So like I get that it's an artifact of an offhand comment made by a 2008 tv episode but like... the fact that the Sontarans were barred from joining the Time War is just really weird. Like, we've seen both the Time Lords and the Daleks make alliances in the War - off the top of my head we have the original Temporal Powers, the Sensorites, and the Voord allying with Gallifrey and the Cyclors and the Taalyen allying with the Daleks. Actually hang on I'm checking the wiki.
Yeah, see? (Also can we take a minute to be entertained that Abslom Daak is listed as an allied faction despite being. A single fucking dude).
So, like, why not the Sontarans? It's not like there's a threshold of technological progress required to be an ally - this list has the Sensorites for crying out loud. Like yeah the Sontarans are a kinda blunt instrument compared to a lot of the organizations on that list, but they are also the one of the two single most powerful long-lasting millitary organizations in the known universe. Like even if they're outmatched by Dalek and Time Lord technology (which by the time of the Time War they 100% were), they're terrifying when truly trying to fight someone, and they're resourceful enough that they were able to stage a temporarily successful invasion of Gallifrey. Like, at bare minimum, they'd be enthusiastic cannon fodder to throw at some enemy-controlled planets to drain the opponent's resources.
I think the reason I'm vaguely annoyed about this is that I see a bunch of interesting narrative potential. Because if, say, the Daleks ally with the Sontarans, then it would make sense for the Time Lords to ally with the Rutan Host for similar reasons. And I think turning the Rutan-Sontaran War into a proxy war for the Time War would be really interesting.
Thoughts brought to you by "Heartshaven just listened to The Eternity Cage and found it weird that both Ollistra and the Dalek Time Strategist were dismissing the Sontarans out of hand."
As a fan of classic Doctor Who, one of my favourite elements of the new series has been the anticipation as to which classic villains will make an appearance. Not only is it cool to see more of these older monsters, but it’s also exciting to see how they update their look. Some really nail it too. Keeping the classic design of the Daleks while making them look more tank-like and utilitarian in 2005 was a masterstroke. I liked that they embraced the Ice Warriors’ original look as well. While I may not be as hot on the updated Silurians, or Autons, it’s always fun to see classic villains regardless.
When Chris Chibnall mentioned that there would be no classic villains in series 11, my heart sank a little. Are they necessary for Doctor Who to be successful? Not hardly. But it’s fun dammit. Even if they were cameos like the Macra or the Movellans, these were moments I looked forward to. I have a sort of checklist I like to go through with each series of new Who. Are there classic villains? Check. Does the Doctor meet a figure from history? Check. Series 11 has one of those.
It’s been no secret that a major criticism of series 11 has been its lack of compelling villains. I myself have been vocal about this disappointment. So I thought I would make up a list of 10 classic villains I would like to see the Thirteenth Doctor go up against. I’m basing these off a few factors. Personal favourites, Jodie’s vibe, the era, etc. Enjoy! And feel free to add your own!
1. Autons
First Appearance: "Spearhead from Space" (1970)
I know they have already returned. I know I said I didn’t like their update. That’s exactly why they’re on this list now. I didn’t exactly hate the updated Autons when I first watched them. At the time, I didn’t have any classic villains to compare them to, as they were new to me. I thought they were pretty corny and not very scary, even as they did openly murder people in the streets of London. But when seeing "Spearhead from Space," for the first time, I was supremely creeped out. The newer Autons remind me of the movie theatre scene in “Human Traffic.” Just a bunch of dancers doing the robot. Not very scary. And turning the Nestine consciousness into a big vat of CGI goo, as compared to a giant plastic space squid seems like a crime. They’re due an update.
2. Voord
First Appearance: "The Keys of Marinus" (1964)
These guys creep me out. Their costumes are really stupid, and I still find them creepy. They’re like spiky fish men mixed with Egyptian gods. Ignoring the weird "Voord became Cybermen," storyline, and focusing on the fishman aspect would be the way to go. Could you imagine their costume if updated correctly? I picture a mix between Edward Scissorhands and a scuba diver. I’ve wanted to see Jodie encounter these guys ever since "The Ghost Monument," reminded me of "The Keys of Marinus." Something about First Doctor villains with the first female Doctor kinda works for me too. Speaking of First Doctor villains…
3. Zarbi
First Appearance: "The Web Planet" (1965)
Ok, so this one is a bit of a cheat. I know the Zarbi aren’t really a villain by their own doing. In many ways, these oversized ants are just dumb animals. But the biggest way this is a cheat is because I just want them so we can have the Menoptera! I love those stupid moth cuties. I think an updated one of them could look really fun. Think the aliens from the queue scene in the "Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy," movie. Something between realistic, and fantastical. They would also add a much-needed sense of levity to the Chibnall era.
4. The Dominators
First Appearance: "The Dominators" (1968)
The Dominators are a race of men whose name pretty much describes their modus operandi. Having long ago developed beyond the need for women, these guys seem an obvious choice to go up against a female Doctor. Their look is simple enough to update. They need only to look armoured and militaristic. Their robot drones, the Quarks, would be the real challenge to update, but I’m sure they’d nail it. I would be interested in seeing a more bureaucratic ruling class of Dominators as well. Perhaps instead of having a male and female population, they have the soldiers and the suits. Could be a really interesting way to talk about the insular nature of toxic masculinity. This would fit in well with Thirteen’s villains being chauvinistic shitbirds that don’t like women much.
5. Axons
First Appearance: "The Claws of Axos" (1971)
I’ve heard the Axons get a bit of flack in the past, which is bananas to me. There’s so much potential there. They have a rather psychedelic look, and then they get super gross. I’ve always seen them as very retro style monsters. Jodie’s costume has a real 1970’s "Godspell," look about it, so I always picture her going up against monsters that look the part. They wouldn’t be hard to update either. I would make the golden lines on their humanoid forms slightly raised, like a system of fibres across their skin. And of course, their squidgy red form could be a tangled mass of CGI that kinda bubbles up from the gold lines. The transformation scenes could get very visceral. They’ve got a sneaky nature about them. Like anglerfish, their beautiful golden appearance conceals a horrific monster. They’re known for making Faustian deals with people fool enough to believe their lies. How could we resist?
6. The Mara
First Appearance: "Kinda" (1982)
Many people love the Kinda/Snakedance storyline. I wasn’t sure what to make of either serial, as the quality of both waivers. Over time, though, I’ve come to really appreciate them as stories. I have a love for characters that exist as a sort of gestalt. There’s something very unsettling about a hive mind. As The Doctor has three companions this time around. There’s lots of room for one of them to go off and become possessed by an evil snake god for a while. Either Graham or Ryan becoming hosts for the Mara could be an interesting way to explore their relationship. While the DVD release saw an updated version of the Mara’s snake form, I’m sure the modern show can do one better. They’ve already done giant spiders, now let's see them do a giant snake!
7. The Rani
First Appearance: "The Mark of the Rani" (1985)
While I am aware many people dislike the Rani, and the idea of Chris Chibnall choosing a character created by Pip and Jan Baker is unlikely, I still don’t care. Any character can be made good in the hands of a competent writer. All it takes is one good idea. Personally, I’ve never really gotten the guff she’s been given. As a woman capable of cruel scientific experiments, the Rani is a ruthless Time Lady with more guile than the Master. People want to see Thirteen with Missy because they’re both women now, but we’ve had an evil Time Lady for years, and I’d be interested to see what regeneration might bring for her… or him?
8. Rutans
First Appearance: "The Horror of Fang Rock" (1977)
First Mentioned: “The Time Warrior” (1973)
The Rutans are long enemies of the Sontaran race. I would love to see them amp up the danger by getting stuck in the middle of a skirmish between the two races. I would like to see the Sontarans presented as formidable once again. The Doctor Who video game "The Gunpowder Plot," did update their look, to a decent degree. Either way, modern Who could make a Rutan look much more imposing with CGI, or even practical effects. I’d imagine something like a green man o’ war. Jodie’s Doctor’s tendency to mediate during conflict could land her trying to broker peace between the two races. Could she be successful or would she have to count her losses?
9. Drashigs
First Appearance: "Carnival of Monsters" (1973)
Here we have yet another Robert Holmes creation! (The other two being the Autons and the Rutans) While mostly just mindless monsters that can eat through anything, I’ve always loved these horrific beasts. With heads the size of a Volkswagen bug, and an appetite for anything in their way, these guys could really add in a danger element. I doubt they could really carry an episode by themselves, but they’d make a great threat! They may be alien snake monsters, but you may have a creeping familiarity when looking at them. This is because the puppets used were constructed around the skulls of real dogs! While I’m sure these pups died of natural causes, the information has always given them an air of creepiness and realism. As Third Doctor era baddies go, these toothy terrors were some of the more believable creatures yet! They wouldn’t need much of an update, looks wise. Part of me would still want them to be puppets. I’d imagine Thirteen’s compassion for misunderstood creatures would send her on a danger defying attempt to save their lives!
10. The Scorchies
First Appearance: "The Scorchies" (2013)
Ok, so this one is another cheat. Technically these aren’t "classic Who" villains. They come from the audios, but I’m counting them because they’re from a Third Doctor era storyline! If you count the mention of the Rutans in "The Time Warrior," this marks the fifth baddie from the Third Doctor era. What is it about that period that is so mineable? Originally a species with bodies, they lost their corporeal form when their planet was invaded and they were transported to safety via television broadcast waves! In their new puppet bodies, they go from planet to planet hypnotising their inhabitants and burning them! Why? Because they’re salty. So why them? Well, for starters, look at these guys! Jodie’s Doctor has always reminded me as a bit of mad kids’ show presenter, with her bright colours and friendly appearance. Seeing her with puppets almost feels natural. I love the idea so much that I photoshopped it! It would also make Doctor Who history. While the Eighth Doctor mentioned his audio companions in "The Night of the Doctor," no audio characters have ever made an appearance in the show (at least to my knowledge). Appearance wise, they’d be easy to create. If they wanted to go the extra mile, they could partner with the Jim Henson Creature Shop for an added distinction. I feel like no matter what you do, these little critters could draw a crowd. People would watch just to see if Doctor Who has lost its damn mind! If done right, it could be a fun romp! Who says Doctor Who villains always have to be serious?
Well, that’s it for my list! Did you agree? Do you think poor Natalie needs to get her head checked out? Feel free to reblog with your own additions! I’d love to read what you think! Expect the review of this weekend’s Doctor Who either Sunday or Monday. I’ve not yet re-watched Marco Polo, which I might actually do today, but it’s on my list to write it next week! It’s going to be the first reconstruction I’m doing, so it should be interesting! I’m not sure if I will supplement any of it with the Target novelisation, but I am thinking not. We’ll see! It’s still early into the series!
