring. Fucking do something you fucking lemons! The two jurnobros melt and Jonathan and Nancy just sort of, fucking slow walk after the goo. Why the hell aren’t you hitting that Elden Ring skeletal slime shit with something! Just start fucking grabbing random ass chemicals and start pouring! Fucking Nancy at least douse it with the fire extinguisher! Or at least fucking take this window of fucking inactivity from murder goop to RUN AWAY! (I’ll come back to the goop monsters.)
And later on at the fucking cabin. Same shit. Stop fucking lollygagging and do something. Billy really out here doing his best to warn them that he knows where they are while being mind-controlled and having no clue what is happening and none of these simpletons catch it, not until its too late. Billy really breaking his back trying to save these, these KRETENI, and no one notices. Billy deserved better.
At least Jonathan finally wrestled the braincell back from Nancy, he was the only one who did something when shit started moving in El’s leg. My boy had a personality in only one scene this season.
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The Scoops Troop
Ugh, alright. So what is with the tone of their whole plotline. It’s some sort of spy comedy. Since when is Stranger Things a spy comedy? Did I miss an episode? Maybe a whole fucking season?
Okay, let’s talk about the trope. The used be asshole popular guy has a change of heart and now can’t get any pussy trope. Why is it a thing? Why is it a thing in Stranger Things? Why did the Duffers feel the need to make it a point in the show that Steve doesn’t get any pussy anymore? I am baffled. Teen girls WILL fuck a good looking guy even if his social standing isn’t good anymore. They are high school students, their standards aren’t fucking high. Completely unnecessary subplot. Moving on.
Why is Robin the one solving everything? She just “joined” the gang, why does she have to solve every problem/mystery they have? Look I know Steve isn’t the brightest bulb, fine, but why is Dustin suddenly dumb and useless? Really guys. Can we have the guys actually getting stuff done? Just like all of the main gang guys. Please. Why are they still characters? Why keep them around if they serve no purpose other than comic relief?
Can we stop tearing old characters down in order to boost new ones. It cheap and hollow and we are over it.
Why are we involving another child in this? Steve and Dustin’s danger senses are probably fucked at this point, but Robin is a normal teen. She should have standards, she should know better, but instead its her fucking idea to involve a fucking child. And sure they don’t know the extent of the bullshit the Russians are doing, but for fucks sake generally people take shit seriously when guns get involved.
Also yes, commies are incompetent and like to cut corners but they aren’t this fucking incompetent. If you are going to make them get into a secret base could you make it harder and more complex than a fucking escape room?
Why aren’t they calling Hopper? This isn’t Upside Down related but the local chief of police, who you are monster hunter buddies with, would probably want to know about secret Russian shenanigans in his town. And then we could have them panicking about not being able to reach Hopper. And starting to suspect the Russians already have Hopper because of vague thing 3 Flo said about why Hopper is missing.
I do like Steve/Robin moments. Even if it is kinda obvious she was supposed to have a crush on Steve at first instead of Tammy. It’s fine, it deepens both their characters. But it is obvious that the first draft was to have them get together.
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Billy Hargrove
Billy, oh Billy. I’m so sorry. You deserved better than this.
Ah yes, Billy Hargrove. The irredeemable racist asshole of the show, who just so happens to spend most of his screen time this season either crying or just about to cry and the rest somehow saving the main gang (or trying to). Truly a horrid character undeserving of your pity and love. Absolutely. Yep. No character depth to be found here what so ever. None. Mhm.
Ugh let’s get this show on the road, I’ll stop picking on antis.
So I have no idea why the Mind Flayer kept Billy around. Other than him being a name and face character that is. Plot armor do be thiccc for everyone this season. And emotional damage. Can’t forget emotional damage. Look I love Billy, but there was no actual reason for the Mind Flayer to keep him around. There was nothing special about him. You know what could have fixed this issue? A Billy has superpowers reveal. That would have made sense. Otherwise why keep him. Or why keep only him. Having a few more zombie drones could have helped as well, especially in the final fight. But the Mind Flyer is a useless goober. (More on that later.)
Also how in the name of Cthulhu is Billy the one with most development when he spends almost the whole season as a meat puppet? This shit is unreal.
At least we know why he had to die this season.
Look I’ve seen a lot of speculation and joke posts on here about why he had to die. But the truth is kinda fucking obvious. The Duffers wouldn’t know how to deal with him. We already know they can’t write trauma and character development. Or hell at this point I’m not sure they understand human emotions fully.
If Billy had survived they would have had to deal with all this shit. The survivors guilt. The second hand murder and kidnapping. The mind control. The brief flashes of Billy’s backstory. Billy’s fucking backstory. Just the general trauma.
They would have had to actually put some effort into Billy as a character instead of just Dacre bullying his way to a personality for Billy.
But nah, much easier to give us breadcrumbs and then kill the character off.
Because yes that is what the fandom wanted. Billy dead and the final death match between knockoff Terminator and depressed cop. Oh there was a window. Billy’s death was certainly slow enough for them to kill the Mind Flyer before it gave the death blow.
But nah. Nah.
Rest in peace, you beautiful man. You deserved so much better than this.
You all fucking did.
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Miscellaneous
I want to know how much Coca Cola paid for that whole weird ass product placement scene. Lucas is literally moaning into his can. How much did they have to spit out for that awkward, out of place cluster fuck? I genuinely need answers.
What is up with Russian Terminator? Why is there a Russian Terminator in the first place? What show am I watching? He’s so out of place. Which one of the Duffers is jerkin it to the terminator so much that we needed a Russian Terminator in the show? All the Russians are these frumpy looking losers and then there’s the Terminator. He was so unnecessary. Just why? I was half expecting an android reveal at the end. What the hell?
Alexei’s death scene, that’s not how guns work. That’s not how silencers work. Okay guys. We live 40 years into the future and we don’t have silencers that are anywhere near that good. Can we please not anymore. Guns are LOUD. Do you know what isn’t loud. A fucking knife. And if you are going to go that closely to someone to kill them could you at the very fucking least not use a LOUD RANGED WEAPON! PLEASE!
Fun house scene. Hopper, why not shoot Russian Terminator in the head? He stares at him for long enough to realize there’s no blood. And this dude has been a pain in their ass the whole season. He should have fucking made sure the guy was dead.
The scene where they acquire Alexei, again the gun is a ranged weapon, there is absolutely no reason to shove it against someone’s head to make your point. In fact this scene is a lovely demonstration on why you don’t pull that shit on people. Hopper is a fucking cop he knows better. Also why and how does Joyce fuck up her throw THAT badly?
Can we talk about all the tonal and trope shifts this season? The scoops troop is in their own world of spy comedy. Nancy and Jonathan are in a NCIS/Bones knock-off, they even have one of those absolutely atrocious evidence-->flashback scenes, their plotline then abruptly switches into zombie horror and then into monster horror. Joyce and Hopper are in some sort of buddy-cop romcom drama with Russian Terminator cameos. And then it all somehow switches to monster horror/thriller with pre-apocalypse undertones. Can we keep this shit at least a little bit consistent? Like at all. What in the name of the holly Roman Empire were they thinking with this shit?
Also why do we have the same stupid shit with Joyce every season. The woman has been right about weird ass shit twice already, why do people keep on insisting on not believing her? At this point everyone should just go “Joyce noticed something so we are looking into it.” End of discussion.
Look when the conspiracy guy got Nancy and Jonathan together it was funny, also very creepy, weird and inappropriate, BUT FUNNY. Should have just left it at that one time. What is he? The hand of the audience now? Let characters get together in a normal way, not this shit!
I’m not even gonna talk about the singing scene. Nope! Skipped right through that crige!
Why do they reveal everything right away? No seriously. Pretty much from the start we know how the Mind Flayer looks and what it’s doing. Why was that decision made? Do you know what keeps people glued to their screens that fist watch? Fucking curiosity! So why do we know about everything AS it’s happening? Fuck only knows!
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The Mind Flayer
I’ve already had a meltdown post over this so I’ll TRY to keep this concise.
God I cannot take this goofy idiot seriously what so ever.
Like look at this goofy goober! Look at him fucking TROTTING after the car like it’s a fucking pet the kids are taking out for walkies.
God I feel bad for the team of people that had to work day and night to bring this goofy fuck to life. So much time wasted.
How am I supposed to take this motherfucker seriously when it always takes it’s sweet time killing the main characters?
There are so many fucking opportunities for it to kill off the main cast and it just lets them get away every time.
Okay let’s talk about the goop.
Why was the goop included? It throws the power balance off completely.
There is nothing the characters can do to defend themselves against it. The only reason they do is because plot armor is fucking visible this season.
Look. It’s established that the goop can infect anyone, a rat weight of it is enough to infect a grown human. It’s also established that it can ooze through grates. So why is the Mind Flayer bothering with Billy kidnapping and princess carrying victims to it? Why not just send rats to every person in Hawkins and making them explode?
Like when the cabin fight happens. The goopy fuck could have just put a giant hole in the celling and then oozed inside and infected everyone. Why not?
Because this fucker is so fucking stupid that’s why. And that kills any and all intimidation/scare factor this thing had. Like it’s clearly smart enough to plan and hold a conversation but not smart enough to take the easiest route.
Why?
Also why were the demogorgons just dismissed. Like the demogorgons were a knock off xenomorph species. They have to be hatched inside a person. They have a slimy eel looking baby stage and just get progressively worse as they age. And they had some level of a hive mind with a queen-like entity.
The demogorgons were good. Nice. Simple. Defined.
I just do not understand why they were replaced with whatever the hell this season is doing. It’s just such a shift in powers. Where did the goop powers come from? How do they relate to the demogorgons?
Just, for the hundredth time, why?
Oh and I still have no idea why everyone was guzzling cleaning products and fertilizer.
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That’s it. I’m done. I refuse to watch the 4th season. I have no hope for it.
If I do decide to write a fic in the future I’ll do wiki research on the Upside Down/Mind Flayer(/Vecna?) thing. And even then I’ll probably have to cut off most of the shit. I think I made my case in this post for why.
After this shit season I think I might just micro analize Billy, scene by scene. Like as a treat. For myself...and Dacre. Because he was legit the only one who cared enough about the character to give him a, ya know, a fucking personality. We both deserve it after this cluster fuck. If he said he had to fight for every single scrap of emotion for Billy I’d believe him. I don’t want his hard work to go to waste.
Congrats you somehow made it to the end. Have fantastic day, I’m gonna go get plastered.
Funniest thing I read today: Andrey Ivchenko, the actor who played Grigori / Russian Terminator in Stranger Things 3, mentioned that the scene where Joyce accidentally throws Hopper’s gun to Grigori wasn’t scripted. Winona Ryder was supposed to toss the gun to David Harbour but her aim was off and it slid under Andrey’s leg. The Duffers liked the take so much, they rewrote the scene. So instead of it being a badass Jopper moment, it became a comedic Jopper moment.
